i dont mean to be a downer...

first song with the new mic <33 
spotify pre save ! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kanashi/cant-take-it
prod.  @irby314 & @remghost

lyrics:

and darkness follows me around
makes it hard to breathe
i hate it when you're not around
need you next to me...
need you...i need you....

i dont wanna say what im thinking out loud
but it seems like all i can do is vomit these words out
yeah its never any good, when i run this fuckin mouth
i dont mean to shout, but im oh so worried about
whatcha gonna do to me in the end? 
whatcha gonna do to me? 

and i guess im way too busy in my own head..
i cannot stop thinking bout all the words we said
laying in my bed...
ohhhh..

and it kills me...
ohhhh
im breaking
ohhhh
cant take it
ohhhh
cant shake it...

and darkness follows me around
makes it hard to breathe
i hate it when you're not around
need you next to me...
need you...i need you....

and darkness follows me around
makes it hard to breathe
i hate it when you're not around
need you next to me...
need you...i need you....

cant take it [+irby & remghost]

track 4 of Self Titled Album
@carlby
prod. metlast x 5head <3

lyrics:

stuck here for a minute tryna figure shit out
looking at the edge and i dont know how
im gonna get thru all this shit
idk how to deal

cuz my mind is hell
yeah im a little bit unwell
stuck inside this cell
all i do is repell
they all say that i need some help
but they cant even figure their own shit out....
woah oh...

(carlby)
they cant even figure their own shit out
there's a hell in my head
like im peele ima get out

got a lot of problems from the trauma
maybe i was born sick
maybe this is karma

like paying for the sins of my father
but i dont wanna die a martyr
with every hit i take
i grow stronger 
with every passing day
i wear out my stay a little while longer

they cant even figure their own shit out
now they wanna tell me how to fix myself
im stuck in my mind and im tryna get out

Spotify

my mind is hell (feat. Carlby)

Track 2 off Self Titled Album
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7jTlBrjRlC8r0NsakKn4mE?si=7455f455e80d4151

new track every Wednesday!

Prod. @iofmusic <3

lyrics: 

and i guess the timing was not right 
but is it ever really though?
and you said you dont wanna hurt again 
woah oh
and i cant seem to forget
all the the things you said back then...

i cant forget....

ive been feelin' so fucked up 
and drinkin' everyday
all my friends they try to tell me "itll be okay"
but ill just suffer in silence
every night i struggle to close my eyelids
its getting kind of old...
and i know, its not your fault
you held on, as long as you could
but baby im just too fucked up!

im too fucked up...

chorus repeats*

feeling fucked up [+iof]

Track 1 "rainy summer"
prod. heydium

lyrics: 

go ahead and say the things
i know that youve been thinking all along
i dont wanna hear it all 
when you come crawling right back
when he lets you down
i know you never come around like anymore
thats okay cuz i never arranged for all of this to last
the way you thought it would, yeah...yeah...

damn you really thought that you were something
how's it make you feel to know it was all for nothin'?
damn you make me laugh, woah ho wo, yeah
and i been trying hard to figure out
how to turn this all around
but i think im giving up now
ima go and let my hair down, yeah...

damn you're so fucking deluded 
yeah you never take the blame at all
but we all know that its all ur fault, yeh
and when he fucks you up
i wont be there
to pick you back up...no, no no no no

i wont be there to pick u up
i dont care i dont give a fuck, no

ima go and let my hair down now
things are much better without you around...

yeah...

eh, i give up

live my life with the anxiety 
way too many stupid feelings inside of me
the things you do so normally
are making me feel like i cannot breath

sometimes i just wanna die...
sunlight spills in hurts my eyes
another sleepless night

another sleepless night
i can never close my eyes

and everybody tells me the same old thing
 "we all get sad" yeah, its kind of disgusting
its like they really don't understand me
this isolation gets me feeling really empty
this is why i keep to myself
this is why i deny all your help
im so sick of all this shit

you know that im so sick of this
my stomachs queasy
i just want to end it...

anxiety [+metlast & 5head]

no more [+jody]

artwork @astrosux
@sendflowrs 
lyrics:
(kanashi)
ive been
waiting...
things are never changing
my mental state is still degrading...
and they all wanna switch up
tryna fight? put ur fuckin fists up 
and they all wanna talk 
but they dont wanna get none
try to walk the walk
but when u see me u gon' run 

u cant hide behind your little screens for too long
for too long

and u know it kills me!
i just wanna try to get along!
but these idiots make it so damn hard
and im sorry if i come off like an asshole
its just that ive got a lot of scars from ppl just like you
fake ass bitches in plain view
yeah you cant fool me 
i see right through 

i see right through!
i see right through you  !!


(sendflowrs)
i see right thru u
i dont wanna talk i just wanna fucking get offline
the shit that you do 
stresses me out control alt delete my life
look at your posts
you say you hate drama but u doing the most
fuck that, ur toast
fuck all ur friends theyre fuckin jokes

lemme calm down

i try to get along with you 
u talkin shit on all i do
like what the fuck is wrong with you?

i try to get along with you,
discord soldiers, all of you
lile what the fuck is wrong with you?

too long ! [+sendflowrs & xmichaelwarren]

for my boyfriend, ily shy <3

prod. @jolst @pekarot_161

i dont deserve u 
but im so glad i have u...
im so glad...

i dont deserve u
im just lucky that i get to know u

i dont deserve u
im sorry fore these hoops you have to
jump through
im nothing but bad news 
you're the only thing that 
i dont wanna lose 

you're the only thing that 
ive ever cared about losing...
and i try to
control these feelings but i cant

and im sorry baby
i try to 
control these feelings in my head
but sometimes...i cant...

you've been everything to me
from way back when till now
and every message in between 

you're the only thing that
ive ever cared about losing
and i try to
control these feelings but i cant...

and im sorry baby..
i try to...
control these feelings in my head
but sometimes i cant...

(sometimes, sometimes)

sometimes i cant!
sometimes i cant!!

you're the only thing that
ive ever cared about losing
and i try to
control these feelings but i cant...

deserve u [+pekarot & jolst]

mix/master by me 

prod. sorrow bringer

dont know dont know dont know dont know...
if im ever gonna find the right path
dont know which way to go

i been waiting around
i been waiting around

i been waiting around
i been waiting around 

i been contemplatin' which way to say this
i know the cost but i dont know how to pay it 
please stop playin with me 
cuz u know that i would 
give up everything
for just a little bit of room to breathe

lights they flicker as i lay on my bedroom floor
i dont know why tf i even try anymore
none of these ppl really love me
i was foolish to think theyd ever think anything of me
of course they fucking dont...

and i dont wanna wait until theres nothin' left
ima keep on runnin' until my last breath x2 

ohhhhhh

waiting around [+sorrow bringer]

prod @jolst and @pekarot666

lyrics: 
i been tryin to figure out this mess but
i been so caught up in this web you've spun
oh god this cant be real...
i just need some time to heal and...

disappear from existence for a little while 
cuz all i wanted to do was
see you smile..
and it hurts so bad to
give your all to someone that does not want it
and its driving me crazy...
and maybe we can roll this back baby?
baby...

im fucking stuck here
and there is no escape
i swear this isnt what i wanted
oh, and now im right back where i fuckin started

and give me a reason why i should stick around
i would be better off gone for good
gone for good..

i just wanna disappear
i just wanna disappear

i think that i too....

disappear from existence for a little while 
cuz all i wanted to do was
see you smile..
and it hurts so bad to
give your all to someone that does not want it
and its driving me crazy...
and maybe we can roll this back baby?
baby...

im fuckings stuck here...

disappear from existence [+jolst & pekarot]

prod heydium <3

lyrics: 

yeah i struggle a lot with myself
i spend a lot of time stuck in this hell
caught up between realities
i try not to become another victim of mentality
but i tell you what..
this life is slowly killin me

da da da da
this shits too much
da da da da 
like i rlly give af?

how do i make this something real?
i fuck with the aesthetic
i just dont get the appeal...
and its kinda fuckin me up
hardly livin wit the liquor and the drugs
this life has never been enough
i hate myself and it fuckin sucks
yeah its been so long man, stuck in this rut
i could die tomorrow
yeah, nobody give af 

yeah nobody give af...
nobody give af...

NOBODY GIVE AF

nobody give af [+heydium]

lifes been
stealin all my feelins
got me feelin different
so different

and ive been
starin at my ceiling
might end it all
this evening 
starin at my ceiling~

i been tryna make it
but i dont think that i can
sittin by lonesome
only sound is the ceiling fan
i want to explain myself
but they wouldnt understand...

but thats okay
cuz it doesnt really matter
take another hit
get higher than a ladder
yeah

da da da da da

lifes been stealin all my feelins...
got me feelin different...

down another coffee
and keep on fuckin walking
inside my tired mind 
im tired all the time
and tired of the lies

and i hate this fuckin life
just wanna close eyes
and watch it fly by...
yeah watch it fly

staring at my ceiling, listening to the fan [+Boyfifty & Gabe Lucas]

dercept slaps

lyrics:
hmu again and your fuckin faded
never learn my lesson
guess im fuckin jaded
open up the message and your almost naked...
wait...wut?

hate the way you treated me
think i left a piece of me
somewhere in your bed
where we used to meet...

i should let this phone
pick it up, dont say a thing
look at what you do to me
i cant even think...

take another pill
cuz ion wanna feel
too much, 
too much x3
too much x3
too much x3

baby you're talkin way too much
my brain is turning all to mush
ur love used to gimme such a rush
now im takin pills as a crutch...

now im taking pills....

take another pill
cuz ion wanna feel
too much, 
too much x3
too much x3
too much x3

i dont wanna feel too much
cuz i feel disgusted every time we touch
and i hate it when you're here
but i hate it when you're gone
ill just down another pill even though i know its wrong

ill just down another pill even though i know its wrong
i been thinkin' way too much 
but i think i need you gone...
yeah i think i need you...gone

Spotify Pre-Save

too much ! [+dercept x ayoley]

@screwyounick
forgot 2 upload on soundcloud mb yall luv u

im hard2luv
lyrics: 

because i'm hard to love
i'm always feeling like im not enough
yeah not enough

yeah where were you when i lost my mind?
i tried to call you like a thousand times
and nothing ever works
everything just makes it worse
now i'll never feel okay
until i'm lying in a hearse

i don't think i'll ever be okay
who am i kidding
i've always been this way
and i only ever seem to fall down
i can't ever get back up
seems like all i ever do is fuck shit up
they toss me aside cause i'm not enough

i just wish i could be enough
and i just wish that i wasn't so damn

hard to love
i'm always feeling like i am not enough
yeah not enough

yeah where were you when i lost my mind
i tried to call you like a thousand times
yeah nothing ever works
everything just makes it worse
now i'll never feel okay
until i'm lying in a hearse

hard2luv [+dercept]

track 3 "lifefuckinhatesme"

Canaries were used in coal mines to detect the presence of carbon monoxide. The bird's rapid breathing rate, small size, and high metabolism, compared to the miners, led birds in dangerous mines to succumb before the miners, thereby giving the miners time to take action.

prod. iof

lyrics: 

i used to wanna give you everything
but now im feeling buried
down in the dirt like a canary.,..

but now i see thru all the shit u do
u never had my best intentions
in mind...
but baby you cant say that i never  tried

too bad so sad, u don't want it!
gave u my love then u departed...
i just wish i could take it all back
draw my last my breath as the room goes black...

i wish i could let this go!
but im so fucked up now!
i shoulda turned you down, turned my fuckin car around
instead i got a one way ticket six feet under ground...

six feet underground...x2

wait a second, i been thinkin all about you
stumbling thru dark alleys
i think i lost my point of view
this happens everytime
images of you when i close my eyes...

every night i dream about you
fall apart when i think about you
ohh...

i know you blame me baby
i know i drive you crazy
im losing my wind without you here
im counting every second without you near...

*chorus*

6 feet underground.....x2

:c

6feetunder. [+IOF]

had another dream last night
that i was runnin' away from a monster
and that monster was me
it had my cold dead corpse 
hangin' from its teeth
when finally i met the reaper beggin on my knees

take me away rn!
take me away rn!
i dont even wanna try
to make things alright

cuz i dont really give af about myself
in fact im always wishin that i could just be someone else
think id be better off locked up in a cell
i think id rather that
than being trapped in this hell

they used to tell me its a phase
but i still hate my own face...

take me away rn!
take me away rn!
i dont even wanna try
to make things alright

i dont wanna try
ive never been alright
i dont wanna try
ive never been alright!!!

take me away rn! [+gaxillic]

my brain is such a drag [+IOF]

prod. dercept
mix master by me 

lyrics:
every time i think that im doing better
you just come along and ruin it like the weather
i guess ill take another one down
its the only thing that helps me now...

i dont wanna talk baby, i dont wanna talk
pop another pill so i dont feel shit at all
i take it for the trauma and i take it for the lies
i take it so that i might forget those eyes
tell myself i dont need you at all
but i still pick up when you call
take another one and tell you that im down
let you fuck up my life every time that you're in town...

i dont know why im so fuckin weak
i let you in and it ruins everything
i dont know why you do this shit to me
i dont know why i always let you make me bleed...

take my heart i dont fuckin want it back
take another pill, watch me fade to black
im sorry that im not enough
like the oxygen inside my blood

"hit me up again and you're fuckin faded
never learn my lesson, guess im fuckin jaded
open up the message and your almost naked..."
wait...?

i dont wanna talk baby, i dont wanna talk
pop another pill so i dont feel shit at all
i take it for the trauma and i take it for the lies
i take it so that i might forget those eyes
tell myself i dont need you at all
but i still pick up when you call
take another one and tell you that im down
let you fuck up my life every time that you're in town...

too much p.2 [+dercept]

idk y i let u go

madhatter [+cian]

@sideviewdriveca
kanashi -
and tell me one more time why you think that
you can be the one with those demands?
youve been lyin all this time
and i think ive had enough
im slowly giving up....on you..

so break me down, its all the same
tell me why, you want to blame
everything!
everything!
on me!
on me!!

just tell me why... 

sideview drive -

there you go again
you're telling the same old story
it's like you're stuck in a loop
with the lies that you chew
'cause you like the taste of bitterness
girl you just wear me down
and I'm getting tired of this
you call just to hang right up
you fucking make me sick with all of this indecision
can't be asked to hold yourself accountable
and I've had enough

blame me w/sideview drive [+king theta]

make my own misery [+gaxillic]

just a lil sumn for fun 

...i miss old soundcloud

ripped the art from google, left the tag on. if u have an issue hmu.

mel blanc freestyle

if i end it all today
who would come to my funeral?
ive been day drinking on the front porch
bet my neighbors think im done for
if i wake up on the bathroom floor again
well, i know that means you visited
but i think im giving up
im just so sorry about
all the things ive done
to you
to everyone...

i dont deserve no fuckin love
i just always fuck it up
now what am i to do?

ill just take another pill
a dr prescribed
and drink this alcohol until it rots my insides
oh what a piece of shit
ive turned out to be...

da da da da da daaaa

goddamn i hate...myself

if i end it all today
who would come to my funeral?
ive been day drinking on the front porch
bet my neighbors think im done for
if i wake up on the bathroom floor again
well, i know that means you visited
but i think im giving up
im just so sorry about
all the things ive done
to you
to everyone...

giving up (sorry)

sumn a lil fresh for yall.
[+unlucky]

yeah

i dont wanna chill
yeah its over now
all these haters talk so loud
yeah they hate it when they see me on the come up
like i give af im just sippin on that syrup

yeah

i need to lock in, lock in
all these bitches talkin, talkin
and i dont give a shit about ur monologuing
yeah ur too busy talkin on x not having sex 

i got bitches when i pull up when i send one text
6'3 wit a big ass dick 
yeah you wouldn't believe what ur girl did
and now im on the track just talkin shit 

yeah you wouldn't believe how easy this comes
a lil ukulele wit a couple drums 
and the way i spit bars man that shit is dumb
yeah i made this shit in like 15 minutes 
and ur girl come so fast she say i over did it
but i just want her out so i get back to spittin 

yeah its about time i did lil sumn different
enough self hate, yeah its time for indifference 

i dont wanna chill
yeah its over now
all these haters talk so loud
yeah they hate it when they see me on the come up
like i give af im just sippin on that syrup

yeah

and i dont give a fuck
dont wanna get to know u
and i really do think it'd suck to be u
and im not the greatest but ill tell u what
im jus so thankful i dont give a fuck 

yeah

idgaf (yeah)

all platforms Friday. 
Lyrics:
yeah thats right its another track
about how i hate myself
and wanna end my life
i swear i wont take up
more than 2:30 seconds of your time

yeah its been this way a long ass time
i remember i was 7
i asked my mom why am i alive?
if im just gonna die? 

i never for asked for this
i didn't wanna be born
livin or dyin man i am so torn
i dont mean to be so fuckin morbid
im just so tired of the same old shit


yeah, day after day
i have to put on a fake ass happy face
its like a mask i never get to put away
time after time they tell me that its alright
when i open up and tell em whats inside
they dont really understand how much ive tried...

and no i dont wanna talk to you
but i swear my heart's not black its painted blue
its just so much safer all alone up in my room

da da da da da da...

khappyface [+everestdidthis]

@svnam 
AMV On Biteki!
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/1VJMzlObr9Jerl5fX9aHv6?si=hH4bbMCoTde26ynkYf0oWg
Lyrics: 

(Kanashi) 
i cant write a song thats not about you
told me that you loved me
but that was not true
i hope what you did to me
still haunts you
come and find me dead
wrists slit in the bathroom

i dont wanna feel nothin'
i just wanna die soon
find me laying there
eyes wide open like a cartoon

yeah you cut me deep
wear these scars like a tattoo
tattoo
yeah you cut me deep
wear these scars like a tattoo

(Svnam)
ice on my wrist
can't believe i wasted time on you
two doors
got me feeling suicidal
haunt you like a phantom
play me like recital
practice makes perfect
you were cute
but i don't think you were worth it
trauma in my headspace
fracturing my memory
hope it tears apart
just to forget all you did to me

you keep telling me you're sorry
but darling
it's kinda hard to hear you
when i'm six feet deep in our memories
bury me, bury me, you buried me

i know i'll come back to haunt you
so bury me as deep as you can
& run away as fast as you can

scars & tattoos (w/svnam) (prod. jody)

Available on all streaming platforms <3
Lyrics:
goddamnit im drunk again
i dont wanna hear it
so ill just pretend 
that i dont miss you
or the smell of your skin
but i can tell you for sure
that i dont miss your stupid friends
but goddamnit i 
dreamt abut your face again
woke up feelin deprived of oxygen

why dont you just go?
i dont wanna hear it no more
all i wanna hear is 
the slam of the door
why dont you just go
you stupid whore 

da da da da da 
da da da da da

y u always tell me u love me
after u break me down 
and berate me 
lay me on this table
cut me open 
operate me 

thought i could trust you
but i guess 
i was fuckin wrong 
excuse me while
i take these pills
so i can pretend im strong

just go (prod. pacific)

in defense of the wolf

prod. recyclebin

Lyrics: 
i dont really know how to turn this into
positivity...
and between u and me
these songs dont help with anything 

im stuck inside of my own head
yeah these messages will remain unread
cuz i never gave a fuck about what u said
and ima stay right here in my bed

yeah im gonna stay right here
these pills ill keep them near
this blood will rush to my ears
ive felt like this for so many years 
so many nights wishing i would just disappear
yeah wishing i would disappear 
cuz i can never keep anyone near 

empty pill bottle on the night stand
drink the liquor til i cannot stand 
when i die itll be by my own hand

drink drink drink
until im 
free free free
im out of time
beep beep beep 
im not alright 
(not alright)

yeah u know im not okay
i kinda sorta feel like shit every single day 
but hey at least i write some songs to vibe to 
lets turn up the volume
let the feelings engulf u
man i feel so bad 
let me open up this bottle again

(let me open, yeah open)

by my own hand [+recyclebin]

sofuckingtired

prod. johnnyfriend

spotify pre save! https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kanashi/flat-
lyrics:

and u try to talk to me 
but ur words fall flat
like the half empty coke
on the other side of my bed

and it seems like every thought of you
has left my head
fuck im so glad i left you in the past
its so much easier to see without this mask
every step i took was like walking on glass
sometimes to find urself u gotta take a different path

yeah fuck you!
u were never there for me
and i know im breaking down constantly
but u promised me 
that didnt bother you at all
and man this makes me feel so small
and it hurts so bad to know u never cared at all

so now im on my fuck you shit!!
down so bad i might as well make a show of it!
and u said u cared, well prove it
u acquire hearts and then u use them
say your sorry, u must think im stupid!
u are so goddamn deluded!!

Kanashī

Pinned to spotlight

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