"I learned the hard way
you weren’t against me,
you were just for yourself
proudly, I put my feelings on the shelf,
there was nothing left but you.
you and you. that was it. that was all.
we couldn’t even last through the fall
and what a cold one it was,
even more feelings left to linger, not to be disclosed.
and it shows, that I’m a bit more prideful that I think I am. but you know why!
you know I hate that shit. feeling like I got hit,
every time a piece of emotion leaves my lips, fingertips, or tongue.
because I knew you were my one,
and though I never truly wanted to be done, i knew we wouldn’t last.
not that I was always focused on the past, more focused on your ass. . 
and your ASS alone . . .
your beauty, your mentality, yeah, you can lean on me.
but damn man, chewing up all my soul & inspiration,
but won’t give me the space to refuel
yet you found time to judge, snarl and shun.
you were so close . . . so close to me . . .
so close to what you thought was so far from.
so close, you couldn’t even fathom . . . 
you really had it all . . . that particular fall.
-
cause I fell, hard, like a squirrel on the hunt for that last nut, hanging on the tree
that he shook down out of greed, and though I agreed to fall, it was all on your call
let loose, let go, & look down below, because you had me at a simply hello
with a simple walk around my car. that was it and that was all.
cause it was still . . . all on your call . . .
and you’ll probably act like you don’t recall,
cause I could never get anything through your thick skull
and though I issued a withdrawal, and you were acting all appalled
because YOU felt that would be our default,
you know, fuss and fight and say we’re through,
but had I stalled, I would’ve been left on the floor, to crawl, pointed in the direction of you
i was the one in need of real rescue
cause i wasn’t trying argue about the way your account or paydays was set up
I just knew this subscription was meant to be discontinued 
and I always sigh.
whenever I do feel something for you.
caving in for you. diving deep for you.
learning not to breathe, for you.
anything for you."












[T A N G Y)

THE HARD WAY

"Sleep tight
When you wake up, it'll be alright
You can rest assure
You've got my heart, & i've got yours
You'll never be alone
Grateful for the love you've always shown
You hear that? That's my heart beating out for you, and only you
& though you don't believe it, baby, know it's true
& when I say "I love you", you just look the other way
But you begging me to stay
I ain't thinking about any other way
To make it though the stormy days
Just to see ya pretty face again
No, I wasn't thinking of any other ways
Promise to always meet ya halfway
Its these feelings, i just can't escape
So, how about a clean slate?"


[T A N G Y)

HER LULLABY

"Whenever our fingers meet,
we create the piece we've been missing from ourselves.

You are my soulmate.

I saw you floating by but could only spot you from a distance. Feelings before this couldn't compare.

And though you're forever stuck on my past, that's neither here nor there.

Fuck ya whose whats whens whys and wheres. 
Cause where I placed my cares is in that same deck you drew ya "dare" and to tell you the truth, aha,
I would've rolled one and smoked, probably choke, cause you know I'd rather float, you choosing to go down this road, with me.
Me.

I always felt it couldn't really be.
Because I didn't think God would do this favor for me,
a prayer gone unanswered, i thought he wasn't hearing me.
Until you walked up so gracefully...
Boy was i lucky..."


[T A N G Y)

Lucked Up

"in the dark, I am a brown skinned female. degraded & belittled. unconsciously recruited in a self hatred war, amongst my fellow people

and you, you are a flower
that has been growing and blossoming for years. but has not yet been discovered.

in the dark, I am scared
scared of what the future holds; if my own hands are even going to be privy of the commodity or will I give into the pressure, to believe someone can live this life to a further extent than myself?

and you ... are fearless
anxious & excited for anything that may come your way. taking life by the horns with a tight grip, thankful for every blessing you are showered with and every problem you are challenged with.

in the dark, I am anxiously awaiting for my time. to break out the shell that has been my habitat for far too long. to go against the grain and regulations of conformity. to raise the line of symmetry of my hand higher than ever, showing everyone how I really feel.

and you are grinning, proudly
witnessing me wake up to my worth.
embracing my habits and learning to adore my flaws with beauty & pride.

in the light, I am Alexandria
born and raised from the bottom, that Hoover Fig
and you are that little girl that I have grown up and apart from. with such great value, she is buried like a treasure, but never forgotten thus "X" marks the spot.

I bought a pair of shoes the other day, size 10.





I wear a size 8 1/2."



[T A N G Y)

leXiceee