i would’ve left just the same as you 

@nevrfall

you hurt me in ways that you don’t even know 
n you’re never there when i need u the most
n you never care when i break n it shows 
don’t say that you’ll stay when i know that you’ll go

i jus keep getting fucking worse 
i’m moving backwards 
i’ll keep on breaking 
do your worst 
it doesn’t matter 
it’s funny that i need you
we won’t have an ever after 
say you love me while you’re fucking someone else,

how does that work
our love was filled with patchwork 
a fucked up worn out pattern 
n everything was shattered 
so tell me how does that work 
n i thought you were better 
but every night my chest hurts 
n i can’t take the pressure 
so tell me how does that work 

so what does it feel like 
to know that you’re always on my mind 
to know that i really broke this time 
to know that it’s fucked up my whole life 
i don’t know what to do 
know that i hate me too 
n i would’ve left 
just the same as you 
n i can’t sleep 
in this worn out room 
drink through the night 
till my heart turns blue 

oh well
it’s cold out here 
kinda feels like hell 
left me for dead
but i wish u well
say i’m alright 
but i can’t tell 
isn’t that what u want

how does that work (prod. nevrfall)

i hope you feel that back

prod: @jolst @afterlife66

i'm in a house made of cards
and it's falling
n i just break down 
seeing stars when i'm off it
don't say you'll come back
it's all the same 
i don't want it
cause i'll just bleed out
leaving stains on the carpet

don't bother calling
too busy balling
don't say you need those things you said you never wanted
i'm tryna be someone
i'm making moves, i'm gone
i had to go out to la so i could play that part
i hope you're doing better without me 
i hope you're telling your friends i was never making you happy
i hope you wake up sad
i hope you break down bad 
cause in the end you never cared,
i hope you feel that back

n you know just what to do 
move on to something new
i know you're good at that 
don't feel a thing i'm glad
cause for a minute i was thinking you would come right back

but you're so innocent,
you're so innocent,
you're so innocent,
you're so innocent

house of cards (prod. jolst & afterlife)

prod: @jolst @irby314
master: https://soundcloud.com/caustyk

i wish that i wasn't wrong


i wish i never called back 
you said
you couldn't tell me that you loved me 
no stress
i hope he treats you better 
than i ever did 
i always break when it ends 
wish you weren't more than a friend
cause i tried so hard
for this
i never thought you'd be gone 
cause i saw stars when we kissed
and it hurt for so long 
again
i never thought you'd be gone
i wish that i wasn't wrong

n i tried too hard 
i guess
i just wanna feel wanted 
and end up hurt in the end
n i should know by now 
that i'm not worth that text
if i was better then maybe 
i'll say it's love when it's sex
n you can fuck me up n i'll stay 
i've learned it's better that way 
i can convince myself that you care when i break
and when your eyes turn to grey 
and all the lies sound the same
i'll know you're leaving for certain 
i've learned the signs of my burden

n i'll ignore it 
like windows down when it's pouring 
i must like hurting myself,
i always know where it's going
n i don't know why i do that 
i wanted love, 
i can say that

i wish that i wasn't wrong this time 
i wish you would've been here 
i wish that i could tell you
i quit smoking cigarettes 
i got stuck on the sentiment 
couldn't look at our necklace 
and i cried getting rid of it
i heard that song
i played it all
wanted to tell you it hurt 
when you missed those calls 
took that trip back home
wanted to see my mom 
n it's been cold in los angeles 
wish we made it to fall
i still give you the benefit 
n honest i'm sick of it
you're not the person that i knew 
i don't know what you did with them
cause you got cold 
n time moved slow 
you left in july 
but i swear there was snow

i wish i never called back (prod. jolst & irby)

this time it won't fix

https://soundcloud.com/heylog
https://soundcloud.com/imcaves
https://soundcloud.com/irby314

you made me feel nauseous 
i keep getting sick
can't remember where it started 
can't forget all that you did to me
you tasted so bittersweet 
i still see you every time i sleep
i gave you every part of me 
i bet you couldn't tell
i fall in love with narcissists,
don't care about myself
i just go through sedatives
keep fucking up my health 
what's the point of heaven,
i already live in hell

it's not easier 
i'll lie and say it is 
i gave up on getting better 
it's just the way it is
i've been feeling numb ever since i was a kid 
i don't wanna die,
but i don't wanna try and live

i said that i loved you 
(save me)
i gave you the blood from my skin
i tried everything
admit it
it's hard but i did it
you left me too damaged 
this time it won't fix

[heylog]
i'm calling for you 
are you with someone else
the pics on my phone
are nowhere to be found 
would it surprise you 
if i took myself
i might just die here
when no ones around
but i made a choice 
that i regret 
stomp out the house
from what i said
and now it's too late to apologize
fumbled my words,
i guess this is goodbye 

i wish i did better 
thinking all the time 
baby it's whatever
see you in the next life
i'm trying to forget her 
but god it feels impossible
now she's just a number 
floating in my phone
i wish i did better 
thinking all the time 
i don't make any sense
and it makes me wanna cry 
but i look like im stupid
and she say that it's fine 
girl you're pretty funny 
tell another lie

it's not getting easier (w/ heylog) (prod. caves & irby)

i wanna write your favorite song

w/ https://soundcloud.com/vito2300
prod: https://soundcloud.com/jolst

this shit keeps breaking my heart
i can't sleep at all
i wanna write your favorite song
i wanna hear you talk 
just fuck it all 
just cut me off
and i'd do anything 
come close,
don't let me breathe
i need you next to me
hands cold till you make me freeze

vito: 
cuts deep but i'm not afraid of it
your touch for a long time was my form of payment
but i couldn't find the words
after all you're not shit
now i been feeling sick to my stomach,
you left me nauseous
don't call me back 
you'll be better off
need someone to tell me i'm good enough
carry that shit and believe it
look at the way i've been treated 
it's black white like old cartoons 
it's not fair that i lost you
and it's not fair that i'm still here 
and you've got somebody beside you

i wanna give it all up 
i've been thinking heavy
if it hurts it's not love
i don't understand 
cause i'm so used to leaking my blood
hate the way it is
but i can't ever get enough of you
i got myself into a mess
don't think you want me too
didn't mean a thing 
you were here in my room
c'mon cut me through 
rip through a vein or two 
want you to make a move

cut me off (w/ vito) (prod. jolst)

you promised

prod: https://soundcloud.com/sadboiforever https://soundcloud.com/jolst
master: https://soundcloud.com/vito2300

(mother fucker you promised
how could you do me like that, do me like that
pick apart my bones
you left me starving 
i can't even feel bad, even feel bad
i'm a perfect target)

mother fucker you promised
how could you do me like that
why'd you act so heartless
pick apart my bones
you left me starving 
i fell in love so fast
bet i looked so harmless
i'm a perfect target 

pointing out the obvious babe
i think something's wrong with my brain 
pray for love,
abandon my faith 
i know nothing turns out okay

i don't wanna think about it 
that knife pressed right on my lips
and if we're so covered in sin 
even god can't fix what you did

spotify

perfect target (prod. 2001 & jolst)

i was never the same

prod: michael harrison, aidan han, and max vossberg
master: @onlyfriendyeah

you said my eyes looked pretty
and wiped the tears from my face 
you told me that you're leaving
but it'll all be okay
and i was never the same
you didn't have to go 
why'd you leave me alone

i bet you're sick of playing innocent
aren't you?
you were happy tearing ligaments
weren't you?
i was always the participant 
for you to see just how bad it gets

and really baby you're a monster
and when i saw you by the water
i should've known i was a goner
but i took everything you offered

and really baby you're a monster
i was in love with that

you were on me fucking every night
sweating through the signs
you look so good in white
we do this every time
so baby let me go
i'll see you after i die
the last light
will fucking let me know 
i wasted my whole life

and really baby you're a monster
and when i saw you by the water
i should've known i was a goner
but i took everything you offered

you were on me fucking every night
sweating through the signs 
you look so good in white
we do this every time
let me go
i'll see you after i die 
the last light 
will fucking let me know 
i wasted my whole life

i saw you by the water

i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 

w/ @heylog

prod: https://soundcloud.com/eric-godlow
master: https://soundcloud.com/ezraspandora 

looking back baby,
i already was hollow
toss it back 
way too fast 
till i get through the bottle
i don't wanna leave this club
i just wanna drink 
until i throw it all up
(lock me up)
want you to squeeze until i'm leaking out blood
i wanna see just how it feels to go numb
i wanna feel it on the tip of my tongue
let's fuck it up until we're going out bad 
let's break it all apart until there's nothing fucking left
cause i want you to see me like i'm nothing more than flesh 
and i want you to tell me i'm a waste of fucking breath
oh i'm terrible 
i'm the reason you're falling 
unbearable 
i'm the bones in your closet
i still just wanna see you get out 
there's nothing left for me to be now

damn it all 
pray for what 
there's nobody there
(i'm too far gone)
tell me why 
i wanted you then 
i want you now

heylog:
i'm chillin at a party, why'd i decide to go out
wish i just stayed home but i been stuck inside my house
i don't even care, i'd much rather be sober
she hung around the bottles and i could tell it broke her
i'm glad i can't relate cause i've never had that problem
you told me i'm rude for that but hey, i'm being honest
i would never lie to you, just want you to stop it
i could up and go, i've got plenty of options
quit talking, ur just holding me back
it's safe to say, tonight ur getting trashed
take a second to breathe, ik ur sad
you don't have to drink it away, could you relax
she phones her girls for a ride at 3am
can't even walk to her room, she needs a hand
throwing up all the time, she's used to it
friday night rolls around and repeat it

tip of my tongue (w/ heylog) (prod. eric godlow)

pretend i'm somebody else 

prod: jewelryboy
master: @onlyfriendyeah

if we can't be good to ourselves 
(cut me out)
pretend i'm somebody else
(pull me down)
he wraps his hand 'round my belt
(slowly now)
i'll be your personal hell 
your hell 
your hell 

am i allowed to be this desperate 
it's not right
i just beg for your attention 
over ice 
give me just a little bit more 
and i'm finished
i can just pretend 
that i'm yours 
for a minute 
do i make you feel nice 
when i text for no reason 
you don't even reply
"night"
when i need it 
back and forth 
out the door 
no remorse
don't let go 
i'm so close 
my amour

close my eyes 
and pray that i get less attached 
i let you treat me so damn bad 
it's all i have
look me in my eyes 
baby make me melt 
all i ever do is fucking hurt myself 
look me in my eyes 
baby make me melt 
all i ever do is fucking hurt myself 

i'm so aware of it
i hit him up 
if he's a gun 
i'm fucking loading it
i always let him in 
i'm like a dog 
he says my name 
and i just run to him 
pour it up 
i wanna drink till i can't feel at all
in my defense 
i spent a year without the alcohol
i didn't feel much better
it just helped me remember
i'm still too hung up 
on what we did in december

i'm so sick of it 
i don't feel so well 
it's a swing n a miss 
sure you'll be back in a bit 
it's my personal hell 

if we can't be good to ourselves 
(cut me out)
pretend i'm somebody else
(pull me down)
he wraps his hand 'round my belt
(slowly now)
i'll be your personal hell 
your hell 
your hell

personal hell

i hope you're proud of yourself 

prod/master: @skinnyatlas

i don't think there's something wrong 
i love it when you bite my tongue
pull my skin apart, dismember 
put the pieces back together

gone, i can't bring you along
sing the words to a song 
that i wrote you in fall 
(baby now you're)
gone, you don't even call 
baby is that so hard 
do you care at all 
(baby, grab my)
grab my neck any harder you'd break me 
i love that sex where you say that you hate me
if i won't scream then you don't hear it 
if i don't bleed then i won't feel it

hide myself in isolation
don't come close love
i can't take it 
bind myself, there's no escaping
hold me down i just,
hope you're

proud of yourself 
told you once, but i'll see you in hell
all his sins 
think you've ruined yourself
all the things that you do to yourself 
cards that you've dealt
cut me down into submission 
carve me up 'till god can't fix it
not even saline could wash out the stitches 
i'm not worth saving, there's no need for wishes

hide

hide (w/ skinny atlas)

i can't look at you

prod: @irby314
master: https://soundcloud.com/diskrypt

another missed call
it's all that i wanted to see the leaves fall
please i'll 
be all alone 
and i'm not able
skin crawl 
i know what you want 
and that it's painful
tangled
it's not hard to see your angle
i see the cuts in this 
baby it's not picturesque
can't cover up the stitch
see the scars surround my chest
oh, i think i love you too much to be a good thing
don't think i trust you enough 
i get the feeling

this'll all be over soon
baby i can't look at you 
feel my skin turn pale and blue 
baby i can't look at you 
this'll all be over soon
baby i can't look at you 
feel my skin turn pale and blue 
baby i can't look at you

can't get out of what i started 
that's a problem
cause you like to lie regardless
if i'm honest
try,
keep me broken hearted
be your target
cry my dearly departed 
i'll be your last one

it goes on 
and on 
and on 
(i'll be whatever you want)
and on 
and on
and on
(until i beg you to stop)

i'll be whatever you want 
until you beg me to stop
no matter what the cost 
i think about it a lot
i'll be whoever you need
pretend i'm on tv
want you to stare at me 
want you to reach through the screen
i'll take it off for you,
regret it
a doll for you to mess with 
he told me have some respect for myself
didn't get the message 
pour it out, get me drunk
oh i'm and easy one to bed with
let me down, not enough 
oh i'm an easy one to end with 

this'll all be over soon
baby i can't look at you 
feel my skin turn pale and blue 
baby i can't look at you 
this'll all be over soon
baby i can't look at you 
feel my skin turn pale and blue 
baby i can't look at you

picturesque

i love him more than i love myself 

prod: michael harrison
master: @onlyfriendyeah

do i deserve to be this broken?
i must've done something wrong 
and when i speak i feel like choking 
it must've been all my fault
i love him more 
than i love myself 
i'll endure what he gives me 
nothing can change my mind,
nothing i won't sacrifice 

you've got such a violent taste now 
is that what it takes to turn you on?
he want me to pour my veins out 
is that what it takes to be your crush?
i'll keep a compliant face now 
you know i would hate to make you stop 
i'll be so silent, stay down 
if that's what it takes to be what you want 
(be what you want)

violent taste

i'll let you cut as much as you like 

prod: https://soundcloud.com/prodcxrter https://soundcloud.com/tiedforsilver
extra production / master: https://soundcloud.com/vito2300

two months,
i can't write nothing at all
gave up on having someone to call 
fake blood still left a stain on the wall
fake love still left a hole in my heart
stuck in the middle 
i wait for it to eat me alive
it stings a little 
it kills me when you treat me so nice 
go grab the sickle 
i'll let you cut as much as you like 
(as you like, as you like)

i don't wanna be selfish 
but god i hate myself 
and i can't help it 
you made me lose my mind 
i wish you felt it
and i can't even cry
the things i dealt with 
i dealt with
leaving you behind me,
hope you like your side piece
i look so unsightly
that's why i'm always hiding
i don't think they like me 
most times it don't surprise me
think about it nightly 
keep damaging my psyche

lately i don't even give a fuck about the music
it's just enough that i do it 
one day i might lose it 
don't have enough to get through it
like oh, it's okay if you wanna let go 
spill blood, wake up on the floor 
we're done but i hate you more
he don't ever wanna wait one second 
so dumb, shoulda learned my lesson
those words he said he meant it 
but i'm stuck on the way he said it 
so soft, so soft
and after everything i gave you
you're still gone
still gone

i don't wanna be selfish 
(i don't wanna be selfish no more)
but god i hate myself 
and i can't help it 
(can't help it)
you made me lose my mind 
i wish you felt it
(you felt it)
and i can't even cry
the things i dealt with 
(i dealt with)
i dealt with
leaving you behind me,
(behind)
hope you like your side piece
i look so unsightly
that's why i'm always hiding
i don't think they like me 
most times it don't surprise me
think about it nightly 
keep damaging my psyche

i hate myself 
like nobody else
and i hate you 
much more than you do 
forgive me god
no matter the cost
i can't stop 
no i can't stop

unsightly

prod: never forever 
master: https://soundcloud.com/vito2300

put aside my emotion
i wasn't important 
he touched someone else
that night my body was forfeit
i like it when he record it 
watch it back and feel gorgeous 
i think i need help 
but i'm so good at ignoring,
ignoring it 

ima pour this bottle all out
till i feel my life breaking down 
and i hate myself even now 
don't know what that's all about
and i hate my songs 
won't show my face 
took a couple steps back 
went m.i.a
insane 
didn't learn my lesson 
nothing ever mattered when i try my best and
most days i just feel like a reject 
friends fake n then ask for my preset
hands up, 
asked god for a reason 
blood soaked and i beg for the meaning
most days wake up and i'm screaming 
and my body just shake like im fiending
painful, i remember the feeling 
stitch myself cause i dream i'm in pieces

important

i know it feels good when you hate my guts

https://soundcloud.com/vito2300
prod: https://soundcloud.com/prodcxrter  https://soundcloud.com/yunnygoldz

i can't feel my skin
and it's numbing 
god you make me sick 
when you touch me
blood drip down my lip 
like you're wanting 
tear drop down my chin
baby i can't run 
baby i still would 
do i make you blush?
god i know it feels good 
when you hate my guts
baby i still could 
even now, just us
god you know that you should 
till you've had enough

off this bottle 
got me swerving, i'm sedated my,
heartbeat so slow i can't pace it i,
gave up, crush crush till it make me right
i'm the only one you keep awake at night
faster, hands over my body going faster
laughter, he don't feel attached like an actor
backwards, every fucking night i'm moving backwards
everything i ever felt it didn't matter

i don't wanna go like this 
but it's coming
the bruise still stains my wrist from the cuffing
i can't feel my skin 
god you make me sick,
you made me 

(vito:)
Do you want me
I can’t even tell anymore
Your words haunting
Mellowing the pain i endure
A closed chapter
I keep looking backwards
My body’s tattered
Forever and after

But you wanted this so bad
That I don’t think you thought about it
Lay down through the pain
Say what’s good about it
You could love me in ways
I can’t live without it

you make me sick

prod: @prodcxrter @tiedforsilver
extra production / master: @vito2300

two months,
i can't write nothing at all
gave up on having someone to call
fake blood still left a stain on the wall
fake love still left a hole in my heart
stuck in the middle
i wait for it to eat me alive
it stings a little
it kills me when you treat me so nice
go grab the sickle
i'll let you cut as much as you like
(as you like, as you like)

i don't wanna be selfish
but god i hate myself
and i can't help it
you made me lose my mind
i wish you felt it
and i can't even cry
the things i dealt with
i dealt with
leaving you behind me,
hope you like your side piece
i look so unsightly
that's why i'm always hiding
i don't think they like me
most times it don't surprise me
think about it nightly
keep damaging my psyche

lately i don't even give a fuck about the music
it's just enough that i do it
one day i might lose it
don't have enough to get through it
like oh, it's okay if you wanna let go
spill blood, wake up on the floor
we're done but i hate you more
he don't ever wanna wait one second
so dumb, shoulda learned my lesson
those words he said he meant it
but i'm stuck on the way he said it
so soft, so soft
and after everything i gave you
you're still gone
still gone

i don't wanna be selfish
(i don't wanna be selfish no more)
but god i hate myself
and i can't help it
(can't help it)
you made me lose my mind
i wish you felt it
(you felt it)
and i can't even cry
the things i dealt with
(i dealt with)
i dealt with
leaving you behind me,
(behind)
hope you like your side piece
i look so unsightly
that's why i'm always hiding
i don't think they like me
most times it don't surprise me
think about it nightly
keep damaging my psyche

i hate myself
like nobody else
and i hate you
much more than you do
forgive me god
no matter the cost
i can't stop
no i can't stop

unsightly (slowed and reverbed)

prod: never forever

put the bandage over my cuts
but the bleeding never stop 
and i think i had heart once
reminiscing on what i lost, i lost
so pathetic, god it's making me sick 
i didn't have to let him in, but i did

he took it away from me 
and god didn't stop it
today i grieve 
what i lost in the darkness
shaking waiting for him to say it
i could learn to be patient

eager

@vito2300
prod: @prodcxrter @yunnygoldz

i can't feel my skin
and it's numbing
god you make me sick
when you touch me
blood drip down my lip
like you're wanting
tear drop down my chin
baby i can't run
baby i still would
do i make you blush?
god i know it feels good
when you hate my guts
baby i still could
even now, just us
god you know that you should
till you've had enough

off this bottle
got me swerving, i'm sedated my,
heartbeat so slow i can't pace it i,
gave up, crush crush till it make me right
i'm the only one you keep awake at night
faster, hands over my body going faster
laughter, he don't feel attached like an actor
backwards, every fucking night i'm moving backwards
everything i ever felt it didn't matter

i don't wanna go like this
but it's coming
the bruise still stains my wrist from the cuffing
i can't feel my skin
god you make me sick,
you made me

(vito:)
Do you want me
I can’t even tell anymore
Your words haunting
Mellowing the pain i endure
A closed chapter
I keep looking backwards
My body’s tattered
Forever and after

But you wanted this so bad
That I don’t think you thought about it
Lay down through the pain
Say what’s good about it
You could love me in ways
I can’t live without it

you make me sick (w/ vito) [slowed and reverbed]

prod: michael harrison
master: @onlyfriendyeah

do i deserve to be this broken?
i must've done something wrong
and when i speak i feel like choking
it must've been all my fault
i love him more
than i love myself
i'll endure what he gives me
nothing can change my mind,
nothing i won't sacrifice

you've got such a violent taste now
is that what it takes to turn you on?
he want me to pour my veins out
is that what it takes to be your crush?
i'll keep a compliant face now
you know i would hate to make you stop
i'll be so silent, stay down
if that's what it takes to be what you want
(be what you want)

violent taste (slowed and reverbed)

prod. acey
master: @vito2300

sometimes i don't know who i am
look in the mirror
i don't see me there
that's a monster
and he looks somber
but he just killed a man

well lesson learned
i won't get my hopes up
i won't care if you show up
show up
won't be here when the sun comes
the sun comes out

sobered up
missing the way out
locked in
i need to calm down
i can't calm down
in a cold house
i hear every sound

if i was perfect why were you fucking him
tell me what he had i couldn't do better than
n i saw it
you're sobbing
i put the knife in him

i'm numb to the bloodshed
good at destroying
and i'm home when
i'm hearing voices
and in the morning
i'll be what you need
look what you've done to me
look what you've done to me
look what you've done to me

i've had enough for now

home (slowed and reverbed)

prod: @jolst

i just wish you were here
holding me
cause my thoughts hurt less
when you lay next to me
but u don’t care at all
blame it on the alcohol
is there something there that i can’t see
how the fuck am i supposed to breathe
like oh
it’s okay if you wanna let go
i know you probably need a little more
i just miss when you were close
i know how this shit go
fall apart when it gets cold
n i start to get feel real low
know you’ll leave me when it snows

when it snows
iced out had to put on a coat
neck cold but my hearts on froze
fucked up i can’t do this alone
baby why u gotta do me like that
n still ask why my songs so sad
everyday gotta put on a mask
happy eyes with a knife in my back

i say i love you
“i love you too”
most days i can’t get enough of u
when you leave i feel it
it’s hard to deal with
the crushing weight of this lonely feeling
rain it trickles
cry a little
nothings real
it’s so artificial
“you’re too brittle”
how i am supposed to feel when you speak in riddles

i know i’m cold sometimes
but i could never lie to you
i always say i’m fine
i really don’t know what to do
i need you a little too much
i’m scared that i’m never enough
when you get distant it feels like i probably fucked up
get a little too scared i don’t mean much



snow (slowed and reverbed)

i still see blue

featuring: https://soundcloud.com/user-411557229
prod: saint mike
master: https://soundcloud.com/onlyfriendyeah

writing out these letters
lately i can't help
but pray that i get better 
i'm stuck in my own hell
talk to me slow,
don't let me go 

we were so happy,
what happened?
stuck on the past tense
sometimes i miss it 
it's hard to forget it 
blue,
(i still see blue)
i still think of you
(i still think of you)

lay by the lake,
i was never the same 

baby ima masochist at best
got a lot of scars on my chest 
i was your porcelain puppet 
cracks line over my stomach
even with my body going numb
i still wished to feel the cuts 
and after everything was done
i still wanna be your one

(residential:)
am i bothering at all?
kinda wish you stayed 
is it someone else's palms
or the portraits that i framed

is it killing you at all?
cause i can't say the same 
the hazel in your eyes
is embalmed into my brain 

i cant sleep at night 
it's better with time
but i'll

pull it together
keep my dignity tethered
guess it's better than never
your words here forever

(skele:)
fucking wasted my time
still on the back of my mind
fucking wasted my life 
oh trust me, i tried
(trust me i, trust me i tried)



after everything (w/ residential)

body going missing

prod: https://soundcloud.com/block-tane https://soundcloud.com/nate2timezz
 
i can hear my own heartbeat
pound in this quiet
hands bound back
with this rope
he'll tie me up
(i can hear my own heartbeat pounding
i can hear my own heartbeat pounding)
i can feel the cold concrete
laying down, crying
itching through scabs
to be whole is all i want
(i can hear my own heartbeat pounding
i can hear my own heartbeat pounding)
open me up
god willing i'll make it
your shirt soaking with blood
oh, my body keep shaking
place my flesh upon a sigil
brand with my initials
this night will make me whole again
the embers start to whistle
nothing left, no one to hold me
bloody ceremony
i will lose control again,
the heavens will disown me

please, please
it's all that i have
(like magician, body going)

like magician,
body going missing
bloodied up my palms
baby i feel like a christian
just how i envisioned
prep for the incision
pierce right through my heart
until my fingers finish twitching
oh yeah,
i think i like it, i don't wanna pretend
i'm fucking begging for it
cut me again
and again, and again, and again
and again

(let us pray, let us wish
to partake in communion,
let us partake in communion,
and feast upon the old blood)

where i'm going
i won't make it back
hope he's waiting for me
vision going black
nothing i have left will make it past
open me up
god willing i'll make it
your shirt soaking with blood
oh my body keeps shaking
keeps shaking


paleblood

standing at your doormat (ft. yung axstn) (prod. northeast lights X odece)

big shoutout powfu and remghost for making this with me <3 https://soundcloud.com/powfu
@remghost
coverart by @seejayxo

fall in love (w/ powfu) (prod. remghost)

master: @trechorboy

lyrics:
so don't look at me i'm a no show 
was feeling bad now it's more so
feeling real low think my heart broke
laying alone it gets too cold
don't think it's good for my mind no
i know you're good on your own though
but i keep on staring at photos
i keep on staring at photos, at photos
(x2)

took you off my lock screen yesterday
said you'd never leave and now you've gone away
and after all this time, still don't know what to say
don't know how much longer i'll keep running away
it's getting harder to sleep now
wake up in a sweat i still see you in my dreams now
don't know how to feel now
cause i thought you'd be right here and now you're not around

so don't look at me i'm a no show 
was feeling bad now it's more so
feeling real low think my heart broke
laying alone it gets too cold
don't think it's good for my mind no
i know you're good on your own though
but i keep on staring at photos
i keep on staring at photos, at photos
(x2)

i keep on staring at photos (prod. 2001)

i wish that i was good at saying goodbyes.

prod: @caspr
ty to promnight for the photo <3


lyrics:
i don't really need no love
i tell myself
but there's a part of me that's gone and i can tell
u don't really need me 
u never did 
i was just somebody that u used for a bit
fuck me up but i'd still take u right back 
it's funny how i hurt myself and i never react
i couldn't find my peace even if i had a map 
i fall in love n fall apart it's pretty sad

is it ok if i can't act right?
i've been trying to move on it's been a hard time
so many nights i lay in bed with my chest tight 
i wish that i was good at saying goodbyes

i've been waiting on a text that i'll never get 
and if im being honest baby i'm a mess
u wrote me a eulogy with all ur words that i won't forget
i don't think i'll get over all the scars u left

goodbyes. (prod. caspr)

give me 5 more minutes

prod: https://soundcloud.com/irby314

lyrics:
i know that you wont hear this
so i can be as honest as i want
isnt that fun
ive been wondering how it feels to stare down the barrel of a gun
so give me 5 more minutes
so i can clear my head up
so i can dry my eyes, love
i know that u wont get it 
but i think its time i said it 

i still care, but i know that i shouldnt
i cant help but wonder 
i hope your not hurting 
im getting used to my burdens
i know u wont hear this
my mind isnt working

my mind isnt working 

i still care
i hope u know that u can talk to me 
even tho your words cut me to the artery
i hope u know that i dont hate u 
even tho i really fucking want to 
so when its late and im feeling low
replacing air with chemicals 
i tend to forget what im holding on for
and nothing feels real
its so hard to forget when i cant heal

i still care, but i know that i shouldnt
i cant help but wonder 
i hope your not hurting 
im getting used to my burdens
i know u wont hear this
my mind isnt working

i still care, but i know that i shouldn't (prod. irby)

but what did i expect

prod: https://soundcloud.com/caspr
artwork by: https://soundcloud.com/caustyk



i don’t wanna fall in love 
and fall apart again 
idk if i’m ok enough so i keep taking medicine 
to give my head a rest 
but what did i expect 

i said i’d give him everything but everything meant nothing 
but i still stayed so i could feel i’m holding on to something 
n i feel like a burnout 
lie n say that i’m better on my own now 

ok 
alright 
i’m starting to feel nothing when i lay awake at night 
ok 
alright 
i’ll fool myself with every other lie 

i still think of every word you said to me 
trying to ease the memory by drowning it in nicotine 
i swear to fucking god that one day you’ll be dead to me
but right now just to hear your voice i swear that i’d do anything

medicine (prod. caspr)

you don't gotta worry about me 

https://soundcloud.com/crackxlizard
https://soundcloud.com/caspr

i just wish that you'd talk like you used to
is it too much to wish that you want me too
is it too much to wish that you'd follow through 
and it kills me 
i just wanna see you in the morning 
i keep feeling down, and i'm sorry
i just keep breaking, you don't gotta worry 

no you don't gotta worry about me 
you don't gotta worry about me 

oh oh
baby don't go 
i just wish that you wanted me a little more
oh oh 
baby don't go
i just that you wanted to hold to hold me close

breaking (prod. cracklizard x caspr)

thank you for listening 
<3
@jolst


 i just wish you were here 
holding me 
cause my thoughts hurt less 
when you lay next to me 
but u don’t care at all
blame it on the alcohol
is there something there that i can’t see 
how the fuck am i supposed to breathe 
like oh
it’s okay if you wanna let go 
i know you probably need a little more 
i just miss when you were close
i know how this shit go
fall apart when it gets cold 
n i start to get feel real low 
know you’ll leave me when it snows 

when it snows 
iced out had to put on a coat 
neck cold but my hearts on froze 
fucked up i can’t do this alone 
baby why u gotta do me like that 
n still ask why my songs so sad 
everyday gotta put on a mask 
happy eyes with a knife in my back 

i say i love you 
“i love you too” 
most days i can’t get enough of u
when you leave i feel it 
it’s hard to deal with 
the crushing weight of this lonely feeling
rain it trickles 
cry a little 
nothings real 
it’s so artificial 
“you’re too brittle”
how i am supposed to feel when you speak in riddles 

i know i’m cold sometimes 
but i could never lie to you
i always say i’m fine 
i really don’t know what to do
i need you a little too much 
i’m scared that i’m never enough 
when you get distant it feels like i probably fucked up
get a little too scared i don’t mean much

snow (prod. jolst)

thank you for listening 
<3
https://soundcloud.com/jolst
https://soundcloud.com/sadboiforever


it hurts me over n over again 
i think something’s wrong with my head
it’s easy to try and pretend 
but sometimes i’d rather be dead
i’m paranoid 
think you hate me 
shedding tears over our polaroids 
expectations on my chest, defenses i employ 

it’s okay, you can tell me i’m wasting your time
you don’t feel like you did and it’s fine 
you don’t miss me, it’s alright 
i get a bag n i spend it real quick 
i got some diamonds they dance on my wrist 
see me n public now they want a pic 
money can’t come much more easy than this 
every night i spent dreaming of shit 
every night i spent waiting for this 
i could lose it all
i don’t wanna fall 
i could pull the trigger 
paint the fucking wall

paranoid (prod. 2001 & jolst)

thank you to https://soundcloud.com/sendflowrs https://soundcloud.com/remghost https://soundcloud.com/jvbeats666

it's so ugly
i let everyone control me 
and i can't think 
so i just lay awake and worry
blurry
your words just cut me , have some mercy
you never fail to leave me scars
that's why i'm hurting

it's why i'm hurting
i can see your eyes
i know they're burning
and i can't feel you in the dark
i know you're lurking
you really love to see me bleed
i'll close my eyes now
you really love to leave me scars
so bring the knife out

(flowrs)
knife out, knife out
baby bring the knife out 
and i’m so fucking sick of this
i guess i’ll say goodnight now
and i know you’re laying with him 
so i’ll scratch my fucking eyes out
you’re tryna match his breathing
he’s asleep, i’ll fucking cry now
gave me 3 chances, 
blew em all i guess i’ll strike out 
your rope is weak, this fucking hole i’ll never climb out 
she told me “never go to sleep with all the lights out”
cus she won’t show me mercy, wants me dead, i guess i’ll die now

mercy (w/ sendflowrs) (prod. remghost & jayvee)

it gets hard to breathe
https://soundcloud.com/crackxlizard
https://soundcloud.com/hellahaunted
mastered by: https://soundcloud.com/trechorboy


so is he everything
wanna fall in love
get a wedding ring
taking back all the memories you got from me 
when i look at the past yeah, it gets hard to breathe
i bet he's giving you everything
it's killing me

wake up, i don't wanna wake up 
don't wanna live another day feeling the fake love
and they like wait up, i don't wanna wait up
i keep breaking apart
i'll take the pain, love

do you treat him like me now
say he's the worst now
sending heart eyes while he's falling asleep now

i don't wanna wait till i break down
haunt me like a ghost until i'm bringing the knife out

skele

Pinned to spotlight

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