"draw a monster. 
why is it a monster?" - janice lee.
--
i am a monster 
i live under your bed
--
by cal donnelly 
track art by kurtis yorke

i am a monster

i wish i was different
i wish i could look at myself in the mirror
i wish you would like me
but i don’t even like me
i wish you were different
maybe then you’d see me
i wish i was okay
i’ve got a pen that works
i keep it in my shirt
i never lend it to anyone else
in case yours runs out and you need a new one and i can be of help
my lips are a story
you don’t know anything about
i wish i was different
but I’ve always been different
i guess that’s the problem 
and the solution

2:21am (bonus track)

for jason, rest in peace. 
---
a key to lock the bathroom cabinet 

a key to lock the red inside your neck 

cut enough a key will fit a hole 

but no key could fit the hole inside your soul 

paindrops fall into your waterbed 

the baby’s crying lift your heavy head 

dried shampoo still coats your growing hair 

the smell of rusting sadness in the air 

prune fingers 

is kissing moon princess 

prune fingers 

is waiting upstairs 

another year just went and came 

summers filling up with rain 

in every calendar I see your name 

skin cells swirling round and down while I was sleeping safe and sound a dreamless sleep so deep I thought I’d drowned 

unplug your drugs they’re flowing down the drain 

behind locked doors our insides look the same 

your reaching hand was slapped by senseless blame 

and the hands that slapped reached in to pull the chain.

prune fingers

some body stole it

death came round while i slept and looked at your clothes and it crept

past them and listened at my door for breath

extend days by listening to the same song over and 

over again my dead body 

laughter from borrowed time 

tears completely your own 

we don’t have much time 

until i want to be on my own 

fuck i wish 

fuck i wish 

fuck i wish for 

fuck 

i don’t feel real anymore


some alone time

one of my favourite tracks from one of my favourite bands. 

suffering (pill friends cover)

to the plant, the rain brings life just as the sun does

apistat commander (The Sound To Accompany Making A Friend For Life)

bunny gamer (The Sound To Accompany Losing A Friend Forever)

i broke up (The Sound Of A Human Heart)

haunt me (teen suicide cover)

an upcoming experimental noise poetry album

CARPVS MORTVVM

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