A Thought Piece on Resolutions

With every start of every year scores of people make attempts at starting all over in one or other area of their lives. Weight loss, finding a job or another job, becoming more spiritual etc. The fashionable term for this is New Year’s resolutions. 

More often than not, the majority of people do not consistently stick to their resolutions. There are several reasons for that. Key among those reasons is that resolutions tend to be made on one aspect of one’s life, without due consideration for its implication on other aspects of one’s life. For example a weight loss resolution has an implication on lifestyle and other general habits. If the decision to lose weight does not take into account what lifestyle changes need to take place, it is unlikely to succeed. Another reason for failed resolutions is the lack of appreciation for the long term nature of it. Resolutions are rarely a short term event. They require a long term perspective. So when the momentary distractions overwhelm our desire for a bigger goal, we tend to lose heart and succumb to temporary convenience of that moment. Gradually commitment to the resolution wanes. By March/ April, the conviction of the resolution has left us.

The good news is that we can turn this around! We can stick to resolutions we make for ourselves! There are many ways to do so. In this piece I will share six steps. You’ll be amazed at how little of this is new, but very few of us actually implement it consistently. See how consistent you can be:

1.	Start with an honest, open stock take of your life. In the preceding period (a year, a quarter etc, try not to always confine resolution making to only the beginning of the year). What has worked well, what has not? Remember you are a whole person, made up of the physical, the spiritual, psychological and social. Each of these slices of your life are separate but intricately connected. Why have things worked or not worked? Also solicit views from someone you trust, who will give honest feedback without being offensive. A thorough stock take will provide you with an appropriately clear lens to chart a meaningful way forward.

2.	Make a decision on what is your goal for a defined period. I prefer the word goal, rather than resolution. The latter has been littered with too many societal and emotional burdens. But it’s your call! 

3.	Compile a comprehensive road map of what it is that needs to create a better version of yourself. This must include resources required, e.g. knowledge, people etc. What will be the cost of the goal? That does not only mean financially. It also means emotionally, time wise etc. The roadmap helps you navigate through the journey of where you need to go and how to get there. It also helps you anticipate challenges that might discourage you along the way. If you plan for these, you are better prepared and have a better chance at success.

4.	Visualise the end goal. Our minds are a powerful resource to support where we want to go. A regular habit of visualizing your end goal can energise you while you take baby steps towards that goal. Visualisation also instills focus and single mindedness. If you can have physical representation of your goal (posters etc) to remind you of your game plan, that will be a bonus.

5.	Establish measurable milestones within the journey that you can celebrate. This will give you motivation and a sense of accomplishment. More often than not, this will spur you on. 

6.	Find an accountability partner. Someone who will encourage you when the goal no longer seems worth it; hold you accountable for what you originally committed to (in other words kick your butt lovingly). 

I wish you an awesome goal setting and goal achieving process! Have fun in the process. Fun tends to help us keep at whatever we have committed ourselves to!

Let me know how it goes…

www.kisima.co.za/resolutions

A Thought Piece on Resolutions I Phyllis Ndlovu I Kisima.co.za

A Thought Piece on Relationships

February is socially known as the month of love, with specific reference to and focus on romantic relationships. More often than not, we are inundated with commercial invitations to do something special for that one person that one love of our life. Dinner reservations, flowers, chocolates, lingerie and other intimate commodities make up the language of the month. This in and of itself is fine, it serves a purpose. But in this podcast I want to focus only on one of the most important relationships, a relationship with yourself.

In general we spend very little time considering how we relate with ourselves, yet that relationship determines how we present ourselves in the world, at work and even to those very romantic relations that are highlighted in February. So this month I invite you to take a journey within, and observe how you participate in the world and how in turn the world responds to you. Please remember that getting to know you is a process not an event, so take a long term view on this one. Remember also that there is a direct correlation between self knowledge and achievement of meaningful goals. Some of the greatest leaders of our time, and high achievers in varied disciples have demonstrated depth in knowledge and awareness of self. This is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence.
1.	Spending time alone, away from the distractions of a busy life is a beneficial first step. Most people don’t intentionally switch off from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This means that they deprive themselves of time and space to reflect. If you are one of those, I invite you to start small, perhaps a few minutes away from your phone, yes that technological extension of your torso and just be. Ask yourself what am I feeling? What am I thinking? At this stage there is no right or wrong, just time for observation of you and who you are. Remember you are unlikely to have a beneficial relationship with anyone or anything if you don’t invest time in that relationship! So investing time with you will pay off in time.

2.	Once you have overcome the difficulty of spending time alone, well done. It is now essential to turn that time into actual quality time, and derive value from that time. Do you like you? What are the specific things you like about you? Why do you like those things about you? What are the things you would like to improve about yourself? Why would you like to improve these? There is not right or wrong at this stage. So it is important that you do not approach the reflection with a scoreboard. Scorecards tend to lock us into judgment and justification. Rather use the time to seek understanding rather than seek to correct or give brownie points. Remember when you go into a relationship, the starting point it usually curiosity and the joy of understanding another. The very same approach must apply to your relationship with you.

3.	If you have been consistent in setting aside a little time with you, as stated above, you will notice that you tend to get a little more comfortable doing it over time. You might even enjoy extending the initial time you had invested in this activity. But it takes being faithful with a few minutes at a time (in a day, in a week etc) whatever timeframe you choose, before you can be comfortable with and even be excited about. Some people even start to look forward to their reflection time! Think about it, when you are interested in something or someone, don’t you want to increase time with them or in that activity?
 
4.	The next steps after increasing non-judgmental quality time with your self is completely dependent on what you find in the privacy of your relationship. But investing in a course of action is paramount. One of the most instructive steps is to invest in a guided process with an appropriately skilled, and trusted advisor. A coach is one example. 

www.kisima.co.za/relationships

A Thought Piece on Relationships I Phyllis Ndlovu I www.kisima.co.za

A Thought Piece on Rights

On 21 March of every year since the dawn of democracy in South Africa, the country commemorates Human Rights day. This is a holiday that has its origins in 1960 during the Sharpville massacre. This is when thousands of black people protested against pass laws at a police station. Police opened fire and scores of people died. Human rights day is thus a reminder that never again in South Africa will such an inhuman and cold blooded event occur. 

www.kisima.co.za/rights

A Thought Piece on Rights I Phyllis Ndlovu I www.kisima.co.za

A Thought Piece on Freedom

This is year 2017. South Africa is celebrating 23 years of democracy. Many South Africans who were of voting age in 1994 will remember the anticipation in the build up to 27 April 1994. This is when for the very first time all South Africans had the right to vote. Some were anxious about what the unknown held. Many more were feeling victorious at the final arrival of freedom in their lifetime. Do you remember where you were on that day? Do you remember what your thoughts and feelings were? Do you remember who were you with on that historical day? It is the nature of celebration that allows the eye of the mind to revisit the time and place of the celebrated event. So go ahead and reminisce. Enjoy your celebration of South Africa’s 23rd year of freedom. It is an important milestone in our collective history.

Over the years and months since 1994, the architecture of our legal institutions have been tested. It is as if every conceivable event to test if they will indeed stand, has been brought to us as a gift, to see if indeed these institutions will stand. Their resilience has been phenomenal. So if there is nothing else that is worth celebrating during this month of SA’s Freedom month, it is the resilient democratic institutions that have stood the tested of time and the test of fortitude. They are still standing, firm enough to weather attempts at destabilization of our young democracy.  Let’s be proud for a moment!

The recent cabinet reshuffle and related socio-political changes have stunned the nation and indeed the world. They have created a degree of instability that threatens what was fought for and achieved in the build up towards 1994. However, those very reshuffle events have become an unwitting unifier for South Africans across diverse walks of life. Beyond the boarders of the country, South Africans are also united in making their voices heard about these recent changes. This un-planned for unity comes at a time when South Africans were increasingly becoming polarized, particularly along race lines – where an increase in racial confrontations was reported with every passing week. Do you remember that? So the unwitting unifier of recent changes can be viewed as a positive thing. This unwitting unifier galvanizes national action towards a common goal – namely that of restoring order and calm in our land.

But while many are unified in the face of instability, each individual deals with the recent changes in their own unique way. Individuals might find themselves in one or more of the five broad phases of dealing with change of this magnitude:

Shock: and disbelief at suddenness and drastic-ness of the cabinet reshuffle
Anger: at the non consultative nature in which these events took place, anger at the impact of the changes on foreign direct investment, anger ultimately at the implications for ordinary lives and related bread and butter issues
Mental negotiation: I refer to this third phase as the “what if” phase. It is made up of thinking through all sorts of possibilities that have brought us to this point – if a different president had been at the helm, would these changes have occurred? If we had embarked on mass action sooner, would things have deteriorated to this level? If and if and if… so the phase goes on.

www.kisima.co.za/freedom

A Thought Piece on Freedom I Phyllis Ndlovu I www.kisima.co.za

Phyllis is a trained Clinical Psychologist. She obtained her BA Junior Degree and Honours Degree in Applied Psychology at the University of the Witwatersrand (WITS). She went on to obtain her Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology at the University of Cape Town (UCT).

aboutOver the years she has obtained a number of additional courses within the field of psychology as well as in other management disciplines. Strategic Planning, Human Resources, Leadership Development and Organisational Performance are some of these. Ongoing self improvement has served as a cornerstone in terms of providing the best and most contextual interventions to her client base.

Her work history entails more than 17 years’ experience in psychology work. Such work includes Organisational development, executive coaching, brief and long term psychotherapy, as well as workshop facilitation. She has also had exposure as adviser to senior and executive management. Her facilitation in strategic planning workshops and in strategic advice, put her in good stead to balance the focus on needs of the individual and needs of the corporate environment.

Over the years she has occupied senior and executive management positions in government and in the private sector. These positions have ranged from Strategic HR to Executive Services (including policy, strategy and performance).

Phyllis is the founding member of Kisima Psychological Services. This is a company that focuses on maximizing human capital output. Health and wellness interventions, Emotional Intelligence Workshops, Workplace Diversity and Transformation conversations are some of the offerings. In response to client needs, additional offerings have been Organisational Diagnosis, Climate Survey, Strategy Facilitation and Team Effectiveness interventions.

Beyond the work environment, Phyllis enjoys leisurely reading and spending time with family. The great outdoors are a special bonus when business demands have let off for a while.