turned 22 today, here's a song

produced by stonesowavy

mastered by @sastrp

LYRICS:

let me in let me out

tell me what you know
bout your life the shit u hide and tell me what u owe
forget about the time i got it start right from the go
lemme know your fears the trauma buried deep below
tell me bout the time u didn’t have a place a home
tell me bout the desperation of being alone
moving day to day where every day was seeming slow
every time the outcome of events was still unknown 
it’s unknown where we at
no time to react
speculation mixed with fact and the fad of attention in remission
cause it’s not about you and it never was
and it’s not about me that’s what troubles us
expecting compensation for a life that seems mistaken
and receiving nothing but impatience conflict illness degradation
seems unfair all this monotony performed with calculation 
comparing hatred
constantly racing
wonder what’s the purpose of the pain
dream of peace a stable life consistent pay
don’t ask for too much only take the things u need
tell me how you heal and how you bleed

can i tell you what i know
bout my life the shit i hide and what i owe
hope you got the time cause imma start right from the go 
i got a lot of fear and trauma buried deep below
i got a couple diagnoses probably a couple more they haven’t found yet
but the symptoms are apparent and the treatment done is negligent 
i’m stubborn almost arrogant in my ability to counter obstacles it’s evident
that i would benefit from therapy if i just fucking went
but i can’t even dial numbers start the journey of salvation
once my halo dusty now it’s broken down to yo sediment
i said i wanna change the world
she said that i can’t make that promise
i told her that i need approval
she said i might be a narcissist
cause i’m so focused on myself in such a troubling way
i can recognize the rot but i still let it decay
doing the bare minimum so i can get through the day
but i’m still desperate for some clapping hands to say it’s okay 
cause just the thought of doing what is right is not enough if i don’t actually do it
i want diplomas houses i blew it 
why does life feel claustrophobic when i just got on my feet
can i tell you how i heal and how i bleed

let me in let me out

i simply can’t believe in over sharing
given proper context humans tend to love comparing
situations lived and coping methods revel baring
honest nature of existence and precisely planning
what to filter rummage memories depression or your BPD
and anything that’s troubling the most open that you’ll ever be
but only let out what’s acceptable the limit of your history
is undefined when you first meet somebody you can vaguely see
being in your life extended time bond through little things
like breakups high school bullies neurons firing
to find the sweet spot not too overbearing sort of comforting
to know you’re not alone in this eventually the dam will break
testing the relationship by showing what is underneath
standing at a checkpoint in the bond you built so carefully
started off with how your parents were divorcing
to how you know the makeup that can help to cover bruising 
buzzwords key components of a conversation hold em in their mouth and let them out
when necessity to shows up 
know i’m here for you i care but question if they do believe that
in their head are they judgmental bout a controversial past

and maybe i’m just nosy bout your life
not always my business do or die
imma tell you something bout me
this is how i heal and how i bleed

let me in [prod. stonesowavy]

(hook)
sometimes I don't want no mentions
sometimes I just want validation
you can't comprehend my thinking
it's best you leave me here, I'm fading
in the deep end
trouble sleeping
i guess this is the path that's "clear"
i made my bed so I'll just lie here (X2)

(verse 1)
is it worth working for something that isn't guaranteed
if i called it quits will my mind finally be at ease
so many nights where i thought i couldn't do it
no more
this passion is a curse and I don't know how much I can endure

it's like I'm walking on broken glass
i'm bleeding out slowly
if I fuck up a minor task
my brain will just show me,
call me a good for nothing loser
who gets in his own way maybe later, maybe sooner

(hook)
sometimes I don't want no mentions
sometimes I just want validation
you can't comprehend my thinking
it's best you leave me here, I'm fading
in the deep end
trouble sleeping
i guess this is the path that's "clear"
i made my bed so I'll just lie here (X2)


made my bed [validation pt 2]  (saint mike)

petty needs [prod. saint mike]

prod dxvd
lyrics:

the things you doin
they aint good4me 
you got me choosin
is you good4me?
i aint never lived this happily
but this is how im supposed to be
just happy with you close to me 
now sit here, listen closely 
im likin what you showin me
with these bands ill buy you jewelry 
think this shit is new to me
yea she think this shit is new to me
yea she think this shit is new to me

paid in advancement 
diamonds on me dancing 
dance with me OMG 
gotta bad lil bitch 
tryna take my pants and-
im tryna freak that bitch
told her shake that thing for me 
inna handstand
youre no good4me
im in the bed she hit dat pants dance
youre no good4me
she turned me down like we on ran ran-
youre no good 
im finna slide down the panties 
and get in her box today as i should
i know you already know me 
because i can do what you wish you could
im wit yo bitch and its 6 in the morning
so i hit her with my wood

the things you doin
they aint good4me 
you got me choosin
is you good4me?
i aint never lived this happily
but this is how im supposed to be
just happy with you close to me 
now sit here, listen closely 
im likin what you showin me
with these bands ill buy you jewelry 
think this shit is new to me

Good4me (Feat. Staggy)

SELF SABOTAGE (SHADE08)

Getting Worse (Silver)

Puddles of tears are laid across my web
All eight legs take very careful steps
Feel like i'm trapped in my own knots
I know its self sabotage but i can't stop

Ladybugs and butterflies they get it easy
But when i'm around people get uneasy
Even though me and ladybugs are alike
I don't understand what people dislike

world so big i wish i could make it
People try to tell me that i should fake it
But even when i try i still look the same
An eight legged creep with sharp fangs

And if i was red and had spots
Would they still leave me until i rot
I guess ill stay in my spider-utopia
I wish you didn't have Arachnophobia

I'm stuck in my home with nothing to do
wish i could go outside and play with you
But all eight legs are hard to carry
And all the other insects find me really scary

Im soft and delicate and scared of heights
I don't like getting in physical fights
I might seem frightening but i am not
I know its your views it is not my fault

world so big i wish i could make it
People try to tell me that i should fake it
But even when i try i still look the same
An eight legged creep with sharp fangs

And if i was red and had spots
Would they still leave me until i rot
I guess ill stay in my spider-utopia
I wish you didn't have Arachnophobia

made my bed [validation pt 2] (saint mike)

caspr2k

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