[Explicit Lyrics] This song should be sung in the style of Cyrano de Bergerac outside of your unrequited love's window. Works 100% of the time. 

"If You Want Me to"

VERSE 1
- When you were 6 years old in Russia
You caught diabetes and your parents spooked. 
- They said these Russian doctors - screw 'em. 
They want to stick giant needles into you. 
- I would only stick my dick inside you
If you want me to... 

CHORUS
If you want me to (x 3), just say go!
Then give me about 2-3 minutes
and I'll be ready to roll.

VERSE 2
- You were the new girl in school trying to fit in and befriend cool kids at lunchtime.
- You offered to share your juice, but they said, 'Eww. That's gross – what a fool. 
- Who would ever want to suck your drool?' Baby you know that I would. If you want me to.

CHORUS

VERSE 3
- Manic depression made your Daddy disappear. Now Momma's only intimate with fear. 
- I relate. Fell for you so fast I scared myself. Much as I joked about it, you distrusted how I felt. 
- You wish to be tickled till you can't breathe, it's a rapey way to laugh, so only ask me... 

CHORUS +
But if you cannot imagine we'd be close once more. 
Have a great rest of your life. I'm out the door



If You Want Me to [E]

Heckle My Ass with Kevin Berrey is a podcast about comedy and heckling. Episode 1 features Chris Hamilton. We learn some shocking truths about wolverine burrows and starting out doing comedy in the trenches in New York City. 

HeckleMyAssEp001_ChrisHamilton

Neko White joins me for the 3rd edition of Heckle My Ass. Things get interesting and intense. It's funny and you learn what it's like to go to a big festival (Just for Laughs, Montreal) with no agent and come back with both an agent and a manager. We have a good old time chumming it up, then get cut short on time and agree to meet again. 

HMA Season 01

HeckleMyAssEp003_NekoWhite_Pt1

This composition was created while studying Sound Art and Advanced Digital Sampling and Recording Techniques under Calliope Sol and John Corbett at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. It won the Waveforms Sonification award. It's created entirely from a 25-second sample of a recorded conversation between the artist and a man who was homeless at the time in Chicago. The title is a quote from that conversation. Best listened to with headphones or stereo monitors.

Kevin Berrey

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