just listen.  8 months sober.  I speak to God.  He tells me to sing.

Caught in little mind traps 
Sensing all the pain 
Perceiving for the first time
The effect of what I'd say

It hurts to see you lonesome 
When we're lying in our bed
It's like you won't confide in me but
I'm hopeful for the day

My triumphs will outweigh all
The destruction these hands have caused
Left the past in the ash 
Born Again Now I’ve Become

Exactly what I am 
Everything I was 
Before I let that  poison 
Consume my moral trust 
To Awakening from visions 
The memories are blurred 
Desperate to change impressions
Damaging to her

Antabuse

Born Again

ANTABUSE

His Plan / Her Intuition

Nothing stops the impulses for one more taste.
Nothing curbs the years now lost to chosen fate.
Inside the home I almost broke.
All alone and no one knows the path I chose to take. 

Nowhere to run when the cravings come.
It's underneath my skin.
No social cues or solitude can free me from all of this.
Gave up control and all my soul for substances.
Chose to ignore the ones I swore to never harm 

Dismissed the warnings of the One Above and gave into my sin.

The more attention to these thoughts I pay manipulates the cost to raises the taxes spent to stop the constant pressure at a loss for sane and logical restraints to put around that hate that builds up to the top. Contain this evil in my dying heart. Refrain from tying up the noose to take away these thoughts inside my brain.  Ignore the voices that will say to open up just medicate.  I must contain myself.

TEMPERANCE

You knew that I'd be gone, but you said that you'd be there for me /
I said that I'd be callin' / You said that you'd be waiting / Said that you'd be waiting for me to come home.

(Tired of all these they said to me memories / Tired of all these memories / Tired of all the things said to me / We're tired of all these memories /

Of all these memories / Tired of all the things said to be said / said to be / said said said to be/me

You knew that I'd be gone, but you said that you'd be there for me
I said that I'd be callin' / You said that you'd be waiting / Said that you'd be waiting for me to come home.

(Tired of all these they said to me memories / Tired of all these memories / Tired of all the things said to me / We're tired of all these memories /

June 22nd

Lost in the world of upside down shapes and sounds I can't explain how I ended up so lost in the realm so serene, but the moods been robbed by me.

The authorities that be taking from what I see what I thought I could be.  Symbols and messages from G-d it seemed in the number on the clock and writings left tossed on the streets.  Left for me to change opinions of how I see myself in mirror.  I need to find the truth and help.  In all the lies I spy on the television screens warning of war crimes saying I'm about to die.  I need to find some truth in all the lies I spy saying I'm about to die.  

Lost in the world of upside down shapes and sounds I can't explain how I.....

Snapped back to reality where the rain falls down and the ground is underneath, and the gravity's pushing down on me.  
My back can feel the weight, but I cannot seem to explain how I got this way.  
Lost in a sea of anger and endless shame. 

I can feel it all in a way.  I can feel it all in the breath I take
I'd take it all away.  He'd take it all away for you.
If I drank it all away.  If I drank it all away today.
I'd throw it all away.  I'd fall apart away into the grass I'd take the way its forced to be.

Not one for excuses and accepting of the truth
I've been praying for forgiveness, forgiveness from you.
Capturing the moments of that face.  
Senses lost to dulling.  Arising from their grave.
Synaptic gaps are struggling to gain regulation from the mistakes I've made.  

That's a taste of the self-loathing, When all the doors are shut eventually the voices become the only thoughts to trust
I can't say a word or a muscle. 

Chemicals have torn in sleekness of words to incinerate the vessels of
The contour and infusing.  
I can't confuse or trust anything 
And I run and I run 
But I can't get away 
I can't feel it off
I can't make my escape

Make my escape.

Lost and Found

Time makes fools of us.
We hate what we can't trust.
Pain is more than what we feel.
We cannot take time heal

Nothing breaks the center's edge
Why must we grow in sorrow's bed?
Blanket the arms and take it away.
Weapons of harm are finding a way.

Praise forever of hidden estate
Vengeance consumed 
Making Mistakes
Casting a number
Blaming the banks

We are all the Hate

We have all become the Same
We are All 
All Insane
We have become the same
We are all going insane.

Making Mistakes

Swollen And Swelling

Feel myself screaming but you can't see it on my face /
Close my eyes to meditate / 
Try to visualize the pain / 
Desperate and abandoned /
Left to fend for my own /
Intellect wasn't encouraged /
Couldn't it face it all alone /

You gave me strength /
I was feelin' weak from the challenges that week /
Demons in my head kept on tugging at the seams of the /
Stitches placed to help the inseam of my conscience /
Make sense and understand what it sees and times when I'm /

Screaming but you can't see it on my face /
Close my eyes / Close my eyes to meditate /
And pray / Offering another mistake /
A mistake /

Changed Myself, Changed The World

I know that I should be sleeping but don't think that I can
I know that I gotta work tomorrow, but I'm thinking 'bout callin' quits
I can't let em down
Why why, why oh why do I live in this town?
Why did I leave that town?
I was scared I was scared I'm not scared anymore

Neighbors left town. but I have some more
Hope they can't hear me but I'll ignore that thought
I'm not scared if they can hear me
Only G-d can hear me

scared that they could hear me 

For so long.

For so long, for so long 

For so long, but I don't care anymore.
I don't want to ignore the silence.
Just want to ignore cannot say anything more.

I want to be who I am
I want to be just Who I Am.
Can you see? This is not what He planned.
This is not.  This is not what I had planned.

So I'll change it tomorrow if I can remember.
I gave that shit up. No its not since December?
Or November that I took his f***in' drink.
Put that sh*t down poured it all down the sink.

That's what scares me so much . . . is I'm doin' this sh*t sober.
But what the fuck am I doin' here anymore?
What the fuck did I do to myself?
At least my beautiful kids are asleep and happy in the other room.

What's say for you? That I'm happy for the first time.
It's never gonna go away. Cuz I know just what I have to do today.

And I'll scream it out loud if that's what you wanna hear, but
I think that I'll save that for another time my dear.

Cuz I knew that I love you my wife, my love, the one that sleeps above me. <3 L&M

If I play this shit right they'll never know that its me 
I just can't fuck it up I gotta say what I think

And do so much more.

I don't know why my mind works the way that it does
I don't see and end to it
I don't think I give
A single fuck anymore
And I don't know why I feel this way
but I can say that I won't change
I won't change.
You can't make me change.

Trying and fighting myself forself
If you know what I mean
I don't know how to shut up anymore

It just goes on and on and on and on
In my head in my head in my head in my head
It goes on and on and on in my head
it goes on and on and on again
I can go on and on and on In my head
It goes on and on,  on and on, again
And On and on and on again
You're going on and on and on

Lemmy