a tree
doesn’t grow in the sea
it’s gotta be 
someplace
lush, leafy and green

and me?
i need you to believe 
that love means
being free, and wild, and scared 
sometimes

one, two, three
remember to breathe
if this is what you need
fucking do it

four, five, six
your nervous little ticks
will fade in half a year
keep on going

my dear
i seen you shedding all them tears
let’s smash all of the mirrors
and work it out, work it out

you’ll see
you got all you’ll ever need
in spades, that shimmering
secret magic

seven, eight, nine
burning brighter all the time
by now, you’re feeling fine
resting easy

ten, eleven, twelve
a dozen roses on the shelf
a glass of wine, a bit of help
and you’re at home

you are home
even 
when you’re so alone
wrapped up, heavy as a stone
and sad and crazy

you are home
and you’re fine 
on your own
and with time 
all is known, and you’ve grown

and you’ve grown
and you’ve grown
and you’ve grown 
and you’ve grown

9/12/14 (and you've grown)

it doesn’t do
to say
that i miss you

and i think
again and again
of the last time
that i kissed you

i went to the foggy city
and i swear
i ain’t askin for pity

but

i walk circles
into the hardwood 
and wait

for some 
far off date
when it’s raining and
you will be saying 
“i’m here, oh my dear
did you think I’d forgotten?”

scary sad
how did it get this bad again?
pacing, chasing, dead end

i wanna see you 
through your clothes
wanna touch you in places 
nobody knows

time and distance
dark and light
circumstances
daily fight
breathing
breaking
foreign tongues
apples 
oranges
songs unsung

it doesn’t do
it doesn’t do
it doesn’t do

9/22/14 (it doesn't do)

one more, one more
what did i do that for?
a key, a lock, a door

september, with her feathers 
and bark
shedding leaves into the dark

water. i’m her daughter
throwing shadows, buying time
but it’s fine
gin, tonic, lime

gin, tonic, lime

october, orange and ocre
cruel gold
makes you feel old
if you’re not careful

wrap your body in wool
and don’t let the sunshine fool you
the air, it means 
to bite

and so do i

gin, tonic, why?
gin, tonic, lime

10/4/14 (gin, tonic, lime)

get angry
get scared
there’s no getting ready
no way to be prepared

time goes on
the sunset, then the dawn
the moon don’t care about your liver

but i do
i do
your bones, your guts, your sinews,
heart, blood , muscles too

i do
i do
wondering, and worrying 
who’s taking care of you?

oh why,
why?
sometimes it feels stupid 
just to try

control
what a farce
to organize our calendars
distract us from the dark

i do
i do
looking at the photographs
that i once took of you

i do
i do
and in my mind, you’re soft and kind
the ocean, sky is blue

i’ve been speaking
to the dirt
been stomping ‘round in boots to make it 
feel how much it’s hurt us 

swallowing our sons 
and daughters
no time, no rhyme or reason
feels like slaughter

oh i know,
i know
i’ve gone and simplified it all
gone and let my sadness show

but i’m angry
and i’m scared
i was not ready
i was not prepared 

10/9/14 (mein herz schmerzt)

it’s a song
it’s a scream
it’s the crazy, ugly earth
and the things we’ve seen
we are animals
we are mean
and we shoot and strangle
human beings 

power, power, power
pride, pride, pride
fear, fear, fear, fear, fear
denial

it’s like smoke 
it’s like steam
something vile  and secret
hidden schemes
if we cover our eyes
will it go away?
no, it will fester 
and with lives, we will pay

how dare you?
how dare you?
how dare you?
how dare you?
how dare you?

how dare i?
how dare we?

12/4/14 (power, power, power)

I dreamed of you last night
you were grinning in the hallway light
Quiet, quiet
Please don’t fight it
let me remember you like this

Melting snow
Oh I begged you not to go
in my mind
too cool to make it known

and how do I find you
if you’ve burrowed under ground?
Where do I look for someone
who doesn’t want to be found

With palms full of honey
and heart heavy like stone
I’m alone
I’m alone

Do you remember
how we sat against the door?
And I said no no no no
I am not worth fighting for

With my mouth dripping grapefruit
I walked barefoot ‘cross the floor
You were waiting with a question
We were friends and nothing more

Oh you know, you know that I want it
but I’m much too shy to ask
I say yes, and yes, and yes
but I’m not up for the task

With palms full of honey
and heart heavy like stone
I’m alone
I’m alone

2/14/15 (palms full of honey)

where can you go from here
the road ahead is vague, unclear
and it’s dark inside your room
feels like a tomb
feels like a womb
and the sunshine
hurts your feelings
stare at the ceiling
close your eyes
think of the dirt, the earth
the worms the fireflies
and you’re right, I guess
wearing your black dress
the echo travels down a well
the wound, you watch it bleed and swell
it’s more than a feeling
more than memory
more than just a trace
or a space
or a song
more than you and me

10/21/16 (black dress)

stoned
feels like
home
feels like
hands
like you
understand

this day
feels like 
ballet
and you’re 
standing 
in the way
and you’re 
standing 
in the way

I can’t say how
I can’t say when
we’ll feel ok again
we’ll feel ok again

I can’t say why
I can’t say where
But I swear
I’ll meet you there

katie armstrong

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