originals (2016-2019)

covers (oldest to newest)

post-graduation

MY PROUDEST MOMENTS

emotionally intellectual

scar tissue

somethinginmyheadismissing

a detailed and poetic physical threat

the metronome

dead-bird

landon tewers

i may be evil
and i may be vile
but you must be stupid
cause i made you smile

expired license and driving and keeping it slow
drinking and trying to keep myself warm
you know i've been around
when there's bottles on the ground and
cheap cigs
cheap cigs
i'd kill to fall asleep and never wake up
but there's people i'd let down so
i haven't given up
you'll know i've had enough
when there's a letter folded up with your
name on it
your name on it

i may be evil
and i may be vile
but you must be stupid
cause i made you smile
i may be evil
and i may be vile
but you must be stupid
cause i made you smile

won't you take another look
at the things i've had to say i'm
broken and empty but i try to make a change
i've ruined many things and
traveled across the seas just to
throw it away
throw it away
my lyrics are sappy i never wash my clothes
my hair gets all nappy i've put
things up my nose
i'm trying not to fall
back to when i got that call that
changed me
changed me

and i may be evil
and i may be vile
but you must be stupid
cause i made you smile
i may be evil
and i may be vile
but you're fuckin stupid, yeah
cause i'm just a child
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I may be evil

angels in the fog

angelina

stick season - noah kahan
lyrics edited to hit me right in the chest

as you all promised me that I was more than all the miles combined
you must have had yourselves a change of heart like
halfway through the drive
'cause your voices trailed off exactly as we passed my exit sign
y'all kept on drivin' straight and left my future to the right

now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face
and memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace
and I am terrified of weather 'cause I can see them when it rains
and the doctor told me to travel, but there's Covid on the planes

and I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
and I saw their mom, they forgot that I existed
and it's half my fault, but I like to play the victim
I drank alcohol and none of my friends called me for christmas
and I dream each night of some version of you
that I might not have, but I did not lose
now i'm tire tracks and one pair of shoes
and I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

so I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad
that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad
no, I am no longer funny, 'cause I miss the way y'all laugh
and you once called me forever, now none of you call me back

and I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
and I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed
and it's half my fault, but I like to play the victim
I drank alcohol and none of my friends called me for christmas
and I'll dream each night of some version of you
that I might not have, but I did not lose
now you're tire tracks and i'm one pair of shoes
and I'm split in half, but that'll have to do
oh, that'll have to do

and I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
and I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed
and it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim
I drink alcohol, still my friends don't call for christmas
and I dream each night of some version of you
that I might not have, but I did not lose
now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes
and now I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

stick season

40 hours - howie day


lately after dark I've been wandering through the park
with the angry words you said wandering through my head
there's nothing I can do to keep from feeling like I blew
the only chance I had to make it better

the shadow on the wall is looking down from 10 feet tall
and I wonder what it sees as I stumble through the streets
to never feel alone seemed written down in stone
but now it's all I can do to try and forget her

40 hours and counting
I could shut my eyes and sleep here

morning comes and goes and I'm tangled in the throes
of the stillness of my room and a bandage on my wound
my heart becomes a bird, she set free with just a word
and now I'm wishing that I had never met her

40 hours and counting
shut my eyes and sleep here

people rushing by out the corner of my eye
a kaleidoscope of blue, a mirror broke in two
a thousand little stars and in a million little wars
scattered out across the open desert

40 hours and counting
I shut my eyes and sleep here

a world is set ablaze by a never-ending haze
and you're closer than a tear, I see you ever clear
the rush is in the veins and there's nothing else to blame
but every minute, every hour, every second

40 hours and counting
I shut my eyes and sleep here
I shut my eyes and sleep to dream

lately after dark I've been wandering through the park
with the angry words you said wandering through my head
there's nothing I can do to keep from feeling like I blew
my only chance I had to make it better

40hrs

room 2 breathe

iron eyes cody

Well I think you lost your mind
She said a million times
In a case of tired affection
In a race of our design
She closed her eyes and cried:
God, if there’s any justice in life
You'd take your feet off my heart and the needle off the 45

She’s got a fire that grows
Restless to her soul
Relents and then suspects that she’d be reckless not to go
Says I don’t know, but I’ve got a feeling comin' up from below
So in the morning if I’m running at least we had the summer to show

Locked in the backseat
Looking at me, holding me
Like you won’t let up and let me alone
But how could that be
Wait you look, I can’t breathe
I’m knocked down, but strong enough to shout

That you’re an animal
And you can’t stop the habits that form
And I told you they run when you call
And if you had to crawl on back they’d ask nothing at all

She says I shake the facts
And the rest remains intact
In plasticine depictions of the past that seems unpacked
You won’t suspect
And he calls and tells her just to hear her react
And she says man, the farther we run
The harder we act

Like in the backseat
Looking at me, holding me
Like you won’t let up and leave me alone
But how could that be?
Wait look, I can’t breathe
I’m knocked down but strong enough to shout

That you’re an animal
And you can’t stop the habits that form
And I told you they run when you call
And if you had to crawl on back they’d ask nothing at all
And like an animal
You loved me then you left me alone
I hope that you’ll go where you go
When you dance, you look like someone I used to know

Because you look so good when you wake me in the middle of the night
And say take me like you know I like it
And we’ll make believe that waiting wasn't wasted time

And like an animal
I ran into your wrecking ball
And I crashed into the record wall
'Cause when we dance
We’re just a little bit out of control

And like an animal
You can’t stop the habits that form
And I told you they run when you call
And if you had to crawl on back they’d ask nothing at all

And like an animal
You loved me then you left me alone
I hope that you’ll go where you go
When you dance, you look like someone I used to know

animal

blood bank

serotonin

treehouse

plays pretty for baby

reckless

closure

my mother wants me dead

pluto was never really a planet even

bruise

modest mouse

sometimes all I really wanna feel is love
sometimes I’m angry that I feel so angry

sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say

if you stand in a circle
Then you’ll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices from the seven wonders
we’re all so funny but he’s lost his joke now
a communication from a one lined joke
a stand up comic and rock musician
making so much noise you don’t know when to listen.

why are you judging people so damn hard
you’re taking your point of views a bit too far

I made my shoes to shine with my coal
but the polish didn’t shine the hole

if you stand in a circle
Then you’ll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices from the seven wonders
we’re all so funny but he’s lost his joke now
a communication from a one lined joke
a stand up comic and rock musician
making so much noise you don’t know when to listen.

edit the sad parts

mineral

I wouldn’t mind if you took me in my sleep tonight
sure, I wouldn’t even put up a fight
I wouldn’t care if you took it all away today
sure, I wouldn’t even miss the pain.

so come on with the darkness
and come on with the fear
cause we gotta start somewhere
and it might as well be here

so when I’m finally naked and standing
in the sunlight
I’ll look back at all this selfishness
and foolish pride

and laugh at myself.

parking lot

es-cap-eh

agony

empty empty empty speaking loud loud loud

i'll move to france and change my name
if you promise to never call again
this whole problem's eating me up inside like a paper to a flame
i burned so long ago

i think i dreamt of you last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forget her
or the things she said

and i saw her last friday
she looks the same as when i met her
except the dark circles around her eyes

maybe she'll forget me someday
like i want to forget
the pain she gave me
the pain she gave me

i think i dreamt of her last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forgive her for the things she said

sometimes late at night
i think about how we'd hold hands when no one looked
and how i'd walk you to your next class
and how you'd hit me when i talked about myself
or anything else

the beginning of a different end

for nate, about aiden

i'd never met a flower before in the flesh
but i thought that night with my clothes
soaking wet
from the liqour i'd spilled on myself
there was no way i could ever live with myself
and if this was the way it had to go
at least i knew someday you'd see a pink rose
and you'd think to yourself
he's a godamn mess
and i'd think to myself 
i'm a fucking trainwreck
and someday you'll see a picture of me
one of those that you couldn't bear to delete
and just like me you'd think to yourself
i really hope i see that boy in hell

new years eve
and all you wanted me to do was leave
left me with your friends
while i tried to sober up
and you cried when i wasn't looking
new years eve
and all i wanted to do was leave
somewhere with you
to talk about the future
but now everything's fucked
and i feel like a loser

i took the plane on a tuesday morning
i wished for indiana to be a little less boring
than you'd made it out to be
you told me you couldn't wait to see me
and an awkward first hug made me think to myself
this kid's fucking short and he's adorable as hell
and that night as we laid in bed
talking about stupid shit that ran through our heads
i knew for sure that i could do this again
but i knew for sure everything would go wrong again

new years eve
and all you wanted me to do was leave
left me with your friends
while i tried to sober up
and you cried when i wasn't looking
new years eve
and all i wanted to do was leave
somewhere with you
to talk about the future
but now everything's fucked
and i feel like a loser

i haven't been sober in two months
sometimes i think that i'm in love
with anyone else
but i don't think there's been anyone else but you
i never want to see the stars again
i never want to have to be alone again
i don't want to but i have to just leave you alone
and now i'm scared that one day when i call you might
pick up your phone

new years eve
and all i wanted to do was kiss you
and now i'm lying in bed alone wishing
i didn't miss you
maybe someday you'll forget we met
but just know i've only met one flower in the flesh

pink roses

I stare at the mirror
Mirror stares back
Flashes they fade
Night goes black
Have some regrets
Wish I could take back
God, I hope I'm finally through
I'm through with all the
Cheap sex and cigarettes
Laced with the taste of my regrets
So save your breath and pretty dress
I don't miss you at all Ms. Loneliness.

I was so vain
Brutish and crass
The sound of my name
Raise of a glass
There's things that I said
I wish I could take back
God, I hope I'm finally through
I'm through with all the

Cheap sex and cigarettes
Laced with the taste of my regrets
So save your breath and pretty dress
I don't miss you at all
Regardless of the
Mistakes and sour grapes
Oh, how I hate to see a good girl's heart break
So save your breath and pretty dress
I don't miss you at all, Ms. Loneliness

I'm through with all the
Cheap sex and cigarettes
Laced with the taste of my regrets
So save your breath and pretty dress
I don't miss you at all
Regardless of the
Mistakes and sour grapes
How I hate to see a good girl's heart break
So save your breath and pretty dress
I don't miss you at all Ms. Loneliness.

sour grapes

my heart goes bum bum bum

tiger's jaw


lie to me like you used to
tell me everything is how it should be
lie to me, did you have to?
because in the end it never matters what I think

and I can barely tell the sky from the shoreline     
and I can see myself reflected in your eyes

and this was all a dream
and it's coming back to me
a portrait in grey scale
a perfect betrayal
and I can't even breathe with this weighing on my chest
you knew me at my best 
now I can't even stand on my own

plane vs. tank vs. submarine

im finding closure in nicotine
and im finding it harder to sleep
cause i keep thinking you're next to me
i'm sure i'll be fine eventually

you make me think of being alone
cause all i did was stay home
laying in bed with my phone
hoping you'd answer my sixth call

i would have died just to hear your voice
never heard me over all the noise
swallowed more pills than i could count
you didn't pick up cause you were with him

i'm finding closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are now
cause of what you used to be

so darling tell me was i something to you
cause i know everything that you've been through
i'm not sad i'm just pissed off
i'm not sad i'm just mad that you're not

i would have died just to hear your voice
never heard me over all the noise
swallowed more pills than i could count
you didn't pick up cause you were with him

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are now
cause of what you used to be

i would have died just to hear your voice
spent the year thinking i had a choice
swallowed more pills than i could count
never picked up cause you were with him

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are
cause of what you used to be

i'll find my closure in nicotine
cause you're a coward and won't talk to me 
i've been crying before i sleep
cause i cant believe who you are
cause of what you used to be
cause of what we used to be

mastery of self destructive coping mechanisms

green

please notice

i need a quiet place to rest my head
but im hiding inside it instead
a bland taste
i can't take
don't wanna look you in the face
don't wanna ruin your day

emotions calcified
fossilized 
into what they were once upon a time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel safe right now

its the kind of monster that eats the oxygen
you don't understand
his heart is gold but in the sense that it is
heavy and cold
please talk to me about all these trivial things
so i'll forget this awful monster in me

all the truths spill out and i
forget what im talking about
not saying words, just thinking out loud

the truths all toxify
they're all lies
im trapped in wasted time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel sane right now

its the kind of monster that eats the oxygen
you don't understand
his heart is gold but in the sense that it is
heavy and cold
please talk to me about all these trivial things
so i'll forget this awful monster in me

emotions calcified
fossilized 
into what they were once upon a time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel safe right now
all the truth spills out and i
forget what im talking about
not saying words, just thinking out loud
the truths all toxify
they're all lies
im trapped in wasted time
i don't wanna be awake right now
i don't really feel sane right now

u ok?

After all this I'll say
There's always more time
There's always tomorrow
Cause I can't be honest with myself
And I hope you'll forgive me
I'm trying my best
To be what I want to be
Say what's on my mind
Be a better man
Fucking learn to socialize
But I won't
Maybe one day
Just as long as I stay awake
Just as long as I wake up
Just as long as I leave my bed

But you're the only one who kept me together
And I'd be lying if I said I was fine
You don't have to call back
Just thought that I would try

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

I felt the cold wind in Minnesota
Felt that old heat in Arizona
I've seen the barrenness of Oklahoma
I've been to Little Rock, down to Kansas
Seen the pretty folk in Los Angeles
But I always knew that I'd come home
So I can drive around the Rotary
Listening to Owen
Wishing I was someone
Spending time with anyone
And when we leave this Earth
What will we have
A couple laughs and a couple fights

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

I can still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame
 
never,forever.
(nothing,nowhere.)

wooden home

song about my neverending unsatisfaction

not used to being the second option
wish i knew just how to stop this
every song i make is so sad
it almost sounds fake
but this is something not even light escapes

wish you'd ask if i was ok
its alright, it wouldn't change anything
my parents think i wanna run away but oh god
there's nothing more i want than to just

stay home
stay alone
i walk around like i'm so angry but i
just can't feel my bones when they break
when they break
and they break
and they break
and they break

i'm losing all my friends again
it's not fine but i'll pretend
i'll stay put
and they'll wonder if i'll come out for summer
but every breath i take is so hard to catch
or catch a break
this solipsism's got me thinking that i'm fine with sinking
the isolation will slowly kill me
but this empty world could never fill me
a bottomless pit that not even light escapes
so i'll
stay home
stay alone
sleep all day 
they say i'm angsty but i'm watching this world erase me
walk around like i'm so angry
but i'm just waiting for the break

walk around like i'm so angry
but i wanna feel my bones when they break

bones

cavetown

Life's alright in devil town
They're right, no one's gonna catch us now
Dad has bought a new car now
We're fine, no one's gonna catch us now
You said something dumb again
She's mad, at least that's what they say
Mum and daddy aren't in love
That's fine, I'll settle for two birthdays
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
We're all dead in devil town
That's fine, cause nothing's gonna scare us now
We're all in our dressing gowns, mine's white
And stripy yours is green and brown
I forgot my name again
I think that's something worth remembering
Spiders in your favourite shoes
Just leave them be cause they're more scared of you
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too

devil town

always start to feel better
just a little too late to soak it in
this is just the way it always ends

no time to count all of the times
i wish i could change my mind
about changing who i am

sharp pain in my chest
can't tell if its sadness or a heart attack
i'd prefer the second, god i wanna bring myself back

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright, so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy cause they just numb me
or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

don't wanna drag you down with me
cause you're the only thing i see
in my future, whatever that word means

they say van gogh only sold one painting
while his beautiful heart was beating
but i'm a joke so where does that leave me?

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy
cause they just numb me or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

written hundreds of songs
written thousands of words
is this empty life really what i deserve?
stick it all in a bottle and send it out to sea

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
can't afford pills or therapy
cause i just loathe in my own pity
i've dug my grave i've made my bed
so i'll just go sleep in it

i am sleeping on a sinking ship

hot mulligan

did you think i could stop being selfish?
i do what i can, but its chemical
there are just some things you can't change,
like the color of your eyes,
or how your hair parts to one side naturally
please don't tell me to change
i'm more than content living this way and
i hope someday you will feel the same
about me

if you could change anything
please just stay the same because
i love everything about you

its the color of your hair
the way you rub your eyes when you get tired
and how you could fall asleep nearly anywhere
and you said just two things
that you hate your dad and i'm just like him
i always become afraid when she gets real
i've lost all of my composure 
falling down the stairs breaking souvenirs that
your grandmother handed down to you

lets just say i messed everything up
and my attitude sucks too damn much
i could never be what you need.

i fell in love with princess peach

stay calm (i can't)

what can i say, i'm romantic(izing)

i guess i took the words pop punk too seriously

you say you really care but I just can’t 
believe that
it’s my fault, things have just gotten bad again
my best friend just seems to make me feel like shit
but I don’t really care cause I think I deserve it, yeah

I’m building up walls that I think will protect me
but I’m not an architect, they keep falling in on me
I should just go to school, get some kind of degree
but the thought of waking up again
just makes me wanna go to sleep

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

and I’m sick of being sad like
all these celebrities
seems like there’s not a single person
that doesn’t have GAD
and this might be a hot take
I don’t like controversy
but why they only care when a billionaire
says somethin’s beyond me

and maybe it’d be easier if I 
just played along
but I’m sick of hearing all these stupid corporate songs
designer clothes, money comes and goes
for some reason they all buy in to these
teen drama tropes

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

afterparties

i'm trying to forget everything
we talked about
before we even knew what we were
talking about
i'm ignoring my friends more often
but i'd pick up if it was you

i'm falling back to asking
a deck of cards what it means
what it meant
cause to me it was 
everything
i'm falling asleep hoping to hear
from you again

do you still have that blue
little bear
i told you to hold when you just
couldn't bear
the thought of breathing
the thought of leaving was all that
you could keep repeating
your brain was a monster
when you tried sleeping
you heard the words of
those that couldn't love you enough
i'd say it over and over
still say it over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

i hope he's good to you
i'd still break the bones
of anyone who ever hurts you
i know we were young
but i know that i loved
every word that you said
they meant i was enough

that halloween
when we danced inbetween
what we wanted to say
and what i still really mean
i still dream of your laugh
and the trampoline
do you still think of me
i'm just a memory

my brain is a monster
when i try sleeping
i hear the words you said
when my soul was bleeding
in need of a doctor
or some kind of meaning
you were my life preserver
but now i'm sinking

if you ever hear a song
that makes you think of me
i hope you sing along
cause i sing over and over
over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

halloween, 2015

I’m always so lonely, frustrated, and angry
And I never know if it’s my fault
Or if it’s just my brain working fucking wrong
Cause I have got problems that I cannot withhold
Cause I have got diseases that I cannot control

And my feelings are at the mercy of my chemical imbalances
And I’m trapped inside the torture of living with all of this disorder

And I always hate myself more than I hate anyone else
I’ll always hate myself before I hate anyone else
Cause I know I have earned it
From years and years of treating myself like shit

And I want to believe that it’s not my fault
And I want to believe that I can live a fulfilling life
But I might not
I might not

justwatchthefireworks

Pinned to spotlight

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