i havent been broken up with, but this moved me to tears

ok,I'm crying now think about what he and I could be and we are longer more,sometimes make choices are hard but I know myself in future will be greatful.. I really hope

the fact that i haven't come across this masterpiece till now

Came to relisten to this after watching you ig live. This is a beautiful song and the meaning only makes it that much more heart breaking. I hope you are doing well today, tomorrow, and every day. Sending love 💕

lyrics:

why do i keep coming back to this?
it's like a book I can't quite figure out
so I read it in pieces
sometimes it hurts
gotta set it down for a bit
but I always come back to this

why do I keep running into this?
every time I make a wrong turn
I end up on your doorstep
sometimes it hurts
gotta step away for a bit
but I always come back to this

I always come back to this

and maybe I'm stupid
for thinking the world might end
and maybe I'm stupid
for thinking you'd be with me when it did
and maybe you'd be better off
if you never saw me again
again

but god damn I keep coming back to this
I've tried to understand
but I can't make it make sense
maybe its time to just
kind of go with it

cause even if it's not now
I will end up here somehow
it's physics or it's fate and I can't stop it
I always come back to this
I always come back to this

physics or fate (voice memo)

lyrics:

it's not a competition
but maybe it is
and I think I'll win when you least expect it
slip off your socks and then
take her to bed
I will show up when you least expect it

I always do

but I think I found someone to buffer the pain
I think I found what you have in your veins
so I'll never lose
and it's never true
I lie every day
but I will always hate losing to you

it's not a competition
but I moved on first
and you must have something to say about it
tell all your friends that I hurt you worse
cause you know I'll have something to say about it

I always do

but I think I found someone to buffer the pain
I think I found what you have in your veins
so I'll never lose
and it's never true
I lie every day
but I will always hate losing to you

I thought I found someone to buffer the pain
but it didn't last and it wasn't the same
still I'll never lose
but he's never you
I lie every day

I thought I found someone, or that's just what I say
to help keep the devil and his dogs away
it's an ego thing, true
but it's time you knew
I die every day
cause I will always wait for you

it's not a competition (voice memo)

i don't know you at all (voice memo)

rlly proud of this one :)

lyrics:
i couldn't stand in a room with you
and not think about that night
i had to cross the street if we were
walking on the same side
it just hurt too much
too many reminders that i messed things up
but now
we're okay again

i had to block you on instagram
so i wouldn't feel impatient
i had to stop myself at least once a day
from thinking how her haircut makes us look the same and
it hurt a bunch
too many reminders that i messed things up
but now
we're okay again

i've been taking my time not tryna get high with all the wrong people
we've been growing apart but i guess that's what happens to some people
and i know we're not friends but i'll always be here if you need people
i'm just glad that we're okay again

we had a party at our place
and you showed up with your best friends
it wasn't weird it wasn't awkward
it was just like seeing an old friend
after 4 whole months
i don't remember ever seeing you so happy
i guess we knew it wasn't meant to be us

it's been 4 whole months
i don't remember ever being this happy
i guess we knew it wasn't meant to be us

i've been taking my time not tryna get high with all the wrong people
we've been growing apart but i guess that's what happens to some people
and i know we're not friends but i'll always be here if you need people
i'm just glad that we're okay again

okay again (voice memo)

another one! enjoy :')

lyrics:

why am i pulled to you?
and why does it never feel like
i'm finished talking
when we're finished talking?

why am i pulled to you?
and why does it never feel right
to not pick up when you're calling?

you know me so well
even if you don't know my favorite type of cereal
you know me so well
even though we're both different people now

it's stupid, it's so stupid to miss you like this
i feel stupid, so stupid to miss you like this
cause i told you to go and you went
oh, what did i expect?
so it's stupid, it's stupid, i know that it's stupid
to love you
but i can't help it

how did we get here?
it makes no sense but it feels like
a sign from god
that i keep ignoring

how did we get to this place we're in?
it makes no sense but it feels right
and maybe that's god
i probably shouldn't ignore him

you know me so well
even if you don't know my favorite type of cereal
you know me so well
even if you don't know i don't believe in god anyhow

but it's stupid, it's so stupid to miss you like this
i feel stupid, so stupid to miss you like this
cause i told you to go and you went
oh, what did i expect?
so it's stupid, it's stupid, i know that it's stupid
to love you
but i can't help it

stupid (voice memo)

when the world stopped moving (voice memo)

lyrics:

it's been 30 days since i last saw you
30 days since we had nothing to fear
it's been too long now
i'm scared that i'm forgetting how you feel
30 days is way too real

it's been 4 weeks since i last saw you
4 weeks since we made plans to go north
it's been too long now
i'm scared that i'm forgetting you
i feel all out of sorts
4 weeks and i'm not yours

i've been reading books
i've started puzzles
i've been listening to all the greats
i've been trying new foods
i've been buying new shoes
but i can't seem to forget that it's been 30 days

it's been a month since i last saw you
no matter how you say it, it still means the same
it's been too long now
i think that i've forgotten how long it takes
for me to fall, i'm afraid
this time it wasn't long at all
and why it wasn't, i can't say
in fact it just took
30 days

30 days (voice memo)

wrote this one today. really honest. hope u like.

lyrics:
given the circumstances
i won't ask you to stay
given the circumstances
i would get it if you walked away

but all my life i've been looking for this
it seems fitting that
things go to hell now that i've found it

i don't think we're wasting time
but if you do i'm sorry
i can see a life with you
but if you can't i'm sorry
if 4 months means nothing
if none of it counts for something
then i'm sorry
if spending every night in your bed
has no meaning, then
what are we?
just a sorry excuse for love

lately the world is ending
so i won't ask for too much
lately the world is ending
and i find that i pretend to be okay with too much

but all my life i've been looking for this
real funny that
things go to hell now that i've found it

i don't think we're wasting time
but if you do i'm sorry
i can see a life with you
but if you can't i'm sorry
if 4 months means nothing
if none of it counts for something
then i'm sorry
if spending every night in your bed
has no meaning, then
what are we?
just a sorry excuse for love

...what are we? (voice memo)

lyrics:

it's ok to cry
every day if you have to
it's ok to sleep
peace from the war

it's alright to sing
let it bring joy to the sorrow
it's alright to cry
some more

i don't know your pain but i will fight
i won't let this go even if doing what's right 
isn't easy
i'm tired, believe me, but
so are you

i don't know your pain but i will stand
i won't let this go so take my hand
it's not easy
i'm tired, believe me, but
so are you

so are you

it's ok to cry
or to laugh if you need to
it's ok to sleep
peace from the war

so are you (demo)

lyrics:

you got a slurpee for free
i caught you lookin at me
in the 7-11
under fluorescent lights

we walked in comfy silence
footsteps down familiar sidewalks
knowing that we were
here in our dreams last night

all my ghosts are with me
i know you feel them too
riding shotgun next to your free slurpee
they know all of my habits
but they don’t know about you
i hope that’s true

we made sangria and failed
i spilled mac n cheese on my pants
and thought about kissing you
underneath kitchen lights

all my ghosts are with me
i know you feel them too
oh they just stand there while we’re
taking shots of brandy
they know all of my habits
but they don’t know about you
i hope that’s true

i can see it now
the wedding of the year
i can see it now
he stands up there and wipes his tears
i can see it now
when all my ghosts disappear
i can see it crystal clear

you got a slurpee for free
i caught u lookin at me
in the 7-11
under fluorescent lights

and all my ghosts were with me
i know you felt them too
watching as i started to get dizzy
cause i hate all of my habits
but i happen to love you
i know that’s true

all my ghosts (voice memo)

lyrics:

my brain feels heavy
like too much tv
it's weighing on me like a pound of concrete
i know he wants me
and that makes me happy
so why do i feel so weird?

it's foggy in my head
like clouds in a storm
the winds picking up
i'm bolting my shit to the floor
but when i'm with him
my shit gets ignored
is that why i feel so weird?

i'm alone almost every night and
i don't know if i'm processing right
but my therapist says to just let light be light
so i'm letting him stay around
i think that he's good for me
this boy that i've found

i don't like
getting attached
it makes me feel like i've
done something bad
cause i'm not dependent
and i know that
so why am i scared i'm
reliving that part of my past?

cause i'm alone almost every night and
i don't know if i'm processing right
but my therapist says to just let light be light
so i'm letting him stay around
i think that he's good for me
this boy that i've found

i think that he's good for me
this boy that i've found

is this what it's supposed to feel like?

i'm alone almost every night and
i don't know if i'm processing right
but my therapist says to just let light be light
so i'm letting him stay around
i think that he's good for me
this boy that i've found

when the world stopped moving (voice memo)

Lizzy McAlpine

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