entropy 2014

words.

i play with words, hoping that some combination, even a chance combination, will say what i want.
i am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplainable, to tell about something i only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.

i'm full of poetry now.
rot and poetry.
rotten poetry.

i want you always to remember me.
will you remember that i existed and that i stood next to you like this?

i often think of the younger me and the empathy she deserved but never really received.
i long to tell her how intelligent she is and how brave she has been.
i often think of the younger me but never do i listen to the echoes of the woman in years to come.

you wouldn't have understood me.
not after all that i put you through. restless nights where you wouldn't sleep, i knew, that you couldn't.
times where you needed my help, where you needed to talk to me and i chose to do other things rather than talk them with you, and ask you what was really bothering you.

i'm sorry i won't change anything.
you don't want to hear from me and that's understandable.
what hurts the most is seeing you believe that i'm still the same person that i was before i left.

truth is i'm not.
whether you believe me or not i don't know.
i can't force you to believe me, i broke your trust many times.

that the person who i was is long dead, the person that only put themselves first is long gone.

in their place came a different person, who finally stood up to their mistakes.
they embraced them and learned from them, they didn't allow their ego and pride to get in the way because they understood that they were not victims.

that they needed no self-pity from anyone.
they had finally understood that they needed to mature and understand that other people can get hurt because of their own actions.

truth is i didn't need validation from anyone.
anything i did was never meant to be a competition with you.
wasn't for the attention, wasn't so people could talk about me.
it was for you.

damn it.
it was always for you don't you understand?
i wanted you to see it, i wanted you to understand that i had changed.

yet you always took it the wrong way.
and never bothered to see me as someone else but who i was before.
i wanted you to see that i had changed.

they won't talk about it anymore.
they won't talk about the things we did.
the memories, the time spent, the jokes, the laughs spent together, sharing food, the love.
the thing is, we all we had some nights.

phone calls that would last as long as i can remember.
our late-night calls where i'd be falling asleep to your voice.

a voice that i had heard a million times, a voice that i could continue to listen to for years and years.
talks that we'd never speak with anyone else.

special moments that can never be replaced.
but did you feel the same way?

was it just as special to you as it was for me?
or was it nothing in the end for you?

you'd still be here, the air wouldn't be so hard to breathe.
i wouldn't feel so alone.
what seemed most odd wasn't that you were gone, it was the fact that you were still alive in this world, somewhere, yet, dead in my life.

and it felt like i was trying to bring you back, little by little.
and yet, all it caused me to do was dig my own grave.

i just didn't understand.
am i crazy for believing, thinking that you'd still be here?
crazy for having hope in us?

what thing worthy of love can be found in me?

lovette

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Lovette, born in 2004 in Frankfurt, Germany, is an old soul and musical prodigy. Trilingual and skilled in over twenty instruments, she has been solo-producing her own music since she was eight.

She grew up playing string instruments in orchestra before branching into personal projects. In college, her teacher Julie Gosswiller introduced her to programs like Audacity and other sampling tools. But it wasn’t until she had to learn Logic for a neuroscience class (while secretly planning to end her life the following April) that she started taking music production seriously. During that time, she wrote goodbye letters in the forms of songs to her friends and family, and music became the place she poured all of herself into. This account has since then been a documentation of growth, music, and poetry.

In 2023, her breakout songs "Him or Her", "Growing Pains", and "How to Make Me Fall in Love With You" took off online. They were recorded during a two-week binge where she barely left her room, and afterwards she dropped out of college and quit her job. For years, she kept her music uncredited, partly by choice, partly because of being stalked online, before finally returning under the small name Lovette.

Since then, she’s tried to live as a “normal” person, which hasn’t exactly gone smoothly, but it’s been entertaining. Lovette has racked up over 100,000 plays on SoundCloud, had several audios go viral on TikTok, and even taken over the Russian platform VK more than once. Compared to big names, those numbers might seem small, but to her, they mean everything. She loves and cherishes her fanbase deeply.

lovette

lovette

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