i'm so close to giving up...

@kennedysucks
https://soundcloud.com/user-551713846

decomposing [w/ kennedyxoxo] [noahmadethiss x jolst]

produced by @imtiredmusic

lyrics:

 Save me from another heartache
I promise to come back and see u one day
The sand in my hourglass falls to heartbeats
I cling to the smell u spilt into my bedsheets
I listen to my heart but it just brings me bad news
The stars in the sky burn out the same damn route
I wonder if she feels when im at the end of my wits
I figured out the code and I haven’t slept since

The wind reeks of war But I laugh in my room
Maybe if im bored I can go to war too
Bullets in my neck Shrapnel in my lung fluid
At least it missed my heart So I could still love you

Another night fucked up all on my own
Stringing out the Christmas lights from a couple years ago
Oh it hurts me to think about the times that I fold
Im Forgetting what I was as long as I keep my eyes closed
If im Lost I don’t ever wanna be found
Keep me safe but im Im at war
And Ill be standing my ground Till I die Till I die
U got me torn But im not taking no more no more no more
So burn me to tar Add to the scars
Just carry on Forget about us we’ll be alright
The mood feeds in into the tears I wipe
Oh how uve grown I can’t believe my eyes

The wind reeks of war But I laugh in my room
Maybe if im bored I can go to war too
Bullets in my neck Shrapnel in my lung fluid
At least it missed my heart So I could still love you
so I could still love you

cannibalism (hateful x moonsight)

lyrics:

Just holidays
And barely those holidays
Our good terms
Are not immune to decay 
I tried but im still away
And you’ve been fucking his brains out 
Don’t look at me as if there was a sorry to say

I would care but
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off 
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off
As the bodies grow dry
And I bleed from my eyes
From some shit I shoulda never saw
I don’t need a life line
I don’t need a good night
I just drink until I shut it off

 Ive never met someone so geared on my failure good job
At least I squeezed some meaning into ur shitty life huh
When I die an early death I hope that u can cope when the hatred in ur heart is now evicted with my pulse

Break the home
Breaks my bones and see my soul snapped too
Im alone most the time ur not restricting anything new
I like getting scary I do I know ur tryna be a boss good for u
What the fuck they turn me down for
 I am never going out more
I guess he wasn’t a regular guy
I hope u choke on ur vomit and die
My messages aids I do not open them
Im high as fuck from this bud its like opium
I don’t wanna live to get by
Ur literally here once and its over after that u fucking idiot do what u want ur done after this u fucking dumb ass u suck I fucking hate u
 
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off 
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off
As the bodies grow dry
And I bleed from my eyes
From some shit I shoulda never saw
I don’t need a life line
I don’t need a good night
I just drink until I shut it off

Im torn apart and I am dirty
If its like this fuck 30
I wanna die right now
Baby im sorry im fucked I can’t talk right now
She lies
She just loves him to death
I dont compare to that hex
I suck the tits off her chest
Times waits
For nobody
Crossed lines
Become common knowledge
Bullshit u were with friends that’s bullshit
I was the culprit before
I feel projection in my point of view
  
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off 
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off numb
I been better off
As the bodies grow dry
And I bleed from my eyes
From some shit I shoulda never saw
I don’t need a life line
I don’t need a good night
I just drink until I shut it off

better_off_nUmb (splashgvng)

lyrics:

I could save a life yea
Just by taking mine yea
Wait until I drink now
Now Let me run this by ya

Mod
Everybody’s here and were all on drugs
She said pull my hair
I guess its called tough love
I just dropped my walls
I just shown my heart
Its just part of the night when I go to throw up

Im fine on my own
Hard times still come to close
But not mine they are homeWith my life they will mold
I am Tied to u
And u Tied to me
I had tried pulling backwards
But cuffs dont work that way
She had went loose on me
I am in fight or flight
She is in ecstasy
And she might go all night tonight
But she swear to me she changed
Well that’s all u had to say
I could save a life yea
Just by taking mine yea
Wait until I drink now
Now Let me run this by ya

Mod
Everybody’s here and were all on drugs
She said pull my hair
I guess its called tough love
I just dropped my walls
I just shown my heart
Its just part of the night when I go to throw up
Everybody’s here and were all on drugs
She said pull my hair
I guess its called tough love
I just dropped my walls
I just shown my heart
Its just part of the night when I go to throw up

a_nightmare (jabarionthebeat x armen)

lyrics:

U should never have swung my face in that door
Now I just like u more
U should never have taught me how to feel pain
Cause now I just wait for more
Me or myself or my own sick mind who do I talk to more
Shell always lay in the pit of my heart
Though she is not mine no more

Bring that down on my neck u carver
I have been farmed like a lamb to the slaughter
I had drawn pleasure from what they called torture
Tears for the man in the mask oh the horror
Dystopia is not so far away from this place
And I would put my life on it that We were born in wrap up
I cant even look at u right now Cause I might throw up

so bleed me bleed me bleed me bleed me
I just put life on top of the line for some people that never tried or would do the same but im still here
That was one hell of a night I couldve died like 20 times i think my pride would’ve took my life and yet im still here
10 hours a day is unaccounted for I think of what were up to when separated this long I wonder
Hands all on my face pick at my head trying get under this drink start in my cup and end in my thoughts leaving them sundered

Bring that down on my neck u carver
I have been farmed like a lamb to the slaughter
I had drawn pleasure from what they called torture
Tears for the man in the mask oh the horror
Dystopia is not so far away from this place
And I would put my life on it
We were born in wrap up
I cant even look at u right now
Cause I might throw up

to the slaughter (saint tomorrow x taylor morgan x taxpurposes)

lyrics:

From this treatment I was buried
But from this dirt I will grow
I took 2 its getting scary
But when I hurt I evolve

Some how I keep on breathing
I couldn’t tell u the reason
I think I need me some Jesus
Cause half of my guys are some demons
They got the arms like tarantula
Ion play games castlevania
Kush had put me in Andromeda 
Bitch im the shit im the enema
I think I made me some enemies
And half of them once were a friend of me
They tryna bring me calamity
I was just happy they thought of me
That 42 spill in my arteries
Giving my anger to fix our dichotomies
U put in work for the salary
I put in work its a part of me

All this emotion I push out my mouth in this bitch and u still shleep
I couldn’t have it I made it my goal to be humble and gain cheese
Everything i ever brought to my name came right out from my own teeth
I do not make new friends because plenty of people betrayed me
I just been getting high yea
I cant be teary eyed
People look up to me
I just cannot see why
I stay up touring just thinking in bed
How we would be if it was up to my head
I just checked in baby
I was going to call u
I dont want to talk about it
Until u lower the volume
Itching at my skin baby
She like I control u
Im thankful for my sins
Cause it taught me that u sin too

Some how I keep on breathing
I couldn’t tell u the reason
I think I need me some Jesus
Cause half of my guys are some demons
They got the arms like tarantula
Ion play games castlevania
Kush had put me in Andromeda 
Bitch im the shit im the enema
I think I made me some enemies
And half of them once were a friend of me
They tryna bring me calamity
I was just happy they thought of me
That 42 spill in my arteries
Giving my anger to fix our dichotomies
U put in work for the salary
I put in work its a part of me

i_evolve (jabarionthebeat x dasda x moneyevery)

tell me your feelings and i won't tell you mine

ice heart

lyrics:

Even once great men die of broken hearts
And the worst part is im not that great at all
I could take these welts but they’ll chop it off
If its always like this what’s the point in love

I could do it all perfect and they’d still need more
I already quit once I won’t hide no more
Its lonely in ur head and I need the bottle to survive here
There are no fucking breaks I chose the path and ill die here
Oh u miss my pain well here’s the pain now clap
This shit feel the same as on that bridge when I had snapped
Eat ur fucking food u better enjoy it it cost souls
Im sitting in my room at 2am just drunk and stoned
Of course were all a bit fucked up that’s how it goes
But my job relies on being fucked up to go gold
The stress destroys me quickly but they love it so I stomach it
Abusing all this shit inside my body im in love with it
I cant hold relationships cause my body doesn’t work right
She touch me on my chest her hand went numb and she got frostbite
I been broken forever so u can treat me how u deem right
Vomit on my sweater Im throwing up because it feel nice
Its only right I give my wounds time to heal yea yea
I thought 150mg of Zoloft pills might help
I was wrong I was cursed from my birth I swear
This aint shit to fix with cigarettes and dyeing hair
I been out my mind since I got back on my meds
I cant even fuck or feel emotions in my head
I feel so alone inside this home that I built
This shit been my life every day it dont feel real

Even once great men die of broken hearts
And the worst part is im not that great at all
I could take these welts but they’ll chop it off
If its always like this what’s the point in love
Even once great men die of broken hearts
And the worst part is im not that great at all
I could take these welts but they’ll chop it off
If its always like this what’s the point in love

i start to rust (eric godlow)

if this is heaven [irby x recyclebin]

lyrics:

Keep your head down
Deep in dirt I could barely breath but Ill surface soon and relive the pain
I might stay infected but heaven knows with my straightened spine i won’t die the same
Words would hurt but ive grown immune and I like it when she get mad at me
That had worked once i won’t lie but im back revived and im starving
And everything I did was for you but im just an object
You embody evil from the hate that u harvest 
I would give my life to keep you safe I promise
But u knew that and still u wrote my fate for ur benefit
God save me Ive been lost
Every night I spend inside this wetlands swamp
Im in my head honestly I feel regret
Though Im at home and safe again
But Im obsessed with the life we missed

Ive always felt like a target
I don’t wanna fight I just want u to be honest
If I had some life left to live she would want it
The way that she mutilates me she’s like an artist
The hardest thing to face in this life is the damage
Damage u create it out weighs every lesson
Every time she breaks me I feel my heart ravaged
But god I love a woman that puts me at disadvantage

Show me ur strength Via my frame
Gimme everything I beg u do not refrain from using me
Deep in the corn I would summon some
Only when in danger id be having fun
Dont pay attention when I scream bloody murder
Secretly I pray they take it further for research
I read the books they told me I shouldn’t worry
I guess ive been in my head while I was planning February I know
I couldn’t hurt
So u preaching to choir
And I loved me first
So betrayal could not survive here
stack skrilla, margiela killa, i dont wanna die here
gucci, fendi, louis, blow some cash and feel alive wear
white on white designer head to toe im like a polar bear
surgeon mask is fillin with the smoke theres potent in the air

Ive always felt like a target
I don’t wanna fight I just want u to be honest
If I had some life left to live she would want it
The way that she mutilates me she’s like an artist
The hardest thing to face in this life is the damage
Damage u create it out weighs every lesson
Every time she breaks me I feel my heart ravaged
But god I love a woman that puts me at disadvantage

THE HARVEST (NEVRFALL X BRANWEN)

lyrics:

Sleeping beauty don’t wake yet
Cause The world won’t accept you yet
Take your time you will heal thru rest
And ill be here when u take those breaths
And ill be here up until ur last
The futures stone how we etched our past together
I could cry but ill save my breath
Cause when I fell it was by her hand

She Just like me uh uh
What a plight uh uh
Its already so hard to Like me
Oh it is
She Just like me uh uh
What a plight uh uh
Its already so hard to Like me

Sleeping beauty don’t wake yet
Cause The world won’t accept you yet
Take your time you will heal thru rest
And ill be here when u take those breaths
Woah huh ok
Maybe I would sleep better If I dont drink
I could see shapes laying frozen awake
Could u teach me how ur mind so blank
Why would I love when its taken away
Why would I fight if I could die any day
I could take vitamins and go lift weights just to walk out the gym and feed a car to my face
Maybe I like what u do to me cause I feel least she pick me to be hurting again
Give it a week and she come back around just to give me this feeling of purpose again
Maybe id follow my heart for a change if I really believed it was worth it again
But honestly I think its better to wait for the moment ur ready and certain of it

Sleeping beauty don’t wake yet
Cause The world won’t accept you yet
Take your time you will heal thru rest
And ill be here when u take those breaths
And ill be here up until ur last
The futures stone how we etched our past together
I could cry but ill save my breath
Cause when I fell it was by her hand

SLEEPING BEAUTY (NEVRFALL X BRANWEN)

lyrics:

halfway around the world and still alive
what do u think about when im not there for u at night girl
leaves fall and the worlds starts dying
even though its cold I feel ur touch and I ignite love
plants get sick and his skin starts growing mold
candle wicks light the forest path to his home
its all gone to shit in the welcoming of the snow
fingers frost bit while he rests in this white cold

mm and if my body rots will u lose hope
put it back together for me and we can pretend
I still look the same as back when we were just friends
my heart is still intact and I would do anything for u
mm dont face the door focus on staying warm
weve all been here before but that doesnt make it easier
broken but wanting more they had to silence u and
i couldnt take the pain of having to know i cant help u

halfway around the world and still alive
what do u think about when im not there for u at night girl
leaves fall and the worlds starts dying
even though its cold I feel ur touch and I ignite love
plants get sick and his skin starts growing mold
candle wicks light the forest path to his home
its all gone to shit in the welcoming of the snow
fingers frost bit while he rests in this white cold

CONSIDER IT A LESSON (ERIC GODLOW)

lyrics:

We dress up nice to break down tonight
And we know well be drunk when were home well be high
As he stumbles he falls and he thinks to himself
Why do I take aim on myself
He saw the ripper thru the window looking out
In the bay soaked wet in the rain
He steps forth to introduce himself
The waves crash thru the house

If I could tell the future I would stop it
Stay inside tonight the storm is coming
And I would rather die for u live id give my life to buy u time if u needed it
The notes they leave behind are what haunts him
A devil come to life in silk clothing
And every single time he dreams he wakes in sweat thru out the night and lays there frozen

Coppered eyes
Cold hands and a broken smile
I guess I just think its funny how
Ive only seen him when he’s turned around and running in the wrong direction
Oracle
I could see him thru the costume
What a fucked up face u have to match you its disgusting
Run away from blame u guised monster
We dress up nice to break down tonight
And we know well be drunk when were home well be high
As he stumbles he falls and he thinks to himself
Why do I take aim on myself
He saw the ripper thru the window looking out
In the bay soaked wet in the rain
He steps forth to introduce himself
The waves crash thru the house

If I could tell the future I would stop it
Stay inside tonight the storm is coming
And I would rather die for u live id give my life to buy u time if u needed it
The notes they leave behind are what haunts him
A devil come to life in silk clothing
And every single time he dreams he wakes in sweat thru out the night and lays there frozen

I SAW THE RIPPER (ERIC GODLOW)

beep boop
https://soundcloud.com/ghoul_001
https://soundcloud.com/babyboicr00k
https://soundcloud.com/justinparks1

u know that u kill me (w/ ashes & jstnprks)  [odece x 5v x karasu]

cover art: Joey600

lyrics:

somethings never end
me n jabari tap in something sacred in the wind
that just cause we friends
ion expect you understand
underneath these lights inside club she hold my hand
lime mixed in my gin
baby i want that again
smoke floats up in the pitch black sky
my eyes roll back and i start to fly
blood falls out when i try to cry
at least im safe when im up so high

life works so differently
without half of me in my company
i got parts in place
of my memories
you see circuitry in my extremities
electricity
in my arteries
big crystal core
for my centerpiece
im feeding off of its energy
i transfer out my humanity for this shit
you got options
girl u got to
hear me when im talking to you
not to often
we was ok but when we were
it was so fun to love you
ill evolve
activate myself inside this tent come one and all
i smoke too much sticky its impossible to fall
if you dont take the shot then its impossible ball
if you dont hold her down then go find someone to call
lately somethings changed inside my soul im feeling off
sit inside my room and started seeing thru the walls
fire in my throat just keep on burning thru the halls
coughing up this sute and scales are poppin out my jaw
ancient foreign texts begin to pop up in my thoughts
symbols of the void begin to surface on palms
thought i had sometime before im back where i belong
hope my shorty know i wont gone for very long
i promise u the first to see me soon im layin low
la summer nights are always harder when alone
love you see you soon is always harder from the phone
fixing what we got is even harder from the tone
answer me i know u fucking home
i just want you to see what i hide
im 12 feet tall from the thighs
pale blue skin no eyes
the flesh doesnt treat me right
crack skulls just to eat their minds
and i dont even like to fight
but she dont wanna hear it
damn

i was home alone in a jam
rain hits my face i remember who i am
jabarionthebeat you already know we going in
comets out my window touching down to scorch the land
i was in my zone going ham
she told me i changed she dont remember who i am
but i could feel the chakra in my hands
i just got some sewage on my pants

me n jabari tap in something sacred in the wind
that just cause we friends
ion expect you understand
underneath these lights inside club she hold my hand
lime mixed in my gin
baby i want that again
smoke floats up in the pitch black sky
my eyes roll back and i start to fly
blood falls out when i try to cry
at least im safe when im up so high

breaking the exosphere (jabarionthebeat)

@sewerperson
@guccihighwaters

prod by me oobv get w the times

Down and Out (feat. sewerperson & guccihighwaters)

shoutout to sewer and slip for making this legendary <3

alone with the lightning

Intro

Listen to the birds singing 
Kissing in my car I
Idk if there’s a purpose

Feel like we moving at a high speed
Waiting for the lightning to strike me

Getting tempted by the eyes you hold
Hands warm but your heart cold

Verse 1

Dont wanna assume it
feels like u been acting
I dont wanna do this
u go push me back in

Stare at me with hate
Through those crystal eyes
And it kills inside
But im acting fine

U dont even know Me
I know that u scared too
U dont wanna fall in love by accidental
For when u decide to leave  to hard to handle
I wanted all of u
And not a sample 

Far away 
see a glimpse
Of your heart but
Its laying deep inside the shadows

After all things wont be the same
So Might as well use this as ammo

Verse 2

im breaking through the barrier
i still need to hurry up
baby what u pickin up
i cant tell if this is love
40000 years amuck
we still argue bout what star we from
but stop and look how far we come
damn i we didnt do enough

plenty men devoured by the evil lesser known
if i stay focused on the essence of my soul
i gotta prophecy entangled with my spirit that the stars
chose to bestow
i bleed from out my eyes into the late november snow
the fox inside my blood has chose his presence to be known
the human left inside me looks to find another home
he says im awful
im way above the ways of thinking lawful
im stuck inside the mouth of reason rippin out his tonsils
my energy is somehow tied to paleozoic fossils
its smothered deep in mother natures arms remaining coddled
but i like it
as for every mortal left alive your uninvited
we take this gift of earth and give it violence
id prefer if inside my world i could choose to keep it private
its not tinnitus
but this noise inside my head id like to attribute to sirens
insomuch i feel the rush of vehicles beside it
these flashing scenes of tragedy sit inside of my eyelids

waiting for the lightning to strike me | feat. sewerperson (slipfunc)

urgent [w/ ashes] [prodbykg]

DNT [TRY] SHT (Tsurreal)

ft. @sewerperson x @lilnarnia
prod. @youlooktiredx

lyrics
--------
wish i would’ve stayed in my bed
put all my dreams in my nightstand
you said i changed with your eyes red
whispered okay under my breath
(x2)

looks like you’ve got nothing done
your value is lost
oh what have you become
the critic inside you is holding a gun
to your head one false move and the chamber is spun
i’m a fake to myself live uncomfortably numb
mechanism for coping is biting my tongue
i’ve lost focus in all this sought solace in sun-
-light is burning my eyes which direction is it coming from
stupid thoughts hault my momentum run from everyone
and everything ignore your friends & family it’s fun
i stopped caring so damn long ago zero to one
i commentate my complications constantly i’m done

wish i would’ve stayed in my bed
put all my dreams in my nightstand
you said i changed with your eyes red
whispered okay under my breath
(x2)

you cannot hurt me
but she gon break me down into a fine pulp
this shit taste like chicken i can barely tell its asphalt
sumn creep up behind me when i turn around its no one
she could rip my face from off my body and its my fault
pause
she dont really mean it she just do it for the applause
i choose not to believe it all of a sudden i am calm
im convinced they hate me but they lock it in their thoughts
i just need some reassurance here and there to keep me going
girl can u tell me whats up
i cant read ur face when u got ur walls up
look out on the lake u could see it light up
its even better in the winter u should try to come up

seems like summer never started
haven’t left my apartment in months
why can’t I just get you out
keep screaming with my head down
feels like nothing is an option
and im always exhausted
tryna pull myself together
check my phone and its december whatever
wish i would’ve stayed youda liked that
put all my dreams in a nightstand
you said i changed with your eyes red
whispered okay under my breath

yeah
she makes home feel like a home in my head
and when i’m with her i feel hope again

willow ave (ft. sewerperson x lil narnia) (prod. youlooktired)

I can't go to bed haven't slept in a while...

i'm so close to giving up...

Saku