fugue-state

collaboration with @snowinfinity

03/07/23

business-casual

mistakes

05/11/23

Lyrics:
Am I the real me
or am I someone else

Am I the real me
or am I someone else

Am I the real me
or am I someone else

or am I someone else

I still have you as blue in my thoughts
I wonder if you've done the same
 
Things are happening whether or not
I am ready for the change

Just a few days ago, I was fixed on suicide
Just a few days ago, I was convinced that I should die

Drowned out by all of these things in my head
Feels like there's no room to breathe, might as well just be dead 

When I'm unwell, it feels as though the real me is somewhere else
suffocating under the weight of it all

Am I the real me
or am I someone else

Am I the real me
or am I someone else

Am I the real me
or am I someone else

or am I someone else

Trapped beneath the rubble of my brain
I feel like I'm going insane

Can't you tell it's happening again
It's all the same

Just a few days ago, I was fixed on suicide
Just a few days ago, I was convinced that I should die

blue

05/15/23

Lyrics:
I can't tell what you want from me
I can't tell what you want from me
I can't tell
I can't tell
what you want from me

I've got nothing to offer
You are mistaken
No, I'm not taken,
but this is the end

Am I afraid
Am I afraid
to love you
Am I afraid
Am I afraid
to love you

I can't tell what you want from me
I can't tell what you want from me
I can't tell
I can't tell
what you want from me

I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid
to love you

I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid
to love you

afraid-to-love

collaboration with @snowinfinity
06/15/23

Lyrics:

My summers are cold as ice, like hell frozen over, once we were lovers
and now we're both doomed to pretend that everything's okay and everything's alright

Could you tell me oh why can't I just die?

I remember sitting in my room, alone with you, a lovely hue
you turned two shades pink, I shoved my head in the bathroom sink

When I recall my summer memories, loneliness isn't so bad after all
what can I say, what can I say, loneliness isn't so bad after all

Crickets and robins, the smell of the stardust, I don't mean to leave you behind
I feel as though I have been wasting your time, I've made my decision, I'm crossing this line

Crickets and robins, the smell of the stardust, I don't mean to leave you behind
I feel as though I have been wasting your time, I've made my decision, I'm crossing this line

Darling it's dark in here, I can't see clearly
my breathing's uneasy, I wish you could free me
Darling it's cold in here, my heart is freezing
I'm coughing and wheezing, I'm sorry for leaving

Reminiscing and wishing it didn't have to end
Wish I didn't have to pretend

If it was okay then you'd still be here
used to be here, after these years

I'm lost in my head, but I don't want to leave
I haven't found you yet
in this sea of red
Light my cigarette with my heart on my sleeve

I wish we could be
lovers again

But you made your choice and now I can't hear your voice
You left me behind, I'm not one of your toys
I'm shattered and broken, the words have been spoken,
a final goodbye, but your pack I've been smoking
hoping you'll kill me too, so I can join you

After all this time, I've decayed into a lonely mess
and after all this time, you're the only one I truly miss

These lonely summers take a toll on me
almost every night, I cry myself to sleep

And in my slumber, beautiful dreams
of you and me, but its only fantasy

lonely-summer

06/22/23

Collab with @snowinfinity

Lyrics:
I've been searching for
A sign from the creator
Labyrinthian nodes embedded, discovered later
The Corinthian's codes speak to me in sounds I can't repeat
The tone was awf-ully similar to this rhythm I heard
The kick and the snare, displacing the air between my words
Creating the tear between the sky and the Earth, 
Like a schism of birds, the division of herds
Where some rise to the heavens, the others kicked to the curb

I climbed to the top of the top only to fall till I dropped below greatness
You can't take this from me
But clearly you can and you did cause I kick the can, and you dig my final grave and you closed the lid

There's a man in the sky, omnisciently shy
The supposed ruler of life when viewed through David's eyes
There's an affidavit signed, an affirmation of why
Showing us the grander purpose promised after we die
The signature at the bottom beyond withered with age
Binding declarations written on every page

Now I've fallen to the depths, decided by a final verdict of 
One judge, one touch of the skies before I plunged to demise

Them eyes decide the ultimate fate, all rise beside the ultimate gate, all rise
The final goodbye, a sweet kiss goodnight, tuck me in real tight before I'm sent to the light

ironic-ivory

06/26/23
Collaboration with @snowinfinity

Lyrics:
Funny that the ones close to you, who mean the most to you, went off and ghosted you
Oh wait, it's not that funny, memories fading, she called you honey-bee
even though its not that sweet, just like love it stings, eventually,
wounds heal, you'll feel again, before a new beginning must be an end

Emergency operation, Doc, this patient's patiently waiting
Suffocating under the weight of heart break, thinking of her makes his heart race

I don't need a transplant, my heart's fine- Sir, but you can't stand, lay down- Fine
But one condition, if you don't mind, can you wipe my memories of her and I

This is one of those things I still think about, drink about, get pink about
Sometimes I feel I'm on the brink without, and now I can't even blink without
Seeing her eyes when mine are closed, six years since my heart had froze.
I'd do anything to tell her but I'm positive she already knows.

A risky procedure to no longer need her
Completely undone, when I took my heart out the freezer

Are you sure you want to do this sir, your progress will be lost
I've been lost for far too long, I need it back at any cost
This progress you speak of has been halted by the cold 
Okay but the memories you seek will always haunt you till you're old

Wounds heal, but scars remain, reminders of resurfaced pain
To find her is a worthless game but a game I'm playing all the same

Fuck it, rip my heart out, get it over with, 
I'll be better without, I'm through with this, get a fresh start, it's my only wish
All pain I endured, memories I interred, I wish that we never were, the operation is worth it

Okay we're putting you under, just like a short slumber, Doc, it looks like he's asleep, what made him do this I wonder
Alright let's open him up, can you pass me the scalpel I need to make this cut

It's six years since, I dreamt, you pinched, and watched you tear apart our fantasy
Take my heart away from me

Doctor, doctor, there's been complications
Man your stations, no more conversations
Patience, patience, apply applications
Maneuver the blade without cuts or abrasions

What have you done to me
I can't feel anything at all

The deafening ringing inside of my being
The phantom heart singing the aching it's bringing

This echoing atrium empty at last
But the sound of the silence is growing so fast
Hollow shell of a chamber contains no remainder
And now I'm in danger of falling into feeling again

cardiac-maniac

07/31/23
collab with @snowinfinity
music video: https://youtu.be/QwxEAmacgts

Lyrics:
Temporary, Impermanent
Asked if I’d stay and I turned and went
Temporary, Impermanent
Asked if I’d stay and in turn I said:

Temporary, Impermanent
Asked if I’d stay and I turned and went
Temporary, Impermanent
Asked if I’d stay and in turn I said:

If only I could
But the Earth scorches my soul
As my feet walk the desert
And my skin numb from the cold

Pushing me back are your gusts of wind
Fall to my knees like I must have sinned
Look around for reconnaissance 
Got back up, been gone ever since

All I’ve learned, the takeaway
Some things just can’t be saved
No CTRL + S at this stage
No controllers, can’t be played

There are no checkpoints or file select
Just thoughts, mementos I’ll collect
Remembering times that I’ll forget
Memories with people I’ll regret

I’m holding onto zero
And that’s the reason I don’t stay
The things that keep us erode 
into the sands we walk today

And we must keep walking
Before these sands are swept away
No matter what direction
We must always find a way

Like rivers like streams
Like water like dreams
Changing, never repeating
As irrational as it must seem

Our time is up
I’m moving onto the next frame
Our video only plays forward
No two pictures are the same

kaibochan

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