I got to know you was like what the fuck?

It's scary growing older.
When you've got time.
You're worried you have maxed out. 
You're at your prime.

Your gonna be just fine.

I have told you one I've told you twice you can be anything you like if you just set your mind.
Follow the passion in your heart and you'll be happy.
THERE IS TIME. THERE IS TIME. THERE IS TIME.
You're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be just fine. 

Fine

your love, a campfire folklore

doubt

ya know, just slowly and causally healing 25 years worth of repressed issues. 

"now you can become."

Release me, of what I can no longer numb
I'm sorry that I kept you in this rut 
Let go, of who you think you otta be
What is being, if inauthentically? 

There's sadness and grief, letting go of a version of me 
But let her go, dear.
Let her go, dear
It's just a skin you wore for so long, 
and now you can become
and now you can become

become

Never quite planted in love, never quite forgiven.
I've lost but I've tried.
I tried. 
Forgiveness is a bitch. I know, whiskey's pretty good at it.
But that wears off, then I'm left with it. 

There's a knock at the door, the Goddess has sworn,
you are good, mighty and strong.
But you must let go, to carry on. 
Let go.

planted in love, on the irish countryside

Unpacking the love you didn't know you had.
-
Met you on the internet when I was 17
With common interests and equal weirdness a little bit obscene
You came to town with a grandpa car, I swear you were a fucking star

Everybody loved you, at least that was clear
I’was baby gay and you a little queer
Still, I stood in line with a bunch of boys who all looked the same, waited for you to call my name

When it was you and I, it was blinding
Couldn't call it by its name
But it was love
It was love
It was love 

There are parts of us, we deny
There are parts of us, we don't like
But we were magnets, even if fragments
It was love

it was love

This was improv and recorded on my phone, sorry for the background noise.
-
My first crush on the playground she had beads in her hair
I remember chasing her around a tree
I couldn't have been more free 
What had happened to me?

Suppress it
Suppress it
You’re wrong 
You’re wrong 
Suppress it, suppress it, Seadog
I know the storms a’coming so prepare to swim
Prepare to swim. 

Below the sea is the truth
Mighty protection from you
You must dive, you must dig, you must believe that there is more 
Believe

Seadog, Seadog I know
You are weary you just want to let it go 
But there is truth, there is truth that you need
Set forth on the choppy seas 

I remember my first crush was a girl, no apologies I was a world
Full of freedom and love and was pure 
That was before the storm

seadog

7-year cycle has come and gone now
This skin I'm in is new
I’ll tell you why I still have to cry 
When you're gone I’ll grieve for you too 

Never once lost myself but I was cast away
Was truth she ran from far and wide
Truth that shed the honest light
Out run what shed the light
Out run what shed
-the light

outrun

I’ve got chords and I’ve got nothing to say
I used to have the words of many
Maybe it will come back one day
I used to have the words of many
Maybe it will come back one day

You feel being awake is hard
You’ve got bruises on the bottom of your feet
Telling you to go back to sleep 
Telling you to go back to sleep 

I’ve got pen and paper and nothing to say
I could talk all day and say nothing
I’ve got things they are locked in jars 
Bubble wrapped, taped up and dug in a hole

You feel being awake is hard
You’ve got bruises on the bottom of your feet
Telling you to go back to sleep 
Telling you to go back to sleep 

I’ve got chords and I’ve got nothing to say
I used to have the words of many
Maybe it will come back one day
Maybe it will come back one day
Maybe it will come back one day

words of many

Alt title; That's some gay sad shit no. 9 
-
Numbing like a northeastern snow
Numbing like a man without his clothes
Since a child, I’ve known but I have yet to grow
Cause no matter the month, for me it always snows.

Hoping heart feels so much lighter 
Hoping heart feels so much brighter

I am a stupid pansy trying to bloom
I cut the source of light and truth 
I’ve lost the will to sing 
If I wanna to bloom, I’ll have to wait for spring 

Numbing like a northeastern snow
Numbing like a man without his clothes
Since a child I’ve known but I have yet to grow
Cause no matter the month, for me it always snows.

pansy

Do you love life in that little cocoon
Do you love watching the world go on without you
Do you know that everyone you look up to 
They were once in a little cocoon
Only difference is they bloomed 

Little thing goes into the little cocoon
Never comes out alive, but soon
Has breakdown, decompose into goo 
Cause a butterfly must bloom 
Only difference is it’s you 
it’s you 
it’s you 
it’s you 
it’s you 

I see signs that I've hid on my skin 
Where the sun just has never kissed

I’ve fought 
To forgive who I am 
and who I'm not

laurenjohnson

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