fan made bootleg album/compilation of slowdive rarities/demos made by me
download: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1yTJ8_eKkddqvJqkMX56M-w93LZwGdSg7?usp=sharing

Sleep

When the Sun Hits (Demo)

https://open.spotify.com/track/2ad10MoJaEA2pWvuZoDebM?si=ce2e25d54d944b28

wake up

foom is back 2

Bored Again Christian (with Murdered by Robots)

so long

storm aproaching

my storm.

This body’s weight is heavier than expected
Feeling a caving in the stomach
The deepest depression hasn’t been around
Happy thoughts disgust and bring sickness
Vomiting eventually feels euphoric
Using less muscles to wear a smile
Working out the comfortable grimace

All of this smells of the truth
I can see myself in the filth
Beer belly sans beer
Almost twigs everywhere else
Green eyes enhance the face
And the garbage pile wants it
I am the fetish for the trash bags
Contradictory self realization hurts me

And, for whatever sick reason
The garbage heap is where I want to be found
Leave me how you find me
These lungs will still be breathing
The trash is just comforting me
Leave me there

Lay pretty flowers around my head
Make it look like a crown deserved
I’m still alive in the dump
Make me pretty enough

Is it dissociation?
That’s what I wish for?

Craving a slip into the void
Fear of being forgotten
Thirsty for the return of sexual tendencies
These hands wear the shame for me
Filled to the brim with hate
And the bottle is overstuffed

Oxymoronic

And a fucking pitiful self deprecation spilled

Oh, I guess I still hate myself
That’s just fucking great

—

I’m too afraid now to speak of this
Scenarios that will never happen
Like a movie in my head
Bearing the strongest feel of fiction
By my own volition
I created it

A scenario where you’re still alive
And you reach out to me this time
Begging for my arms to hold you
No apologies, no past tense sickness
You flee from the danger
And you toss your body in my safety net

But, I’m too afraid to speak of this
There were thoughts I intended to write
Chances are they will only increase the hurt

I don’t know what to do anymore
Even this practice feels unnecessary
This is pushing
Even when I know it will end in nothing

Maybe I’m not ready for this just yet
Or maybe, I’m afraid of feeling your absence

These are scenarios I will keep to myself for now
I have no reason for that

I can’t believe I’m pushing this
But even more so
I can’t believe you’re gone

I don’t want to believe that
I won’t let myself believe that
I don’t want to
So, I just won’t

And this is my ailment



foom is back 2

Nadav Ettlinger

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