she hid money between pages
she hid jewels in secret places
her fuck the man philosophy
helped me value my autonomy

she was loving, she was kind
taught me it was fine to cry
but she's angry in my dreams
threading shame between the seams

all she wanted on this ride
was to raise her kids with pride
and once she did and we were grown
we moved out, she was alone

i am so afraid to be
anywhere close to as lonely as she
and she tried
and she died

mom was in my dreams again

i've never been so drawn to creating art as a way of healing
as these past few months

discovering how to create without overwhelming fear of mistake

it's so freeing when things can't be perfect
when the imperfections make the art

like two voices singing, slightly out of sync, and out of tune
over the sound of cars outside
and the static of a cheap microphone

(adapted from a typewriter poem I wrote: twitter.com/EvyKassirer/status/1172656257070551040)

float more (pink heart trilogy #2)

featured sounds

- "love more fear less float more steer less" in morse code
- plastic penny whistle
- humming
- a poem I wrote on a bike ride home

*** text ***

nothing I experience is objective.
everything I perceive, every*one* I perceive, is through a lens of SO much context
(events going on around me, chemical reactions in my brain)

it's hard to remember exactly how I felt a month ago,
many months ago...
that's why I write things down.

when things feel different, I wonder...
did I change?
did you change?
or is it just that time and space are always changing and changing and
changing

while somehow staying very much the same

i do not know you, only my perception of you (pink heart trilogy #1)

steer less ...

fear less ...

why can't I let go
these feelings are all I know
they're getting boring, for sure
why can't I let go

steer less ...

a strange pattern appears
that my biggest fears are my fears of my fears
why do i hold on so tight
to feeling, feeling alright

fear less ...

steer less,
steer less towards steering less,
steer less towards steering less towards steering less
fear less,
fear less about fearing less,
fear less about fearing less about fearing less
love more, fear more
float more, steer more
let go of letting go of letting go

let go ...

~~~~

(extra thanks to https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/222-zen-and-the-art-of-relationships for the wise words "let go of letting go")

steer less towards steering less (pink heart trilogy #3)

(march 28: self-isolation looper tracks #1?)

I walked by a very cute window cat on my walk tonight 

picture and cat from: https://www.instagram.com/violet_and_suzyq/

cat in a window

(march 29: self-isolation looper tracks #2)

today i am wearing glitter on my face and on my fingernails

glitter

(march 30: self-isolation looper tracks #3)

today i went to buena vista park and it was so beautiful

the sounds and smells of outside

(march 31: self-isolation looper tracks #4)

i saw many butterflies in buena vista park today
~
i am grateful for the sunshine and warmth
~
i am grateful for Young Urban Zen and Mei and the meditation + dharma talk I attended tonight

butterfly

(april 1: self-isolation looper tracks #5)

today i went to a small garden (with no people around) and sat on a bench in the sun and drew with crayons. i didn't think my drawing was particularly "good", but i enjoyed the playful process of making it and the end result brings me joy. 

i strive to feel similarly about songwriting :)

drawing with crayons

(april 2: self-isolation looper tracks #6)

today felt not especially fantastic and also not especially bad. and in this time of rollercoaster-y emotions, I honestly kinda appreciate that

i took a long hot shower and it was so wonderfully warm

a long hot shower

(april 3: self-isolation looper tracks #7)

today i planned a workout for me and my housemate and it felt really good to do it together

this song is definitely inspired by various indigenous and african music i've heard and sung over the years

the photo today is from a walk i went on today and has nothing to do with the song title :p

working out with a friend

Possession (Vivian cover)

New Year (Death Cab for Cutie cover)

making music, just making music, doesn't need to be good

collecting it here

just-write-stuff

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