this has left the realm
of molecules and cells
cause dirt will change and always be the same
dripping myself dry 
on calvary hill
sorry when convenient
indifferent when there are still
guts to be filled

I don't want to be here anymore
every cry to heaven 
has been henceforth insincere  
compared to this present shrieking soul
that strands me in the moment 
(every time I shut my eyes)

now every time I shut my eyes
feelings cultivated in the light
reset to grasping hunger
though saturated,
slowing down, congealing
as though the contents of each crashing vein
sprouted nerves and joined in with the screaming
 
I have never wanted you so much 
even when living saved
but I am literally sick
from still wanting it
more than you.




This Invalid Name

You found me halfway 
with one hand in and one hand out
But am I being dragged 
or just submitting?
I want to bring it to Your table but
I've acquired such a taste for
hoarding
 
Shame-faced and cringing 
in the shadows,
(shame!)
I plan the next one
What has my heart been
investing in?
What a way to drive the skin I'm in

Say! Say!
Say! 
(no)
Say! Say!
Say! 
Say it isn't true!
Say it isn't true!
Tell me it's not true!  
What more could I possibly be for you? 
Say!
Say! 
Tell me...

Tell me how you handle it,
this constantly feeling numb
Now that I've surrendered I
dunno how I did so long
I know your circus of distractions is
wearing thin and selling you
short
  
There is no such thing as
a little infidelity
The hollows in my tongue show
my teeth have been betraying me
There is no respectable explanation
when you've been unfaithful
(Say it's not true, say it's not...)

One thing or the other
will reign in our lives. 
Underneath the cover
there's nothing sane I live by
I don't doubt the truth
just the application
What is my excuse?
What is my ...

I just clench my teeth and hang on
to absolution
But who with a heart to give
wouldn't shoulder this?
I just clench and ride this one out,
so disappointed
Catch me if I ever come down

Speak, forget, succumb, remember
embrace, let go, atone, surrender

My precious, my
elected kin,
surely this is no place to
lead the flesh I set you in?


livvyellison