all that time, and nothing changed.
just that kid with no words 
that i'd been since seventeen.
caught between those memories, 
like they would want to give the ear.

but it escaped me; 
vicious ways had kept me around.
and it amazed me 
how my eyes kept to ground.

so set in the bind, i caved with the time.

but maybe that was something else?
falling on and on, away from all this doubt.
and never want to settle down.
so, how long until this burns out?

said, "It's all loss, just loss."

keep it in, never vocalizing. 
just let it win. 
you know you're nothing but a burden.

you're breaking!

and, there's a cost, your eager heart's worth.
but you could trust; the price is nothing to the love

so break free!

in this light, i see you clearly now.

but maybe you are something else?
no falling off.
you're so much more than you're letting on.        
we're plotting time and finding lulls, 
and i love it more than you know.

i love it!
i love it!





you save me!

descent:

i’m so fucking mad now 
i don’t even care to explain
go and tell me that i’m cold 
i always failed to convey
what’s in my heart and in my head 
can never seem to escape
i can hardly take it
but i’m here all the same
fucking three years out 
i’m struggling to cope
when i told you that i loved you
girl it wasn’t a joke
and now i’m breathing repercussion 
all you see is a ghost
losing my mind 
i just need to find a way to let go

(no amount of sertraline 
is boutta bring me ease
bankrupt my dopamine
now i’m biting my cheeks
til i don’t feel nothing
no change in the scenery
is gonna bring me peace
i spent the best of me
now i fly through the grief
and i don’t feel anything)

(do i wanna die
or is it life on repeat
i keep on asking all these questions 
need to get off this screen
i think if you like novocain
inside my veins iv
wish it was all just a dream
but i’m losing my seems
and i fight through my demons
but there’s no reprieve 
and the moments are fleeting
i can live with the pain
i just keep moving forward
nothing stays in place 
i can hardly take it
but i’m here all the same)

descent

escape velocity:

call me names that we used to know
i’m drunk and i’m a mess
you catch it on my breath
just know you’re the only one
that makes me feel like i can rest

keep me in the corner of your thoughts
i know that you feel better when we’re out of touch
i need you if i’m honest

fuck that bitch she’s attle love
since parkland swaying out of touch
confusion tear my world apart
you loved me left me out to rot
still i cared enough to make a call
said you found someone 
they broke your heart
while i’m coping watch my life discard 
now nowhere feels like i belong 

i killed the distant memory  
i fell for it like i did you
i killed a version of me          
that i knew i needed to
and now i move through

escape velocity

snow:

caught another wave
always back and forth for days
to bleed myself out
just to let myself down
all the years are washed away
every solace and every pain
i can see the memory’s spent
and i don’t need a second chance here

call it off 
where’s the love?
every year the same old song
search for something that’ll never come

i never thought to up my guard 
i guess blind faith kills a naive heart
and i found out back in nineteen
fucked the balance in my head now i can’t-

don’t deserve it, do i?

is it fucked up that i won’t even try
i bled my heart out for a feeling
and the payment was high
killed a part of myself that i can’t bring back to life
and it’s all i can do to get this shit off my mind

call it off
where’s the love?
every year the same old song
search for something that’ll never come
is it lost?
where’d it go?
can hardly feel now
it breaks my heart
just my luck
i’m not the person that i was before

those days are blending out.
old life; it’s ghost was the foreground.
only recall and dream now.

snow

absolver:

it came after dusk
a vicious year of foldings
you came back to life
and brought me a light
that i thought lost before me

it’s just i’ve fallen in love
could never fake it enough
don’t wanna shake up your life
so i’ll just keep it inside
if it slips from me and you feel i’ve been out of line
don’t hesitate to make it clear to me
it’s clear to see that you’re not mine

but you absolved me of my past life
and smothered the dark

still i know you’re held
and your home is your solace
and even if it changed 
i’ve gotta keep moving forward

so i’ll let it go
i know you’ve been hurt before

this love is safe with me

absolver

thank you:

you caught me off guard 
you led with open arms
i was dissonant

you pulled me from my worst 
gave hope of where there’s worth
i owe you that

now i’m clear again
now i’m real again
now i’m clear again
now i’m real again

you know you’re always on my mind
you know it when you meet my eyes
you know i’m over lost times
i know it when i see you smile

i forgot i existed 
would give to disappear 
no life in playback of distance
or tethered to the fear
but its escaped me with recourse
and feel it slip away
we’re never helpless
or closed door
‘cause we can still be saved

now i’m clear again
now i’m real again
now i’m clear again
now i’m real again

you know you’re always on my mind
you know it when you meet my eyes
you know i’m over lost times
i know it when i see you smile

thank you

heart eyes:

looking back it’s never what it seemed
and now a contradiction’s turned to 
something like a dream
for every year that i entwined to the pain
you’ve cut through the emptiness 
and tied it away for me

past the dark there’s always you
it helps me not to mute the brighter shades of my hue 
and i tend to crash when i feel the way i do
so hold me hopeful in your arms 
make me feel like not everything is lost

i know it’s cliche that i’d end up where i’m at
you make so damn easy 
i’m losing all my grasp 
and after everything you’ve kept aside my back
you kill the worst of me

i love you, i don’t want you to know.        (love to love)
because i love you, i don’t let it show.

heart eyes

you save me!:

all that time and nothing changed
just that kid with no words
that i’d been since seventeen
caught between those memories
like they would want to give the ear

but it escaped me
vicious ways had kept me around
and it amazed me
how my eyes kept to ground

so set in the bind
i caved with the time

but maybe that was something else?
falling on and on away from all this doubt
and never want to settle down
so how long ‘til this burns out?

said it’s all loss
just loss

keep it in 
never vocalizing 
just let it win 
you know you’re nothing but a burden
you’re breaking
and there’s a cost
your eager heart’s worth
but you could trust 
the price is nothing to the love
so break free

in this light i see you clearly now

but maybe you are something else?
no falling off
you’re so much more than you’re letting on
we’re plotting time and finding lulls
and i love it more than you know

i love it
i love it

my cracked auto tune corrupted my file before i could finish this but here you go anyway.wav

blue eyes, creek beds

been looking back since springfield 
all of my love and all my anger
it rears its head with no direction
splitting my lives and my inflections 

but then i changed, i stepped away
and saw how much i failed to live or take the reigns
i was ashamed, i shed the apathy
let it slip away

blue eyes, creek beds

-

please don’t let me go, 
i can’t take anymore
please don’t leave me alone, 
i think i need you to know
please don’t let me go, 
you’re all i’ve waited for
please don’t leave me alone

i hope you know that you’re loved

luvrxt