Dear diary, randomly, she asked me, what I'm doing tonight, would you like to write my paper with me.

Funny, I was writing, the same thing, sent it at the same time, jinx right, could this be deja vu again? 
 
I couldn't think, of anything, I'd rather be, doing with somebody, so sweet, glowing as she typed away. 
---------
I wish your smile would never leave. So hold my hand as hard as you can. I'll stay up all night and we'll both just breath and in the morning you'll still have me. Platonically.
-------
It feels more like falling, like my heart is dissolving, all the fear and the longing, stripped away, turpentine, I can't get you off my mind. just erase all those lines that I wrote and I'll be fine. All theses things I can't say, I can't hold you in that way, but I'll wait dreaming someday maybe that could change.

As Hard As You Can

Let's throw a party, you'll invite all your friends. Your list will be long, just like your hair, and I'll try to fit in, a timid wallflower, not bold enough to bloom around others. 

Let's have a sleep over, but we won't sleep, we'll sit up all night dancing to our heartbeats. Then the morning will come, and you'll float away, you still twirl around my head and heart all day. 

Let's see a movie that you say you won't like, I'll check in your eyes to see if I was right. I mean I can't have bad taste, because I like you. And I really think you'd like it too.  

Let's find a waterfall in a pretty place, the light will pirouette and refract off your face, it'll pour into me and warm me up, and I'll grow to believe that this could be...

Let's find a shop that sells Japanese things, I'll try not to smile while you read them to me. Though I won't understand, there's a lot that I don't, I'll hang on the words those companies wrote.

Let's start a fire and throw letters inside, the ones that we wrote when we wanted to die, and the embers will float around in the air, like hot air balloons through my pendulum stare. 

Let's write a sonnet that captures the light, that you feel in your heart when everything is alright, and we'll make it dramatic, fit emotions inside, we'll convey it all in just fourteen lines. 

Let's both get tired and we'll whisper goodnights, and all those vivid dreams where I hold you tight, will comfort til morning rips me away, and I'll try to get through another day.

Let's Throw A Party

I can't wait to go to sleep, but I don't see this ending. My mind it starts to wander and the words become quiet distractions, the line between my sadness and my passion starts decaying, and I try my best to match my words up with my actions. But it's hard to be
A sensitive musician when everything hurts, you feel every moment but every second just burns, I wish I was jaded and could see through the eyes, of someone who's happy or their disguise. 
Are they pretending, am I calling a bluff? Could there be beauty somewhere after all? Life feels hopeless but it's all in my head, I'm trapped in this mind that longs for an end. 
-----
There's also beauty in the saddest things, a kind of emptiness in suffering, a blackish fog all encompassing, it's familiar so it's comforting. You just get used to this awful state, you can't picture feeling differently. Pass the time any way you can, distract yourself from the negative-- 
thoughts that say you're bad, undesirable, traits you blow out way out of proportion, hate your face, your voice, it's all terrible, god I wish I could shut it up. 
January came and went, every month just felt like shit. I tried to mix a different shade, I tried to like myself each day. Losing interest in the things that I once loved and songs I'd sing, carry a different meaning, weighing down it feels like screaming---
thoughts that say you're sad, and supposed to be, gone deep down and rotting in endless sleep, all the things you've done weren't for anything, god I wish I could sleep it off. 
I thought I came much further, the person that I murdered, still haunts me neath the floorboards, his whispers tangled, strangled. 
On and on and on and on, I can hear him beckoning. I can hear him trembling. I can hear it echoing. I'm my own ghost haunting me. 
So wait it out, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Ghost

I'll hold my knees as close to me my minds in rags, smaller still I'm thrilled to be misleading am I coming off as coy yet? I toy with the ploy that I'd enjoy some company, devoid and annoyed just a boy with no way out. Misplaced and disgraced the child inside me suffering, the touching and terrible torture that I can't erase. 
But for now, I'll just blot it out. Your blood will silence all the shouts. You'll beg for release, from the suffering, but you never gifted that to me. 
I'll hold the sheers as close to you, you're torn to bits. Crying too, so now you feel it? All the things that you did? I smile for a while in denial that this is helping, it's endearing how sincere all the words you're saying sound, when they're muffled by the rag that you bite down hard on, and I almost believe you, when you say you can't live with yourself
(C)
Let you go one rainy night, the candles blew out in the wind, and the last light in your eyes, flickered out and then you died. Guess now one of us has peace, I took your arms and both your feet, I puppeteered them all around, like ballerinas to the sound, of the wind that roared outside, and my heartbeat in my eyes, I tried my best not to cry, never emptier inside, I'll melt the skin off of your skull, and keep my keys there when I'm home. Yeah, I'll never let you go, I'll never let you go. He'll never let you go.

Rags

-Lose ya, I can't stay here
But I keep waiting, staring at the mirror
I'm not sure what I'm hoping will change
I wish I saw myself any other way. 
-Lose ya, fall asleep
The world grows darker when my face meets sink.
I'm warm in the pooled blood on the cold floor
I guess there comes a point when you can't take it anymore. 
-Lose ya, I can hear it
The siren, like my friends and family, wailing, 
they'll ask themselves what they could've done to help
none of them had realized I'd already given up. 
-Lose ya, now I'm sleeping
I hear them talking through my quiet dreaming
and I wish my shimmered light would just snuff out,
my body's just a prison, prism-ed light, vermouth and rot. 
-Lose ya, now they whisper
Those sad six words through tears, they beg and tremble
And they're not sure  I can hear the words they say
They hold my hand and squeeze it and say them anyway.
-I don't want to lose you, please just stay
things get better, we'll try again today
I wish things didn't have to be so hard to keep,
under wraps, this hurts so bad.

Lose Ya

Can you do a cartwheel on the lawn? Saw you drinking lemonade all by yourself. Had your sunhat on and the shadow hid your eyes, I mowed the lawn across the street, 
Your Dad and you washed his car while me and mine played catch. And for a second I could've sworn I caught your eye instead. But I shouldn't have paid attention when you glanced in my direction and the baseball knocked me dead. 
Cause when that moving truck pulled up my heart grew weak, the sweetest girl just moved across the street. 
And I don't think of baseball cards, or playing catch out in the yard,  I don't wanna do my homework, I don't wanna see my friends no more. 
Bored of flavors at the malt shop, I can stay out till my Dad comes home, I just aired both my bike tires up, we could go out for an ice cream cone. 
We always walk a bit when the bus takes us home. But I'm 10 steps behind and we both walk alone. Sometimes in the wind I can smell your hair, and it's like I'm on a ferris wheel at the fair. 
One day you dropped your books and I tried to pick them up, but you were way to fast and our heads bumped, but we both laughed about it, I tried not to think about it as the days passed.

Malt Shop

Maybe we can play together into the night? And talk about the movies that we both like? And honestly it's hard to be so heartily in sync. And it's dawned on me that my knees get so weak.
(C)Cause when you're near me, my heart does jumping jacks. Cause when you're singing, I hang on every word. And when you're glowing, oh wait that happens all the time. Oh look it's snowing.
Maybe we can walk together in the park? And I won't hold your hand but I'll think about it a lot. And steadily my heart it starts to race, erase the pain. The sweetest girl with snowflakes on her face. 
(C)
Maybe we'll both hang lights up on the tree, and we'll both hide our secrets underneath. No better present than the present moment, here and now, when I'm with you I've got it all just figured out.

Oh Look, Its Snowing!!!

I tire truly on the phone, wish that I could walk you home, for once I wish that you'd text me, but alas I don't give up, you like to lie, can I live up to the standards you've set high. 

(C)You like, you like, to lie. 

You like communication, I'd like a demonstration, yeah show me how it's so important to you. I grow so tired of waiting, for the moment when I'm needed, I'm getting tired of you. 
(C)
Didn't realize this one way street, was all there'd be when you met me, I tried to give you everything, silly me I'm still unseen. And all the boys will break your heart, you'll run to me, you sunder me. When I'm not there, there's someone else. 
(C)
I had this pretty picture, of who I thought I needed, but when I saw the real you it just erased all of those feelings. You're selfish and unstable, not a great combination. I said I'd keep you safe, but that was when I didn't hate you. 
(Bridge) 
And I hope I never see you, hear you, speak your name. I don't wanna be you, hate you, don't feel the same. Didn't have a reason, pleasing you that way. Didn't have a reason to stay. 
(C)

Like To Lie

I don't wanna wake me up, pretend you're with me. Please don't let them break this spell, I'm content in make believe. 
(C)Sometimes I fall so hard, my leaves are turning brown, I hope you'll pick me up, just to throw me out. 
Sure life is always hard, and it all hurts too much, I hope you light me up, just to put me out. (C)
Never thought I'd see myself, cry out behind the mirror. Could I be someone else, I hope to death that they're not hurting.  Cause I just hesitate, when I'm shown slight attention. I always come off strange, I swear that isn't my intention. 
I see a stranger in there, glazed eyes and crocodile stare, could it be any clearer, maybe pain is never ending. But I don't give up easy, fueled by some sick curiosity, tomorrow seems intriguing, but when it comes, this empty feeling. 
(C)
Never gonna figure out, how I keep breathing, as we dance around, can't place these feelings. 
Could I learn all about you, what makes you tick and how you, feel when you say you're fine, let's poke around eachother's minds. Intrinsic gravitation, waves of pure elation, it's such a foreign warmth, my souls been wholly torn and sworn to keep up with endless torment, this storm and ageless torrent. Abhorrent thoughts are forced, of course it's worse, when you're at your worst. I dream of happy endings, nightmares where we're all dying, I'm close but I'm still trying, comes a point where all your smiles are lying. 
(C)

Fall So Hard

I saw you leaving out the back door, baby come on.
Don’t leave me wishing I was something that I’m not.
I wanted solace in the form of a hand being held.
A friendless fallacy of wishing I was someone else. 

I wish I saw your smile peek through again. 
If you fall out love will we stay friends?
I wish I wish, I could make you feel
Something, something so unreal.

You saw me bleeding on the asphalt, baby come on.
Don’t leave me freezing on the sidewalk by your lawn.
I wanted safety in the warmth of your arms.
So whisper nothings in my ear till you’re gone. 

I dreamed you up one night into existence.
Your eyes are oceans overflowing with feelings.
I wish, I wish, they weren’t all so painful.
You live through callously a life so dreadful.

Listen, Natalia

Popular tracks