charlie pls don't read this, I just needed to write down my feelings somewhere, I have no friends to talk to, as you know. so why not say it to myself, or random people reading my bio + I don't want you to feel bad. it might ruin your entire mood so listen to me and don't get too curious.

Name: lily

Age: 14

Date of Birth: 10/21

Height: 5'2? 💀

Gender: I wish I had a dic-

Pronouns: let me she/them titties

Sexuality: I hate men (except for scara cuz I love feminine 5'3 men with eyeliner.) 

Relationship status: fucked up

Likes: scara. he's like all I care about. I wish he was fucking real

Dislikes: myself, kill me, just everything about myself. finally got a gf and all I tried to do was show her how much I loved her but her dumbass mom ruined it all. I don't give a shit if she doesn't hate her mom because I fucking do. she's the reason for her child's problems and that ruins that I can't even fucking say I loved my gf or be comforted by her. I can't even cry in front of her because it reminds her of her mom. never again will I be proud of myself for telling someone I love them. I'll feel guilty and weak. I just wanted to help her but I made it worse.
      unfortunately, as much as my gf made me happy, she might have ruined my life. I was finally doing good about SH but I destroyed my arm after she broke up with me because I can't handle simple things, the things she's done makes me feel like straight up shit. some other thing bothering me that I can't say to her face is that she has the audacity to say that she has "abandonment issues" when she gets stressed by someone loving her and promising to never leave her. 
        she gets upset when I vent but comforts her other friends when they vent. I've never had a best friend. maybe it's what I deserve. I don't know why I'm even complaining. I regret even becoming friends with her. now I'm too attached to just stop being friends completely. her existence used to make me so happy. now I'm miserable and insecure as fuck about everything because I somehow wasn't good enough. I miss her love, cuddles, kisses, and hugs. it's all gone. my default emotion is just being depressed. as in there's times I laugh or I'm happy. though they only last a couple seconds. every single friend I've ever had, left me within less than 2 years. and every BEST friend I've ever had, lasts only a few days before they get another friend that they clearly like better. 
       I just wanted affection. that's it. now she doesn't even feel comfortable around me. she's SLOWLY abandoning me, which hurts more. everyone hates me and I hate everyone too. I made a wish every night for a girlfriend that'll stay with me long enough to get married at least and I got one that secretly hates me and won't admit it. actions makes it more clear than words, the way she acts and the hatred her energy gives off is driving me insane. I don't know if I even care about her anymore. I'll have to wait I until something bad happens to her, I guess. crying to my limit rn. cutting isn't enough to cope, and I'm too scared to die. I'll never love myself. I'll never be proud of myself. 
      If I feel my actual emotions, she'll 100% leave me again. I feel lonely because no one will tell me my flaws when I ask them to. they just say something like "tHeRe'S nOtHinG wRoNg wItH yOu, yOu'RE pErFeCt aNd bEauTiFul." sweetheart, you KNOW that you're lying and just trying to make me feel better. make your response brutally honest and ignore my tears from your comments. I'll take any girl. I need a kiss, a hug, cuddles, anything. I hate it. I hate being alone.

      why did this have to happen to me.

100% Switch 
88% Voyeur 
81% Experimentalist 
79% Dominant 
73% Degrader 
73% Submissive 
72% Brat tamer 
69% Owner 
68% Rigger 
67% Master/Mistress 
56% Exhibitionist 
55% Degradee 
52% Daddy/Mommy 
49% Rope bunny 
47% Brat 
46% Ageplayer 
46% Non-monogamist 
40% Slave 
38% Sadist 
35% Masochist 
31% Primal (Hunter) 
31% Primal (Prey) 


:P