An original remix of the Seinfeld episode, 'The Alternate Side'. All sample rights belong to Seinfeld and associated corporations.

Boy These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Track 1 - A Letter
The lyrics of this song act as a suicide letter for the unnamed teenage boy in this EP. In his letter, he states that it was not directly anyone's fault, it was just a result of a number of reasons.

Lyrics
There’s emptiness in me,
It’s got a lock, you hold the key,
I thought you knew.
There’s a hole inside my head
where nobody tends to tread,
and I thought you knew.
Unnerving pictures plague my mind, 
I’ll keep quiet keep them confined,
But you didn’t know

And I just needed someone’s shoulder
But you don’t listen to me.
I sit quietly in the corner
Someplace that you can’t see

My friends don’t seem to notice my words.
I thought you would.
We talk and talk and talk, but my thoughts all go unheard.
I thought they would.
My mother’s not around to see behind my lies
I thought you should.
You care more about your work to see behind my guise
I guess you didn’t know.

And I just needed someone’s shoulder
But you don’t listen to me.
I’ll leave my letter in the corner
Someplace I hope you now see.

I’m not really scared about ending all my pain
I want you to know.
I’ll be thinking of you as my blood runs down the drain
I need you to know.

Track 1 - A Letter

Track 2 - Selfish Doubts
This song is noticeably heavier than track 1, and deals with the Boy's final thoughts before committing suicide.

Lyrics
There’s no pride in me,
Or my wicked teeth.
Left me painfully,
It’s plain to see,
It’s hard to breathe.
Drowned in honest lies,
Watched by thoughtless eyes,
I live painfully,
It’s plain to see,
It’s hard to breathe.

This is only the start
It will tear me apart
In this taintless sea
I’m numb indefinitely

There’s so much hate in me,
It fills me endlessly.
Let’s my tears run out,
On selfish doubts,
That I set free.
My fire’s dead inside,
Just like a widowed bride.
Let my blood run out,
A selfish doubt,
That I set free.

You can’t tell me how to live
When there’s nothing left to give.
No don’t tell me how to live
When I’ve got nothing left to give

This is only the start
It will tear me apart
In this taintless sea
I’m numb indefinitely


Track 2 - Selfish Doubts

Track 5 - I Slept In Your Blood
This song takes place the day after track 4, with the father having called an ambulance, but there was nothing they could do, and was filled with so much shock that he didn't leave the room where he found his son, instead falling asleep with his bloodied clothes on.

Lyrics
I didn’t know where to go
I didn’t know who to see.
I didn’t know what to do
to take my wretched mind off of you.

Friends called for hours
Asked ‘How could this be?”
I couldn’t talk back, 
There’s no one here as I let the lights fade to black.

What would my wife think?
This happened in front of my very own eyes
You planned this so meticulously.
I hope to God I’ll see you eventually.

You don’t know what you’ve done
How am I sposed to feel
I slept in your blood, wept in the mud,
for all to see

What am I meant to do?
I’m running in circles.
I slept in your blood, wept in the mud,
for all to see

Track 5 - I Slept In Your Blood

Track 3 - Who The Hell Likes Being Stuck In A Place Where You Can't Even Smile?
The quote at the start of the song and title of this song is taken from a movie, Wristcutters; A Love Story. This song is completely instrumental, during which the boy commits suicide.

Track 3 - Who The Hell Likes Being Stuck In A Place Where You Can't Even Smile?

Track 7 - Untitled.
This track is the final track of the EP. During this song, the Father reads his son's suicide letter, and is able to feel some sort of closure. He is freed of his anger and guilt, and instead tries to start remembering the happy times in both their lives.

Lyrics
Well I read your letter, that was addressed to me.
Strange how that ink helped me to see so clearly.
I was blaming myself when I wasn’t to blame,
But I was blindsided by rage and shame.

Would you sit back and stare at me, and question your existence, and if it all made sense
Cos I’ll stare at where you sat and ask, what have I done to my only son.

It’s too quiet in this house without you, my thoughts echo down the halls.
It’s so painful to see your face, but I don’t dare take those photos from the walls

Track 7 - Untitled

Track 6 - Rest
This song takes place at the funeral. The Father's emotions have changed from guilt to anger at the son for making him feel this way.

Lyrics
I wear that black tie you bought for me, on my last birthday
Try be the best that I can be, to end this right.
I saw you stand amongst the trees, surrounding your grave,
Take me away, get me away, I fucking hate this place.

Subconsciously my consciousness has all but hollowed out,
I buried you, you buried me with all your hopes and dreams.
You’ve given so much hatred to me.
I lowered you into that hole and shouted out

We laid your body to rest
Under those awful oak trees
You were the test
That I failed so easily

Track 6 - Rest

Track 4 - Pool
This song switches from the perspective of the Boy to his Father. During this song, the Father comes home from work to discover his son, lying dead in a pool of his own blood with his wrists slashed. The Father is overwhelmed with guilt and confusion.

Lyrics
I opened the door and called out your name,
But you never reply, so what was I to do.
Your body lay there for hours
because of me, my ignorance,

I hate what I’ve become
I don’t understand what you’ve done
I hate what I’ve become
I don’t understand what you’ve done

I opened your door and cried out in pain
You didn’t reply, but how could you.
Your body lay there for hours
because of me, my ignorance.

That pool of blood, surrounding us
as I cradle your head in my hands.
That bloody knife that took your life
And put an end to my demands.

I hate what I’ve become
I don’t understand what you’ve done
I hate what has become
I guess that you’ve finally won.

Lachlan Healey Music