CH IV: 鏡森 (Akimori)

Good day to you sir
Well it seems that I can’t open this door
I try to tell my sister
That I love her very much 
Comes off awkward, play it off as a joke
Building up the courage 
I open the door and I

Run for it
Run for 

Running down burnside
Cars whizzing by my tears
I can’t see the stoplights
I say, “ I’m coming home”

Union station I’ve arrived

I approach to buy a ticket
But the cashier’s  eyes scream
“What are you doing here?”
Why does my brain do this to me

I can’t run from it
I can’t run from

何も (anything/nothing)

I didn’t see this car coming
The headlights were turned off and it was dark in my mind
But now laying on the ground, disoriented and confused
I feel so lonely without you

I feel myself longing for the times we’ve spent together
Grasping at my memories like dead leaves falling from dying trees

Running out of time
Running out of my mind
Running out of stupid metaphors to convey my feelings

Running out of ideas 
Would you still want to 
run away with me to that farmhouse in your dreams

And now I sit on my roof, all alone and cold and I picture you next to me again
In my arms and I wonder if you’ll remember me when you leave

Running out of time
Running out of my mind
Running out of stupid metaphors to convey my feelings

Running out of ideas 
Would you still want to run away with me to that farmhouse or to Greece

Please stay.

Dear Venus,

You said it’s gonna be a while before I could make a change
Well it’s been a while
You said don’t worry, don’t worry about the pain
I’m here and you love me
But I can’t love you to

You, I met you in a room underground
We made eye contact and I blushed
It’s been so long since someone talked to me
And I felt relieved that you could be friends with someone like me

I wish I could keep on these clothes that you gave me but I’m scared
(I feel so warm with you)

I need something catchy right about now
I need something to get stuck in my ear
It’s been about three months up until now
But it feels like it’s been over a year

I look forward to the nights we spend up
When I fall asleep with your voice in my ear 
I know you’ll be the one by my side
You'll be the one to cast away all my fears

There's something I’d like to confess
I’d like to be more than friends
You tear up and look away
You’re holding back something you can’t say

I look forward to the nights we spend up
When I fall asleep with your voice in my ear 

I know you’ll be the one by my side 
You can be the one to protect me from all my fears
(Well I hope that this goes somewhere
Would it be weird to ask to be more than friends)

I wish I could keep on these clothes that you gave me but I'm scared
I feel so warm with you
(Well I hope that this goes somewhere
Would it be weird to ask to smell your hair)

I wish I could keep on these clothes that you gave me but I'm scared
I feel so warm with you
(Well I hope that this goes somewhere
Would it be weird to ask to be more than friends)

You said it was gonna be a while before I could make a change
Well it's been a while

The One Where The Antagonist Falls In Love

I called upon your name
I’m so ecstatic today
I feel your pulse underneath the fir tree
I run to meet you at the gates to the cemetery 
 
Sunset flickering in your eyes
Reflecting off the bubbles they set fire
But I know I can’t be saved 
Who cares anyway

I can see your waking eyes
Will they crinkle when you see me
But I’m drowning if you can’t see
But I’m drowning if you can’t see me

Take my hand onto the roof
I inch closer to you
Violet fingers drawn across the skyline
We lock eyes and I say 
moments like these are why I’m alive
It finally feels so good to be alive

And we’re dancing on the lawn
We’re smoked out and I’m so gone
And I hope your friends don’t hate me
Cause I choked on the bong

Through My Bedroom Window

CH III:  Onsra

And now, our Antagonist dreams of a savior

Walking into the room
In my head I daydream of you
Is this reality?
Notes from my daydream

Wait, I can’t wait to see you
Wait, I can’t wait to meet you 

Take my hand
Take away everything
The sun casting stars on your face
In your arms I think I’ll feel safe

Wait, I can’t wait to see you
Wait, I can’t wait to meet you 

Maybe it’s for the better
It gives me less time to mess up 
Maybe it’s for the better
I hope I can be enough

Cause when we meet
I hope you will like me

Notes From My Daydream

It’s arrogant to assume the morning’s good before even starting it
And I try to pick it back up but my mind 
keeps tearing me down and down
Stop until you say, “go”

But the way you looked at me gave me hope
Why am I so scared of this feeling
Sitting in the windowsill watching you watch me
Sitting in the windowsill watching you watch me

So I carved a T in my arm so I’ll never forget how terrible a person 
I was to you

I don’t deserve to be loved
I don’t deserve to be loved get away from me
I’m too scared to be loved
I never want to hurt someone else again

But the way you looked at me gave me hope
Why am I so scared of this feeling
Sitting in the windowsill watching you watch me
Sitting in the windowsill watching you watch me

Hope is an opioid 

You’re a disappointment 
I’m a shortcoming

Recreational Hope

It’s been 3 months since Alexander died 

Outside the day is gray
I can’t keep the butterflies from flying away
So entrapped in a jar they now stay 
Everything is there, there’s just something in the way

And I’ve become
the antagonist 
to my own story

No more butterflies in my stomach 
No more butterflies in my brain

And it’s foggy
Out here
I can’t tell what’s reality
Hey how are you
Are you real?
And they whisper to me,

“No amount of makeup can makeup for the ugliness inside
No amount of makeup can makeup for the ugliness outside
No amount of makeup can makeup for the ugliness inside of you
No amount of makeup can makeup for the nature of your mind”

No more butterflies in my stomach 
No more butterflies in my brain
No more butterflies in my heart
No more butterflies when it starts to rain

Why is my mind like this
Water board me slow
It turns to a moth

The Butterfly Jar

CH II:  Meet Your Antagonist

If you ask his parents now
They say they’ll never forget
How in his early years, how happy he was 
They knew but they still loved him
And I think that’s a letter a lot of parents need to receive 
People should respect each other no matter how they present themselves to society

I forfeited my hand
It cost you your neck 

yo mosu gara / 
chigirishi koto o / 
wasurezu wa/
kohimu namida no/ 
irozo yukashiki 
shiru hito mo/
naki wakare chi ni / 
ima wa tote / 
kokoro bosoku mo / 
isogi tasu kana kemuri tomo / 
kumo tomo naranu / 
mi nare domo / 
kusaba no tsuyu wo / 
sore to nagame yo

I forfeited my hand
It cost you your neck 

But I know something you don’t 
Just moments before he died
He called me and asked if I loved him
I hung up and so did he

Alexander Pt. 2

Alexander threw it all away
When he was only 17
In the bathroom gravity comforted him
And it was all because of me

It was all, it was all because of me
It was all because of me
It was all because of

Alexander was a friend of mine 
Before when his name was Grace
But when he told me who he really was
It was too hard for me to erase

Erase

Alexander as the hanging man
I want you to look at his cold body
Now you see he was a real man
He was just like you and me

So stagnant he stood while I made new friends
And together we laughed at him
But a pit in my stomach opened up
As he looked at me and in disbelief of what I’ve become

Alexander as the hanging man
I want you to look at his dead body
Now look me in the eyes and tell me, tell me he was a real man
Now you see he was just like you and me

Alexander Pt. 1

It’s right in front of you 
It could be a chair
The absurd covers me
They say chaos is fair

Is this thing on?
Hello?

This is not a song right now 
It’s a choice you’ll make later

suicide
Is a human right
The right to push the off button
To this game of life

This pain and sadness burdens me
Like a boulder on my back
Why would I want to be sisyphus
When the beauty starts to lack

Lone Fir Cemetery

Popular tracks