a portrait of my love in all white and on her knees

posted to her tumblr 1/12/23

open mouthed, she bit you 

“you can’t hurt me if i never loved you”

i was wrong when i met you

about who i thought would save who

chose to be alone

and walk the whole way home

soaked to the bone

hid your face

said i don’t wanna play

but you were born game



all rights reserved to ethel cain.

bambi - Ethel Cain

4pm in the hotel lobby
DTLA barbie
Taking shots of whiskey
Did you try to call me?
Out of my LTE
Staring at the TV
Look low-quality, feeling hi-fi

Baby I bleed crystal, glass is always hall full
With the pink moscato, keep the boys staccato
Kissing in the uber, I’m forever new here
On a holiday rodeo

They can see me when I land again
Back from Florida, popping Ambien
In the studio with all my friends
I don’t mean a word but I pretend
Stay high so I don’t look sad
I don’t want them to feel bad
Shot high and flew this far
But I didn’t think that I would hit the ground this hard

Dressing up to get fucked up
I'll spend all my good luck, but never in one place
Perpetual movie star, I’ll buy a brand new car to crash on the interstate
Look at my mugshot, god I look so hot, when they took me away
A superstar in the back of a cop car, I’ll get off no charge, and rub it in his face

They can see me when I land again
Back from Florida, popping Ambien
In the studio with all my friends
I don’t mean a word but I pretend
Stay high so I don’t look sad
I don’t want them to feel bad
Shot high and flew this far
But I didn’t think I would hit the ground this hard

Look mom, I’m on TV
A-list, but I feel like they all hate me
Don’t want to crash and burn
A lesson that would hurt worse not to learn
Stay so high, I look so bad
God, why do I feel so sad?
Shot high and fell so hard
That you could wish on me, guess I really am a star

Miss Anhedönia - Kennedy Drive (Demo) [Better Quality]

a little snippet from a cover of rabid (nicole dollanganger) by ethel cain 

lyrics:

we're the same, we're both rabid animals
got sick heads and minds, we were both born feral
like fields growing high, we're just those dark animals
the sad things at night, we know no control 

rabid (nicole dollanganger cover) - ethel cain

This is an older one, either white silas era or early ethel era

Ethel Cain - Varnish

happy’s always been the dream, but we need to start wakin up

that white horse is long gone
say your prayers
but we’re moving on
we just keep moving on

ethel cain - independence day (prod. little triste)

a portrait of my love on her knees - ethel cain

lyrics:

I sing the lord’s euthanasia blues
When I take you and your brother in the back pew
Drive into the median, keep myself from eating and wonder why I feel so sick
Tradition’s ligature marks always yellow through


I lied when I said I didn’t want you
In no time, you’ll forget the way we were supposed to be
Asking what I’m on this time, holding on to you like I do
Like we’re the only people in the world god left to mind to

Two drowning coals won’t ever light
But if I ask you to, you’ll warm the night


If I want you like I said I’d never do
I would hold my breath and sit down next to you
Terrified you’ll bite the hand that needs you
And right now I need you
I don’t know what happened
I don’t know what happened
I was young and sweet
And then something happened
Something overwhelming
Something everlasting

Time drags on
I hate him for the time he’s gone
I’ve been here for weeks, I’ve been here for years
I’ve been here too long
I forgot what stop means
Either I drink it or the boat sinks
It’s easy for him to get out of me
What I’ve been praying will get out of me

Will I always be crying during sex with you
All my dreams take place in heaven where it’s quiet, lying next to you
Heavy breathing and sighs, bruises between my thighs, look me deep In my eyes like I’m a river worth wading
And if I’m crying, it’s because I’m in love

[Outro]
And I could love you if I tried
And I’m trying
I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying

crying during sex - ethel cain

Stomping Ground - White Silas

tube - ethel cain

last night I blew you a kiss, I hope that you got it
underneath you I told you a lie, I hope that you bought it
strangers touch me in my dreams if I go to bed sober
when the edge of the curtains turn while I'll know that it's over

and you see things for what they are
and I see what they'll never be
and god can make mistakes like he made an example of me
and who could really love someone who's that fucking ugly

leaving his cum in the upholstery, always picking it out like a bad memory
they all say that it's fine 'cause they don't know the cycle like I do
you don't know what it's like tryna love while you heal and you don't get to preach if you don't know how it feels to have every last inch of your body invaded like I do
woke up a saint, fell asleep a martyr
would you do the same things to your own daughter?
still I tried saying "I love you" through a mouthful of dirt
keep parts of dead things in the freezer outside wondering if they suffered when they were alive
does god make delicate things just to watch them get hurt?

and you see things for what they are
and I see what they'll never be
god can make mistakes like he made an example of me
and who could really love someone who's that fucking ugly

that gold cross swings only for me
in jesus's name it kills me slowly
that gold cross swings only for me
in jesus's name it kills me slowly

gold cross | ec

Where The River Ends

┈─ ⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆
daughter of cain

a portrait of my love on her knees - ethel cain

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