this is pathetic
We've been here we beat it completely
I refuse to believe
That round two's any different
If I let this defeat me, please kill me
Cause I hate that
 I can't go sleep or keep food deep within me
I'm at a crossroads, 
unable to summon concentration
Cause I've been taking lots of pills while listening to AWOL Nation
And yeah, maybe I should ask for help, 
or maybe I should just kill myself
God, i wish I was someone else, 
someone harder to replace
Cause she's fine, 
and so'd be everyone if. I just checked out
Next time I'll check the chamber and
make sure there's a bullet before I squeeze that round
Inside my mouth, 
what the fuck am I talking about?
I can't quite end my life till I put this album out.
Cause In retrospect, it's probably gonna be the best
I've scrambled this old brain emotion's all over the place
Cause I'm sad, and when I’m happy, somebody slap me
What's happening?
I get some sadistic satisfaction in letting my demons attack me
I'm smack in the middle of a personality disorder
Where one side wants to be famous and other's a fucking loner
And as i get older, their little civil war is exploding
And it'll snap my neck one day, this fucking weight on my shoulders

I'm drowning in my first world problems.

I'm wondering where my mind's been lost

Sometimes I wish I could let go

Or just get over it 

 It's all first world problems
I've no intention to solve them
You can feel my internal organs disolving
Fuck them...
I get lost in the pretext,
I turn beligerent, violent
But I completely understand, 
That it's all irrelevant.
The earth will keep on spinning 
the day that jules stops breathing
i'm not leaving 
much else but a carbon footprint 
and angsty lyrics.
my life thus far
Has been lived on the pretense I'm the fucking star
Of the play,
But if that's the case, roll credits, 
i hate it here. I'm laughing.
Kids die every day from things treated by drinking water
i live buried in my  flat-screen,
And yet I'm still unhappy
Trying to treat it leaves my expression lifeless,
Fuck Xanax…
It's all first world problems.
Snap out of it,
Go to bed,
I feel like thanos,
Obsessed with the concept of death
This is my life that we’re talking about
I may get stuck chasing the r.a.b.i.t
But I refuse to live the rest of it this unhappy
Smile, Kid


Jules E. Abril - First World Problems 2

Call me Ghostbuster,
I'mma crush your spirits with my lyrics
my flow's sick; anemic
with ridiculous symphonies
I don't freestyle; I'm a writer.
I don't 'spar'; I'm a street fighter,
and I will stab you in the throat
next time you mention me in your status,
and then laugh about it.
Being destructive makes me happy.
The Paragon of Atrophy;
Get in my cross-hairs and we'll see what happens
I'll make your girlfriend watch as I snap your neck
where I'm from you don't just get respect
you either show it or get wrecked.
Keep my name out of your mouth 
if you want to keep it working
unles you have a fucking deathwish, 
Please don't make me your problem.
I will stab you in the neck and you won't see me coming
like your mother, blindfolded, sucking dick for klonapin.
Watch your witty remarks because they will be your last.
I've been dead and I like it, 
I'll come back but you cant.

I've got first world problems, 
that's something I always admit to.
But you've got Third World problems now,
This Colombian Psycho is coming to kill you.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

you live your life like you've got nothing to lose
but I promise you homie, you do.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

I'm too fucking good to spar with you
get yourself killed for talking back 
thinkking I'm talking to you.

I'm not afraid of a challenge,
I'll send you home on your shield
fucking bring it, bitch,
I make other rappers look weak.
I didn't come here to win.
I showed up to kill you.
This battle's a fucking front that we both have to sit through.
But when it's over; you're deepthroating a revolver
You became my fucking problem
So tonight I'm gonna solve this.
you talk a BIG game online,
Hiding behind freedom of speech,
you're a bitch, I'll remove your trachea
No more talking shit.
freedom FROM speech is what you need,
go ahead and hide behind your friends
I'm in the mood to shoot through every single fucking one of them.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

you live your life like you've got nothing to lose
but I promise you homie, you do.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

I'm too fucking good to spar with you
get yourself killed for talking back 
thinkking I'm talking to you.

Speak when spoken to,
If it feels like I'm roasting you,
It's probably somewhat true, dude
Keep in mind, you and I will never be equal,
Write me back, Gwen Stacy,
cause I swear,
I'll fucking kill you in the sequel.
I grab the hammer I'm worth it
I'm turning anger to profit
a new-age internet prophet
if you don't like it get off it.
I'm addicted to bad words
and I curse worse than voldemort
cause I don't give a flying fuck,
like I'm Super-Man on the job
you're super mad that I'm not
Down to collab with your songs
pay me up front, bitch
and then you get my fucking name in your songs
cause you suck,
I'll say this once and it better get stuck.
I'm not in this to get noticed
this is my life and I love it
and I will die trying to guard it
from every arrogant bastard
who claims himself as an artist
but has no idea what a heart is
Welcome to Nanda Parbat
you bitches all just got slaughtered
by the leader of the League of Assasins.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

you live your life like you've got nothing to lose
but I promise you homie, you do.

Jules is gonna kill you
Jules is gonna kill you

I'm too fucking good to spar with you
get yourself killed for talking back 
thinkking I'm talking to you.

Nanda Parbat (Ft. Eves)

Police brutality is a real problem in this fucking country
cops kill more people here than in the entire European continent
It’s not just a race war, although the color of your skin
can determine whether or not you get to live
If a fucking pig is having a bad day
Militarized Police Force in America is a fucking plague
We send home discount toys from Iraq for them to purchase
Fuck the Police is barely scratching the surface
I resent the fact that every time I talk to a cop
I feel scared instead of protected,
they’re condescending as fuck, 
because they know they’re carrying a gun
and the full support of the law
My life is in their hands whether I like it or not.
and that’s raw when there is a balance in place
but when they get in our face
And try their fucking best to instigate
the way we were raised 
means most will be defending ourselves
but that’s the game plan, 
cause then they throw your ass in a cell,
if you’re lucky
I’ve had cops threaten to fuck me
for fighting back after they found me sleeping and woke me
With nice little concussion
that day jules reached a conclusion
this police brutality nonsense
only has one clear solution
We are at war,

and the enemy’s not really the cops
It’s the military industrial complex that gave them their guns
because most,
are actually just doing their jobs
but when they don’t speak up against the few
They’re all complicit as fuck
and they’re killing us
trying to paint all minorities villainous
Marginalized and provoked
by fucking ignorant thugs
That made their way through the system
and someone gave them a gun
told them “go Serve and protect”
and now they shoot for the throat

Not every cop’s a racist,
but every racist cop is armed
and the lack of transparency 
is the most clear and present harm
because we are at war.
and it fucking feels like we’re losing
When Every day on TV
you see more fucking ignorant bullshit
Eric Gardner getting choked
Mike Brown getting shot
Dillon Taylor getting gunned down
Rest in peace Hector Morejon
Australian cops kill 15 people a year
105 in American in August 2015
We are at War
Welcome to Fury Road.


Fury Road

Word around these parts Is I fell off,
well, I will die a rider
let me paint you a diagram
so you too can understand this argument.
I made sad music,
so when you fix your life
that part gets kind of hard,
but I still fucks with art, 
and I can’t draw at all so all I got is bars
like kit-kat, fuck this meaningless chit-chat
let’s keep with the shit that brought me to this dance
anything rhymes when you’re a spic,
I’m a lazy piece of shit, I can make Orange and Tuesday fit
if I just slur a bit.
It’s all phonetics, 
I won’t spoil the prestige ‘cause I hate breaking kayfabe
one day maybe I’ll let you see behind this motherfucking curtain
I’m a stickler for details and minutia
but I don’t want to lose you
so I sprinkle stupid shit to mask the threat like Lucha.
call me Kalisto
I come bearing pistols
your precious second amendment has a bit of a glitch dude.
I bring vulgar, aggressive, obnoxious bravado
and I know none of that matters
the day I stop spitting molten lava
The gate’s been breached, 
the killer’s in the kitchen making mango hunch punch
love me till and gone, and then release me, cono
I hope somebody has the decency to kill my facebook when I die
I don’t want total strangers admitting they thought I was a hell of a nice guy.
I’ve spent my whole life, avoiding talking to people
It’s not that I think that they’re evil
I just hate funerals, simple.
Every friend you ever make is someone new you’ll witness kick the bucket
Fuck it, I’m not over the Wes thing yet, 
and I’m not making progress.
Call it threat assessment…

I make music for myself,
And if you like it, I guess that we could share.
but if you don’t I don’t care,
Haters beware, I have a violent temper
keep your comments to yourself or you’ll get fucking dismembered.
Cause Julesy Always Remembers
I pay my debts.
The odds are stacked against me
but that was always the game plan
Money, Power, Respect is what they want you to crave, man
I’m A loud mouthed walking contradictory statement
I’m a violent hippie, existing in perpetual arraignment
Are you not entertained yet, I’m a fucking gladiator
Cold as fuck, with more screws loose than IKEA refrigerators
Built it myself and you can tell, call me Young Foley
Losely basing my latest attempt to build the perfect Jules E.
Off of Willie Coyote, I’m tired as fuck but I love it
all of my anarchist nonsense’s been wearing off
like chris carraba screaming lyrics at a dashboard concert.
most of it’s silly concepts, unless you know me
and then it’s drowning in contex.

I’m not a rapper just an alcoholic writer
who’s in love with music.
and has plenty of demons packed in his attic.
this is cheaper than the fuckin psychiatrist.
call it threat assessment. 


Threat Assesment *SINGLE*

We Let the Monsters Past the Gate
White America caved into Hate
Read your history books again...
America was never "Great."
Fear won the battle,
but HOPE's making a comeback,
and We're STILL Here.


(Verse)

We’re still here with with our teeth clinched and our fists balled
Protesting an election that honestly, The Electoral College lost,
We’re the resistance, The last line of defense
Between the riffles and the fence
And we’ll take back the fucking castle,
And defeat the ghost of ignorance…
But they’re not the ones to blame;
We got complacent and settled
For the most beatable candidate
We played to remain, they played to win…
And if we are to begin to allow the pendulum to swing
We have to restructure or definition of the american dream
The arc of the universe is long, but it bends in our favor
This is a culture civil war, and every trench is a neighborhood.
We treated this as an election and not an emergency
And now the white house is under siege
We’re getting everything ready to RISE UP in two years.
Flip the senate blue, Let’s make a historical sweep.
Get off your laptop, print out flyers and hit the streets…
This is only the second act, the rising action
The racist assholes, have put a snake oil salesman
In charge of the fucking white house.

HOOK

We Let the Monsters Past the Gate
White America caved into Hate
Read your history books again...
America was never "Great."
Fear won the battle,
but HOPE's making a comeback,
and We're STILL Here.


(MONOLOGUE)

There’s no such thing as Blue Lives,
That’s fucking ignorant,
We’re not against police, 
just allergic to being murdered.
I can count on one hand the times that I’ve spoken to the cops
About anything at all and didn’t fear being shot
Just because I wasn’t born here….
And that’s the actual fear,
A racist asshole with a badge 
With permission to make me disappear
With ZERO repercussions,
Even maybe promotions,
Zimmerman’s alive for the same reason
We don’t send Bankers to prision…
There is a bug in the system.
Rooted in Racism.
Enter the monster, He exploited our flaws
It was an internal assault, We are all at fault…
Long before Russia picked a stake in this race
We dividided the place in a way that only breeds hatred…
So hatred grew, Personified by Pence, and Trump
Rednecks clinged to their guns,
And we pretended that it wasn’t our fault…
Now we’re fucked, but those of us alive in two years
Need to lead this country to begin to heal…
We’re STILL here.


We are still here.

We're Still Here Ft. Elves

Sadboy bullshit I’m so sick of it.
Sadboy bullshit I’m so sick of it.

Turn down the lights, god damn it this hangover’s alive
Turn down the tone of your voice with your ridiculous plight
Maybe I’m just old and jaded, but it’s time to accept it
Four albums later, my music makes me sound like an entitled shithead
I’m tired of complaining, tired of explaining
Depression at length, if it’s a crutch well then maybe
We should be crawling instead, or maybe taking our meds.
I will walk half-speed before I keep on excusing
Self destructive behavior when it’s just sadboy bullshit
It’s cop outs, nuisance and a fucking fetish for nooses
Playing the victim when I’m the one inflicting the bruises...
I’m tired of bitching, I snorted my inheritance
Had 3 mill in my bank account, we both know where it is.
I don’t want your pity, I don’t want your help.
I want your jaw to hit the fucking floor
With my next verse, 
I want your awe and respect.
I want unrivaled success
I want to prove to the world
There was a reason I didn’t kill myself
Here’s to hoping this helps...

I’m done with Sadboy bullshit. 
I’m done with Sadboy bullshit. 
I’m done with Sadboy bullshit. 
Let me say it again

I’m done with  Sadboy bullshit I’m so sick of it.
Sadboy bullshit I’m so sick of it

My happiness is a collection of every time I didn’t kill myslef
Every time I found something to distract me instead
And kept the noise outside my head.
Then why the fuck did I spent 10 years celebrating this other shit.
The lonely times I spent battling with my brains.
Are all immortalized in songs, 
Not an ounce of happiness in my music,  
but I wasn’t lacking it tho,
I just fucking focused on the darkness too much.
And let the sadness evolve till that shit got out of control
It’s not cool to be edgy, I don’t live with my parents
I’m not trying to defend it I think the motive’s transparent.
I spent a decade and change begging the world for attention 
Carving shit in my wrists, while steadily smiling over the table
Tired of the nonsense, accountability incoming
I can’t control my imbalances, but I’m in charge of my fucking choices,
And guess what? I’m fucking tired of bragging 
about drowning in my first world problems,
Fuck them.

These words escape my brain cause I’ve been dying to let this out
It’s been a minute since the last time that my music made me proud.
That’s the reason I left hip hop and threw the fuck down on some house
I couldn’t reconcile the thoughts I had with the words coming out my mouth.
I had to stop to figure this out, and find the proper way to word it
Treat the concept with importance and convince myself that I was worthy
Of making music, and hijacking your attention
No one needs another drunken sad man’s perspective

I know my voice sounds shaky, and my strategy is not perfect
But I think it this  worth it.

Julesy - Sadboy Bullshit

1800 half gone, with the medicine and mad thoughts
I’ve been wrestling with the concept that I’m half done
With this motherfucking life, though.
I always thought the finish line looked mad long
Probably cause I’m psycho
But I think I finally broke the cycle.
Don’t mean that I don’t want to die, though….
This rain’s gone cold, and I have learned to enjoy the breeze
These fucking wasp inside my brains
Has got to learn to avoid my wrists, please
I’m too fucking old to have to only rock Long sleeves.
I’m a degenerate, and generally I’m proud of the pain
I’m a deserving fucking target for the anger and blame
I feel like Bowser when they tell me that this life is a game
I’m not content with running circles i think I’m ready to escape
I’m willing to die for the things I believe, 
So now I firmly Believe I deserve to be free from my demons
I wanna say that I don’t need them
But every chance I get to beat them
I wind up writing all these lyrics, music can’t help me defeat them.
It only feeds them.
The tortured artist archetype is 
played out and boring, I’m sorry, I know this, half of me wants to move on but it’s
The other fucking half that keeps on penning these “classics”
The admiration leads to me latching 
To the thought that maybe I could be doing this right
The rope-a-dope won Ali 90 percent of his fights
And maybe if half of me still wants me to die,
I need to let it punch itself exhausted before I knock it good night… right?
Whatever jules, bring out Album 5.
You know, now we’ve been doing this for half of our life
And you’re never gonna blow up, cause the message is trash.
“Love yourself but watch me cut myself onstage with this knife”
I wrote Sadboy Bullshit a month before I attempted suicide.
I always figured that my liver would be tougher than my bladder
But that fucker took a pounding and just went down laughing 
Six inches to the gut, like the town slut.
two inches left and you would’ve never heard this god damned song.
While I was sitting on that bed, with caked up blood, and half dead
All the meds they fucking fed me went to my head
And I remembered with a smile the last thing that I said on stage…
“I love you, West Palm, Goodnight, Kiss the Blade.”
Kiss the blade….

Julesy - Kiss The Blade

Pull the hookah, Enjoy the mushroom cloud
Time to hold myself accountable and figure this out/
I’m tired of feeling like I deserve the pain I cause myself
I’m tired of everyone else trying to convince me I’m great.
This is a conversation we shouldn’t even be having
But I destroy myself so often, you could call it a habit.
I’ve been chasing this R.A.B.B.I.T for almost all of my life
And I’m begining to realize, that maybe that’s fine.
You see, depression’s a thing that we don’t always address
Except when we’re feeling down, and that’s only because we realize need help
But we need help all the time, not just when the grim reaper’s calling
You don’t look for a parachute after you’re already falling.
I’m tired of feeling selfish for the four times I’ve tried to kill myself
Let’s be clear about what happened, I wanted to get out of your way,
And if you still stayed, it’s cause you love me, 
And I don’t know if I deserve it,
I know nobody’s perfect, now I’m just trying to be worth it.

I’m not saying I have the answer to the question
What the fuck is wrong with you jules
I find myself in random bathrooms having that exact conversation
With a mirror, and trust me, I always lose.

Maybe the chemistry in my brain isn’t right
But that’s not an excuse that I can use my  whole life.
Maybe all the things that feel good are just a crutch
And maybe they cripple my honest approach.
I can tell you exactly what drano tastes like
And I didn’t black out when that knife went inside
I can tell you the last thing I saw was my car
And when I felt it coming, I knew I couldn’t turn back.
I can feel it approaching, that urge to destroy me,
And it’s not for attention, affection, or loneliness.
I don’t always believe I deserved to survive
Any of those times , while my best friend accidentally died.

I’m not saying I have the answer to the question
What the fuck is wrong with you jules
I find myself in random bathrooms having that exact conversation
With a mirror, and trust me, I always lose.


I’m tired of crying and feeling like shit for relapsing
Into self harming habits, and I only get better with pracitce
Most of my idols have killed themselves
Despite their lavish wealth,
And I don’t even know if that thought helps.
Talking about it in songs has been a always problem 
Depression only belongs in obituaries and posters
FUCK THAT, It’s okay to admit that I’m sick.
Don’t hold me to this, but I think one day I’ll beat this.
Or who knows, maybe the weight is too much at this point
And the fucking water around me just keeps on dragging me down
I’m gonna fight this, every day the only way that I can,
One fucking positive thought at I time, for the rest of my life.
Robin Williams taught me that your legacy is what matters,
And I don’t want to leave behind a fucking ode to sadness
I would give anything to make my loved ones laugh and feel loved
Like they did for me when I thought that I was honestly alone.

I’m not saying I have the answer to the question
What the fuck is wrong with you jules
I find myself in random bathrooms having that exact conversation
With a mirror, and trust me, I always lose.

And I don’t mean to pour salt in the woudns
I always end up pouring salt in the wounds
Please forgive me for not saying this enough…
I’m sorry, I love you Jules.

Julesy - Salt In The Wounds

12 pack and and 8-ball,
Let’s get coke with julesy abril
I’m lyrically capable and mentally unstable
I’m used to be both Cain and Able
Until I killed myself, now I’m wrapped in microphone cables
two turn-tables, and a pad and a pencil, and trust me,
I will pen the content of fables
Embrace the optics,
I’m a nauseous alcoholic
With picture perfect offense
Like that time  khabib killed connor
I’m bound to flourish
If I just sit here and nourish these scars
Call me the flying brian  pillman,
I’ve got your prescription for bars, and I’m no longer fucking with xans...


I love hip hop, and I need it.

I’m a nerdy piece of shit,
But at least the gimmick’s legit
I’m a movie geek, but that just means my recall is sick
When it comes to this,
It really helps the way that I spit,
I’m hip hop’s equivalent 
To reacting to nudes with a Wrestling .Gif
I’m a dorky spic
Can’t really diss me, 
If I’m too busy hurting myself
To listen to your ignorant misguided whimpers for help.
I won’t reply, let me take a second to explain
How if you actually offended me,
I’d put a knife through your brain
And then fuck the cavity until the cops get here….

God damn it, I love hip hop, and I need it.

I’m on a complicated wavelength
Obsessed with fixing my own mental health
While embracing all the jagged little edges 
of my mutilating brain
In combination with the contents
that makes the floor collect your jaws.
There’s only one addiction I don’t want to give up,
Your applause.
I’m an angry poet and a dreamer, 
And at times I just can’t distinguish
All the words not worth repeating
From my most impressive fucking lyrics
I crawled through fury road defeated
And I can’t say I beat my demons
So why the fuck should I keep doing this?

Because I love hip hop, and I need it.

God damn it

Julesy  - The Eagle

Let’s do one for the people who’ve been there from day one
And put up with the suicide attempts and self harm,
They helped me drag the crazy exes drunk as fuck off their lawns
And they still wake up the next day like “God damn, Jules, that was fun.”
I’m gonna take a shower and pray to thor I wake up sober,
Thank you for never giving me the password to the safe with the fucking revolver
I might be a piece of shit stupid mother fucker, but god damn, I love you.
Do one for the homies with the stupid tattoos
Someone tell my boy that Coors Light’s just not THAT good.
Thank you for defending me when i didn’t think that you would
And thank you for not laying me the fuck out when you probably should.
I’m a fucking nuisance sometimes trust me I get it,
But you’ve always had my back and I can’t ever forget it
I’m forever indebted, stick around, cause I got shit credit
After that last hospital exit, I’m sorry, I regret it.


Thank you for the sound advice fucking late at night
And for busting rhymes just to kill some times,
Those are all the nights where I just survived
Because my friends let me know that tomorrow would probably be alright.
And when I lost that fight to myself in the kitchen
And woke up with three dozen stitches
Thank you for not just ditching this depressing piece of shit. 
I don’t make it easy.

Thank you for defending me that night at The Ridge,
Sure I stabbed that kid to make sure you would live
But I don’t remember shit after you got pistol whipped
If you weren’t a fucking ninja, we probably wouldn’t exist.
Thank you for convincing me to come out to Hula
That first year, I never thought that I would’ve
Enjoyed a night out in a crowd ever again,
That day, you got me out of my brain,
And I have not been the same,
I know that you’re a bit like me, 
But I promise you ,
you’re not as bad as you think.

Jules E. Abril

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