Copyright 2024 Joe Stroffolino

Lots of people moving to the state of AZ
The desert seems like a nice a nice place to be
The only problem is there’s not enough H20
One day you’ll turn the tap and it’s not gonna flow
The climate keeps getting drier every single year
I guess we’ll have to take fewer showers and drink more beer

If you can’t stand the heat maybe you should get out of the kitchen
Maybe this isn’t the right place for you.
The sun up in the sky is 93 million miles away
But it feels a lot closer on a hot Arizona day

There’s not enough snowpack on the mountains up high
They say the Colorado river’s running dry
They’re ripping up lawns, replacing them with rocks
Instead of going barefoot, you walk around in crocs
The polar glaciers are melting in to the sea
I wish that they could scoop up an iceberg and drop it down on me

If you can’t stand the heat maybe you should get out of the kitchen
Maybe this isn’t the right place for you

Most of the rain falls in the summer
Monsoon season can be a real bummer
You get a big dust storm, they call it a haboob
You can watch scary videos on You Tube
You’ll be driving and suddenly you can’t see
You gotta make sure you don’t crash into a cactus or a tree

If you can’t stand the heat maybe you should get out of the kitchen
Maybe this isn’t the right place for you

A long time a ago, it must have been tough without air conditioning
People just had to sit around all day moaning and bitching 
Now the biggest thing we complain about is our high electric bill
As we lie on the couch watching Netflix enjoying the comfortable chill

If you can’t stand the heat maybe you should get out of the kitchen
Maybe this isn’t the right place for you
The sun up in the sky is 93 million miles away
But it feels a lot closer on a hot Arizona day

Can't Stand the Heat

Leaves are falling off the trees 
It’s like they’ve got some bad disease
I can feel the winter doldrums setting in
Like I’ve been popped with a pin
Go out in the yard and grab a rake
Don’t know how much more I can take
I’m wishing we were someplace sunny with palm trees and a beach
Where winter can’t reach
It’s been a crazy trip and somehow, we ended up here
Looks like we’re goanna have winter 
For at least another year
Watching the leaves turn from green to brown, 
They’re falling down
Onto the ground
Those summer days were great
but they went by too fast
We had a blast 
But now they’re past
Some people say they like the like the change of seasons 
But I can think of a lot of reasons
Why I’d rather live in a place that doesn’t get cold
Cause it quickly gets old
On those cold winter mornings
 I’ll have to scrape ice
Off my windshield it’s not goanna be nice
As my fingers grow numb
And frostbite nibbles on my nose  and my toes.
I have PTSD from last winter 
When I walked out of that bar
and I had to spend ten minutes shivering 
while the heater warmed up my car
Driving around with white knuckles 
As you watch for black ice
Every time you tap on the brakes
It Feels like you’re rolling the dice
Watching the leaves turn from green to brown, 
They’re falling down, onto the ground
Those summer days were great
but they went by too fast
We had a blast 
But now they’re past
Autumn’s kind of nice but winter’s coming fast
And we’re goanna get blown away by an icy winter blast
We’ll hunker down inside like two bears in hibernation
And when we go outside, we’ll wish we were on a warm vacation.

Autumn Blues

Link to video where I tell the story behind the song : https://youtu.be/cilXaNM0IoI?si=IbBwc2wlxYTwoADH 


In Catholic school, whenever I misbehaved, the nuns used to pull my hair.
If I could go back in time and do it all again, I’d gab some clippers and shave my head bare.
I did eight years of hard time in Catholic school
I was never the kid who was considered cool
Eight straight years of Catholic School and somehow, I survived
Eight straight years of Catholic School.  Thank God I’m still alive  
My first-grade teacher was a nun, who if you’re penmanship was sloppy
She’d make you take all your books and stand there holding them in the back of the room.
She was like a witch except instead of a pointy hat she wore a habit
She carried a crucifix instead of broom.
I did eight years of hard time in Catholic School
I was never the kid who was considered cool
The cafeteria food tasted horrible, but I had to eat it
I had to wash it down with milk that was warm and sour
I’d try to fold my plate in half and throw it away, but the nuns would catch me and make me eat it
It’s like they had this secret food wasting detection superpower
Every year your birthday, it was customary for the kids in the recess yard,
To grab you and kick you and punch you for every year of your age.
I still have flashbacks of a girl with pointy hard black shoes kicking me really hard in my rib cage.
My fifth-grade teacher Sister Margaret she’d been teaching for way too long
It was time for her to retire but they let her teach another year and that was wrong
She had long grey whiskers growing out of her chin
She’d sit at her desk and trim them with of scissors and you sure as hell better not grin
She’d tell cautionary tales about innocent kids who got into cars strangers
She seemed to enjoy describing all the bloody graphic details of the danger.
I did eight years of hard time in Catholic school
I was never the kid who was considered cool
Eight straight years of Catholic School and somehow, I survived
Eight straight years of Catholic School.  Thank God I’m still alive

Catholic School

https://youtu.be/dLLddlqKIHc?si=wT5hmEY_W3Fp5ZvI 

This is my attempt at performing this song in a single take with just me and my guitar (Taylor 114 ce)
Also to compare and contrast, here’s a  link to a more polished full band version of this song that I recorded with the help of the Eclectic Collective 
https://soundcloud.com/josh-clary-1/ai-sucks-the-eclectic?si=67d29d363d2a419dacbf860fa471165e&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
Many thanks to SoundCloud musician Michele Ansani  https://on.soundcloud.com/A24Cig19AVNqQmCk8 who's lyrics inspired me to write this song and collaborated with me to help bring this song to life.
***
Lyrics
When I was thirteen I picked up my first guitar
it was my mother's, it only had one nylon string 
I tried to play it like a rock star
I learned to play the Coca-Cola jingle
So I could teach the world to sing
When I was fourteen, I put on six new strings
I learned to play Beatles, I learned a Bob Dylan song
I sounded out of tune but I tried to carry on
At fifteen I wrote my first original tune 
So bad it sounded like it might have been written by a baboon
When I was sixteen, I got a new guitar for my birthday
The metal strings sawed through my fingers but I continued to play
And as the calluses formed and every day I learned a brand new chord
I was obsessed with that guitar and I never grew bored.
I wrote songs every day and most of them were a mess
But I believed that through hard work, I could achieve success
Malcom Gladwell wrote a book that said it takes ten thousand hours
To become and expert at your craft
And now all it takes is two commands and an enter
And in two minutes you have ten versions of the same damn new song,
You just have to choose the type
folk, rock, rap, pop, metal, jazz, trap or blues.
You don't even need to write the lyrics, 
your push a few buttons let the AI choose.
And people will think your songs are great 
even though you didn’t write or play a single note.
When I was 20, I did my first concert, it was time
it occurred in a village square
there were four cats all friends of mine
I was still using the plectrum and sometimes I got the chords wrong
at thirty I finally wrote what I thought was a decent song
It had a very well thought out structure and a catchy vibe and beat 
It was overly verbose but when I played it people tapped their feet
In my forties I stopped wasting my time
Work was more fun I was doing just fine
I had a steady paycheck that could feed me 
And the record companies didn’t need me
In my fifties once again my musical juices started flowing
I bought the necessary equipment I was eager to get going
I recorded all my strumming and saved it onto my PC
The internet and technology were advancing rapidly
I took those special songs I’d written of which I was most proud
Posted them Instagram, You Tube, Tik Tok and SoundCloud
I asked myself if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around
Does it make a sound?
But now all it takes is two commands and an enter
And in two minutes you have ten versions of the same damn new song,
You just have to choose the type
folk, rock, rap, pop, metal, jazz, trap or blues.
You don't even need to write the lyrics, 
your push a few buttons let the AI choose.
And people will like your songs even though you didn’t write or play a single note.

AI Sucks Acoustic Live Version

Cover Art: Wilhelm Grimm (left) and Jacob Grimm (right), portrayed by Elisabeth Jerichau-Baumann (1855) PD-US
Music and Lyrics Copyright 2025 Joe Stroffolino

Hansel and Gretel were abandoned by their parents in the forest all alone.
They stumbled across a delicious looking candy-coated home.  A cannibalistic witch captured them and put them in a cage. Those were the kind of stories they used to tell children at a young age.

The brothers Grim told stories that were a reflection of their time
There was disease famine and poverty and things were not going fine 
We had to sanitize the stories because our modern stomachs are weak
And you’ll get in trouble if you read a book to kids, and it makes them shriek

Three little pigs were in a brick house trying really hard to survive 
The big bad wolf came down the chimney, fell in a pot of water and was boiled alive.
Cinderella’s stepsisters wanted to marry the prince, but they couldn’t fit into her shoes so they chopped off their heels and toes because they had so much to lose 

The brothers Grim told stories that were a reflection of their time
There was disease famine and poverty, and things were not going fine 
Little Red Riding Hood in the bedroom with a wolf dressed in human clothes.
Wondering why her grandmother had sharp teeth and a snout instead of a nose. Jack climbed the beanstalk, there was a giant who wanted to grind up his bones and make some bread. He stole the magic harp and the hen that laid golden eggs and the giant ended up dead

There’s days when you want to take a sheet of tin foil and stick it in your baseball cap
To keep all those negative thoughts from getting in your head and making you a miserable chap
Did it all start when you were a child, and your mother read you that bed time story that perhaps in retrospect may have been a bit too dark and gory

The brothers Grim told stories that were a reflection of their time
There was disease famine and poverty and things were not going fine 
Now we environmental devastation, nuclear weapons and milk that might have bird flu
Just turn on the news you don’t need a fairy tale to put the fear of God in you
But if you take away all the parts that are dark, sick twisted and gory. 
Do you have anything left that actually resembles a good story.
***
Vocals and backing vocals -  Joe Stroffolino 
Guitars - Joe Stroffolino ( 2 Strumming tracks: Taylor 114ce and Fender Squire and I picking track:Taylor114ce)
Bass, Saxophone, Horns: PG Music Real tracks
Piano andi Strings: PG Music and Native Instruments
Drums: EZ drummer 3
Recorded, mixed and mastered with Logic Pro 11

The Brothers Grim

Cover art: Publicity photo of American television host, Chuck Barris promoting the June 14, 1976 premiere of the NBC reality talent show The Gong Show.

The world can be an unpredictable dog eat dog kind of place full of all sorts of all sorts of people who can get under your skin
Sometimes you just have to smile and nod and keep your feelings to yourself and try your best just to just to take it on the chin
And there’s people who seem friendly, but they’ve got a knife in their hand behind their back
And they’re waiting for the right moment to attack
There used to be a TV show, where you could dance or sing a song
and if the judges didn’t like your performance, they would strike a gong
It sure would be nice if you could walk around with a mallet in your hand every day
And you had access to a gong you that you could strike and make annoying people go away
It sure would be nice to have that kind of power
Amateur performers of dubious talent, trying to win a small prize
Five hundred sixteen dollars and 32 cents, You could see the hunger in their eyes
Chuck Barris hosting on that Burbank stage, he knew the people competing were toast
But he smiled and tried to encourage them and be a good friendly host
The dinosaurs ruled the earth for millions of years until the asteroid struck
it was like a giant cosmic gong
Mammals arose from the rubble and now humans rule the earth, but we haven’t been around for nearly so long
We’re all just making it up as we go along hoping somebody doesn’t strike that gong
It sure would be nice if real life was more like that old Gong Show
And you could get a large gong attach it to wheels and take it wherever you go
You could follow in the footsteps of Chuck Barris and be your own gong show emcee
And whenever people start to annoy you -you could strike that gong and make them flee
He wrote a book called Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Chuck Barris was one of a kind.

The Gong Show

Cover art:  Taylor 114ce and my Peloton

Eating lots of cheese and hotdogs, eating lots of cake. and pie
I wish that I could switch to arugula and beets so I could be a more healthy guy.
It seems like everywhere I look; I see a delicious high calorie treat
But I only have one stomach and there's so much food to eat.
There's a Peloton in my basement, I need to go down there
Cause I. don't like how I look in my underwear
Why can't losing weight be as easy as losing hair.
I step into Starbucks for black coffee and walk out with hot chocolate and a muffin. Sometimes I feel like a teddy bear who's been filled with too much stuffing 
I tell myself that for lunch I'll have a side salad, and I'll skip the dressing but the more that I think about it it starts to feel depressing
there's the peloton in my basement I need to go down there.

If God said to Adam if you eat that fruit, you won't look good in your birthday suit, would he have taken a bite?  Based on my experience I don't think so.
If Moses led his people to the promised land and they found a place where desert was banned, would they have stayed there?  Based on my experience I don't think so.
There’s a Peloton in my basement. I need to go down there. 
I chew on my celery stick and I wish I was eating a French fry and I sip from my bottle of water but I'd rather be drinking a Mai Tai 
every day when I put on my clothes my pants feel a little bit tighter and every time when I step on the scale I realize I'm not getting lighter
There's a Peloton in my basement, I need to go down there
Cause I don't like how I look in my underwear
Why can't losing weight be as easy as losing hair.
Why is the food that tastes the best so unhealthy it's not fair.

Peloton in My Basement 2025 version

There are people who believe you should love your neighbor as yourself
There are people who believe you should share some of your wealth
There are people who believe that only the fittest should survive
And if you’re poor and you’re weak it’s up to you to stay alive
There are people who believe you should teach a man to fish
Instead of giving him all his food in an already cooked dish
There are people who have an empathy deficit
They see people suffering and they don’t care one bit
They wear religion on their sleeves but if you’re in the wrong denomination.  They look at you like you’re an abomination.
People who treat politics the same as a religion and if presented with a new set of facts they don’t even budge a little smidgeon
Billionaires who have enough money where they could end world hunger in one day
Do they see people starving and think it is okay. We’re stronger together than if we are apart
If we could see ourselves as passengers on the same boat that would be a good start
We all share this this tiny rock as it floats through outer space
This planet is the lifeboat for the entire human race
Billionaires who what to create a colony on Mars. Let’s fix things here on earth before we travel to the stars
The world used to be full of undiscovered places but now humans have put footprints everywhere.
The continents touch the same oceans, and we all breathe the same air We live on one planet that we have to share
We’re stronger together than if we are apart
If we could see ourselves as passengers on the same boat that would be a good start
We all share this this tiny rock as it floats through outer space
This planet is the lifeboat for the entire human race. Billionaires who what to create a colony on Mars.   Let’s fix things here on earth before we travel to the stars

Empathy

When I was a kid, I had toys on my brain but now kids today want video games.
***
She says there’s a really overpowered character in in this video game that she likes
There’s a really overpowered character in in this video game that she likes
It’s my favorite game daddy she says please won’t you let me buy it
I say no, no, no, no, no no, no, ten dollars a week that’s too much money to spend
Ten dollars a week five hundred twenty dollars a year
I say no, no, no, no, no no, no, ten dollars a week that’s too much money to spend
Ten dollars a week five hundred twenty dollars a year

When I was a kid I’d ask my parents for toys and a lot of times they’d say no
Cause funds were tight and there were places where the money had to go
And now the shoes on the other foot and I’m starting to understand
I’m not pooping money like Daddy Warbucks
I’m not buying expensive drinks at Starbucks
She keeps wearing me down and there’s only so much I can take
And I know that sooner or later my resolve is going to break
Food clothing and shelter, Maslov had a hierarchy of needs
But if you drill a little bit deeper down into the weeds
There’s lots of other things that we all want
I say no, no, but eventually I’ll give in, cause I’m fighting a battle that I know I just can’t win
I say No no but eventually I’ll give in, cause I’m fighting a battle that I know I just can’t win
I’m fighting a battle that I know I just can’t win

The No No Song

I decided to take another stab at creating a hopefully better sounding version of this song,  as it seems the message is relevant in these troubled times.  

I hope that heaven is a place where everyone can share the same space and  liberals and conservatives can exist in perfect harmony. Cause if you live a good life and you seal the deal and you end up in heaven how are you going to feel, if  when you get there there’s people who want to argue with you about politics
***
Why can’t we all just all get along
Why can’t we live and let be
Why can’t we all just all mind our own business
And agree to disagree
***
Will you let it go or will you keep on fighting even after your first Saint Peter sighting, or will you check the TV to see if there’s CNN or Fox News in Heaven. They had to pry your gun from your cold dead hand but now that you’re a soul in a spiritual land, will you still demand your second amendment rights to protect yourself in heaven.
***
Why can’t we all just all get along
Why can’t we live and let be
Why can’t we all just all mind our own business
And agree to disagree
*****
I hope that in in heaven you can eat real steak with a bunch of vegans eating meat that’s fake, as you pose for a photo with Jesus trying to re-enact that painting of the last supper.
If you bump into that undocumented guy who you sent back to his country will you look him in the eye. Will you tell he’s not welcome in the United States part of heaven?
***
All these people with extreme positions shouting to their hearts content
Like demented performance artists in a circus tent
They can try to push our buttons be we don’t have to let them
They can invite us to their party but we don’t have to show up.
***
Why can’t we all just all get along
Why can’t we live and let be
Why can’t we all just all mind our own business
And agree to disagree

Heaven 2025

I was on a Virginia recently (DC and Virginia Beach were great) and instead of writing an online review, I was compelled to write a musical review of a less than stellar experience I had at a hotel. Recorded on my iPhone using GarageBand with the vocal song using the basic iPhone earbuds.
I stepped into the hotel. I noticed an unpleasant smell. It was a combination of old cigarettes and mildew. 
I went into my room. I could feel a sense of doom. As I took off my shoes and socks and my bare feet touched the grimy floor. 
Things are not the best at the Best Western, they’re going downhill fast, and I’m trying to pretend the glass is half full. I’m trying really hard to have a nice stay at this hotel. I’m trying not to lose my cool.
There was a peloton in the gym, so I sat on it and tried to login, but the bike wouldn’t work because the Wi-Fi wasn’t connected .
I went back to my room for a shower, and it was like I had a special superpower because when I reached for the handle to turn on the water, it came off in my hand .
Sometimes you can have a little bit of bad luck when you book a cheap room and try to save a buck. You can get angry and sit around and stew or you can break out into a song and write a musical review.

A Musical Hotel Review (GarageBand)

I have been hearing so much AI music lately on SoundCloud and these  thoughts have been percolating with me for a while and finally they coalesced into a song. (created without the use of AI).
***
Vocals & Back Up Vocals: Joe Stroffolino
Guitar Strumming Track:  Joe Stroffolino Taylor 114CE
Drums: EZ Drummer 3
Bass: PG Music Real track
Piano:  EZ Keys2 
Synth Bass: Logic Pro 
***
You got tired of struggling so hard to write a great original song
And then this amazing newfangled technology came along
Now you’re using AI to create music, and it’s a much easier process
And you’re convinced you found the ticket to achieving great success.
You tell yourself you’re a great artist because prompting takes a lot of skill
But deep down you know the AI did most of the work and you swallow the bitter pill
People complement you on your guitar playing and they tell you your voice sounds great
It makes you feel so good but you don’t ever set them straight
Those classic rockers used to write 10 or 12 good songs every couple of years
Now you’re posting two or three songs a day and hoping for a bunch of cheers
You’re rolling the musical dice, hoping you’ll come up with a catchy viral hit 
But there’s so much music flooding the internet that no one gives a shit
You tell yourself you’re a great artist because prompting takes a lot of skill
But deep down you know the AI did most of the work and you swallow the bitter pill
People complement you on your guitar playing and they tell you your voice sounds great, it makes you feel so good but you don’t ever set them straight
Some people believe we’re living in simulation and none of this is real
We’re just digital creations in a computer with the ability to feel
But even if that’s not the case, we’re quickly, heading to a place where no one’s going to be able to tell the difference.
You used strum your guitar, trying to capture lightning in a bottle and the songs that emerged came from you.
And now the songs you write with AI, what they’re saying, you don’t have a clue.
Music used to feel therapeutic, it was a window on your soul that you could share.
But now something feels missing because your songs no longer lay your heart bare.

Prompting Takes A Lot Of Skill

Carl from the Beautiful dark wrote a song today titled "Baldy Patty" and  it inspired me to write my own personal a song about baldness.  I started to lose my hair in my early twenties, and for awhile it bothered me and then one day, I decided to shave my head and I have never looked back. And now so many years have passed that I have been bald longer than I had hair. 
***
Guitar (two strumming tracks) Taylor 114CE 
Organ (playing my midi keyboard using the Logic Pro Organ plug in)
Strings (playing my midi keyboard using Native Instruments strings)
Piano: EZ Keys 2 (Indie Pop (tweed))
Drums (EZ Drummer 3)
Bass (PG Music Midi track with sounds from Native instruments Rickenbacker)
***
My hair’s falling out and I don’t know what to do.
My hair’s falling out, and I’m singing this song to you.

I’ve got hair on my fingers; I’ve got hair on my neck.  
I’ve got on my toes, I’ve got hair on my chest.  
But the one place I want it, it keeps falling out.  
My hair’s falling out and I don’t know what to do.

I shaved my head until the top of my skull was shiny
And I know it’s counterintuitive but I’m no longer bald and whiny.
When you’re young, you assume that you’ll always have hair
And then when you start to lose it, you think it’s not fair
Sampson in the bible when he lost his hair, he became so weak
But that guy on the bottle of mister clean is definitely no geek

I’ve got hair on my fingers; I’ve got hair on my neck.  
I’ve got hair on my toes; I’ve got hair on my chest.  
But where it’s missing on the top of my head, I no longer care one bit.
Because now when it comes to baldness, I don’t give a shit

My Hair's Falling Out

I have been using a CPAP machine for several months.  I am sleeping much better and I decided to take a stab at writing a song about it.  
***
Continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) therapy is a common treatment for obstructive sleep apnea. A CPAP machine uses a hose connected to a mask or nosepiece to deliver constant and steady air pressure to help you breathe while you sleep.
***
Copyright 2025
Vocals, Lyrics and Chords: Joe Stroffolino
Guitars:  Joe Stroffolino: Taylor 114ce (two guitar strumming tracks) and Fender Squire Picking track
Drums:  Programmed using EZ drummer 3
Bass:  Pg Music Midi track with .vst sound from Native instruments Rickenbacker
Organ: Joe Stroffolino: Playing Midi Keyboard with vintage B3 Organ sound from Logic Pro
***
Cover art:  Real (Non-AI) Photo of a Halloween Skeleton wearing my actual CPAP mask  (I was going to take a picture of me wearing the mask but believe it or not, the skeleton looks more attractive) 
****
CPAP Lyrics: 
I was snoring, so I had a sleep study, and they gave me a CPAP machine
It took a bit of getting used to, it was uncomfortable at first, but now it’s part of my nightly routine
When I first put on that CPAP mask, I tried to pretend I was like Darth Vader, part man and part machine, but actually I look more l like Jason in that hockey mask on Friday the thirteenth
The doctor said if I don’t wear that mask, I’ll be gasping for breath all night long and I know I’d better keep wearing it, if I want my heart and brain to stay strong.  I just wish I looked a little bit more sexy while I was wearing it.
Every night when I go to bed I wear a mask that covers my mouth and my nose and on the top of my head, connected to the mask, there’s a big, long hose.
They say when it comes to romance, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover 
 But something about that CPAP mask makes me thinks it’s goanna be hard to find myself a new lover.
The doctor said if I don’t wear that mask, I’ll be gasping for breath all night long and I know I’d better keep wearing it, if I want my heart and brain to stay strong. I just wish I looked a little bit more sexy while I was wearing it.
Sometime you gotta try to put things in perspective
Sometimes you gotta try to be a little bit more objective
Sometimes you just gotta put function over form
Sometimes you gotta be willing to deviate from the norm
The doctor said if I don’t wear that mask, I’ll be gasping for breath all night long and I know I’d better keep wearing it, if I want my heart and brain to stay strong.
I know it’s very important to follow all the proper medical advice and I have every intention to keep using my CPAP device.  I just wish I looked a little bit more sexy while I was wearing it.

CPAP

My daughter is now eleven but when she was 4 or 5 years old, I was trying to learn Spanish (but then life got in the way) and as we brushed our teeth every night, I would sing a silly song “Abre la boca, lava tus dientes blancos blancos muy limpios”.  I’m sure it’s a terrible translation but recently the song popped into my head and this weekend, and I thought it might be fun to attempt to turn it into a complete song.
***
Copyright 2025
***
Instruments 
Guitar Strumming Track:  Taylor 114ce
Guitar (Playing Midi Keyboard) Native Instruments Electric Mint Celtic Castle Melody Guitar
Organ (Playing Midi keyboard): Logic Pro Classic Rock Organ
Native Instruments Electric Keys Diamond (Playing Midi Keyboard)
Drums EZ Drummer 3
Bass PG Music Midi track played with Native Instruments Rickenbaker Bass 
***
Cover photo: Adobe express stock image.
***
When I was a kid, I really wish I’d listened to my parent’s advice
They said brush your teeth carefully or someday you’ll pay the price
I was trying to learn a little bit of Spanish, so I thought I’ d write my daughter a little song
I’m not sure it’s grammatically correct and I bet the pronunciation is wrong
Abre la boca, lava tus dientes blancos blancos muy limpios
Open your mouth, wash your teeth, white, white very clean 
I know you’re just a little kid and it’s hard for you to comprehend
But if you don’t brush your teeth every day, there’s lots of Novocain around the bend
I really hope you take heed of the lessons that I’ve learned 
If you eat too much candy like Icharus flying to close to the sun, you’ll get burned
Abre la boca, lava tus dientes blancos blancos muy limpios
Open your mouth, wash your teeth, white, white very clean 
First you need a filling and then you need a crown
Every year your dental health keeps going down
You sit in that chair, and it’s drill baby drill
The candy tastes good but it’s a bitter pill
They say in the future we’ll regrow our pearly whites
But until that day comes, you’d better take my advice 
Abre la boca, lava tus dientes blancos blancos muy limpios

Abre La Boca (Brush Your Teeth)

Feeling bummed that I had to write this.
****
Music , lyrics and vocals Joe Stroffolino
Copyright 2025
Instruments:
Organ:  Playing Midi Keyboard with Logic Pro Grand Organ
Wurlitzer (keys):  Playing Midi Keyboard with Logic Pro Wurlitzer Classic
Guitars and Bass: PG music real tracks
Drums:  EZ Drummer 3
***
Lyrics: 
Another shooting in the news, it made you sad and angry
You couldn’t get the images out of your head
You thought you’d get involved and maybe protest or send some money
But you’re sending out your thoughts and prayers instead

We’ll clean up the broken glass, allow more time to pass
And the next time it happens; we’ll just send out more thoughts and prayers again
We’ll wipe up the blood from the floor, say we can’t take it anymore
Thoughts and prayers are free; there’s no skin in the game for you and me

The images they really got you very angry
You tell yourself it’s time to stand and fight
Then you drink a few beers, and you binge watch all night on Netflix
And the next day everything feels all right

Sitting in your easy chair, sending out a thought and prayer, thinking maybe you should do more
But you’re just a cog in the machine, besides the world is cruel and mean
And really, it’s just easier to ignore

Thoughts and prayers, blowing a bunch of hot air
Maybe someday you’ll turn your platitudes into action
You go about you’re your busy day, hoping there’s a better way
but you spin your wheels and don't get any traction

Thoughts & Prayers

I decided to take another stab at this song (went down a rabbit hole for about 10 hours and completely re-played and re-sang the song).  I struggled with the vocals on my original version so I changed the key to E which made it easier to sing.   
****
Guitar:   strumming my Taylor 114CE
Organ: playing my midi keyboard with Native instruments clarinet organ
Wurlitzer 200A  Keys: playing my midi Keyboard with logic Wurlitzer sound.
Wurlitzer 200A:  EZ Keys 2
Bass: PG Music Real track
Drums: EZ drummer 3
****
Lyrics
In the planet of the ape’s movie in 1968
Astronauts crash landed on a planet that was in a sorry state
They stumbled across a society intelligent of apes who could speak
And there were humans, but they were mute and weak
They’d been asleep in their hibernation pods and 2006 years had elapsed
And somewhere during that time humanity had collapsed
And the astronauts didn’t realize they were on the planet where they’d been born as the apes hunted them and they hid in a field of corn
Just like Charlton Heston, we could be walking on that beach
To late to save our Lady Liberty, she’s been toppled sunk and breached
You maniacs you blew it up will we rant and rave like Chuck
Hope it’s not too late, who wants that monkey fate, hope we smarten up
I wonder what those apes are thinking as they’re sitting in their cages at the zoo
Are they biding their time, making plans for what they’re goanna do
Are they dreaming of the day when they’re on the other side of that glass wall
Are they patiently counting the minutes, waiting for humanities downfall
The apes killed one of the astronauts and they stuffed him and put him on display j
Just like trophy hunters do with animals today
The Astronaut named Taylor, he got shot in the throat
He was unable to talk, so he got a pen and showed the apes what he wrote
The apes realized he was intelligent, and it shook them to their core
And the forbidden zone was a place they weren’t supposed to explore
Taylor met a girl he named Nova, she couldn’t talk but she was pretty.
A couple of apes helped them escape to what used to be New York city
And they rode together on a horse on a beach that looked like the west coast
Until they found that statue and realized humanity was toast
Just like Charlton Heston, we could be walking on that beach
To late to save our Lady Liberty, she’s been toppled sunk and breached
You maniacs you blew it up will we rant and rave like Chuck
Hope it’s not too late, who wants that Monkey Fate, hope we smarten up
The planet of the ape’s is supposed to be science fiction
Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out to be an accurate depiction

Planet Of The Apes V 2.0

Stephen TexMex Shaman–@texmex-shaman did a really nice remix on this song so I thought I'd share this version.
****
Cast of Characters:
Joe Stroffolino-- @joseph-stroffolino -- Taylor 114ce acoustic guitar, main vocals, harmony vocals, lyrics, composition
Llanpsych -- @llanpsych -- Tez – Epiphone Les Paul electric guitar
K2 and the Three [and the Four]--@k2andthe3, @k2-kara -–Ken–drums and percussion
Entheogenic Psychonaught (Josh Clary)–@josh-clary-1 –- four string Fender Precision Bass, and Roland organ
TexMex Shaman–@texmex-shaman –Stephen– Tom Anderson Custom T electric guitar, mix, mastering, and production

Hope That You’re Happy Remix (Eclectic Collective with Joe Stroffolino)

Strumming Guitar track (playing my Taylor 114ce)
Organ: (playing my midi keyboard) using Logic Pro Grand organ sound
Bass: PG Music Real track
Drums: Ez Drummer 3
MK1 Keyboard and piano  Ez Keys 2
****
Every night at ten o’clock, before I go to bed 
I doomscroll on my phone, and I see stories that fill me with dread
I know I should put down my phone and read a book, but I can’t control the urge
Things get stuck in my brain that I really wish I could purge
It’s a fine line between staying informed and doomscrolling
And it’s so hard to put down that phone once you pick it up and start that ball rolling
There’s a constant stream of bad news that never goes stale
Why can’t the world be more like a fairy tale
Forever chemicals in the water, pollution in the air
Global temperatures rising, and the oil companies don’t care
Russians making nuclear threats and our leaders they just shrug
Some nights it feels like I’m in a hospital bed and they‘re about to pull the plug
It’s a fine line between staying informed and doomscrolling
And it’s so hard to put down that phone once you pick it up and start that ball rolling
There’s a constant stream of bad news that never goes stale
Why can’t the world be more like a fairy tale

Microplastics your body
It’s bad to sit too long in your in your chair 
They say you can go sterile if you wear tight underwear
There’s an object heading towards us from deep in outer space
They say it might be an alien spacecraft on its way to destroy the human race
Too much information in the palm of your hand
Can make you just want to bury your head in the sand
Sometimes you’ve got to accept there are things beyond your control
Whatever will be will be.  You play an insignificant role 
It’s a fine line between staying informed and doomscrolling
And it’s so hard to put down that phone once you pick it up and start that ball rolling
There’s a constant stream of bad news that never goes stale
Why can’t the world be more like a fairy tale

Doomscrolling

Some thoughts that have been percolating in my mind lately (cover photo:  photo of my halloween skeleton edited with a not to scale termite and silver spoon: adobe stock images)

***
Copyright 2025
Vocals , Chords and Lyrics by Joe Stroffolino
Organ (playing my midi keyboard with sound from Logic Pro BeBop Organ)
Single Strum track  (playing my Taylor 114ce)
Second fast strumming track: PG music real track
Bass: PG Music real track
Piano:  EZ Keys2 (with sound from Native instruments Piano uno)
Drums: EZ Drummer 3
***
They say that life is a test but not everyone’s dealt the same hand
Some are born into privilege, while others struggle through quicksand
We play the cards we’re dealt as we try to find our way,
Doing our best to keep our heads above water as we go about each day.
People born with a silver spoon in their mouths, they’re rich and the die is cast
Other’s get a wooden spoon, which the termites eat, and it’s struggle not to finish last
They say money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s hard to put a smile on your face
When the game is rigged and you can’t even get to first base.
How many billions do you have to accumulate before you’re just running up the score
At what point do you decide that you don’t need anymore
Telling rags-to-riches stories, so the common man believes it’s true,
“Keep those taxes off the billionaires cause someday that might be you.”
 People born with a silver spoon in their mouths, they’re rich and the die is cast
Other’s get a wooden spoon, which the termites eat, and it’s struggle not to finish last
They say money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s hard to put a smile on your face
When the game is rigged and you can’t even get to first base.
 Politicians smiling and acting like they share your blues,
But they’d collapse in a minute trying to walk a mile in your shoes.
Lottery tickets selling hope, though the odds are that you’ll never win
You’ve got a better chance of being struck by lightning than ever cashing in.
You’ll be paying off those loans for the rest of your life from that useless college degree
As the corporations implement AI trying their best to replace you and me
 The universe is billions of years old; we come and go in a flash.
We spend our short lives obsessing over cash.
 People born with a silver spoon in their mouths, they’re rich and the die is cast
Other’s get a wooden spoon, which the termites eat, and it’s struggle not to finish last
They say money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s hard to put a smile on your face
When the game is rigged and you can’t even get to first base.

Life Is a Test

Taylor 114 CE (Strumming my guitar)
Logic Pro BeBop Organ (Playing my MIDI keyboard)
Logic Pro Classic Electric Piano (Playing my MIDI Keyboard)
Drums (EZ Drummer 3)
Bass (PG Music Real Track)
Vocals and Back up Vocals (me singing).
Copyright 2025 Joe Stroffolino
***
Cover art:  photo of Halloween skeleton edited with Adobe stock images.
***
Won’t You Please Just Go
Verse 1
It used to be that right and wrong were clear cut, black and white
And people had the courage still to stand and fight the good fight
It used to be that folks could bridge across the partisan divide
Do the right thing and set their differences aside
Now the tech bros want to colonize Mars, and create a brand-new utopia
And if you’re skeptical of their vision, you’re just a luddite with myopia
They’re dreaming of a world of like minds, a place with no dissent
But too much group think has a way of becoming malevolent

Chorus
Won’t you go, won’t you go, won’t you please just go
Get on that rocket ship and fly to Mars (good riddance)
You say you’ll build a better society on the fourth rock from the sun
But there’s lots of work on Earth that still needs to be done.

Verse 2
Columbus sailed west and began a bold new age of exploration
But life on a barren rock seems like a recipe for frustration
It’s easy to be seduced by all that science fiction snake oil
but once you get to Mars, it’ll be nothing but drudgery and endless toil

Bridge
Seems like there are better ways for billionaires to spend their cash
Than living in a tin can on Mars like high-tech trailer trash.
They say the higher you fly, the harder you can fall;
Why trade a living planet for a dusty red ball?

Verse 3
Things can get kind of messy down here on good old planet Earth
You can turn tail and and try to escape this place of humanities birth
You can wipe the slate clean but there’s something in our DNA
You can make people march in lockstep but eventually there will be hell to pay.


Chorus
Won’t you go, won’t you go, won’t you please just go
Get on that rocket ship and fly to Mars (good riddance)
You say you’ll build a better society on the fourth rock from the sun
But there’s lots of work on Earth that still needs to be done

Won't You Please Just Go (to Mars)

Strumming Guitar (me strumming my Taylor 114ce)
Electric Guitar (MIDI with Native instruments mint guitar sound)
Organ (me playing my MIDI keyboard with Logic Pro Bebop Organ sound)
Bass: PG music real track
Harp: Ez Keys
Drums: EZ drummer 3
Vocals and Back Up Vocals (me singing)
Copyright 2025 Joe Stroffolino
Verse 1
People come into our lives, then fade away like ripples in a pond
We spend time together, it feels so right, but circumstances change and they move on. 
I think about them occasionally, I wonder what they’re up to.
Sometimes I get the urge call them out of the blue.
Chorus
All those different paths that I could have taken
Now I’m lying in the bed of my own making
The clock keeps ticking every single day
I tell myself there’s got to be a better way
Verse 2
People who I haven’t spoken to in such a very long time
We drifted away and now I’m past my prime 
If I walked past them, and they saw my face, would there be any hint of recognition
Cause time has a way of transforming you like a magician

Bridge 
It feels like I’m doing time, I’m just towing the line
Trying to make it through another hard-working day
There’s so much water under that bridge, I’m dying to know what’s on the other side of that ridge, and deep down I know I’m in a prison of my own making

Verse 3
All those Dreams I never followed, I took the safe road
I turned my back on creativity and shifted into a working horse mode
I’m back in the saddle, trying to play the game
Speaking what’s on my mind
It’s a race no one asked me to enter and I’m feeling far behind

Chorus
All those different paths that I could have taken
Now I’m lying in the bed of my own making
The clock keeps ticking every single day
I tell myself there’s got to be a better way
Outro
They say that’s the way the cookie crumbles,
And life can be a series of stumbles 
And all you can do is dust yourself off and try keep right on going

Ripples In A Pond

Rapture is a new collaboration between the Beating Edge and Joe Stroffolino, following the awesome Asteroids (The Original Was Better). Joe wrote both the lyrics and the original music, while the Beating Edge rearranged and recorded it in a punchy rock style, adding driving guitars, strong rhythm, and dynamic choruses. Vocals feature Tom on lead, with Joe and Mary contributing both backing vocals and lead parts on certain verses and the bridge, creating a layered and energetic vocal texture.
The song explores the absurdity and irony of doomsday prophecies, the obsession with the rapture, and the endless cycle of believers and false prophets. It blends satirical storytelling with a critical eye on human behavior, delivering a mix of humor, intensity, and thought-provoking commentary through energetic rock arrangements. 
Rapture is a track that engages both the mind and the ears, combining narrative, power, and fun in equal measure.
Copyright 2025  Joe Stroffolino & The Beating Edge

Lyrics:

These prophets who say the world's gonna end and they set a specific date
And then when it doesn't happen, their followers still think they're great
The sun rises the next morning and people stumble out of bed
Disappointed that the rapture didn't happen and they're still alive instead of dead

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

They claim they have a direct line to God but there was a glitch in the connection
But now they're certain of the expiration date so they issue a correction
The shepherd guides the flock and tries to keep them safe from harm
But how many times can you cry wolf before people ignore your alarm

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

Who cares about the environment if you think the world is gonna end
And you're convinced the second coming is right around the bend
So drill baby drill and chop down all the plants and trees
No need to spend money on curing terrible disease

In every generation throughout history, people were certain that the rapture would come
And they had followers willing to believe them as they fed them each a tiny crumb
In baseball you only get three strikes and then the umpire says you're out
But when it comes to doomsday prophecies, the true believers have no doubt

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

Rapture

Verse 1
I took a leap of faith I jumped, I didn’t know where I would land
I went out on a limb, I followed my heart, I didn’t have a plan
I threw caution to the wind; I was young I was in love
When we were together, we fit just like a glove
Chorus
Love was supposed to be the answer; I thought we’d take this journey all the way to the end
But the path was crooked and when I tried to look ahead, I couldn’t see around the bend. 
Verse 2
Life is a journey and sometimes you set off on a trip together
And somewhere along the way, you can run into stormy weather 
You can batten down the hatches and try your best to endure
And then one day, you realize, you can’t take it anymore
Chorus
Love was supposed to be the answer; I thought we’d take this journey all the way to the end
But the path was crooked and when I tried to look ahead, I couldn’t see around the bend. 
Verse 3
Those promises we made on that special day, I had every intention to keep 
I believed those words that I said when we took that giant leap
But somewhere along the way, we started drifting in different directions
We sailed into uncharted waters and couldn’t make the course correction
Bridge
Like Chinese water torture, it’s death by a thousand cuts
And over time the door to your heart slowly shuts
You go to couples therapy, you try to work out the kinks
But there are some things you can’t cure with shrinks.
Chorus
Love was supposed to be the answer; I thought we’d take this journey all the way to the end
But the path was crooked and when I tried to look ahead, I couldn’t see around the bend.

Leap of Faith

I wrote a song called "Rapture" and the The Beating Edge Recorded a fantastic rocking version that I just love https://soundcloud.com/beatingedge/rapture?si=25980ccbeac641d88908cd1945d69048&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing but I decided to go down a rabbit hole and attempt to record a more acoustic version of the song.  I first played the song with just my acoustic guitar and I recorded it on my iPhone 16 pro.  I then used a stem splitter to separate the guitar from the vocals and then I used the iPhone recorded guitar as the centerpiece for the song. 
Guitar:  Taylor 114ce (Recorded on iPhone) 
Organ: playing my midi keyboard with logic pro Bebop organ sound
Bass: Playing my midi keyboard with native instruments Rickenbacker bass sound.
Vocals and back up vocals: recorded using a Rhode NT1 5th generation mic.
Copyright 2025 Joe Stroffolino
Lyrics:

These prophets who say the world's gonna end and they set a specific date
And then when it doesn't happen, their followers still think they're great

The sun rises the next morning and people stumble out of bed
Disappointed that the rapture didn't happen and they're still alive instead of dead

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

They claim they have a direct line to God but there was a glitch in the connection
But now they're certain of the expiration date so they issue a correction

The shepherd guides the flock and tries to keep them safe from harm
But how many times can you cry wolf before people ignore your alarm

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

Who cares about the environment if you think the world is gonna end
And you're convinced the second coming is right around the bend

So drill baby drill and chop down all the plants and trees
No need to spend money on curing terrible disease

In every generation throughout history, people were certain that the rapture would come
And they had followers willing to believe them as they fed them each a tiny crumb

In baseball you only get three strikes and then the umpire says you're out
But when it comes to doomsday prophecies, the true believers have no doubt

All these people going through the motions, trying to deal with the daily grind
Hoping the rapture comes soon and they're not the ones who are left behind

Rapture (Acoustic Version)

I decided to take another stab at this song for Halloween.
New instruments and added a strumming guitar track.    Completely new vocals and updated chorus.
***
In the dark of night, there's things that don't feel right.
Like a creature of the night with a healthy appetite
I saw a beautiful woman standing by the dance floor
I met her gaze she smiled at me
I knew the rest was history as my heart beat quickly in my chest.

The night past by in one big blur and in the morning there was no sign of her
I tried so hard to convince myself that it was only just a dream

Baby I want to see the sun shine on your face
Cause maybe you’re a vampire dressed in lace

As the day began to wane and darkness fell like bloody rain
I could feel a sense of foreboding in the air
I turned around and she was there
Next to me with long dark hair
Staring at me with a hungry pointy grin (hungry pointy grin)

Baby I want to see the sun shine on your face
Cause maybe you’re a vampire dressed in lace
Now she stops by every night and something tells me things aren’t right
Cause it’s been more than a week since I’ve seen the light of day

Now that you’ve heard my story, I hope you believe it’s true
My memory’s kind of foggy. There’s not much I can do
I’m sick of being stuck in this cold dark place
I want to feel the sun shine on my face
And I’m searching for a cure to what’s ailing me (what’s ailing me)

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby I want to see the sun shine on your face
Cause maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe you’re a vampire dressed in lace

Baby I want to see the sun shine on your face
Cause maybe you’re a vampire dressed in lace

Vampire Dressed In Lace (2025)

I've been hearing so much AI music on SoundCloud lately that instead of jumping on the AI bandwagon, it's pushing me in the other direction where I want to do more songs with just me and my guitar.  
This is a live version that I played straight through from start to finish which I am using as an audition song for the Tucson Folk Festival.
And if you're curious, here's a link to a YouTube video of me singing a different version  the song live (iPhone recording). https://youtu.be/qMe4Uh39uhY?si=jBvf8uvDZQyDgiVg

Elvis in the 1970’s in his jumpsuit and his cape.
Some say he didn’t really die he just decided to escape.
Over the year’s there’ve been sightings like Bigfoot and UFO’s.
Of Elvis shopping at Walmart dressed in ordinary clothes.
They say it’s good to be king – but sometimes maybe it’s not.
When you’re coasting on your past glory and now, you’re lukewarm instead of hot.
If Elvis was still alive, he’d be approaching the century mark.
He’d be a tired old hound dog - would he still be able to bark.
If he put on a pair of blue suede shoes and he tried to shake his hips.
And he strummed his guitar on a street corner would people give him any tips.
They say it’s good to be king – but sometimes maybe it’s not
When you’re coasting on your past glory and now, you’re lukewarm instead of hot
There’s day’s when you feel like you’re trapped in a routine 
And you’re going through the motions, and you want to start fresh and clean.
Somewhere between 1968 and 1977 Elvis took a detour and he ended up in Heaven.
It’s nice to imagine that maybe he was sick of sick and tired of all that fame.
And one day he just decided to retire from playing the game.
If he sang that song love me tender, would it till make the young women swoon.
Or would they stare at him with curiosity like at the zoo when you see a baboon.
If he put on the black leather costume that he wore in 1968 
And he played the same set list would people still think he was so great?
Elvis in Black leather in 1968 strumming his guitar he looked so good
And his voice was really great.
At the top of his game in perfect form he could have stopped right then
He could have walked away - still would have still been a rock and roll legend
They say it’s good to be king – but sometimes maybe it’s not
When you’re coasting on your past glory and now, you’re lukewarm instead of hot.
They say it’s good to be king – but sometimes maybe it’s not
When you’re coasting on your past glory and now, you’re lukewarm instead of hot

Lukewarm King (Acoustic Live Version)

Joe Stroffolino-- Music, lyrics, vocals, organ and guitar.
Bass:  PG music real track. 
Double bass synth and wurly Logic Pro session player tracks.
Drums: Many thanks to Ken K2 and the Three [and the Four]--@k2andthe3, @k2-kara   for playing the drums on this track and giving me great feedback as I attempted to mix the song. 

Copyright 2025 

Verse 1
I’ve never seen the Great Wall; I’ve never been to Japan.
I’ve never seen the Eiffel Tower; it’s not part of my bucket list plan.
I don’t need to stand in line for two hours so I can see the Mona Lisa for thirty seconds.
I can see the same thing at home for free on my computer.

Chorus
I’m perfectly content to stay right here,
Living in the same place year after year.
I’m perfectly content to stay right here.

Verse 2
I don’t want to sit in a pressurized cylinder, with only a bag of peanuts to eat,
As I’m elbowed by a stranger who decides he wants to ventilate his feet.
I don’t want to go to a tourist trap and hang out with a bunch of ugly Americans.
If I want to see ugly Americans, all I’ve gotta do is step outside.

Chorus (Repeat)
I’m perfectly content to stay right here,
Living in the same place year after year.
I’m perfectly content to stay right here.

Bridge
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.

Verse 3
Waking up early, rushing to the airport, to get on a crowded flight,
Trying to find space in the overhead bin and not get in a fight.
When you get there, you can’t drink the water, and the alcohol can make you go blind.
That doesn’t sound like the optimal place for a person to unwind.
You have to ration your underwear, or you’ll have to wear it inside out again for a second time.
You have to keep your money in a belt or you could be the victim of a pickpocketing crime.

Bridge (Repeat)
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.

Not A Rambling Man

I decided to take acoustic stabs at one of my  previous Christmas songs.  This song is based on my real life Uncle Lou.
The lead vocals (Rhode NT1  5th generation mic) and guitar (Taylor 114ce,  capo first fret, plugged in) were recorded simultaneously on two separate tracks and then I went back and added the backing vocals (strongly resisting the urge to add any other instruments).  
****
Christmas comes once a year.
It’s a time of happiness and cheer and it’s also the one day that Uncle Lou gets to use his electric knife
He used to work in a butcher shop and all day long there was meat to chop.
But now he’s an accountant and his life is kind of dull in a mind numbing sort of way.

But when it comes time for Uncle Lou to cut the Christmas ham and turkey
he get’s a wild gleam in his eye
He says don’t worry I’m a professional
I know what I am doing
as we all try to get out of his way

Uncle Lou’s got the electric knife
And we’re fearing for his life
That poor turkey had no chance
I think I’m gonna wet my pants
We’re afraid that Santa won’t come
And if he does he’ll turn and run
He’ll take one look Uncle Lou
And his reindeers will be scared too

They say Electric knives have a high injury potential
And losing a finger is very consequential
But Uncle Lou doesn’t seem to care
He’s got the culinary version of a chainsaw in his hand
And he picks it up and he takes command
If he had a hockey mask you’d swear it was Friday the 13th
After a few minutes his job is complete
And then we all sit down to eat
Instead of saying grace we thank God that his fingers have survived for another year

Uncle Lou’s got the electric knife
And we’re fearing for his life
That poor turkey had no chance
I think I’m gonna wet my pants
We’re afraid that Santa won’t come
And if he does he’ll turn and run
He’ll take one look Uncle Lou
And his reindeers will be scared too

Uncle Lou's Got The Electric Knife (Acoustic)

A stripped down version of this song with just me and my guitar
And here’s a link to a more highly produced version https://on.soundcloud.com/ilKgH0ZJjkQdhPEuk7

Copyright 2025

Verse 1
I’ve never seen the Great Wall; I’ve never been to Japan.
I’ve never seen the Eiffel Tower; it’s not part of my bucket list plan.
I don’t need to stand in line for two hours so I can see the Mona Lisa for thirty seconds.
I can see the same thing at home for free on my computer.

Chorus
I’m perfectly content to stay right here,
Living in the same place year after year.
I’m perfectly content to stay right here.

Verse 2
I don’t want to sit in a pressurized cylinder, with only a bag of peanuts to eat,
As I’m elbowed by a stranger who decides he wants to ventilate his feet.
I don’t want to go to a tourist trap and hang out with a bunch of ugly Americans.
If I want to see ugly Americans, all I’ve gotta do is step outside.

Chorus (Repeat)
I’m perfectly content to stay right here,
Living in the same place year after year.
I’m perfectly content to stay right here.

Bridge
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.

Verse 3
Waking up early, rushing to the airport, to get on a crowded flight,
Trying to find space in the overhead bin and not get in a fight.
When you get there, you can’t drink the water, and the alcohol can make you go blind.
That doesn’t sound like the optimal place for a person to unwind.
You have to ration your underwear, or you’ll have to wear it inside out again for a second time.
You have to keep your money in a belt or you could be the victim of a pickpocketing crime.

Bridge (Repeat)
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.
I don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be, don’t want to be a rambling man.

Not a Rambling Man (Acoustic Version)

Another Acoustic version of one of my Christmas songs.  
Recorded in one take with just my vocals and Guitar 
(Capo on the third fret on my Taylor 114ce)
***
Verse 1
I was sitting on the sofa on Christmas Eve
Enjoying the Christmas tree lights
A cup of spiced egg nog in my hand
Everything was feeling alright.
And then I heard something rustling
Inside the Christmas tree
And I saw a furry tail
Waving back at me.
Verse 2
And then it turned around and stared at me
With two little yellow eyes
And I realized I was having
A special Christmas surprise
Chorus
There’s a critter in the Christmas Tree
Santa brought a little surprise for me
If I don’t get that creature out of my home
I’m gonna be spending my Christmas alone
Maybe I could eat for my Christmas feast
But I think a better option is to catch and release
Verse 3
I approached the Christmas tree
And I realized he was no longer there
I searched the entire house
I couldn’t find him anywhere
Chorus
There’s a critter in the Christmas Tree
Santa brought a little surprise for me
If I don’t get that creature out of my home
I’m gonna be spending my Christmas alone
Bridge
So I decided not to worry
And have Christmas at my house anyway
I convinced myself he was a gift from Santa
And everything would be okay
Verse 4
Lucky for me Christmas went perfectly this year
Without a hitch
Now every night I leave a bowl of water
And some carrots and some tuna fish
Every morning when I wake up
The food put out is gone
And sometimes I see cute little footprints
Out there on the front lawn.
Verse 5
I think he comes down the Chimney
The same way Santa does
Cause in the bottom of the fireplace
Sometimes I see bits of fur and fuzz
Final Chorus
There was a critter in my Christmas Tree
Santa brought a little surprise for me
Now when I’m sitting by myself at home
Thanks to Santa I never feel alone
There was a critter in my Christmas Tree
Santa brought a little surprise for me
Now when I’m sitting by myself at home
Thanks to Santa I never feel alone

Critter in the Christmas Tree (Acoustic)

Songs with a twinge of humor (and some a bit more serious).  
I do not use AI to create my songs. 
https://linktr.ee/joe.stroffolino
Recently I have had the urge to pick up my guitars (Taylor 114ce and Fender Squire) and I have been trying to use more guitar in my songs.  
My go to .vst plug ins are  EZkeys 2, EZ Bass and  EZ drummer 3) and my DAW is Logic Pro 11. 
I welcome your comments and enjoy listening to all the great music on SoundCloud. 
All songs are originals and copyrighted.

Joe Stroffolino

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