you said these wings were made to fly
but they never grew from my spine, 
and i can't figure out why
don't i deserve to try and fly 
these ghosts on my spine? 

but these wings won't take me 
to a better place, 
i try and try, 
i wish i could believe, 
that dreams are living things 
but these wings just break 
like lace ripped at the seams 
i was never meant to be 
a beautiful thing 

i was never meant forever 
or anything. 


ulysses

fallen down the rabbit hole 
there's no way out, where do i go 
i've only gone and done it this time 
it's self inflicted, i know, 
i know, i know

i keep searching for things that i can't find 
but you see me and all i am 
you are with me, together we stand 
all the holes in the earth 

we'll fall through 
and we'll keep on falling down 
we'll fall through 
but it's okay cause i've got you 
i've got you.


🕊️🗝️🖤

fallen

on the train there is golden lights 
pass me by like secrets in the night 
like fireflies cascading like stars 
but dying bright like a forest fire 

all i can think about is you 
in the witching hour, take me home to you 
tonight hold me like a lost soul 
till dawn breaks 


✨🖤🌙

witchlight

I thought love was you holding knives up
at my scars in the kitchen corner 
swallowed my flesh like some starving vulture 
and played with the pieces that were leftover 
but I saw your face and it laughed at me 
like pennywise after I screamed 
I hit you when I cried 
and you just laughed at me and smiled 
like a fucking psychopath 

I should have grabbed the knife out of your hand
I, you don't understand I should have left your face scabbed
made your spine crack, left your skull black 
how could I? I didn't try 
you are just a vulture 
i can't fly, fly 
anymore.''


🦅

vulture (demo)

and i vanish into the air 
do you see me, do you care? 
is this what it's like to be alone? 
to feel your love & be a ghost 

all i am is just a ghost 
lingering at your window 
won't you open, let me in?
cause out here it's much too cold. 

don't you know i was abandoned at 16 years old
& the heart of this house grows dust and mould 
the lights are on but your not coming home 
now i'm bound and i'll haunt here forevermore

all i am is just a ghost 
waiting for you to come back home 
won't you come back inside? 
sing to me your last lullaby 
i am left behind. 

left behind (i'm still here)

'don't be afraid, don't be scared,
let the moon catch your hair,
in the twilight.

into the twilight, into the calm, 
away from the storm'

in the midst of all the rising panic, paranoia and sadness in the world right now, I find myself falling under all of these umbrellas of emotions. especially anxiety. last week, there was one night I was filled with it, and I was sick with upset, crying. and had to distract myself, i switched on my keyboard and i told myself repeatedly, don't be afraid, don't be scared, don't be afraid, don't be scared, and while my fingers found lovely, mysterious sounds on the keyboard, a melody appeared, and before i knew it, i was mellow, serene, still, and i decided to record it the second time i played it, to share my moment of calm,  my moment of coping, with the world, in hopes that these 2 minutes can distract you, bring you into my peace with me and out, away, from the storm.

into the calm

sitting at home having conversations with the moon
but it doesn't talk back to me, i wish it was you 
everything is so quiet, everything's in the air 
i wish you'd blow over, like wind through my hair 

sometimes i wish you were the moon 
so i could look up to you 

i wish i could pull you like the moon pulls the tide 
soak me in silver, make love in the white light 
throw me in your stormy night 
and i'll become your peace of mind. 



i wish you were the moon

hello. it's been a long while since i shared anything. i just haven't been in the mood or found the motivation to, i have been very sad, confused, lost, and this piece is me wanting to just go home. this was improvised, it just appeared out of me. the official music video for this is on my youtube too. ~ lilàic. ♡

i want to go home

probably should have posted this on halloween.. 👻

hushabye mountain (haunted)

archangel (spontaneous piano)

snuff (slipknot cover)

- ℰ 𝑣 𝑒 𝑟   𝒟 𝑖 𝑠 𝑎 𝑝 𝑝 𝑒 𝑎 𝑟 𝑖 𝑛 𝑔.

☁️

l i l à i ☽

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