Release date:
10/23/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttf48FFUhKw friends (lovers) by evenings

lyrics:
i wanna be your girlfriend
but you wanna be my girl friend
you’re the one i wanna defend
won’t you stay until the night ends?
i wanna be your girlfriend
but you wanna be my girl friend
got me jumping off the deep end
got me drowning in rejection

you’re so beautiful when you sleep
and so beautifully unaware of it
gimme your heart to keep, baby
promise i’ll take good care of it
been chasing after you all this time
tellin’ you that you’re so damn fine
i wanna make you mine

girl_friend (prod. evenings)

Release date:
10/26/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl8zDShTghE star shopping instrumental 

lyrics:
stay awake, sleep’s a welcome vacation
train of thought, but that bitch left the station
passed out, on the couch, need an explanation?
first, shut your mouth, breathe out, n inhale again
in a haze, Purple Rain, stargazing
moon’s out, don’t need clout, just need payment
still a kid but how the fuck i’m ‘onna pay rent?
no one’s home, so alone, like a spaceship
work hard, say i’m smart, n i put it in my art
self harm, lotta scars, but i gotta big heart
brother’s hot boxing in his best friend’s car
kinda worried but i know he ain’t gon’ go far
brain fried, half alive, on a day trip
numb to pain, fake chain, Hot Topic drip
gang gang, y’all got no brain, don’t fuck with blood or crip
killin’s fun, knives and guns (i wanna blow my brains out)
stay awake, sleep’s a welcome vacation
train of thought, but that bitch left the station
passed out, on the couch, need an explanation
first, shut your mouth, breathe out, n inhale again
in a haze, Purple Rain, stargazing
moon’s out, don’t need clout, just need payment
still a kid but how the fuck i’m ‘onna pay rent?
no one’s home, so alone, like a spaceship

spaceship (prod. XYLO)

Release date:
11/5/20

instrumental: https://soundcloud.com/user-986896359/lil-peep_type-beat Lil-peep_type beat by TriFav_beats

lyrics:
i fall in love too easily, yeah

i fall in love too easily
i’d let my heart bleed for you ceaselessly 
i‘d take off my clothes for you, secretly
wonder if you love me or think i’m easy

i don’t do this cus i care about you
i’m just afraid, afraid of being alone
i’m not sure we’d ever last long
i’m not strong, barely hanging on, 
to someone that doesn’t know much about me,
question if you’d be ok without me

i fall in love too easily
i’d make you my everything, needlessly
would you ever really even care for me?
wonder if you love me or think i’m pretty

am i prettier when i’m on my knees?
am i pretty when you call me a tease?
am i more than when you make me weak?
did you fall for me, or do you want my body?
do you wanna talk or do you wanna make me scream?
you say you know me, but we met last week

i fall in love too easily
with silly boys that lie and smoke weed
that aren’t here for me when i’m in need
do you wanna love me or make love to me?

i fall in love too easily
i fell in love, stupid me

easy (prod. TriFav_beats)

Release date:
11/7/20

written by yours truly and hannah bergeron https://soundcloud.com/han-b-636361093

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ojn59zHdbDk “restless” prod. 5head 

lyrics:
hurting, hurting now that you’re gone
hurting, hurting cus i was your pawn
hurting, hurting cus i was wrong 
hurting, hurting, tryna move on

wouldn’t give my heart away
if i knew you wouldn’t stay
trying was such a waste
we should be friends, if that’s ok
i’m too trusting, but it’s a price i’d pay
if i knew that you’d be mine someday
i wish you wouldn’t stray
would’ve made you my everything, but that’s ok
without you, I feel so grey
it was only a crush, guess it’ll fade
rejection in my heart, like a sharp blade
if i’d only the foresight to see the mess i’d make

learning, learning to not give up
learning, even still, I so feel stuck 
learning, learning how to get my life unfucked 
learning, learning that i’ll never measure up

can’t get you out of my mind
you made me feel dumb, i’m so blind
to the world around me, got me lost in time
be so much if you were mine
say there’s someone better, 
but i never believe that lie
you’re everything i wanted, but i’ve
cried all night, now my eyes are dry 
you bring her up, unaware i 
want you so badly, i wish i could lie
it might be hyperbolic, but without you i’d die
so lost in love, lost in these rhymes

healing, healing n writing songs
healing, and hoping someone comes along
healing, smoking outta broken bong
healing, healing, tryna stay strong (i won’t last long)

healing, healing n writing songs
healing, and hoping someone comes along
healing, smoking outta broken bong
healing, healing, tryna stay strong (i won’t last long)

instrumental by 5head 
SOCIAL MEDIA / CONTACT
Instagram: @prod5head
Twitter: @prod5head
soundcloud.com/prod5head

hurting (prod. 5head)

Release date:
11/13/2020

TW abuse 

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao-kkqEcZZs "Yesterday" by 502funeral

lyrics:
I’ve loved you since I met you, I guess you didn’t care
But why do you do things to me, stretch me til my insides tear?
I know when you throw me on the bed, when you pull my hair
It’s a demonstration of control, something to make me scared

Why do you try to hurt me? You make me so afraid
Why do you always use me, then throw me away?
Why don’t you ask me before you take and take?
Guess it’s cus you’ll never need to, anyway, anyway

You only let me hug you when your tongue is down my throat
Bite my lip and make me bleed, while I try to hold back moans
Shove your fingers deep inside me, push my head down til I choke
when my mouth ain’t good enough, slide inside when I’ve said no

Why do you never listen? I just wanna feel heard
Why did you leave without me? I don’t want you alone and hurt
Why do you sexualize me? In myself I’m so unsure
Guess you’ll never notice though, it’s whatever, whatever

We accept the love we think we deserve, that’s why I like it when you hurt
why I like it when you hurt, why I like being treated like dirt
We accept the love we think we deserve, that’s why I like it when you hurt
why I like it when you hurt, why I let you rip off my shirts

Why do you always leave? It’s so easy to stay
Why do you force me out? We could lay in bed all day
Why don’t you tell me you love me? It’s so easy to say
Guess it’s cus you’ll never mean it, anyway, anyway

Anyway, anyway, everyday, is the same
Anyway, anyway, wish i was numb to pain
Anyway, anyway, everyday, is the same
Anyway, anyway, i’ll just take the blame

anyway (prod. 502funeral)

Release date:
11/16/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIEvR3_IuXA "midwest emo x pop punk type beat" prod caspr + saint tomorrow

lyrics:
you say you love her, well you don’t act like it
if you did a better job then i might buy it
everyone loves you, i thought i’d try it
but these awfully lonely nights make me feel like dying

i want the love that you give to her without hesitation
i want the trust that i have in you to be reciprocated
i want whatever i can’t get from you that you’d easily give to her
i just want you to notice me the way i notice you

she’s so beautiful it’s electrifying
i just can’t understand why the hell i’m trying
i’m so pitiful i’m sorry for my whining
but you’re so wonderful it’s got me crying

i want the love that you give to her without hesitation
i want the trust that i have in you to be reciprocated
i want whatever i can’t get from you that you’d easily give to her
i just want you to notice me the way i notice you

notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do but you don’t
notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do but you don’t

i want the love that you give to her without hesitation
i want the trust that i have in you to be reciprocated
i want whatever i can’t get from you that you’d easily give to her
i just want you to notice me the way i notice you

notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do but you don’t
notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do, but you don’t
notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do but you don’t
notice me, please just notice me 
and you say you do, but you don’t

notice_me (prod. caspr x saint tomorrow)

Release date:
11/19/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlnW4_z01D0 "lithium" prod. metlast

lyrics:
in a thousand pieces 
i’m in a thousand pieces
and nothing’s gonna help me now, no 
a thousand reasons
not even a thousand reasons
could make me feel any different now

i liked you, didn’t think it through 
and you slowly became my best friend
i wanted you, didn’t think through
used to catch me when i fell, but you dropped me in the end

and now i want you to be afraid of me so you won’t come and talk to me 
and ask what’s wrong again
cus if you do i have no clue what i might do 
and i’m scared of what i don’t know

i still need you, can’t help but see you through
and answer when you call
if i lose you, don’t know what i would do
without your help through it all

but i want you to be afraid of me so you won’t come and talk to me 
and find out i still catch feelings
i hope you do too, but i have no clue what you would think 
and i’m scared of what i don’t know

in a thousand pieces 
i’m in a thousand pieces
and nothing’s gonna help me now, no 
a thousand reasons
not even a thousand reasons
could make me feel any different now

in a thousand pieces 
i’m in a thousand pieces
and nothing’s gonna help me now, no 
a thousand reasons
not even a thousand reasons
could make me feel any different now, now, now, now

a_thousand [prod. metlast]

Release date: 
11/20/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT8IPYmoDP8 "SIMPLE MAN" prod wurlishmouk

lyrics:
tears rolling down my rosy cheeks
underneath inflatable palm trees
everyone is going somewhere
can we all stay where we are please?

they forgot goodbye hugs
they’re all going where they need to be
guess they’ll be better off
guess they’ll forget about me

they say everyone hurts
everyone hurts sometimes
but nobody told me 
everyone leaves

arms around my leaving friends 
saying part of the journey is the end
and i’ll miss you all, give me a call
but you’ll ignore me in the fall

they forgot goodbye kisses
they’re all going where they need to be
guess they’ll be better off
guess they’ll forget about me

and they do it every year
and it’s really not fair
i guess they never cared
did they ever care?

they say everyone hurts
everyone hurts sometimes
but nobody told me 
everyone leaves
they say everyone hurts
everyone hurts sometimes
but i never really felt it
until everyone left

no i never really felt it 
no i never really felt it
no i never really felt it 
until everyone left

everyone_left_:( (prod. wurlishmouk)

karaoke found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5JmfGnCfiY&list=PLsUb4DeVVvdglX99BQdOOof4DKS4TEZkf&index=9

o holy night (public domain version)(cover)

instrumental found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIw1HgxwiBo&list=PLsUb4DeVVvdglX99BQdOOof4DKS4TEZkf&index=10

there's always tomorrow by janis orenstein (rudolph the red nosed reindeer movie)(cover)

Release date:
12/10/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxW-X89rpRc "at home" prod. metlast

lyrics:
through all these years i’ve watched you get older
i miss you sleeping here, the bed’s gotten colder
every time i hear your name, look over my shoulder
how i feel towards you is a flame that’ll never smolder

sitting in the car, your vape in the cupholder 
you play me like a game, you’re the controller
you don’t make me feel whole, but with you i feel whole-er
i wish that we’d work, or at least that i’d get closure

i shaved last night to think about you and cry
my eyes aren’t the only thing you wet, but i wanna die
wanna be held in your heart, but you always hide
you can feel me from the inside but won’t know how i feel inside

anything you want, i’ll abide
anywhere you want, i’m down to ride
to myself, i know i lied
keep failing to get over you, but i tried

i can’t get you out of my mind, 
why did you leave me behind?
you’re emotionally resigned, got me tongue tied
make me feel confined, sometimes you’re unkind

my friends say you treat me bad, but to that, i’m blind
just waiting for the day our stars align
that’ll be the day i speak my mind
until i suck it up and gain my spine

been fucked in the head since we fucked in your bed
thinking of you in soft light still makes me turn red
i’ve wasted too many tears shed, and too much blood bled
yeah i’m still breathing but without you i just feel dead

what we did last night makes me feel misled
you don’t seem to care unless i give you head
feelings of codependency, you’ve embedded
if you wanna treat me like shit, go ahead

i am speechless and i am blameless
it’s all your fault, looking at me, so shameless
i question if my attempts of love are all aimless
but i’ll be quiet and pretend that this is painless

but darling, i’m getting tired of the sameness
it’s so hard for me to find the words to say this
i hate me i hate me i hate us i hate this 
and i hate that i don’t know how to save us

when you’re gone, i miss you so
without you to get me high, i feel so low
i told you to leave, didn’t want you to go
i’m so empty without your love

you’re sitting next to me but i feel so alone
you don’t look at me, just stare at your phone
until we make love, overcome by hormones
guess i should be glad cus you’re finally home

my throat’s sore from screaming i miss you
i’ve run out, need a new box of tissues
i wish you would just tell me your issues
you said you love me, but i dunno if you do

i cut even though you told me not to
i’m completely obsessed, are you not too?
i still want you, sorry i stopped you
no matter what you do, you’re so hard to refuse

i wish you knew i felt this way
cus i feel so selfish begging ‘stay’
everything i admitted was stupid to say
all for a chance to get more than laid

you’re a memory that will never fade
like the self-caused pain of a sharp blade
the scar remains to remind me of the decisions i made
it’s something that makes me so afraid

spineless [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/10/2020

instrumental: https://soundcloud.com/laila-edmunds/rough-untitled-idk "rough untitled (idk)" or "dark basement 2" by mars argo

lyrics:
i heard you’re in love with another girl
i heard you claiming she’s you’re whole world
i heard she’s the one you’ve always wanted
now I’m hurt cus i thought i was all you need

i want you here when i need you
and i always need you
i want to be a little more than see through
cus now i’m see through

~interlude~

i saw you holding her in your arms
i saw her wrap her fingers around your thumb
i saw you together so perfectly
now the ice you thawed is hardening
right up inside 

right up inside

~interlude~ 

i want you here when i need you
and i always need you
i want to be a little more than see through
cus now i’m see through

and i’m all used to used to be’s
cus all you used to need was me
guess i’ll forgot what i used to be
but i’m still needy

and i’m all used to used to be’s
cus all you used to need was me 
guess i’ll forget what i used to need
but it’s the same thing

used_to_used_to_used (prod. The Argo From Mars)

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ7S1MwICNc “places” prod. metlast

lyrics:
I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal

He warms up my insides, fills my stomach with fingers and butterflies
He confuses me with lies, keeps me quiet while he makes me squirm and writhe
He looks at me with those eyes, and all of my stubbornness dies
He holds me for a moment, to make me feel alright, before he ruins my life

I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal

He holds me down, makes me promise not to tell when people are around
He’s such a clown, but I can’t say anything, don’t wanna be found out
He makes me hide my frown, I can’t show how close I am to breaking down
Without warning, he shoves my head down, I just wanted to hang out

I can’t say anything, it’s far too late, 
it still happens, but i can take, 
it some more, he leaves me sore, 
everywhere, fingers in hair, 
tongues in throats, hurts the most, 
biting lips, he tries, to slip, 
inside, nowhere to hide, so many nights, 
i cried and cried, 
he makes me lie, i enjoy it, i was innocent, he destroyed it, 
so many years, so many fears, 
i think i hate you, but don’t leave me here, 

I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal
I wish I could reveal that my heart isn’t steel, and how it feels when he looks at me like a fuckin a meal

meal [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_MQahRfXwo “WAKE UP” prod. ERLAX

lyrics:
tell me where do i run (where do i run)
can i fly? (can i fly?)

i tell you to go, instead you stay
i go ahead and run but you never stray
you listened to my careful words filled with hurt
ever since we met, you in your brother’s old shirt

tell me where do i run, where do i hide
i guess you always knew that i was broken inside, so
tell me when did i fall, and if i can fly
can you fill the gap dividing heart and mind?

if you can’t i’ll try to survive
if you can’t i’ll pretend i’m fine
if you can’t i’ll try to survive
If you can’t say you’ll be mine

you got to know and love me and ways i can’t comprehend
you fixed me up and got my life on the mend
i know you had others, but you were my best friend
haven’t seen you since the day you said you’d see me again
it’s been so long, did you read the letters i sent?
i know we fell out, but i wanna make amends
i’ll leave you alone, if you’re fine and content
but i want back all the love i’ve lent

tell me where do i run, where do i hide
i guess you always knew that i was broken inside, so
tell me when did i fall, and if i can fly
can you fill the gap dividing heart and mind?

if you can’t i’ll try to survive
if you can’t i’ll pretend i’m fine
if you can’t i’ll try to survive
If you can’t say you’ll be mine
if you can’t i’ll try to survive
if you can’t i’ll pretend i’m fine
if you can’t i’ll try to survive
If you can’t say you’ll be mine

run (prod. ERLAX)

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqrv6zglr84 “find you” prod. farber

lyrics:
i remember how we fought
just words, empty threats of violence
i remember our arguments
and I remember all the silence

but i look at your face and
my heart’s bound to break
knowing you can have me, if you want me
but you don’t
standin’ here face to face
and i finally found my place
i could be yours, if you wanted
but you don’t

i remember your comfort and warmth
holding me when i was crying
and with every tear that escaped my eyes
you convinced me not to die 

but I look at your face and
my heart’s bound to break
knowing you can have me, if you want me
but you don’t
standin’ here face to face
and I finally found my place
i could be yours, if you wanted
but you don’t

and when we walked out the school doors
you said you wanna call me yours
but it’s far too late and i can’t take it,
should’ve said something before

cus i looked at your face
and my heart was bound to break
wanted you to have me, but you don’t want me
no, you don’t

yours (prod. farber)

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2eVPwbviiw “luminy” prod. wurlishmouk

lyrics:
la dee da dee da da da, da dum

bedtime, stuck in my own head time
my friends all think i’m dead time
bedtime, i forgot what you said time
crying cus you prolly called ten times

i don’t have charge in my phone
in my room, on my own
without you i might just die alone

bedtime, my heart full of lead time
worried cus she’s dead tonight, night night
bedtime, another tear shed time
what i most dread time

i don’t have charge in my phone
in my room, on my own
without you i might just die alone

i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak
i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak

i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep 
(no charge in my phone)
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak 
(no, no, no)
i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep 
(in my room, on my own)
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak 
(without you i might just die alone)

bedtime, deadtime, rest your sleepy head time

i wanna kill myself
i dont need help 
dont worry bout my health 
hate the hand ive been dealt 
others got it worse gotta keep this to myself 
put my emotions on a shelf 
thats what i do and nothing else 
nothing else 
im nothing else than what you think about me 
i dont need help

i dont need help, its bedtime

bedtime (prod. wurlishmouk)

Release date:
12/18/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW59fyTKdH0 “let me die” prod. metlast

lyrics:
damn you da meanest person to me

fuck off
you hurt me before and you’ll hurt me again
i miss you, but i’m too afraid to let us be friends
i’ve run out of feelings, too tired for fake smiles
but you make my heart beat like i sprinted a mile
you say you wanna hear from me the reason i’m still mad
but act like you don’t care ‘bout me, why’d you wanna know so bad?
if you don’t want to love me then go away
you’d treat me like a throwaway, anyway

cus if you pry too much, you’re gonna make me break
and if you see me break, you’re gonna see all of this hate
and once you see this hate, it’s gonna be too late
and you don’t wanna know what happens when you open the floodgates

i’m tired of making it look like i’m less than bent
when i’m brokenified so far i don’t think i’m able to mend
i want you to know what you actually want
so i’m not just another pretty face for you to flaunt
you say you wanna be friends, and i said that’s cool
but i wanna have you next to me every day at school
if you’re gonna be mine, you’re gonna be mine forever
you’ll be stuck with me, i’m tethered

but if you pry too much, you’re gonna make me break
and if you see me break, you’re gonna see all of this hate
and once you see this hate, it’s gonna be too late
and you don’t wanna know what happens when you open the floodgates

and i want to hurt you so you know how much you hurt me
and how you and everyone else knew about that before me
and i want to hurt you so you know how much you hurt me
and i wanna hurt you, hurt you

and i want to hurt you so you know how much you hurt me
and how you and everyone else knew about that before me
and i want to hurt you so you know how much you hurt me
and i wanna hurt you, hurt you

cus if you pry too much, you’re gonna make me break
and if you see me break, you’re gonna see all of this hate
and once you see this hate, it’s gonna be too late
and you don’t wanna know what happens when you open the floodgates

cus if you pry too much, you’re gonna make me break
and if you see me break, you’re gonna see all of this hate
and once you see this hate, it’s gonna be too late
and you don’t wanna know what happens, what happens is-

i would’ve stayed right there, never leave you behind
but then you pull this shit, make me wonder why
you do this, if only i could read your mind
tell me what you’re thinking, you don't have to lie
you’re so difficult, make me wanna end my life
you’re so difficult, i dunno why i try
these lonely nights i spend in my room and cry
just cus you wont give me a second try

cus if you pry too much, you’re gonna make me break
and if you see me break, you’re gonna see all of this hate
and you’re gonna watch what happens cus you destroyed the restraints
and you’re gonna watch what happens when you open the floodgates

floodgates [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/18/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7nxbwNvsCk “conversations” prod. metlast

lyrics:
i got your picture, our pictures, in my picture frame
and if i saw you again it wouldn’t feel the same
but i’ve got these pictures, our pictures, in my picture frame
and i’d rather have you but i couldn’t stand the pain

pictures from the last day of 5th grade 
the difference from now and then is like night and day
i’ve cut my hair and changed my name
and you’ve cut me out of your life and burned me in a flame
i sent you the old photos of us, on the bus, to pretend it’s the same
but you shattered the glass, i guess i’m to blame
when i think about you all i feel is regret and shame
and remember the names you called me, petty and lame
i should be over this, it’s five years too late
but those pictures of us, in my mind, they’re engraved
we tore us apart, now it’s me you hate
or don’t think about, i wish i could relate

one day you said you’d never need me
crushed my glass heart to millions, yet freed me
i didn’t know not helping you could help me
i’m sorry that wanting your love is ‘needy’
i know every song i’ve written about you is so fucking cheesy
but i wrote them so i’d be noticed, hence ‘notice_me’
i just wanted you by my side, never ever leave
but you’re gone now, and have been since i admitted my impiety
why’d you lie to me?

you were by my side me for years, but i cried too many tears for you
you were always on my mind, but i woulda been just fine without you
i worried so much and then we lost touch again 
wasted too much time wishin that we could've been more than friends

i trusted you
but you locked me out when i let you in
you were my best friend
but something shiny caught your eye 
and you left me in the end
i really thought you were my true love
but you were just another fake friend

if i saw you again it wouldn’t feel the same
and i’d rather have you but i couldn’t stand the pain
like acid coursing through my veins

i got your picture, our pictures, in my picture frame
and if i saw you again it wouldn’t feel the same
but i’ve got these pictures, our pictures, in my picture frame
and i’d rather have you but i couldn’t stand the pain, the pain

acid_veins [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/22/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZawxhRaf4 “protect me” prod. wurlishmouk

lyrics:
la dee da dee da da
la dee da dee da i wanna be gone
la dee da dee da fuck this song, fuck this song
la dee da dee da she’s long gone

don’t feel bad
it’s all your fault, not mine
i’m just hurting
but i’ll say i’m fine
we were wallflowers 
and we helped each other grow
i told her i loved her, 
i really hope she knows

i shouldn’t get mad
it’s all her fault, not mine
you put words in my mouth
and pretend i don’t know why
you don’t like me feelin
cus you don’t know what to do
but all your lies 
got me feeling so blue 

and i don’t know why, and i don’t know why we die
and i don’t think that, and i don’t think that anyone does
and i don’t know why, and i don’t know why we lie
and i don’t think that, and i don’t think that we should

she was right, i was wrong, and i shoulda knew it all along
she was brave, she was strong, i’m breaking tryna move on
and i can’t blame her for her life being difficult 
but she told me “terrible is typical”
and “in the end, when i see you again
both of our lives will be easier”

she was too young, i was too dumb, us both broke as they come
she loved, lived, and laughed, now it’s all in the past
and i know that it’s rough 
but she told me “life will be tough”
and “in the end, when i see you again
both of our lives will be easier”

but it’s so selfish to me
to even fucking think
of never feeling a thing and
i never wanted her to feel
like she was nothing without me
why the fuck must we all be

please don’t tell me not to scream
or tell me not to cry
i don’t give a fuck, i wanna know why
you know that i’m hurting, you know i’m not fine
if you don’t wanna know then leave me here to die
this shit’s not a game, you think it’s funny when i cry?
then leave me on the floor without a goodbye
you do it anyway, like im a cold fry
in the bottom of the bag, remember when you thought i was fly

i don’t know why we die
and i don’t know why we lie
and i don’t know why i cry
please tell me why
please, please tell me why

‘just move on’
but i’m stuck like glue
‘she’s long gone’
it feels like you are too
it feels like you are too
fuck you, mhm

easier (prod. wurlishmouk)

Release date:
12/23/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t95MAXnUx8o “better than nothing” prod. metlast

lyrics:
i was never enough, never enough, never enough

i wish i was a disney princess
so no one could see my tears
now you can hear my sobs from down the street
but it’s not like anyone cares
i searched throughout my bedroom
cus i lost the last little bit of the year
it’s my fault even though i wanted it forever
but it’s not like anyone cares

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i wish i wasn’t insecure
about my emotions or my fears
i’m always afraid they’ll be used against me
but it’s not like anyone cares
whenever i’m sad or hurt
i feel judged, so i’m afraid to share
although i shouldn’t be concerned
cus it’s not like anyone cares

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i don’t care if i’m alone
cus loneliness, feels like home
it doesn’t bother me being with no one else
i just have to find a way to like myself

and i try to get everything perfect 
cus imperfect describes my life
and i try to get everything perfect
cus imperfections destroy my life
and i try to get everything perfect 
to make it all hurt less
and i try to get everything perfect 
cus my life is such a mess

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i just wish i could be enough for myself

not_like_any1_cares [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/23/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUj6GKLr2Qc “suffering” prod. farber

lyrics:
just learning to like me
it was you that fell it shoulda been me

be still my beating heart, be still my beating heart
you know it’s ‘true love’ that tears you apart so
be still my beating heart, be still my beating heart
you know it still hurts years after death did us part

i lost you to your anger and sadness
but you were where i found my gladness
you lost yourself in wonderland
you made it perfect but now my life is all madness
now your heart is stopped like mine
when your sister sent that letter to me and said you died
she was only nine
do you know how that made me feel
better yet, do you care?
you know life is hard, you said it yourself it’s never fair
yeah it’s hard to put it into words
the tears in my eyes got my vision all blurred
i guess that shit happens when your love ends their life
hidden in my dresser, i still have your favorite knife
i can’t hold you no more but i can’t let you go
i’ll just turn away and pretend to check my phone
dearest, i’m sorry i left you all alone
should’ve been your support instead of breaking all your bones
took your little vacation: february ‘17
visiting a little place that’s right in between 
the lines of heaven and hell cus 
“no one wants nor needs me”
man in a box, down in a hole
you always said your death would be so rock and roll
but without you my life’s spiraled out of control
and my heart’s hardened and black as coal

be still my beating heart, be still my beating heart
you know it’s ‘true love’ that tears you apart so
be still my beating heart, and think with your head
so you won’t lay awake when you should be asleep in your bed

but it’s 3 in the morning and i’m missing you
my maddening mania is driving my mind insane without you
my brain’s on overdrive and i can still taste you
i can’t sleep knowing you’re forever sleeping too
i wanted die a day before you so i won’t spend another second without your love
but you ruined those plans before i could’ve you tell you them, i miss before you “was”
i wish you would come back in person instead of watching me over my shoulder
when i feel your presence, baby, now you feel so much colder

i was tryna hold you and tryna save me
i don’t wanna let go, but my hands are slipping
i was tryna love you, just learning to like me
but it was you that fell, it shoulda been me
remember when i asked how you been lately
and if you were good, all you said was maybe
i shoulda known, instead i made you hate me
or just not care, but i still care, my raini
i don’t think there’s anything left to say
i’ve poured my heart out but you won’t come out your grave
i shoulda been the one to tell you to stay
dunno if you’d even listen, anyway

no one no one no one needs me
it was you that fell, it shoulda been me
no one no one no one needs me
come on baby please, return to me
no one no one no one needs me
let me wake up like this all a bad dream
no one no one no one needs me
please come back and end my suffering

suffering (prod. farber)

Release date:
12/31/20

instrumental: https://soundcloud.com/madisonelaineofficial/when-im-with-you prod. Maddio

lyrics:
hey, you don’t have to hold back because of me
you can do whatever makes you happy
when you were deciding if you should be with me or him
i just wanted you to be happy
i meant it
i will always love you
even if it means i can’t have you
i love you with all my heart
all of my soul and all of my might
i don’t want to keep you with me if you don’t feel like you’d be happiest
i’ve been hurting as well
when I’m not crying I’m staring blankly into the sky 
praying you are as well 
praying this gets easier
praying to be positive for the days to come I could spend with you
i’ve told you so much and never won’t
my love for you could fill up this universe
this infinite more
there’s nothing i wouldn’t do
person i wouldn’t spare
ocean i wouldn’t swim
mountain i wouldn’t climb
just to say i love you 
and hear it back
i can’t describe how this hurts not being able to talk to you
it's a strain on my heart
i’m willing to bear, 
because i know the day i get to hug you is the best day i could imagine
and this pain now doesn’t even cover the infinite joy we’d have

outro/lonesome (prod. Madison Elaine)

most of this is old and i'm not really proud of it but it's whatever
love y'all
-lith 6/26/21

lith_pickett

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