Lars Frederiksen And The Bastards

Cracker - Low

good news, a heart full instead

What happens when Chick and Wilbur take summer jobs at Camp Crystal Lake?
A troubadour folk tale meets slasher sequel logic.
Armed with an acoustic guitar, dobro, and bad judgment, our boys try to survive a cursed camp, a masked maniac, and several questionable sequels — all while keeping their spirits high and their marshmallows toasted.

This Halloween song blends humor, horror, and old-school storytelling — part Abbott and Costello, part Friday the 13th, and a little folk music around the campfire.

LYRICS
(C)2025 Ggreg Snyder

[Verse 1]
Well Chick said, “Wilbur, I’ve got us a job,”
“Camp Crystal Lake, we’ll be part of the mob.
They need a few hands to tidy the shore,
We’ll make a few bucks, maybe something more.”
Wilbur packed sandwiches, Chick packed cigars,
They rode up the road in a secondhand car.
“Fresh start, fresh air, what could go wrong?”
Then Wilbur heard thunder and tried to be strong.

[Chorus]
Oh, it’s sunshine, friendship, and s’mores by the fire,
We’ll sing ‘Kumbaya’ till the ghosts all retire.
A beautiful lake, and the boss seems great,
We’re spending our summer at Camp Crystal Lake!

[Verse 2]
Old Steve Christy said, “Boys, just beware,
Some say this camp’s cursed—there’s death in the air.”
Wilbur said “C-C-C-C-urse?” while Chick rolled his eyes,
“Superstition,” he said, “that’s the campers’ disguise.”
But that night two counselors were found in a mess,
The last one alive said, “A hockey mask, I guess.”
Chick said, “So what? He’s a sportsman, see?
Probably just works out his anger on me.”

[Chorus]
Oh, it’s sunshine, friendship, and s’mores by the fire,
We’ll sing ‘Kumbaya’ till the ghosts all retire.
A beautiful lake, and the boss seems great,
We’re spending our summer at Camp Crystal Lake!

[Bridge]
Then the sheriff came knockin’ with a warrant in hand,
Found a hockey mask under Wilbur’s nightstand.
He said, “I don’t even skate! My ankles would break!”
But Chick said, “Quit it with your belly-ache!”
So he ran through the woods, through New York, through space,
Met Freddy Krueger face-to-face.
“Hiya, Wilbur,” Freddy grinned wide,
And Jason just stood there, dead-eyed.

[Verse 3]
Back at the camp, the rumor spread fast,
“It was Jason’s mom!” though nobody asked.
Wilbur sighed, “That’s a lot of family stress…”
Chick said, “It was the ambulance driver, that's my guess”
Then bubbles rose up and a mask peeked through—
Wilbur yelled, “Chick, he’s lookin’ at you!”
But Chick just shrugged, said, “Relax, my friend,
They always come back for the sequel end.”

[Chorus – Big Finale]
Oh, it’s sunshine, friendship, and s’mores by the fire,
We’ll sing ‘Kumbaya’ till the ghosts all retire.
A beautiful lake, and the boss seems great,
We’re spending forever at Camp Crystal Lake!

[Outro – Spoken, with campfire crackle]
"Be sure and join us for the sequel, where our boys meet Hannibal Lechter."

DISCLAIMER:
This work is a parody and no actual comedians were harmed at Camp Crystal Lake.

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Lars Frederiksen And The Bastards

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