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A Chalky Mess

I heard a knocking at my front door
It was an octopus he was mighty sore
Said he was lookin' for a place to stay
Didn't have the heart to make him go away

It's been a few weeks now he's settled in
Uses my computer to talk to his kin
He says the ocean is no place to be
Now he spends his days on the couch with me

There's rotten fish heads left in my sink
Any my carpet's now stained with ink
He's making messes and always in the way
But my friends like him so I'll let him stay

Session 2 - week 2 - Ink Jet

Sleep with One Eye Open

Cow Town

I came out of the Wal-Mart and my car had a dent
And you better believe I blame the President

I went to buy ammo and there was none to be found
And it wasn't that way before you were around

Why do you gotta make my life so hard
And give all the homeless their own credit cards

I know you hate America because you weren't born here
You want to take away my guns so I can't shoot deer

Thank you Obama you make my life suck
I can't even afford to put gas in my truck

Thank you Obama you make my life hell
You stole all the water from my grandaddy's well

My son's got a tattoo and he thinks he's pretty cool
And I just found out their teaching science at his school

There's drones overhead and microphones in my walls
And a room full of communists who listen to my calls

Freedom is something that you shouldn't take away
Except for the potheads, the atheists and gays

Global warming's real, or so we've been told
Well tell me smarty pants, why has the weather been so cold?

Thank you Obama you make my life suck
I can't even afford to put gas in my truck

Thank you Obama you make my life shit
Every time I fail I know you're the cause of it

Thank you Obama



Session 2 Week 3 - Thank you Obama

Mega Deluxe Pizza Cutter
Perfect slices every time!

One thing that really sucks about pizza, it doesn’t come already sliced!   
Aww man, how am I ever gonna cut this pizza evenly? 

Mega Deluxe Pizza Cutter
Perfect slices every time!

Don’t you hate getting some small, weird-shaped piece of pizza? 
Oh you mean because some asshole doesn’t even know where the center is? 
What? You weren’t hungry were ya?  

Mega Deluxe Pizza Cutter
Perfect slices every time!

Those old-fashioned pizza cutters never cut all the way through, and somebody else could get YOUR toppings!   
Hey man, I got fucked!      
Yeah ya did!       

Mega Deluxe Pizza Cutter
Perfect slices every time!

Product price and availability may vary by store. See your local grocer or retailer for details.


Session 2 - week 4 - Mega Deluxe Pizza Cutter

What should we do to celebrate this last day on earth
We must make it special
We can't let it be just an ordinary day

Maybe we could go to the playground
Ride on the swings or throw the ball around
I don't really care whatever we do
As long as I spend these last moments with you

What should we do to celebrate this last day on earth
We must make it special
We can't let it be just an ordinary day
The birds are singing in the trees
The wind is whispering in the leaves

We'll take the dogs down to the stream
To our special place where we used to dream
About all the things that we were gonna do
I just want to spend these last moments with you


Session 2 Week 5 - The End of the World

There's a strip of land down by the crick
Where the soil's black and the trout are thick
A much contested piece of ground
Better than any place around

Billy said that he was the rightful owner
Jimmy said you're wrong, you mean the next plot over
Differing opinions, but no one could really say
All the markers long since washed away

Billy spent the whole day tillin' dirt
Sweat was dripping from his shirt
He planted beans and he planted corn
Had no concern for Jimmy's scorn

Later that night while on his ATV
Jimmy rode down to the crick so he could see
He made a racetrack outta Billy's field
Jimmy's hard work ruined by Billy's wheels

The next night dressed in camouflage
Jimmy snuck in Bill's garage
Doused his Honda in gasoline
Lit'er up and fled the scene

The flames spread fast and lit the grass outside
There'd been no rain, the fire went far and wide
The flames made a roaring sound
500 acres burned to the ground

Session 2 Week 6 Rare Earth

When you're all about sippin' gas
Johnny Law's gonna drive on past
And when the Ecoboost is stayin' green
You can bet that you won't be seen

With tiny wheels and a funny shape
Aint no way you could ever escape
Never be taken seriously
And never looked at criminally

I'm drivin' my hybrid
I'm never gonna get puled over
I'm drivin' my hybrid
I really couldn't go much slower

Maybe I would be more noticed
if I drove a Porsche or a Lotus
But behind the wheel of my Insight
I'm lookin' like Dudley Fuckin' Do Right

Don't get me wrong I'm not compainin'
I go where I want without explainin'
So if you want to have it easy like me
You got to drive environmentally

Session 2 - Week 7 - I'm driving my hybrid

Come with me.  It's not far.
Come with me where the Moomins are.
Let's make a fire deep in the woods.
Laugh and dance and eat baked goods.
Run away when you here the sound.
Run away when the Groke comes round.
She kills all creatures great and small.
She'll kill us too, one and all.
Apple orange lemon lime.
You must go when it's your time.
Come with me.  It's not far.
Come with me where the Moomins are.



juancalzone