I hereby challenge fellow actress Kathryn MacColl to a voice off. I'll name an accent and a brief character description. She then has three days to record a few lines based on my description. Kathryn will then give me a character and accent, and I'll record a few lines. We will continue in this manner until we get bored. 

The moderator for this contest will be Audio Producer Ash Read.

I'll go ahead and take the initiative with the first request. Kathryn, I would love to hear your interpretation of a drunk French woman, trying to find her way home.

Voice Off Intro

The latest submission to the ongoing voice off between myself and Kathryn.

Failed James Bond Audition

The latest entry into the ongoing voice battle between myself and Kathryn MacColl. My interpretation of the fattest man in all of Germany, writing an entry into his diary.

Fat German

The Voice Battle between myself and Kathryn MacColl continues. Here, I play the part of an Italian American mobster during Catholic confession.

Mobster Confession

The winner of the Serious Sam Christmas poetry contest is Zoltán Sághy, aka LaCr0. Congratulations! And a huge thanks to everyone who submitted a poem. There were a lot of really good entries. It was difficult to pick a winner.

Yesterday I was wisited by the Christmas wisp
he wanted all the aliens extra crisp.
I told him Christmas is peaceful vacation 
but he sticked to this holy extermination.

So I got my santa suit
ready to kick ass with my mighty boot.
The world needs me to save it again
those alien motherfuckers going to get hit by a train.

Feel the pain while i'm smashing out your brain 
your invasion is in vain 'cuz here...the Serious reigns.

So while I have this unfinished business
I would like to wish everyone a merry Christmas.

Santa Sam Poem

A quick example of myself doing a straight read in a narration style, using an easygoing voice.

Also, you should buy Nimble Writer and Nimble Tools. If you're an author, they are an excellent resource.

Nimble Writer

A little Serious Sam fanservice. Rant written by Tom Mickleborough.

Sam Rant

Just doing a little vocal warm up exercise. Had a facebook thread where people were listing synonyms for penises. Decided to read them off.

Synonyms for a Cock

Just a little voice sample I threw together for a friend.

SCP049

Woodchuck

Was asked in my reddit AMA to record my favorite movie quote.

Moviequote

Quick pitch for my indiegogo horror photography project. I'll be driving across the country, staging murder scenes, and compiling the images into a book. Check details at https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/serial-killer-scrapbook/

Project

Narration Demo for John J Dick.

Rate Card in USD for simple narrative plain voice:

1 Minute - $100
5 Minutes - $250
15 Minutes - $500
45 Minutes - $1000
60 Minutes - $1250
120 Minutes - $2000

Prices work on a sliding scale, with cost decreasing for longer content. Contact johnjdick@yahoo.com for a more specific quote on your project.


Narration Demo Reel for John J Dick

A small selection of the character voices I do. My rates vary, depending on the amount of content. Starting at $1 USD per word for small scripts, and going down significantly for larger scripts. Contact me about your project at johnjdick@yahoo.com for a more accurate quote.

John J Dick Character Voice Reel

Just a quick fan request. I know I've done this line multiple times in the game series. But it was actually easier to just record it again than it was to dig through the games and find it. Feel free to use this recording for non-commercial purposes. Maybe as a cell phone ring tone? Have fun.

Yeah baby!

A script I read from hitRecord.  http://www.hitrecord.org/collaborations/10367

Sweet Old Man Walking in the Park

True story... sort of. This was a post I made on facebook. I'm going in for a tooth extraction tomorrow. I decided to embellish the circumstances to make it more compelling. Thought it sounded badass. So I figured I'd record it for y'all.

Tooth

Just a quick birthday greeting from Serious Sam.

Justyna

Serious Question

A message to Rock Paper Shotgun from Serious Sam. A response to the following article: http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2015/09/25/serious-sam-4-writers/

Aaaaaaaa Rock Paper Shotgun

A short character piece. Playing the part of a modern day sin eater.

The Sin Eater

Jesus Christ was the first Sin Eater. And he should have been the last. The Son of God absolved all humanity of their sins, if they would only accept the gift. Many don't believe in the afterlife. Or some pass on suddenly without the chance to ask forgiveness. For whatever reason, people sometimes die choking on the guilt of their indiscretions. It happens a lot more often than you'd think. Especially in this day and age where religious ritual has taken a backseat to passive indulgence and hedonism.

The chambers of Hell are overflowing with the gluttonous spirits of the unrepentant. I could tell you that my reasons are noble. That I take on the burden of humanity's sins to try and strike a balance between heaven and hell. To try and tip the scales in favor of the light. The truth is, that battle was lost a long time ago. No. The reason I'm a sin eater is because, quite frankly... it feels good.

When I pardon the recently deceased of the weight of their misdeeds, I take on the burden of what they have done. My soul becomes ever more foul... ever more tainted. But I get to relive the memories of their transgressions. I can feel every rape. Every brutalization. Every time in their life that they exerted their power and put another person under their thumb. And it exhilarates me. I'm too much of a coward to do any of these things myself. But, so help me god, I do love the way it feels.

The ritual is surprisingly simple. Bread and beer, laid on the body of the unforgiven to absorb the sins. I prefer donuts and a 40 of cheap malt liquor, myself. There's some flexibility in the scripture. I used to say some words about accepting their sins as my own, read some bible verses... but that's all just pretense. The important thing is that you genuinely want to accept their evil deeds as your own, knowing full well that your ass is going to burn for an eternity as a result. I'm already damned... so what's it matter if I stoke the coals a bit hotter? 

Sin Eater

Welcome to the Serious Sam Phone Sex Hotline. What's your pleasure?

Serious Sam Phone Sex Hotline

Sounds from Tuesday afternoon

Happy Birthday to Sebastian Smathers. No idea who he is. But he messaged me out of the blue and asked for a birthday greeting. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sebastian's Birthday

From a voice acting workshop done at Geeks 'n Glory in Spokane on Jan 8, 2018.

Positive Affirmation Schizophrenia Simulator

Practicing my voice by telling a short story I wrote. It was inspired by the Rick and Morty episode in Season 3, Pickle Rick. I realized there wasn't much fanfic regarding Solenya out there. So I wrote a short story and recorded it. Enjoy.

If you enjoy my voice and want to hire me for a project, reach out to me at johnjdick@yahoo.com or visit me at www.voice.buzz

Solenya the Pickle Man

Recorded these for a sorting hat ceremony at a Harry Potter themed birthday party. Figured I would share them with the world. Feel free to use them however you wish.

Slytherin

Ravenclaw

Hufflepuff

Gryfindor

Introduction

Ari's Spirit Animal

Voice actor for indie video games. Primarily known as the voice of the character, 'Serious Sam'. I created this soundcloud to exercise my voice acting skills and interact with the public.

If you want to hire me for a voice acting job, my rates are reasonable. I'm always happy to negotiate and try to work within your budget. Shoot me an email at johnjdick@yahoo.com and we can discuss the details of your project.

John Dick

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