i dont mean to be a downer...

prod. @irby <3

spotify pre-save ! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kanashi/demotivated
lyrics: 

im feeling...
so demotivated...
and i hate it...
i hate it...
i...hate it...

tell me how im supposed to live like this
i try to exhale this pain from my lips
and im getting kinda tired
of questioning my...existence...
yeah its just one big mess
nothing fills this absence in my chest...

maybe i could end this all?
cuz lately that is all i want...
i swear to god there not much more to this
i know that it is kinda morbid but...
i dont rlly wanna stick around to watch it all play out

tell me how im supposed to live like this
i try to exhale this pain from my lips
and im getting kinda tired
of questioning my...existence...
yeah its just one big mess
nothing fills this absence in my chest...

i dont wanna keep on like this now...
i dont want to
would you rlly blame me if i tossed it all away? 
i dont want to...

i dont want to x6

demotivated  [+irby]

track 4 of Self Titled Album
@carlby
prod. metlast x 5head <3

lyrics:

stuck here for a minute tryna figure shit out
looking at the edge and i dont know how
im gonna get thru all this shit
idk how to deal

cuz my mind is hell
yeah im a little bit unwell
stuck inside this cell
all i do is repell
they all say that i need some help
but they cant even figure their own shit out....
woah oh...

(carlby)
they cant even figure their own shit out
there's a hell in my head
like im peele ima get out

got a lot of problems from the trauma
maybe i was born sick
maybe this is karma

like paying for the sins of my father
but i dont wanna die a martyr
with every hit i take
i grow stronger 
with every passing day
i wear out my stay a little while longer

they cant even figure their own shit out
now they wanna tell me how to fix myself
im stuck in my mind and im tryna get out

Spotify

my mind is hell (feat. Carlby)

Track 2 off Self Titled Album
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7jTlBrjRlC8r0NsakKn4mE?si=7455f455e80d4151

new track every Wednesday!

Prod. @iofmusic <3

lyrics: 

and i guess the timing was not right 
but is it ever really though?
and you said you dont wanna hurt again 
woah oh
and i cant seem to forget
all the the things you said back then...

i cant forget....

ive been feelin' so fucked up 
and drinkin' everyday
all my friends they try to tell me "itll be okay"
but ill just suffer in silence
every night i struggle to close my eyelids
its getting kind of old...
and i know, its not your fault
you held on, as long as you could
but baby im just too fucked up!

im too fucked up...

chorus repeats*

feeling fucked up [+iof]

Track 1 "rainy summer"
prod. heydium

lyrics: 

go ahead and say the things
i know that youve been thinking all along
i dont wanna hear it all 
when you come crawling right back
when he lets you down
i know you never come around like anymore
thats okay cuz i never arranged for all of this to last
the way you thought it would, yeah...yeah...

damn you really thought that you were something
how's it make you feel to know it was all for nothin'?
damn you make me laugh, woah ho wo, yeah
and i been trying hard to figure out
how to turn this all around
but i think im giving up now
ima go and let my hair down, yeah...

damn you're so fucking deluded 
yeah you never take the blame at all
but we all know that its all ur fault, yeh
and when he fucks you up
i wont be there
to pick you back up...no, no no no no

i wont be there to pick u up
i dont care i dont give a fuck, no

ima go and let my hair down now
things are much better without you around...

yeah...

eh, i give up

live my life with the anxiety 
way too many stupid feelings inside of me
the things you do so normally
are making me feel like i cannot breath

sometimes i just wanna die...
sunlight spills in hurts my eyes
another sleepless night

another sleepless night
i can never close my eyes

and everybody tells me the same old thing
 "we all get sad" yeah, its kind of disgusting
its like they really don't understand me
this isolation gets me feeling really empty
this is why i keep to myself
this is why i deny all your help
im so sick of all this shit

you know that im so sick of this
my stomachs queasy
i just want to end it...

anxiety [+metlast & 5head]

Track 2 of "Rainy Summer"
prod. @splashgvng
ft @killingart
artwork @astrosux

love is stupid (ft. Killing Art)

artwork @astrosux
@sendflowrs 
lyrics:
(kanashi)
ive been
waiting...
things are never changing
my mental state is still degrading...
and they all wanna switch up
tryna fight? put ur fuckin fists up 
and they all wanna talk 
but they dont wanna get none
try to walk the walk
but when u see me u gon' run 

u cant hide behind your little screens for too long
for too long

and u know it kills me!
i just wanna try to get along!
but these idiots make it so damn hard
and im sorry if i come off like an asshole
its just that ive got a lot of scars from ppl just like you
fake ass bitches in plain view
yeah you cant fool me 
i see right through 

i see right through!
i see right through you  !!


(sendflowrs)
i see right thru u
i dont wanna talk i just wanna fucking get offline
the shit that you do 
stresses me out control alt delete my life
look at your posts
you say you hate drama but u doing the most
fuck that, ur toast
fuck all ur friends theyre fuckin jokes

lemme calm down

i try to get along with you 
u talkin shit on all i do
like what the fuck is wrong with you?

i try to get along with you,
discord soldiers, all of you
lile what the fuck is wrong with you?

too long ! [+sendflowrs & xmichaelwarren]

mix/master by me 

prod. sorrow bringer

dont know dont know dont know dont know...
if im ever gonna find the right path
dont know which way to go

i been waiting around
i been waiting around

i been waiting around
i been waiting around 

i been contemplatin' which way to say this
i know the cost but i dont know how to pay it 
please stop playin with me 
cuz u know that i would 
give up everything
for just a little bit of room to breathe

lights they flicker as i lay on my bedroom floor
i dont know why tf i even try anymore
none of these ppl really love me
i was foolish to think theyd ever think anything of me
of course they fucking dont...

and i dont wanna wait until theres nothin' left
ima keep on runnin' until my last breath x2 

ohhhhhh

waiting around [+sorrow bringer]

prod heydium <3

lyrics: 

yeah i struggle a lot with myself
i spend a lot of time stuck in this hell
caught up between realities
i try not to become another victim of mentality
but i tell you what..
this life is slowly killin me

da da da da
this shits too much
da da da da 
like i rlly give af?

how do i make this something real?
i fuck with the aesthetic
i just dont get the appeal...
and its kinda fuckin me up
hardly livin wit the liquor and the drugs
this life has never been enough
i hate myself and it fuckin sucks
yeah its been so long man, stuck in this rut
i could die tomorrow
yeah, nobody give af 

yeah nobody give af...
nobody give af...

NOBODY GIVE AF

nobody give af [+heydium]

lifes been
stealin all my feelins
got me feelin different
so different

and ive been
starin at my ceiling
might end it all
this evening 
starin at my ceiling~

i been tryna make it
but i dont think that i can
sittin by lonesome
only sound is the ceiling fan
i want to explain myself
but they wouldnt understand...

but thats okay
cuz it doesnt really matter
take another hit
get higher than a ladder
yeah

da da da da da

lifes been stealin all my feelins...
got me feelin different...

down another coffee
and keep on fuckin walking
inside my tired mind 
im tired all the time
and tired of the lies

and i hate this fuckin life
just wanna close eyes
and watch it fly by...
yeah watch it fly

staring at my ceiling, listening to the fan [+Boyfifty & Gabe Lucas]

i try to find myself by doing things i love
but everytime ppl get involved it fucks me up
and i guess id rather be alone
im much better off right here at home
when ppl call me i dont pick up the phone...

every fuckin night i fall apart
i down another drink
yeah, life is hard
i know, i know, i know...

you know that this pain it never goes away
i guess ill just lay in bed
and try again another day

sip this drink and fall asleep..

idk how to make it right
sit here sippin liquor every night
i dont wanna fight...
and i think that i should just give up
grab all my shit, yeah pack it up 
why would anybody ever want
someone so down on their luck

and if you told me that you wanted me
id know thats a lie 
you just want something
you're just like everbody else
i dont need you, go get some help
i dont trust anyone, cant you tell?

just leave me alone and go to hell
i dont wanna talk
go bother someone else..

i dont wanna hear what you have to say...

Spotify Pre-Save

down on my luck [+heydium]

dercept slaps

lyrics:
hmu again and your fuckin faded
never learn my lesson
guess im fuckin jaded
open up the message and your almost naked...
wait...wut?

hate the way you treated me
think i left a piece of me
somewhere in your bed
where we used to meet...

i should let this phone
pick it up, dont say a thing
look at what you do to me
i cant even think...

take another pill
cuz ion wanna feel
too much, 
too much x3
too much x3
too much x3

baby you're talkin way too much
my brain is turning all to mush
ur love used to gimme such a rush
now im takin pills as a crutch...

now im taking pills....

take another pill
cuz ion wanna feel
too much, 
too much x3
too much x3
too much x3

i dont wanna feel too much
cuz i feel disgusted every time we touch
and i hate it when you're here
but i hate it when you're gone
ill just down another pill even though i know its wrong

ill just down another pill even though i know its wrong
i been thinkin' way too much 
but i think i need you gone...
yeah i think i need you...gone

too much ! [+dercept x ayoley]

SoundCloud struck the original and denied my claim even though i own a lease. so here's the song unmonetized. sorry for the delay.
"lifefuckinhatesme" track 1.
prod. metlast and 5head

lyrics:
i been tryin my whole life
to figure sumn out
but nothin ever goes right
and i thought i was gonna be okay
when you came into my life
but now you're gone
and im pretty sure its my fault
guess you couldnt handle me after all?
and i swear to god this is the last time
cuz all this bullshit weighing down on my mind

its weighing down and its been so fucking long
since i felt okay
im running out of things to say
feelin so fucked up every day

and it never seems like i can ever figure out
wtf is going on inside my mind
but im trying, believe me im trying
but i swear to god it seems like
they're always lyin
so idk why i keep on tryin
i just wanna let it go
and ion really know
why nowhere feels like home

i just wanna go, but nowhere feels like home
i been feelin so fucked up
feelin so alone
i just wish that there was somewhere that i could fuckin go
guess ill just settle for another night stoned...

myfault. [+metlast & 5head]

my brain is such a drag [+IOF]

@kasperfell

lyrics:
[kanashi]
you brought me in
and tore me down
why rob the bank when you can burn it down?
should've kept my distance
but its too late now

shed my skin until its gone
mean nothing to you, just a pawn
takin' pills until the dawn
the dawn...
i cant take much more of this
im torn apart like a bloody wrist
i clench my fist and take it down
in this spirit i will drown
i will drown...
i lost my will long ago
should've never given you control
control...
control...

[kasper]
its just the way im feelin like!
never gonna let you go
im always gonna keep you here
baby we can take it slow
time stands still
is this real?
i cant feel you anymore...
never gonna let you go...
im always gonna keep your here
baby we can take it slow
its just the way im feelin like!
its just the way im feelin like!

control (Kanashi x Kasper Fell) [+klimlords]

i been feelin' like killing myself...
after way too long here stuck in this hell
and i dont remember what its like
to want something more out of life...

i been feelin' like i dont really belong here
askin for help but that shit just fall on deaf ears
and i dont really know where tf i should go from here
like goddamn i been feeling this way for years...

thats why i abuse the pills now
how many more till im under the ground?
and im so fucking tired of all this shit
i wanna make like my wrists and fucking split...

i wanna...
fall off this fucking earth
cuz where im going i wont need a hearse
i wanna blow my brains over the stars
you can read my obituary on fuckin mars

if i take my mind off this shit
ill just go through it again in the morning...
i cant restart my life
nothings ever gonna be okay 
thats just a lie
now im giving up
yeah, its time to spill this blood......

maybe it's time

idk y i let u go

madhatter [+cian]

out on spotify this friday (11/8)

srry i been taking so long to drop lately. 

luv u and thanks for all the support over the years. :)

quiet is the best thing

@sideviewdriveca
kanashi -
and tell me one more time why you think that
you can be the one with those demands?
youve been lyin all this time
and i think ive had enough
im slowly giving up....on you..

so break me down, its all the same
tell me why, you want to blame
everything!
everything!
on me!
on me!!

just tell me why... 

sideview drive -

there you go again
you're telling the same old story
it's like you're stuck in a loop
with the lies that you chew
'cause you like the taste of bitterness
girl you just wear me down
and I'm getting tired of this
you call just to hang right up
you fucking make me sick with all of this indecision
can't be asked to hold yourself accountable
and I've had enough

blame me w/sideview drive [+king theta]

make my own misery [+gaxillic]

hate myself [+cian]

just a lil sumn for fun 

...i miss old soundcloud

ripped the art from google, left the tag on. if u have an issue hmu.

mel blanc freestyle

@svnam 
AMV On Biteki!
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/1VJMzlObr9Jerl5fX9aHv6?si=hH4bbMCoTde26ynkYf0oWg
Lyrics: 

(Kanashi) 
i cant write a song thats not about you
told me that you loved me
but that was not true
i hope what you did to me
still haunts you
come and find me dead
wrists slit in the bathroom

i dont wanna feel nothin'
i just wanna die soon
find me laying there
eyes wide open like a cartoon

yeah you cut me deep
wear these scars like a tattoo
tattoo
yeah you cut me deep
wear these scars like a tattoo

(Svnam)
ice on my wrist
can't believe i wasted time on you
two doors
got me feeling suicidal
haunt you like a phantom
play me like recital
practice makes perfect
you were cute
but i don't think you were worth it
trauma in my headspace
fracturing my memory
hope it tears apart
just to forget all you did to me

you keep telling me you're sorry
but darling
it's kinda hard to hear you
when i'm six feet deep in our memories
bury me, bury me, you buried me

i know i'll come back to haunt you
so bury me as deep as you can
& run away as fast as you can

scars & tattoos (w/svnam) (prod. jody)

Available on all streaming platforms <3
Lyrics:
goddamnit im drunk again
i dont wanna hear it
so ill just pretend 
that i dont miss you
or the smell of your skin
but i can tell you for sure
that i dont miss your stupid friends
but goddamnit i 
dreamt abut your face again
woke up feelin deprived of oxygen

why dont you just go?
i dont wanna hear it no more
all i wanna hear is 
the slam of the door
why dont you just go
you stupid whore 

da da da da da 
da da da da da

y u always tell me u love me
after u break me down 
and berate me 
lay me on this table
cut me open 
operate me 

thought i could trust you
but i guess 
i was fuckin wrong 
excuse me while
i take these pills
so i can pretend im strong

just go (prod. pacific)

in defense of the wolf

pre-save this song on spotify! it helps a ton ! <3 https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kanashi/gtf-away-from-me-feat-onlyfriend

@onlyfriendyeah
prod. metlast

(kanashi)
i been down bad, bad
a panic attack away from living out a backpack
yes, im high af you aint even gotta ask that
ppl say they love me but i know they be lying
brain explodes every time you fuckin imply it
and i dont wanna hear that shit
no no, i never had a truthful friend
and thats the end of it

yeah i dig myself to the depths again
question my very existence
and this pain up in my head
it paints my thoughts a shade of red

this existence, yeah you know its fuckin narcissistic 
cuz i only exist to hurt
a trail of dead bodies left in the dirt

and i leave pain in my wake
every single word that leaves my brain...
so full of vindication...pushing them away...

(onlyfriend)
feels like i been this way from the start
just keep your distance as i fall apart
get it off of my chest
hard to breathe through this stress
every word that they say
platitudes and charades

because hell is other people, if not myself
i don't wanna fuck with anyone else
and there's nothing you can say to change it

gtf away from me w/ onlyfriend [+metlast]

prod. recyclebin

Lyrics: 
i dont really know how to turn this into
positivity...
and between u and me
these songs dont help with anything 

im stuck inside of my own head
yeah these messages will remain unread
cuz i never gave a fuck about what u said
and ima stay right here in my bed

yeah im gonna stay right here
these pills ill keep them near
this blood will rush to my ears
ive felt like this for so many years 
so many nights wishing i would just disappear
yeah wishing i would disappear 
cuz i can never keep anyone near 

empty pill bottle on the night stand
drink the liquor til i cannot stand 
when i die itll be by my own hand

drink drink drink
until im 
free free free
im out of time
beep beep beep 
im not alright 
(not alright)

yeah u know im not okay
i kinda sorta feel like shit every single day 
but hey at least i write some songs to vibe to 
lets turn up the volume
let the feelings engulf u
man i feel so bad 
let me open up this bottle again

(let me open, yeah open)

by my own hand [+recyclebin]

sofuckingtired

prod. johnnyfriend

spotify pre save! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kanashi/flat-
lyrics:

and u try to talk to me 
but ur words fall flat
like the half empty coke
on the other side of my bed

and it seems like every thought of you
has left my head
fuck im so glad i left you in the past
its so much easier to see without this mask
every step i took was like walking on glass
sometimes to find urself u gotta take a different path

yeah fuck you!
u were never there for me
and i know im breaking down constantly
but u promised me 
that didnt bother you at all
and man this makes me feel so small
and it hurts so bad to know u never cared at all

so now im on my fuck you shit!!
down so bad i might as well make a show of it!
and u said u cared, well prove it
u acquire hearts and then u use them
say your sorry, u must think im stupid!
u are so goddamn deluded!!

Kanashī

Pinned to spotlight

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