She imagined a safe place to land
She deserved a safe place to be, 
Didn't she? 
It would take years to understand
Past trauma taught her a mountain of lies
Made her believe she expected too much of love
In a state of confusion
 her heart tried its best
 not to feel jaded 
when her love 
did not move to her embrace
 unless it was convenient, or self-serving

 to be embraced just to embraced
Genuinely, with loving intentions 

It became her downfall unknowingly
an easy access route
For others who would convince her 
Her love was something she needed to prove 
Her love was real 
Why was it that she could never do enough? 
 A rotation of scrambling to appease and too paralyzed to move

Why was it she could never be enough? 
Why was she being tested at all 
By people and 'lovers' just waiting for her to fall?

He listened to her speak 
of the Wonders behind her eyes
She saw his attentive gaze
She couldn't help but be surprised
For a moment or two
As he appeared to be listening 
to reel her in was new
 oh his prize to be caught 
his blank expression was not

He appeared to have an attentive focus on her words
But something in the way 
his blank stare remained unchanged 
Sent anxious chills up & down her spine
The only thing that would truly change was the day
Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

She became very familiar with 
dismissal using eye contact
And dismissal without

She imagined in her mind
What he must see when she spoke...
 bubbles of words 
forming above her head
He pretended not to read or hear
As he skimmed for details to use against her another day 

Oh drowning man, you are so far from dear

 She grabbed hold of the strings
As her word bubbles formed balloons
floating away in the air 
She was beautifully removed enough to no longer care
 if he chose to listen or hear...

If these balloons could talk
 she smiled & thought
These ones would fucking CHEER

Balloons

Take this key
You will be fine
get out my dear
Tis a fine line
Between being alive
Or winding up dead
Someone somewhere said

She made her way towards Freedom, Mirage
Horses can't run with a broken leg, she heard in a song
That song was wrong 

She grabbed the rope 
Dismissing how she felt 
fragile and weak
Her whisper in the wind
Oh helpless helpless helpless
She was not so meek  
None of this real 
she climbed the hill
The knots untied 
She heard them laugh
Oh how the gatekeeper lied 
Well...
At least he tried

The Gatekeeper

one more smoke

Doesn’t matter if I’m trying to be all things for you it really is of little consequence

Today I sit in Silence ~poem.wav

hello,my friend its me again
just stopped to say hello…
okay if truth be told
we both know
that isn’t exactly true…
I’m not asking much
nor did I ever request a lot
              from you…
You said once
             you didn’t think
you could give me what I want what was it you couldn’t give?
how could you know something
                 I didn’t
                        know myself?

how simple in one light
and complicated in the shade

it comes down to this….
my body is so incredibly cold
from the inside out
I was wondering
if you could be so kind
as to wrap me in your warmth
                  your skin…
                        my velvet comfort
        your touch….
              my endorphin release
                         your voice…
                     that set
                  the butterflies
                              free to be.

how I longed to be
              just
                     like
              them….
fluttering freely,
                …  landing softly
   with innocent wonder
            to drink the sweet nectar
                            your body….
                                      the source.

guess I asked for a helluva lot
how fucking typical ….
              I
               now
                       claim
                    the butterflies
                                 as my own
                  released…
                    with my voice
                                      not yours


Release Of The Butterflies

the Praying Tree

For You

No More Thirst

look for signs in clouds and messages carried to you 
 the wind ☮️💜

Dreams Interrupted

Lessons

the undertow

Masks

masks

 
I always seem to be on the other side of the river or
In a forest...my voice whispering in the wind.
Some hear me,others dismiss me...
Some reach out for me...with unconditional love...while some wounded within,know only to make an attempt to trample on one's spirit.
 Iam learning 
to embrace 
my inner Goddess 
                      of strength
                                 and love ...
    Wrapped in a ribbon of peace.
          After all,
              when you have wings,
                             you rise above. 

http://lilyjoytus.wordpress.com

Lily Joytus

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