Damn, I probably recorded this demo about a year ago now. Not sure why I never uploaded it, except for that I can be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my own artwork. But like, since it's a rough room-recorded demo, I don't see a reason why it needs to be so perfect in the first place.

I haven't done much with music in about a year now. In that past year, I've experienced a lot. Learned through a lot, went through a lot of growing pains, discovered some things about myself, even discovered some newer passions, outside of music. In this current moment though, I have been feeling a little apathetic in recent days- wondering how to stay passionate in a world so cruel. Feeling bogged down by all the ugly in the world. Feeling pessimistic. There is so much chaos. Everywhere.

But then I took a moment to listen to these songs. Not just the ones I have on here, but other songs too, because trust me, I'd definitely written more than just what I ever got uploaded on here. 

I smiled as I listened to the songs that I put so much passion into creating. The lyrics of these songs hit me as messages I myself need to be listening to. I know it's cliche but, it's a cliche for a reason; the answers always are within.

Of all the songs, this one stands out to me the most. This. This is a message I need to tell myself everyday. Of all the songs I've ever written, this one was probably the closest to my heart. The most real expression of what I needed to say.

Quick shout-out to "Earth Song" by Michael Jackson, which may sound like an odd shout-out because that song melody-wise sounds nothing like this one, but that's actually where some of the inspiration for this came from. Not in its melody, but in the music video, specifically. I remember laying in bed watching that music video over and over one night, and the themes about honoring mother nature were really speaking to me. Then I wrote a poem, and then that poem turned into a song, and that's how we got to this.

The lyrics that I repeat over and over again is, "All rape is now rectified". It is a song about healing, it is a song about hope, and it is a song the 'Mother'...

Here are all of the lyrics:

Mad feet
Stomping all over all the pages of her sacred body
And she shouted to the world
She did not believe it

Sick insanity
In the pleasure of her own profanity
And they shouted to the world
They would not believe it

The sound of a million drums
A trillion miles away
Echoes
Until they'll believe it

Wild fire burning Amazon
Bloody oceans, murky waters
We have all
Played a role

I said, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya:
She will swallow us whole
The mother's undying light
All rape is now rectified

Sad toes
Tip-toeing down the stairs of an empty home
And she fell down to the ground
She needed to feel it

It's incredible
All this magic that I've got inside my soul
I fell down to the ground
I needed to feel it

The sound of a womanhood
Damn straight I always knew we could
Echoes
You better believe it

Wild fire burning feminine
Bloody oceans empty houses
We have all
Played a role

I said I tell ya, I tell ya
I said I tell ya, 
I said I tell ya , I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya:
She will swallow us whole
The mother's undying light
All rape is now rectified

Rectified
Rectified
Yeah... what am I doing with my life?
I'm wastin' time
Thinking I'm not worthy enough
Or worldly enough
Or Godly enough!!!

(instrumental)

I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya
I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya, I tell ya:
She will swallow us whole
The mother's undying light
All rape is
Now!

She will swallow us whole
The mother's undying light
All rape is, all rape is, now
All rape is, all rape is, now
All rape is now 
Rectified

RECTIFIED (rough)

Look man, I found this from when I was going thru a heartbreak like 2 yrs ago and I think it's hilarious

[Like, please shove a banana up your ass!
Bitch ive had enough of these motherfuckin games. you act like i aint special but ur burnin up in flames. when i step into my power, when i step out of the game like. you might just complain but you're the only one to blame-HA! bitch i am the one who gets her shit done. and nobody compares to the champion. AND HE MAY BE FUN BUT HE'S NOT THE SUN!!!]

~don't take this srsly~

A demo of one of the first songs I ever wrote. Written in 2017. It's about finding your one true love and choosing to face your fears together, instead of running away from it.

LYRICS:

Twins are born
Come from the same sun
Tendencies for
Possible conundrum
Many well-meaning people try to run
Many well-meaning people try to run from the things that they want

I don't want to be one of them
So won't you hold my hand
We'll make the most of the land
And it could be so grand
I don't want to be one of them
I don't want to run
It doesn't sound too fun
Just stay right here, where the moment is clear

Monsters in heaven
All will be slain soon
Screaming for seven
Drowned in the deep end
Many well meaning people try to fight it
Many well meaning people try to fight...the light

I don't want to be one of them
So won't you hold my hand
We'll make the most of the land
It could be so grand
I don't want to be...one of them
I don't want to run
It doesn't sound too fun
Just stay right here, where the moment is clear

Baby we don't have to go
We can be right here
Everyone else is too busy, running away from their fears
Baby we don't have to leave
We can be right here
No place I'd rather be than
Facing my own fear
With you
With you - 

And I don't want to be one of them
So won't you hold my hand?
We'll make the most of the land
It could be so grand
I don't want to be
One of them
I don't want to run
It doesn't sound too fun
Just stay right here....
Where the moment is clear.

So clear
So clear


Note: Picture I used on this song is an edit I made, but I do not own ANY of the pictures within the edit. The collage is a representation of what I envision for my album, where I draw inspiration from, etc.

Monsters In Heaven - Rough Version

One thing interesting about this song is that it's about the only song on this album of songs that I scrapped before finishing, and then picked back up again years later. Usually if I scrap a song and get stuck it means it's not to be, but in this case, I started in 2018 and picked it back up in 2020 and finished the song in quarantine. Soooo much happened between that start and end date - when I started writing, I sensed that I was craving some things that are not considered 'normal' to society at large, but I hadn't actually done many of them yet.

Then I finally did. Left behind an abusive boyfriend, left Nashville, arrived in san francisco with only 50 cents to my name, properly lost my mind a bit (picture a girl with tears down her face running out of buena vista park highkey thinking she's dying, oh well, that's not really out of place in San Francisco TBH), got a place to live in SF eventually, and so on. It's weird, I think I always kind of wanted to 'lose' my mind a bit, and not necessarily do what everyone else was telling me to do - - I wanted to go on this journey and meet the darkness and hopefully find myself a bit in it. Of course, when I was in the middle of it, I sometimes forgot that this is what I'd set out to do. But that's ok. I can't say it's over yet, it never is, but I can say that the past couple years offered many growing pains and hence much learning. Right around the time I had started writing this, I had watched a movie about the Buddha. Didn't necessarily consider myself a Buddhist (I'm actually Pagan), but I wanted to go on a similar sort of journey as the Buddha. And I wanted to do it as a woman. I love these stories about Buddha and even Jesus and etc, but I've always felt sad that there are no women equivalents, it seems. I think there SHOULD be and I think women should try to free themselves, whatever that looks like for the individual. This is not to say that the traditional paths are wrong at all; in fact I'm doing some more 'traditional' things myself now, like going to school. But you need to be authentic about it.

LYRICS:

Do I like where my life is going?
Well, all the normal people say it's headed straight to nowhere
What if I like the view down there better
Living - as your - sideways - pleasure
Do I like how my life is flowing?
Well everyone I've ever met says it's skiddin' for the gutters
What if I like the TASTE of that better
Living - as your - conventional - nightmare

A secret
One love
An answer from above
I may not have it yet but
It's coming up
A secret
One love
An answer from above
I may not know it yet, but...
I swear, I swear!

Do I like what I have to show for myself?
I ain't got no job! I ain't got no wealth! Just these songs in my pocket, and a little bit of stealth! HAH
What if I like the pace of that better
Living - as your - sideways - pleasure
Do I like what my mind is showing?
Truth be told, I don't know how I'd survive without these songs
But what if I like the feel of that better
Living - as your - conventional - nightmare

A secret
One love
An answer
From above
I may not have it yet but
It's coming up
A secret
One love
An answer from above
I may not know it yet but
I swear, I swear!

.... 2 3 4!
Ohhhh
Yeahhh
Pick it up pick it up pick it up pick it up OK!
Ohhhh

Now some would say these chords just don't work
And some would say I'm going bezerkkk
Truthfully I'd have to agree
Cuz I always wanted to be a little bit crazy!

A secret
One love
An answer
From above
I may not have it yet but
It's coming up
A secret
One love
An answer from above
I may not know it yet
I swear, I swear!
A secret
One love
An answer from above
I may not know it yet but
It's coming up!
A secret 
One love
An answer from above!
I may not have it yet, but...
I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear,
I swear it's coming up!
Just like the morning sun!
Ohhhh....
YEAH!

Note: I made the collage that I used for the picture with this song, but I do not own ANYYYY of the pictures that I used in it. :)

Conventional Nightmare - Rough

This is what the world needs more of, especially right now - the Goddess.
The title has a double meaning. One - the Goddess has 'entered' the room and is calling your name. Two - will you 'enter' her?
And will you let her into your heart?
As the song says, it's never too late.

Of all my songs, this is the one probably with the most spiritual undertone to it. If you asked me what song of mine best describes what I believe in, I would point you to this song.

I believe in art as an important foundation to any society. I believe in getting up and dancing and getting lost in the beauty of the moment. I believe in taking every single wound man has inflicted upon you and transmuting it into something profoundly beautiful because THAT is winning. I believe that success isn't about being right or proving yourself, but in finding peace. Giving birth to miracles. We live in a world of do do do, go go go, and don't get me wrong, these things are important. Just never forget about the force that runs the tempo behind the humdrum of everyday life. The sound of quiet. Stillness. Listen to it. Sitting with yourself is important. Finding your voice amid all the noise of the world is important. Listen to your inner Goddess, and lift up the Goddesses that you know in your life.

It's never too late.

LYRICS
I know I'm not a toy
So I'd like to
Move my toes in the sand
And watch as
The wind undresses me
And watch him
Watching lovingly

I swear I know the difference
Between what is good and bad for me
Still I wouldn't mind you around
To remind me
Oh, to remind me

That trust is
Not a 
Thing to be played with
And I don't really think any single one of us were ready
To get our hearts broken
That doesn't mean
That we are not open

I know I'm not a currency
That's why he'll buy
So into me
I guess I wanna see him give
And I guess I 
Would like to
Receive it

I swear I'd know just how to leave
If you ever did stop listening
I am listening
To my heart
And I'm going to dance in the sun now

Because trust is
Not a
Thing to be played with
And I don't really think any single one of us were ready
To get our hearts broken
Well that shouldn't mean
That we are not open

Are you listening
Anymore
To her voice?
It's not too late
And will you hold the door
For her?

Her Goddess love
Her Goddess love
Her Goddess love

Her Goddess love
Her Goddess love
Her Goddess love

Can we be open?
Are we still open?
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Praise her voice.

Lexie Leatherman

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