cheaty presents

Produced by kurtains
Art by me

just come talk to me dont ask for help 
youre alone with no one else 
cant believe i said it once before

gotta break away from this i said  
youve been up and through my head
just look at me dont laugh just like before

and when we talk it dont last 
we used to skip out on class
and then we sat by the grass but you forgot

you took to many years 
you say that im the one to blame and its my fault

just come talk to me dont ask for help 
youre alone with no one else 
cant believe i said it once before

gotta break away from this i said  
youve been up and through my head
just look at me dont laugh just like before

roads

roads (kurtains)

produced by maxmadethebeat  & aidan han n a little by me

@1kaido
@yoshi

//Lyrics

(scruff)
im on her page like a stalker
stop talking you're a goner
i won't take your offers
24 bottles down, that's not what i taught her
pills sitting, on top of her dresser
i wanna caress her
I showed my diamonds to my mama i'm a flexer
took the call 3 times, knowing you would get hurt
we going up
love how you're not showin up
i tell myself im glowing up
dont tell me how to run this shit
you make wanna throw up

(kaido)

Stalker

stalker w/ kaido & christian blair [p. maxmadethebeat + aidanhan]

Dice

with @nxrthstar77

prod @saiwai 

//Lyrics (soon)

blitz

blitz w/ nxrthstar [p. sai]

made this a while back y not
ik i cant speak frenhc

ocean

put my jacket on
hiding in the rain
been a few hours man
remind me of the pain
these pills don’t work baby
look at the state i’m in
lights out eyes closed
i hate myself, it’s perfect timing

all my tears dry up
my mouth don’t make a sound
yuh
my mind goes round and round
the only way i’m going’s down
tears dry up (huh!)
my mouth don’t make a sound
nobody likes me in this town
in these bottles may i drown

@1spoder
uh yea one two (what?)
you've been on my back tryna ruin my mood
it's so confusing how you move
man i can't do this, beat and bruised
(evil laughter)
(fuck)
there's nothing left for me here
i can promise you, it was never fair
i'm so done with you fucking up my mental
i'm with sean best believe that we ain't gentle

@seannnfranco
and she said her name was (oooh ohh)
uhhh well i forget now
started with a tssss
made a s sound
she'll just follow me around until i get out
picture perfect i want it to be the best nowww
when im steppin out they say its calm still
if she like it then its cool but it was not real
mood calm cause im smoking out the bedroom
we were so young i just wish that i could get youuuu oh

my verse ew:
they tryna pull up on me
pretend like they care
all i hear is stories, anecdotes
so fucking self aware
and i’m boxed up locked up
these walls keep closing in
all i gotta do is say no
and they’re all the fucking same?

but this bridge tho!>!>!
and they’re all the fucking same!
yeah they so fucking lame
so over all their bullshit
anything they’d do for fame
keep my head down
i know i’m a selfish man (get it? get it? cos omg headphones reference)
keep my head down
(keep my head downnnn!!!)

put my jacket on
hiding in the rain
been a few hours
remind me of the pain
these pills don’t work baby
look at the state i’m in
lights out eyes closed
i hate myself, it’s perfect timing

all my tears dry up
my mouth don’t make a sound
yuh
my mind goes round and round
the only way i’m going's down
tears dry up (huh!)
my mouth don’t make a sound
nobody likes me in this town
in these bottles may i drown

circles

circles, +spoder, sean franco

lyrics:

all eyes on me 
i can't take the
pressure of being seen
but how on earth
am i supposed to
live my dream
hiding in the shadows 
of my fears

lately don't feel like myself
i can't feel like before
secrets and whispers
the first thing i hear
through the door
i hate burning bridges
i can't take this shit anymore
bury my bones in a bottle
im sick to the core

all eyes on me 
i can't take the
pressure of being seen
but how on earth
am i supposed to
live my dream
hiding in the shadows 
of my fears

i can't let go
of the feelings of
hopelessness
filling the void
with distractions
im so close to
giving it up 
i can't give a fuck
about what people
think about me
cause im trying my hardest
im trying my best
to please certain people
can't forget about the rest
so ill scream from my lungs
and ill say it with my chest
i dont need the validation
but it wouldn't hurt coming from you

lately don't feel like myself
i can't feel like before
secrets and whispers
the first thing i hear
through the door
i hate burning bridges
i can't take this shit anymore
bury my bones in a bottle
im sick to the core

all eyes on me 
i can't take the
pressure of being seen
but how on earth
am i supposed to
live my dream
hiding in the shadows 
of my fears

STEMS

all eyes on me

mortis

cover of i love you 3000 by stephanie poetri

the lyrics is not based on real events its just the song
after careful consideration i have realized i don't like this anymore.

3000

https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/dpf1/used2know-2

lyrics:
everything that glitters aint gold, i hope you know
ive been losin the battle i think the scars are gone show 
ive been floorin the pedal i know im losin control
atleast ill die in a porsche
atleast ill die in a porsche
i wanna feel alive 
but the poisons in my veins, they gone stall the flow
all these thoughts up in my head, they gone kill me slow
man i wish i was the person that u used2know
but i think 2 much about all the mistakes
and i think 2 much about the things i hate
and i think 2 much about the way i am

wish i was more of a man
and i wish i had more of a plan
still tryna figure out who i am 
still tryna figure out where ima go 
in this game we call life now

i wanna feel alive 
but the poisons in my veins, they gone stall the flow
all these thoughts up in my head, they gone kill me slow
man i wish i was the person that u used2know
but i think 2 much about all the mistakes
and i think 2 much about the things i hate
and i think 2 much about the way i am
wish i was more of a man
(wish i was more of a man)
and i wish i had more of a plan
(wish i had more of a plan)
wish i was more of a man

stream everywhere!

used2know (tennis player)

am i still

hittheroad! w/ oviyan + fvtal + weial (sublunary)

w/ @dead4cf

prod. me :)

Leave without a trace so I wonder 
Why can’t I keep her longer for the night and 
Why can’t I be a person not a monster 
I can’t lie all this thinking got me tired 
When I’m by myself you should really come through but
Given myself credit got some courage for you 
Yeah I can’t get enough of the things you do 

Feels like I’ve been drowning without ya
Wait too long and I’m falling for your sound yeah
Been far gone but you teach me how to love I
Just can’t stand it 
This a small world we’ve been goin over
Met a couple times 
Saw a couple clovers
But I’m stuck with you
And there’s nothing I can do 

(1, 2, 3)

Got a tune, so I’m hoppin a track yeah 
Fuck the rules 
I don’t care unless we have to 
Yeah it’s cool when I’m putting on an act but 
I got some bad news
Can’t read signals like a map yeah  
(Fuck it)
We in touch but I’m losing it so fast
Drippin blood cus this pressure made me snap
Outta luck but I’m fine
Why it hurting all over 

(I just don’t understand)

I’ll be fine but it feels like I’m just getting old
When we talking it feels like I’m in this vertigo 
I could die and I wouldn’t even notice 
Bitch I’m losing focus
Thinking of just holding you
Yeah I don’t what I would really do 
All this loving got me so confused
All this loving got me seasick
Let me get a breather
I just wanna see you 

Talk the way you do to me
I’ll be fine with you here
Only giving love and all this ecstasy
I’ve been dying to feel 
Maybe I’m crazy and still losing conscious 
What If I said this was all just some nonsense I made up
I would say I didn’t mean it
But I couldn’t guarantee it

I remember talking all this out at the corner to your house 
All the words that you’d say
You don’t know no love and got some doubts
Thinking we could work it out 
But it’s fine bae
You don’t wanna fight that 
I keep fucking up guess the consequences bite back 
You keep showing love and my jealousy don’t  like that 
You know me so well
Breaking my composure you bringing new hell, why you do that?

I tried being positive 
You taking all my peace of mind 
You taking all my oxygen 
Take it one day at a time no extra 
I can’t do that no 
I don’t want hurt anymore 
I take it personal cause I’m fed up 

If you don’t want no love 
Then I don’t gotta follow you through it 
Yeah you tore me apart and now you tryna call like I’m stupid 
Wanted war from the start
Must be some miscommunication that shit worse for my heart 
That shit dont work for my heart 

Cause I just 
Miss the way that you talked to me 
Got me in my head
You saying words you don’t mean

(I know too much)

All for nothing 
I’ve been really trapped in my head with assumptions 
I can’t seem to get any rest 
I feel nothing real 
I feel something here 
And I can tell you the truth
And I just really wanna hold onto you 
And all this bullshit got me just so confused 
All this loving got me seasick
Let me get a breather
I just wanna see you 

Talk the way you do to me
I’ll be fine with you here
Only giving love and all this ecstasy
I’ve been dying to feel 
Maybe I’m crazy and still losing conscious 
What If I said this was all just some nonsense I made up
I would say I didn’t mean it
But I couldn’t guarantee it

stuck with you w/ 4cf

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/6WoXlGle95jkszY3VAWPho?si=2327d7ba423c4d4c

produced by plantcham
written by me
mix and mastered by me

happy birthday 2 me
been incredibly uninspired as of late, sorry for the absence
wanted to try something different, happy tunes after this
i hope you enjoy :)

///
been awhile since i felt something
that felt real
my never ending thoughts
feels like im throwing rocks
can't you hear me?
i'm screaming
do you fear me?
i'm pleading
cause this just don't feel right
i don't want to cause a fight
you should live your final life
you've already ruined mine

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

can't help but feel stuck
it's all in my head
got this damn ache in my chest
just a minute of rest
is all i ask for
i don't feel bad for the way that i act
when my intention was for you to relax
so calm down
breathe in
what's the point in it
when you're not feeling
been awhile since i've gone without a meaning
i wonder why you talk without a reason
cause you've already ruined life

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

crawler

'jazz' +@1spoder

stream: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/redhorse1/numb-feat-spoder

written circa nov2020 before redhorse was a thing,
back when i was still in school - still the saddest song i've written, limina may overtake tho-

lookin in the mirror, i don’t look too happy,
my room smells like shit, and i've got no money!
another one of those days, dead in my bed,
escape thru my phone, ignore what’s downstairs...
this time it seemed worse, what’s gotten into her,
i wish i had her energy, not being a sitting duck,
are my problems that bad? they tell me i’m too awkward,
sometimes i wish they’d expel me, then i might just be bothered
i know i say no, actually i want you here,
being a burden just hurts, but i need someone to see my tears
only downhill from here, i don’t wanna grow up
shoulda took a few pictures, i’d have shit to look back on
but no i’m a loser 
foggy path up ahead
maybe it’s time to wake up, 
talk to her instead.

solo

feeling audacious, might leave my bedroom
been the first time since i saw the full moon
they ask me why, i’m just following the rules
but i know inside i ain’t got anyone to talk to
bittersweet taste, brought it all on myself
just want the attention not the love, it makes me unwell
past few months i been sitting like a shell
sitting like an empty vessel drifting away into the ocean
island of my own, embrace the palm trees
escape from reality, i just wanna be me
move with the currents, fed up of self-control
hopeless for the future, got me feeling freezing cold
life has no winners, 
live a planless paradise,
sleeping in this limbo, 
no concept of time.

switch up

@1spoder verse, go get ur money up n follow him

had enough, i'm running out of patience
i'm sorry
can't figure out another way to say this
i really hope you don't keep me waiting here
i really hope you don't trap my mind with fear
i don't like who you are
cause i don't know where to start with you
i could travel so far
but i'll end up coming back to you
and i hate it
but i don't have the guts just to say it
walk without a head, think i'm brainless
you want my damn heart then go take it
i'll be here waiting
and it's all my fault
that i took it this far
guess i had it all wrong
and you are who you are.

2-5-1s am i right

numb

stream the mf song

numb, +spoder

song of 2 minds lol
feat @1spoder
prod @ethan-schaefer-950685123
https://www.instagram.com/prodbybloom
cover art https://www.instagram.com/natasha.alana

out on all plats too <3 https://open.spotify.com/album/6o1JaQvMW8QGKMjrFUUaJW

lyrics:
[Pre-Chorus: spoder]
Break my sanity in two
Yeah, you stare at me
While I’m staring at you for hours
This silence couldn’t be louder (Ohh)
Peace, of mind
Yeah, that’s all I ask for
Pick up that passport and leave out that door
Realise, that I'm terrified
Could you open your eyes?

[Chorus: spoder]
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me

[Verse: heroine diaries]
Said I didn’t take his girl then where his girl go?
Why they hating? Steady praying on my downfall
I don’t got too many friends need a roll call 
I’m up too late waiting for your phone call
Cause I’m a loser, drug abuser, snort like hoover, yeah, yeah 
Fenty patch, on my tongue, help me feel, yeah, yeah 
Broke my heart, it was bad, can’t go back, yeah, yeah 
I’m up late, catch my flight, to your state, yeah, yeah 
Hop up in this Uber it’s a Tesla, Tesla 
Landed in New York I’m off a Tesla, Tesla 
Your girl on my line I do not text her, text her  
You a bitch boy I do it better, better 

[Pre-Chorus: spoder]
Break my sanity in two
Yeah, you stare at me
While I’m staring at you for hours
This silence couldn’t be louder (Ohh)
Peace, of mind
Yeah, that’s all I ask for
Pick up that passport and leave out that door
Realise, that I'm terrified
Could you open your eyes?

[Chorus: spoder]
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me

this silence couldn’t be louder (feat. spoder) (prod. bloom)



produced by michael harrison + chris marek
ok go and fuck it up, i roll another blunt 
got me takin shot
shot
shot
(oh god im)shot
🤮
oh god im throwin up
and no im not ok
fucking up in every way
i cant stand to see ur fuckin face
and dont u ask me if im ok im not cuz im
constantly lied to
like girl no i dont wanna fight youuu
i kinda froze 
up
when u asked me if i liked u):
just look beside you 
im on this ride too
i wanna cry too
i wanna die too

yea i think we, talked on the way out
feelin nervous couldn’t breathe 
im sorry i for-got what was even said

i think her name was ivy
i think her name was ivy
i think her name was ivy
i think ur name was ivyyy

hook layer: (im screaming ivy do you like me?
do u despise me.
im crying all alone in my bedroom 
i feel like dying
im screaming ivy do you like me?
oh god i wanna tell u everything i feel
oh god im trying 

girl i got everything i need when ur texting me, but none of it matters if u dont hit me back
fantasizing about our future (when) we’re both 17
i roll another one, choking down vodka until im throwing up :(

but shes got, brown eyes😊
and pretty brown hair (((:
how could i not stare?
my future is right here.

i feel like everything was ok when ur right beside me 
too scared to say
i like you ivy(:

yea i think we, talked on the way out
feelin nervous couldn’t breathe 
im sorry i for-got what was even said

i think her name was ivy
i think her name was ivy
i think her name was ivy
i think ur name was ivyyy

background hook: 
im screaming ivy do you like me?
do u despise me.
im crying all alone in my bedroom 
i feel like dying
im screaming ivy do you like me?
oh god i wanna tell u everything i feel
oh god im trying 

other background hook lol:
(i cant help but feel i waste ur time
ignore me oh god i wanna die
fuck me over, push me to the side
i cant help but feel i waste your time)

ivy 🫶🏾

self prod

lyrics:

back on the shelf again
idk what I should've expected
I'll hide myself inside this closet
you stuff my spine into your pocket

why do you think I'll lay down for you
when will you realize I'm not the one to live for 2
release the pressure off of my back bone
or I feel like I have to run to headphones

why do you think I'll lay down for you
when will you realize I'm not the one to live for 2
release the pressure off of my back bone
or I feel like I have to run to headphones

I had to run away, run away, run away
I had to run away, run away, run away
I had to run away, run away, run away
I had to run, run, run…

I had to run
it was you I couldn't face
got a hole in my chest and I know I can't replace
so I'm running to my headphones
why are you running through my head?

why do you think I'll lay down for you
when will you realize I'm not the one to live for 2
release the pressure off of my back bone
or I feel like I have to run to headphones

headphones

drawer

dear rat,

we love you, and we miss you.

sincerely,
@b2nny
@1spoder

cheaty presents

lilcheaty