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ominous

dereal w/ .diedlonely

lords. betrayal (super slowed)

Lucid dreams (W/ Ghoste!)

this song to me is an expression of how it's felt learning that the world can be okay. learning to breathe deeply for the first time, not filled with anxiety and fear of what would happen to me that day. the air i'm breathing feels so new, and finally safe. i can take up the space that i need to, and not feel that i am too much. my world has opened up, my perspectives have changed. i am learning it is okay to lean on others for support and know that it is not a burden to do so, though it is still something i struggle with. i am always growing, and i feel so grateful to have the chance to grow, as i know many don't, and i didn't for most of my life. i hope this can resonate with someone. or even bring a little bit of hope to those who feel that they will never truly feel the peace that they deserve, because it is out there, the world is not all scary, and you are worthy of experiencing it, && all the beautiful things life has to offer. ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა ♡

you'll heal me

@vanda100 and i had worked on this 3 years ago. he sent a very crazy and long piano peformance to me. i sifted thru it and we transformed it together into something completely different. we tried off and on to finish it and eventually it got left behind. then 3 years later (in 2025), he messaged me again and his friend @natti-915299332 had added some vocals to it. i was very blown away, and it sounded nothing like i had ever heard before. i opened up the old project and added the new vocals, and decided to re-work the entire project into something that better suited the vocals. this project started as one thing, and changed and changed so many times, with things added and removed, until finally this was the result. sometimes the best songs are made in minuets, and other times, music i really adore can take what feels like a life time.

here are the lyrics:
called
no one picked up
to voicemail
i’m alone again
as always
when did i become, the shadow of a ghost?
i never died
but people treat me as if im dead
you don’t have to die to become a ghost
hiding
waiting
searching
looking for answers
something to show that i’m alive
all alone
\
the lyrics are particularly personal to me. they were not written with any of my input or communication with them, but ended up being deeply personal for me. If natti wishes to share here her interpretation of them i will add it here,

but for me this song really cuts deep. lately, after refusing to write music for oneheart, and refusing to let him release my music remixed under his name, i've felt like, wow, if this is how big artists treat me, like a piece of meat, or as if i would ever agree to be a ghost writer for someone else's sucess, its deeply dehumanizing, and disgusting, and it's like people treat me as if im dead, but it makes me wonder, how far disgusting people like that would go when im actually dead. he already hired this dude dean to help him rip off my "nothing is real" style songs, after i refused to make them with him and blocked him everywhere, so all i can assume is that the day i actually do die, he will be throwing a big party since in his mind, i wont be there to stop him from ripping off my music on a massive scale. anyways, thats never going to happen, but that's just the kind of garbage i've been dealing with for years now and used to be too afraid to say anything. my health has gotten so bad though, i just could care less anymore and have no issue exposing disgusting people like that. 

i hope this song will help you confront whatever it is you need to think about. for me, it was that garbage. that just scratching the surface but i'll talk about the entire picture sooner or later. anyways, big love to everyone out there, and thanks for listening to our song.

people treat me as if im dead

crawl into, 
the box down in the dirt
a ghost who wants to roam the earth
and my time has come
im only holding onto the air
my time came and went
a life only half spent
wasting everyday hoping that things would change
and i have nothing to show
nothing to show
nothing to show
that i was i was even here

im only holding onto the air

under the rising sun

my room (deadly)

A soothing ambient journey filled with calm atmospheres, gentle textures, and emotional depth. Perfect for relaxation, focus, and reflection.

Lucid dreams (W/ Ghoste!)

3xist

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