Written in a difficult time. Keys, percussion, recorded & produced by London Van Rooy of Kult Krimes- thank you, London.

https://soundcloud.com/kultkrimes

Tell me your nights are now warmer,
and I'll say "the heat brings the rot."

The Heat Brings the Rot

One of the first I'd written in many years. Recorded through regular earbud headphones. Backing vocals by anonymous crows.

Lyrics:

pictures in the closet
hidden just enough to prove
I am working on it,
trying not to think of you

and as time moves around me
the dust is covering your face,
slowly blurring the smile
that faded more with every day

but it’s a lovely morning
It’s gunna be a sunny day
and I can smile knowing
that there’s always a way
out

a way out

walking up the stairs that
used to lead to our front door
to find you’ve dug the garden,
leaving soil, nothing more

and a note you’d written 
on the one shelf I had left
“baby, I am leaving,
but I’ll still love you til death”

and it’s a lovely morning
whether rain, or shine, or snow
and I can smile knowing
that there are some things
we can’t know

we can’t know

wishing every day that
I could stand to see your face,
wanting still to know how
we came to this awful place

but it’s that part of living
we all come to know so well:
that this place is our heaven
just as much as it is hell

so, it’s a lovely morning,
and every day’s a give and take,
and I can smile knowing
that there are choices 
we all make

we all make

It's a Lovely Morning

It's A Lovely Morning

Slighty later on, finally upgraded to an actual (cheap) mic, and multi-track recording (how novel!). A time of getting over the hump of a loss, and trauma-based reactions to a possible new love.

Walk Away

Another early one, November 2019. Recorded on earbud headphones with multiple tracks. Unpolished, but tinged with more optimistic messaging.

Lyrics:

I’m taking my time
it’s never too late to be there for yourself
If I can’t be mine
then who will I be for

yeah, I am just walking on 
and I don’t need a reason 
to keep this heart from hardening 

trying to be grateful
holding the sight in my mind
that there will be better days
if I am living right 

Yeah, I’ve been missing you 
but some things are better off gone
it’s hard for me to choose 
to keep carrying on

So, I have to put the past
behind me now
to keep this heart from hardening

Keep This Heart From Hardening

April 2020, start of Covid and settling into a new love with a wonderfully sweet soul ❤️

When I Know

August 2020, in the height of the Portland (and worldwide) BLM protests/Covid. Finally got a condenser mic lol.

Change Coming

Nothing Wrong With You

Song about the holidays, depression, and walking in the shoes of those on the other side of the window.

Jonathan Rudow