Insomniac Ataraxy is the first song I ever wrote back in 2018, sounding very different from how it does now. It's gone through different phases and sounds and ended up in the mix of electronic and progressive rock, making it the perfect outro track.

The song itself is about the thoughts you get whilst being unable to sleep and the frustration it ends up causing, both with yourself and with the world. The lyrics on this song are the most existential I've ever written because all the work I did on this song has been late at nights as a sort of escapism from having to sleep for the last couple years, slowly building the song into what it is today.

Lyrics:

It's 3 AM and I find myself here
Alone on my bed with nothing to fear
But all these thoughts seem to enter my damned mind
With all of the bad things that it could find, no

''How are you going to manage to do all the shit the world demands you to''
Or ''Remember that time when you felt the pain of your heart being broken and the one who's to blame''

The world is crazy
It's not that easy to settle down
Because all I wanna do is scream.
All of these memories, they're trying to keep me
Awake for nights, awake for days
Insomnia is killing me

It's 4 AM and still nothing has changed
I just hope that I don't get dearranged
I say ''Will even people notice me if I fall asleep and die peacefully''

The world is crazy
It's not that easy to settle down
Because all I wanna do is scream.
All of these memories, they're trying to keep me
Awake for nights, awake for days
Insomnia is killing me

Can someone take me home?
Don't wanna die alone
Because I don't wanna see what's out there
Just hold me close and drift away with me

Insomniac Ataraxy

Better Than Me is about the feeling of being all alone and feeling bad about how you are compared to other people. The song itself takes this from a perspective of a relationship, of how certain people can be a better fit for someone you may like and how it can make you feel worse about yourself.

Lyrics:

Do you remember those days?
When you set my heart ablaze
Because I remember it like yesterday
And I still feel the same, no

Deep in my dreams, deep in my fantasies
Drowning in my own insanity
Now I know that was just me
And I'm alone in my fallacy

Because he's better than me in every single way
Now I'm not blaming you, I blame my anxiety
Some days I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?

I wish that I could say that I'll be fine
If only I could get you out of my mind
But the truth is that I'm inferior
So, just take his hand

Because he's better than me in every single way
Now I'm not blaming you, I blame my anxiety
Some days I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?

(Solo)

Because he's better than me in every single way
Now I'm not blaming you, I blame my anxiety
Some days I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?

Take his hand, fly up into the sky
But don't look back at me because it's not my time to fly

Better Than Me

Love//Hate is about the mixed feeling of love and hate you can feel for someone or something. It's about embracing the parts you may dislike about people and accepting them as they are.

Lyrics:

Been like 7 years since I felt a thing
But I try to hide the worst of me before I give in

The flowers start to bloom
Wish I'd see you soon
Deep in my dreams

But all I want is you
Tell me what to do
I'll be by your side


I'll hate you so
I'll love you so
Till I don't know
If I'll let go

No use for trusting if there's no one to see it
I'll keep telling myself that one day I'll give a shit

The flowers start to bloom
My time is coming soon
Wash it away

I'm staring at the moon
My life is starting soon
Right next to you

I'll hate you so
I'll love you so
Till I don't know
If I'll let go

(Solo)

The flowers start to bloom
My time is ending soon
Letting it go

But soon our time will come
Staring at the sun
Ending it all

I hated you so
I loved you so
But I don't know

Love//Hate

Never Condone You is the heaviest song I've ever written. It's about the feel to justify your anger through the idea of revenge after feeling used by someone. Now as a disclaimer, this isn't the best idea in most cases, but it's the kind of song you can express those emotions to if you're feeling them.

Lyrics:

You never said that you wanted it all to be over
But the reason why I want to leave you behind is that I need some closure
And although the time is nigh for us
That doesn't mean you had to go out and walk over me
And if life might be shorter when you are around
But you'll never see the light once it's over now

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for the things I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

Can't say I was surprised when you told me the truth
You were hiding it just to not be so rude
And if life might be shorter when you are around
But you'll never see the light once it's over now

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

You put me by the way side
As your life kept going on but on the outside
You never really were alone but now you realize
That you're gonna die alone
Yeah, you're gonna die alone

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

Never Condone You - Old Version

Make Me Forget is about wanting to move on from something that changed you but being unable to do so. It can be forgetting about something bad you said or a whole person that ruined you.

Lyrics:

Can't you see it's always deep on my mind?
All those I couldn't see because I was so blind, no
Memories, they surface out of the blue
Tears of joy running down my face running down my face, reminding me of you

Can I ever forget?
All the dumb things I said
Don't make me upset
Because the world is changing, but why can't I change along?
Make me forget, I'll always regret
And make my brain reset
Make me forget, I'll always regret it all

All their faces no longer seem the same
A void inside of me, making me insane
Too many more things I wanted to say
But things change and now you're gone
One day I'll be okay

Can I ever forget?
All the dumb things I said
Don't make me upset
Because the world is changing, but why can't I change along?
Make me forget, I'll always regret
And make my brain reset
Make me forget, I'll always regret it all

Can I ever forget?
All the dumb things I said
Don't make me upset
Because the world is changing, but why can't I change along?
Make me forget, I'll always regret
And make my brain reset
Make me forget, I'll always regret it all

(Don't cry because it's over now)
(Just smile because you're sober now)

Make Me Forget

Empty is an introspective look at a person wanting some time for themselves and away from the pressures of the world but the emptiness that ensues once you lose purpose to continue.

Lyrics:

I will never call this place my home
Though all the people here want me to never be ever alone
I always sleep through the rise of dawn
Never seeing the sun until it's gone and the darkness will fall

But the reason we're here, is to forget all our fears.
To forget all our lies and to realize
All the enemies we've made
They will never know us

There's no way I'm ever leaving
The town is where I left my feelings
Because I'm empty on the inside, always told the white lies
And I'm, dying on the inside, someone please save my life.

Realization is my enemy
Of why I never fall asleep and the pain is neverending
Hypothetical actuality
I lock myself in with the dream of finally being free

But the reason we're here, is to forget all our fears.
To forget all our lies and to realize
All the enemies we've made
They will never know us

There's no way I'm ever leaving
The town is where I left my feelings
Because I'm empty on the inside, always told the white lies
And I'm, dying on the inside, someone please save my life.
But all the people are here, lock away all my fears, but the nights are getting harder
Because I'm, dying on the inside, someone please save my life

(Someone save my life, oh)

Empty

Never Condone You is the heaviest song I've ever written. It's about the feel to justify your anger through the idea of revenge after feeling used by someone. This new version is mainly focused on adding more instruments and musical elements in parts of the song that felt empty, such as the verses and outro.

Lyrics:

You never said that you wanted it all to be over
But the reason why I want to leave you behind is that I need some closure
And although the time is nigh for us
That doesn't mean you had to go out and walk over me
And if life might be shorter when you are around
But you'll never see the light once it's over now

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for the things I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

Can't say I was surprised when you told me the truth
You were hiding it just to not be so rude
And if life might be shorter when you are around
But you'll never see the light once it's over now

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

You put me by the way side
As your life kept going on but on the outside
You never really were alone but now you realize
That you're gonna die alone
Yeah, you're gonna die alone

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

I'll never condone you for the things that you did
Always telling me I was full of shit
I'll never condone you for what I'm about to do
Because revenge is coming after you

Never Condone You

Reality is a B-side from my demo album and was a song with elements that instead got incorperated into other songs, such as the song structure being a big inspiration to Empty and the chord progression for the chorus in Never Condone You. But I felt the song was too good to never be released, so here it is.

Reality

A collection of demo songs I've written over the last couple years

Jorik