Larry The Cable Guy - I Pissed My Pants

Stroke 40 Guys (Ash Crimson AI Cover)

ABC Happy Time (for Adults Only)

Warning: Satire ahead. Watch the Music Video HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkjsPuCl0p4

LYRICS: 

This song is dedicated to a certain kind of people, which just so happens to be— my other favorite kind of people.

You know the ones that like to you know; hurt themselves bro? Skateboard ollie bro, kickflip, split their lip bro?... Kick me in the nuts, bro? You get what I’m saying, right?


White people, I get bullied in school,
I can’t wait til I’m a cop so I can bully you, White People
Hey

White people, no no, we can’t dance,
And I don’t whoop my kids or spank their hands,
White people
(Bad Michael, go to your room!)

Verse 1: 

If you poke me on my arm, I bruise easily,
So I only quarterback in the Football League,

I like to watch porn, I can fap for days
And my favorite potato chips are Lays (because they’re white)

I take weird drugs like ecstasy,
Mushrooms, Crystal Meth, and LSD,

We put it in a pipe, or a homemade bong,
And watch out for the priest, he will rape your son,

And most of us will die trying out for Fear Factor,
I guess that’s why they say I’m just a country-loving, deer-hunting, rabbit-eating, redneck, inbreeding, beer-drinking, small penis…. did I mention we drive a tractor?

We're red when we’re mad, when we’re sick, we’re green,
Only race in the world that eats sardines, 

White girls, flat butts, and I know that’s mean,
But if you try to eat the booty, taste like saltines, 
(Back far away from that anus)

A white woman came to me to bash my song,
Until she realized I was black and then she…. zipped her purse?

White people, I get bullied in school, 
I can’t wait til I’m a cop so I can bully you, 
White People

White people, no no, we can’t dance,
And I don’t whoop my kids or spank their hands,
White people
(See this is probably why all those white kids shoot up schools)

Hold up, hold up; we can’t have a white song without any country music in it.
We all like country music, nawh-nah- no-hum-nawh
You never understand what I’m saying, nawh-nah-nawh-nah nah nahnah nannah humh NAWR.

But if you ever come to Texas…. come chill with me on my porch,
‘Cause we all got shotguns, and we all commute by horse,

We have farms, we like to mosh, We like Family GUYYY and we like Tosh!!! I guess my point here is… if you’re white, we automatically like you

White people, I get bullied in school,
I can’t wait til I’m a cop so I can bully you, White People
Hey

White people, Can’t jump that high, 
So if you tryna lose the cops, find a fence nearby
White people, 

White People
Since 76, being jerks making other races look like sh**,
White People
(Seriously, all of us are racist)

White People,
I know you can’t stand me,
But we all still evolved from a chimpanzee
White People

Alright, this is probably also the most racist song I’ve ever written, but if you laughed, you’re racist too…. So I don’t feel bad…. besides…. it’s not racist if I'm human. Get it? The human race? Ha, ha, ha, that’s how white people laugh..

Download on iTunes

The White People Song

Warning: Satire ahead. Watch the Music Video HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85tr8h0BjVk

LYRICS:

Intro: Hola Jorge! Andale, andale, arriba, arriba—  I don’t even know if I said that right. Sorry, I don’t speak Mexican. Ay yo Jorge, can you hand me a burrito? Por favor?

Verse 1:

I am a Mexican, my card is greenish,
My last name is probably Gonzalez Martinez,
I’d help you mow your lawn, but me no speaky English,
That’s why my only job is selling tacos or cleaning,

I don’t drink alcohol, less it's tequila,
I hate when people say tor-tilla… bitch, it’s tortilla,
I don’t need a SUV, or an umbrella,
Why? I got a donkey and sombrero,

Because I can dance with two maracas in my hand, hand, hand
Used to play in a mariachi band, band, band
I can fit 20 cousins up in the van, van, van
What’d you expect? I’m Mexican...

CHORUS 
Ohhhhhhhh ooohhhhh we swam here all the way from Puerto Rico,
And yes, we smell like burritos, oh oh
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh….

The law saw that my card wasn’t green, so I panicked!
Swam across the border at the speed of Hispanic!
Oh, mi hijo….. oh oh,
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh…
We’re Brown People

Verse 2:
I am a Mexican, yes, I speak Spanish,
But only when you’re around, so you can’t understand it,
Yes I like nachos, dipped in Mexican salsa,
Yo quiero Taco Bell, until they shot my chihuahua,

If you’re Latino, or latina, then you’re Mexican
If you’re from Spain or Argentina, you’re still Mexican,
If you speak any Portuguese, you’re still Mexican
And if your name is Luis, then you’re Mexican

I can dance with two maracas in my hand, hand, hand
Used to play in a mariachi band, band, band
I can fit 20 cousins up in the van, van, van
What’d you expect? I’m Mexican...

CHORUS
Ohhhhhhhh ooohhhhh we swam here all the way from Puerto Rico,
And yes, we are illegal, oh oh
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh….

The law saw that my card wasn’t green, so I panicked!
Swam across the border at the speed of Hispanic!
Oh, mi hijo….. oh oh,
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh…
We’re Brown People

Bridge:

I work as a maid for white people and it’s probably because their kids are messy,
And because they can afford me, it’s only like a penny a week but you know...


Verse 3 (rap):

Hola, homie, I’m in your garden with a machete,
The students in college hate me cause they don’t mess with them essays,
I’m a laker just like Kobe, I built my house with adobe, 
I’m teaching my black friends how to swim…. haha… because...


CHORUS:
Ohhhhhhhh ooohhhhh we swam here all the way from Puerto Rico,
And yes, we smell like burritos, oh oh
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh….

The law saw that my card wasn’t green, so I panicked!
Swam across the border at the speed of Hispanic!
Oh, mi hijo….. oh oh,
We’re just Mexican People, oh oh…
We’re Brown People

The Mexican People Song

WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO HERE: https://youtu.be/GejQfZPQpKo

CHALLENGE: Grab some mouthwash, take a huge sip, and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can. Then hit Play. Comment with the minutes/seconds where you failed, or if you passed, comment with "Passed!". Share with someone who you think will fail.

No Offense

Download on iTunes!

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