produced by 48

i lost the line
are you fine uh
why you looking so wise
please show me your findings ive been way too stuck my child uh
how do you like my style uh
i see you lookin so high
see you taking my mind appart like its a mess but stop
bless u its just way too much
i put u on i made u tuff
i ditched my own so we could rock
tell me isnt it way too clutch uh
do it all on the dock
the flag goes out
im way too fucked
i shouldve never met u up
i told u baby

its a handful if you notice that i wasnt in the wrong
i looked you up when i was in the corner all alone
its a handful for the judge if i can never prove my point
i took too long now come the angels knocking at the door
that boy meant a lot, he still hit u up?
baby ever felt a lie running for your darling?
if u want to talk just call me ill be waiting by the door
and if u dont ill suck up in that motherfucking song

im leaving that place
no matter what you say
walking out my own pace
boy better run your days
good views im making a crazy one
if i finish ill tell ya
im hanging on way too much my god
dont look at my face uh
still not lookin my way dont stop
im almost digging my grave up
hear my rythm ill sway on ya
the answers if you take some
my god im still the same
its just im talking some insane stuff
for you put the blame on us
i tell you

its a handful if you notice that i wasnt in the wrong
i looked you up when i was in the corner all alone
its a handful for the judge if i can never prove my point
i took too long now come the angels knocking at the door
that boy meant a lot, he still hit u up?
baby ever felt a lie running for your darling?
if u want to talk just call me ill be waiting by the door
and if u dont ill suck up in that motherfucking song

the judge

:D
tysm to @papercuties for helping me in the production

another day is coming to an end

flood heather leer_20250414

my first sample pack "encolour" is out now! https://jianmusic.gumroad.com/l/encolour-sample-pack

1GB of content including 230 samples and 11 mudpies from sound design sessions

have fun! ♡

encolour sample pack demo

"encolour" sample pack demo

11/09/24 - 28/03/25
2/11

Want2 is sorta about being queer and wanting to be straight, or normal, but just knowing that you can't. Maybe it relates to Wind with the theme of not really liking who you are but still accepting it. It's from the perspective of wanting to be with a woman, but knowing that no matter how hard you try it just wouldn't work out, and that kind of awkward aprehensive sort of tone comes from that.

I always wanted to make a garage pop song, and this was like my hundredth attempt haha. Anyway I was just sending some drafts in a groupchat to get some thoughts and Eva seemed to really take to the idea and asked to jump on it. I adore Eva and their work so it was a no brainer and she transformed the track overnight pretty much, completely rearranging it and pretty much laying out a whole song, it was wild. We went from there and eventually got it done!

you can find Eva and her work here!:
https://soundcloud.com/eva-nge-line
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5u2g7SyRhKga7Cf8MUvKsM?si=9yhIDqs3SPaNixKBb3NSbQ
https://twitter.com/evangelinestuff
https://instagram.com/evangelinestuff
https://evangeline.info/

[LYRICS]
(to want)

I want to want you, but I don't.
And I need to tell you, but I won't

And if I tell you what I want
would you take it down to heart?
If I tell you what I want?

'cuz I want
I want

'cuz I want to want you
And I know, you just wanna be alone sometimes, you just wanna be alone
but I don't wanna be alone (sometimes)
(sometimes)

But I don't wanna be alone
If I'm forward, backward, reverse it down alone
lah lah bah bah dah dah dah

I wish I never met you in the first place
I know, you wish you never met me in the first place
I don't know what I want, what I want

Want2 (w/Evangeline)

28/10/23 - 05/03/24 (re-mixed and mastered 05/03/25)
3/11

The name comes from the band "Noah and the whale" which is a band me and my mother used to listen to

This song has taken the longest to figure out in terms of meaning, it's pretty weirdly structured, very chaotic, vague, but still wholely sincere
and then it hit me: this song is about my mother, alot of the characteristics of this song really come from her personality and I guess in a sense it's written about our relationship
I love my mother, she's one of the most chaotic, unapologetically "themself" people, and I owe a lot of things I like about myself to her, and I guess I underestimated how much influence she could have in my own art.
I struggled figuring out a name or identity for this track for so long, and I remember going to the shop with my mother and she made a random throwaway comment saying "I wonder if you sat here long enough if you would see everyone you'd have ever met?" and that just hit me really hard and I wrote it down as fast as I could.
In terms of lyrics it's less connected to parents and mothering, but a lot of that notion of sitting in one place and actually seeing everyone you've ever known, and that space inbetween reminiscing and when another person would come along, and how hard we try to avoid confronting ourselves and our own flaws, or even mortality in a sense? the latter half is more linked into parenthood and growing up in general, realising in the space between how your childhood has died, and that all the younger versions of you have died along with it, and you sort of "shed" yourself each and every day, leaving traces of past yous behind, but it doesn't get any lighter, and you still learn new things about yourself, like how much you love your parents, and realising that they were never "bad" parents, they were just trying their best; and there's nothing more you could ask of them than that.

[LYRICS]
And they say "if you sit in one place long enough, you'll see everyone you've ever known"
Well I've seen everything and everyone I know

Are you scared of what's inbetween?
(Can I get what I want?)
And I'll move mountains from their place
(will you?)

And the sky is mourning
the death of your childhood
(reflection)

there's mould growing, on my walls again
there's mould growing on my walls again
am I supposed to be grateful?
am i supposed to be grateful

The Whale

19/01/23 - 26/02/25
5/11

Lakes is probably one of my favourite songs I've ever made. It's about doubt? or grief? in a way, I'm not entirely sure how to interpret it.
There is definitely tinges of illness in there, and reflections on myself? if that makes sense?
The lake is a pretty simple metaphor for mental illness or just, mentality in general, interpret the quiet however you want, but for me it's that sense of dread or grief when you realise you don't feel anything at all, or that you simply don't care
again, this is what I think it's about; to be honest with you, I don't really know what my songs mean anymore, the lyrics just sort of came to me and I wrote them down, and I sang them, I work out what it means later on, but with all my recent work it just seems very difficult to pinpoint what it's trying to be or represent, and whether that's for better or for worse I'm not sure.

I feel like this is one of those songs that'll outlive itself, when im long dead and the internet is a giant wasteland of dead media, maybe someone will find this and appreciate it, maybe even tell their friends about it, and just enjoy this small piece of me from my little corner of the world, and even if that never happens, that's ok too.

[LYRICS]
The lake's gone quiet, my friend
I'm not going where the wind goes

Look me in the eyes, tell me "this is living".
Cast myself out, to the main beams

The lake's still quiet.
The lake's still quiet, my friend.

Lakes

25/08/24 - 13/03/25
8/11

In nature, a whale fall is an event where the death of a large animal such as a whale causes the surrounding ecosystem to flourish, it's a whole phenomenon it's super interesting.
The idea of a whale fall inspired the idea of letting something go to allow yourself to move on and flourish, so that's what the main theme of the song is.

The song is also inspired by "House Of Leaves" by Mark Z Danielewski. It's my favourite book of all time and truly changed my outlook on life and art in general. One part that absolutely stuck with me was near the end of the book, so spoilers ahead haha.

The main character finds out that all of his suffering ended up helping people around him. He finds out that a band was inspired by his project, and finds the will to go on living, and how things eventually turn out ok.
Anyway, in some kind of meta-way I guess this song partially IS that song from the book, and the theme of suffering not being worthless also ties in with the idea of a whale fall. I just found it so emotional seeing what this character went through, and for them to finally find some kind of peace with it and knowing that things are ok just resonates with me and a lot of things I've struggled with in my life.
Seriously, the way this book analyses itself, scrutinises itself while building itself in a believable way, incorporating all these strange elements and theories woven into this cohesive story with another story in the background? it's mind-bending, emotional, terrifying, and deeply enrgossing. And the fact it came out in 2000? just insane, so ahead of its time.

The lyric "maybe i'm the limb" comes from a song by Typhoon, called "We're In It", where a lyric asks "I feel cut off from all I have been, but am I the stump or am I the limb?"
(I also sampled this song in Portal way back when)

More related to the song though, I've always wanted to make a sort of shoegaze-noise-esque song, and I think I got it in a way that makes sense

The scream at the end was also me which I'm super happy with, my brother has an original recording of it and honestly it scared me a little!

[LYRICS]
Divinity, defined by an echo
Acoustic light, drawn around my salt-baked heart

You dropped the ball, feeling the claw marks weigh on your chest
maybe meet someone?
And so many things are my fault, maybe I'm the limb?

Diving down, I feel it all
Chain myself, so spiritual
Diving down, I feel it all
Chain myself, so spiritual
Spiritual

How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?
How do I let go?

I live at the end of a five and a half minute hallway
my house has far too many walls
and the sky's been the same old blue for far too many years now

And I'm trying to break through
trying to find the line, just so I can cross it
I'm standing in the doorway with a rifle in my hand

It's funny, talking to the girls.
I see myself in each one of them, you know?
they all wanna make a living, they all have the american dream,
and what's wrong with that, you know?

Whale Fall

04/11/24 - 09/03/25
10/11

Blind isn't really about anything, but it went through a back-and-forth period of being named "Music For Windows" before I settled with Blind. I guess it sort of puts a ribbon on the project as a whole and sort of projects that things haven't really improved all that much in my life personally. I still feel the same way as I did at the beginning. But that's alright! I'm trying to move onward and on to better things. Maybe even try and take this music thing more seriously?

This is probably a lie actually, I'm writing this part after finishing everything and I'm currently uploading some visualisers to youtube and idk I think it dawned on me that this track is a recontextualisation of "It's A Beautiful Day", it's the bad part of the worst day of your life, where IABD is the indifferent, good part. I think this can be the intro or the outro, just like IABD is. and I think it puts the "story" of the project in a different light. I am not happy with my life, or the things I have done, or the things that I do, but that's honestly fine, I'll live regardless, and maybe one day those things will change. Until then, I might be blind to it, but it's still a beautiful day.

[LYRICS]
Feel like an ossuary, so where do I pour my heart out?

This part of your life is being topped off the stack
and de-allocated to memory.
And you know what? there's a sense of freedom in that, enjoy it while it lasts, let's go to the coin dozers.

Blind

untitled sketch (lost project)

untitled_2025-06-01

7 years old

Formerly Known As "Beakfeet"

Inquiries - littlefaithmusic1@gmail.com

Blind

Little Faith

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