lil ghost's diary (333)

welp, too bad!
spotify soon!

prod. @irby314

lyrics:
its too bad i need cover
i leave track, relapse and recover
i see you moved past, i still gotta
with self doubt i cant sprout, i need others
yea i could use that to leap forward
cuz everything i wanna try just leaves me cornered
i see the moon set in midsummer
thats useless blue text in green covers
its really too bad

how long do i have to play pretend still?
all of the nights where i tried but nothing works for me
i cant get a hold of different angles
narrow my sight til it matches my uncertainty

and i keep hurting me with sabotaging myself
cant let it burden me, its just another farewell
rip out my circuitry and coat my heart in pastels
fool me internally until its part of my shell

yea its cool i get it, im used to adapting by now
but these tools do not help cuz i found

its too bad i need cover
i leave track, relapse and recover
i see you moved past, i still gotta
with self doubt i cant sprout, i need others
yea i could use that to leap forward
cuz everything i wanna try just leaves me cornered
i see the moon set in midsummer
thats useless blue text in green covers

its really too bad i need cover
i leave track, relapse and recover
i see you moved past, i still gotta
with self doubt i cant sprout, i need others
yea i could use that to leap forward
cuz everything i wanna try just leaves me cornered
i see the moon set midsummer
thats useless blue text in green covers

blue text, green covers | prod. irby

i played around with my guitar a little bit and made this song. what does it all mean? idk

its fine if you overstay
it doesnt matter anyway 
cuz ill fall somewhere along the way
i guess that love is just one stomach ache 
and what you did
it doesnt matter its all my fault 
im getting lost in the smoke, at least ur eyes glow
i guess its useless 
but what do i know?
when all i hear is their thoughts im missing my own

stay as long as you need to

jora is such a fool!! -_-

spotify soon :)

prod. by me wow :O

lyrics:
best remind me of 
tying my tongue or ima have to bite it off 
all of the answers have more questions rising up
but i dont think that i can take another minute 
of the back and forth and bickering 

and i been 
trying hard not to bother like im thru with it 
hope they dont talk about jora and what a fool he is 
i been holding back water but keep losing it 
wont let no light thru the shutters til im luminous 
trying hard not to bother like im thru with it 
hope they dont talk about jora and what a fool he is 
i been holding back water but keep losing it 
wont let no light thru the shutters til im luminous 

stress rumble under my skin
rly tried to change then
ill survive another hit 
but its obvious that maybe i should take a fucking hint 
been designing blueprints
but my mind just wont bend

and im tryna brush it off like whatever 
maybe if i coat my head it bleach it gets better 
maybe if im no longer like me illreach splendor
i could make up options but no satisfying measures 
choosers cant be beggars huh?

and i been 
trying hard not to bother like im thru with it 
hope they dont talk about jora and what a fool he is 
i been holding back water but keep losing it 
wont let no light thru the shutters til im luminous 
trying hard not to bother like im thru with it 
hope they dont talk about jora and what a fool he is 
i been holding back water but keep losing it 
wont let no light thru the shutters til im luminous

trying not 2 bother | prod. majora

hello hellooo this ones been lying arounf for a while. maybe ill put it on spotify with a few of the other songs on here. idk. stay tuned guys <333

lyrics:
i dont wanna walk thru it again 
stuck on the last breath took when i still had my 
motivation stuck to a plan 
fuck where all that lead, i cannot believe my lies
anymore than anybody can 
put it in my hair but i should rather bleach my eyes 
so i dont have to see the way i land
falling thru the stairs and i have never seen those flights

too hung up on getting by 
thats new blood for the parasites 
two wrongs make a pretty lie 
and two lies make a gritty fight 
stuck up like an ammonite 
see a new face in the candlelight 
adapt to the mirrors side
how u see me doesnt fit me right 

leave me whole and detached 
cuz im sure that my overthinking leaves u distressed 
and everyone believes they know what is best 
they told me dont seek comfort in emotions compressed 
yea i guess that you should leave me whole and detached 
cuz im sure that my overthinking leaves u distressed 
and everyone believes they know what is best 
they told me dont seek comfort in emotions compressed 
yea i guess thats true

pretty lies

i know im pretty stupid no need to call that out though (>﹏<)

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7BFdwI8zxzAXu0sujIYLoD?si=29220d2280764f63

prod. @dercept & @prod5head <33

lyrics:
dont call me fucking stupid 
i think love shouldnt be this convoluted 
i brought it all to lose it 
with fists up peace hardly comes unpolluted
dont call me fucking stupid 
i think love shouldnt be this convoluted 
i brought it all to lose it 
with fists up peace hardly comes unpolluted

i dont know why i thought it would be easier 
to trust a feeling that i only heard of 
when i lit that match and couldnt feel it burn 
i guess its something bout the way its nurtured 
and then i swore that i would fix myself somehow
i never saw the sun as close as with my head in the clouds
i guess my heart aint not a brick so i had to enshroud
that i grew rather human 
and my drinks less diluted

dont call me fucking stupid 
i think love shouldnt be this convoluted 
i brought it all to lose it 
with fists up peace hardly comes unpolluted
dont call me fucking stupid 
i think love shouldnt be this convoluted 
i brought it all to lose it 
with fists up peace hardly comes unpolluted

i think love shouldn't be this convoluted | prod. dercept & 5head

why am i like this?

spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/track/7e576Psa1QkEnUNp3zG1jb?si=8b4ded73f0884119

lyrics:
theres this ghost in this room he paints with visions that he wants
stuck at home, maybe the moon will gift him something going on 
and as the time had passed and days tunred into months turned into years
he met a girl and let her close but he got scared when it got real 

and she smiled so pretty 
when he tried to hold her hand 
but he felt so guilty 
because he doesnt understand 
what they said 
how he should feel it hurts his head
he puts his all into an act
to hide whats real from her and friends 
but that doesnt rly go to great, how nice!
when he finds that every goddamn thing makes him cry
and he feels like he did back in 8th grade 
because how he hates himself these times 
and hed probably say anything to get to stop checking his vitals signs

"oh hes so understanding" when he does resort to lying 
there he goes hoping someone sees the truth inside these eyes 
dont he know that hes the only one that wants him left behind?
so then he wouldnt have to talk himself to tears to feel alive 
alive, alive

and in her arms
is what his younger him did want 
cuz in the shards of broken hearts
he found the only way he ever thought he could relate to love

exactly what he wished for | prod. majora

yea of course its sad but its alright
feelin like we barely even tried 
n im already acting like a child 
dont rly need a second of that kind
breathe just enough air to stay alive
dont wipe away my tears i watch em dry 
ill change up who i am from who u liked 
and drown out all my fears inside these lies

actinglikeachild

get it? cus babies have no object permanence? and they think u dont exist when u cover ur face? hilarious! -u-

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0tKa8K1PyXcTOqU39sM1uE?si=a3153a3685464f56

lyrics:
talk about a pain washing the dirt from my hands
from people walking over me again and again and 
honestly i wouldnt recommend 
only playing defense 

its not conceited u just think i'm a kid
dont care if people walk in and out my life anymore
if they can treat me like i didnt exist 
she call me pretty and it feel like a knife to my corpse 
i got a feeling that this shouldnt be it 
y strive to be so much better?
i find i'm only needy when not needed a bit 
timelines sew my hopes together 
ill fight with every deity that keeps me in this

speak in tongues to convince myself 
confidence is just lies we tell ourselves 
breach my gut feelings kuiper belt 
thoes bumps and dents might even out the damage delt 
goddamn 
i struggle breathing on my own and i just got here 
the noises bleed in one another tryna block them 
call it retreiving even more i call it progress 

its not conceited u just think i'm a kid
dont care if people walk in and out my life anymore
if they can treat me like i didnt exist 
she call me pretty and it feel like a knife to my corpse 
i got a feeling that this shouldnt be it 
y strive to be so much better?
i find i'm only needy when not needed a bit 
timelines sew my hopes together 
ill fight with every deity that keeps me in this

peekaboo | prod. slicky

yeaa riiiiight... 

i had a variety of reasons not to release this song throughout this past year but honestly everything i wrote, felt or feel now couldnt change that its a cool song lol :P

alsooo just fyi i had that song done before skele dropped his song with the same sample hahaha

prod. @wisssery & @jolst

lyrics:
so i guess theres no problem at all 
its still killing me
make up all this shit as we talk 
theres no simile 
til now i never felt with my heart 
and ive visibly 
been tripping over all of my thoughts 
we're both sick of me
so i guess theres no problem at all 
its still killing me
make up all this shit as we talk 
theres no simile 
til now i never felt with my heart 
and ive visibly 
been tripping over all of my thoughts 
we're both sick of me
so i guess theres no problem at all 

do i deserve this?
determined 
to break out the ice and now thats a burden 
equipt with a mind thats just never working 
but i wish we could try it until i'm worth it 
do i deserve this?
determined 
to break out the ice and now thats a burden 
equipt with a mind thats just never working 
but i wish we could try it until i'm worth it

so i guess theres no problem at all 
its still killing me
make up all this shit as we talk 
theres no simile 
til now i never felt with my heart 
and ive visibly 
been tripping over all of my thoughts 
we're both sick of me
so i guess theres no problem at all 
its still killing me
make up all this shit as we talk 
theres no simile 
til now i never felt with my heart 
and ive visibly 
been tripping over all of my thoughts 
we're both sick of me
so i guess theres no problem at all

i guess there's no problem at all | prod. wisssery & jolst

there rly is! :0

spotify: open.spotify.com/track/65ygpYE37j…884ec14b37cf4bfd

lyrics:
and i
find another bad influence
and a million ways i fall for them with time
got me thinking bout cigarettes
how she look so pretty smoking them, oh my
idk how im supposed to act around u
how the fuck am i supposed to know the lines?
write a stupid lil song for them about u
in attempts to feeling close to u and i

like it ever will
i got stupid high up on that pedestal
so there were more deceiving thoughts than pretty chemicals
fml
looking up the stars seem one dimensional
to me theres not alot to uncover
its like our unresolved messes fit into each other
my friends say sum about flags but pls dont ask me the colors
and i been trying so hard to be someone u like
it must be so goddamn apparent one is not like the other

think she needs somebody that understands her more than me
and i need sombody that makes it not hard to believe
im not beyond repair
its like my love languages some questionnaire
its like i never rly had a self to care
that we just treat us like were people that our heads prepared

and i
find another bad influence
and a million ways i fall for them with time
got me thinking bout cigarettes
how she look so pretty smoking them, oh my
idk how im supposed to act around u
how the fuck am i supposed to know the lines?
write a stupid lil song for them about u
in attempts to feeling close to u and i

theres u and i in the idea of us | prod. majora

sucks 2 be me lol (feat. majoraeclipse) | prod. Johnnyfriend

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5ZlsBjDKHVNQXpw7NA38Rz?si=5c80c93cf9f54742

sometimes its better to not know? >_<

prod. @dercept & @prod5head

lyrics:
i heard theres a world beyond our heads
do i wanna know?
everything that happened to me yet 
a part of protocol 
half way down the bottle i feel set
to start to trauma dump 
cant stay tryna argue white and black 
when its all monochrome 

i tried hard to get out the borders of my skull 
breach from dimensions inside a dream
messed up, i messed up i swear ill make it out
six down in mentions i shouldnt read 
fuck this!
what a way to take me outta context 
ah shit...
"jora only cries because hes toxic"
congrats
what a way to bash a fucking lesson in 
the people i put faith in its emberassing

i heard theres a world beyond our heads
do i wanna know?
everything that happened to me yet 
a part of protocol 
half way down the bottle i feel set
to start to trauma dump 
cant stay tryna argue white and black 
when its all monochrome

cognitive dissonance | prod. dercept & 5head

let me read your thoughts 
empathy's inaccurate 
and chemestry's corrupt 
anxious feats of language
that may never be enough
like forever, keep it up
put your energy where everyone can eat it up 
an endeavour to feel apart 
make attempts to reassemble what you deconstructed

ethanol and oxytocin 
do the same things if you're ignorant
i guess i'm sorry that i show emotions
instead of venting in a twitter thread
i've heard it's best to keep your options open 
i treat their flags like they are infrared
inside a shelter by the arctic ocean
it begs the question just how long it stands

let me read your thoughts 
empathy's inaccurate 
and chemestry's corrupt 
anxious feats of language
that may never be enough
like forever, keep it up
put your energy where everyone can eat it up 
an endeavour to feel apart 
make attempts to reassemble what you deconstructed

reading thoughts

i doubt it is tbh o-o

spotify: (tonight haha)

does anyone even read this? lEAvE a COMmenT iF U dO?! :P

lyrics:
cus everything i ever wanted 
having control in the end so i lie and pretend that i do 
and i dont care if its dishonest 
putting the world in my hand aint it worth it to care for the moon 
and then maybe i wont care about anything else 
and i dont rly think its fair its just heaven or hell 
everything i ever wanted 
having control in the end so i lie and pretend that i do 
and i dont care if its dishonest 
putting the world in my hand aint it worth it to care for the moon 
and then maybe i wont
fall back asleep on my worse side 
why catch a chance when i know that ill get 
so damn obsessedn if its worthwhile 
and blind happenstance make up all that i am?

oh after all i found myself in stupid songs i wrote 
cus if failures at hand from the start then its part of the plan
for everyone but me 
like its the only way im seen 

and of all the ways to cope just in concept 
solipsism took least of a toll on my conscience 
what if im the only one around and still hold back?
thats one step away from hopeless 
is it too much in the scope of my ballpark 
all itd take is not to see my role as a costar 
harder than to find the antidote is the dosage
of getting lost in the process 
oh i know

i shouldt go on 
with the way i present to this world how i be 
think its certainly wrong 
how that versions awhole different person from me
and im honestly just glad when thats over 
cus i dont wanna fight anymore 
will i ever rly get to the closure i want

cus everything i ever wanted 
having control in the end so i lie and pretend that i do 
and i dont care if its dishonest 
putting the world in my hand aint it worth it to care for the moon 
and then maybe i wont care about anything else 
and i dont rly think its fair its just heaven or hell 
everything i ever wanted 
having control in the end so i lie and pretend that i do 
and i dont care if its dishonest 
putting the world in my hand aint it worth it to care for the moon 
and then maybe i wont
fall back asleep on my worse side 
why catch a chance when i know that ill get 
so damn obsessedn if its worthwhile 
and blind happenstance make up all that i am?

everything i ever wanted | prod. majora

hope older me can forgive me :c

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/intl-de/track/6FcwHE5pd9tMiP9tPkkBAo?si=a24628ebf06b4958

this song kinda feels like a 2020 jora song and i like that alot :) if only he knew what the world had in store for him...

lyrics:
could u explain how it is palpable what u feel?
i get so jealous from the stories i hear 
im scared i might just be incapable to breach thru the fears 
or i just did and its not what i imagined 
what if im feeling like my stomach turns
but the world turns around my stomach?
and its unconcerned if its like anything i wanted?
u put someone first 
no knowing anything about them is it bad of an assumption 
thinking youll get something back in return?

i know its me i know im wrong but it hurts

could u explain how to make sense of it?
of it all 
would u just calm me down and fucking respond
am i too selfish or too desperate? just tell me whats wrong
is it too late for me? just tell me its not
yea i should know better 
the thought of stop trying it hit me dead center 
and hasnt gone quiet 
can i go forever?
and when i start flying the sun it melts feathers 
so whats it all matter?

its 2am im on the floor 
ive been in bed all day now
just tryna make it by 
tell younger me i broke our promise 
idk a way out 
tell older me its alright
ive gone too far to give it up now 
how am i still so far behind?
its 2am im on the floor 
ive been in bed all day now
ive got to make it by

it's 2am, i'm on the floor | prod. majora

spotify:

like staring into a mirror :<

prod. yungspoiler <3

lyrics:
isnt it lovely how 
things come back around when changing roles 
a fiber copy of 
the way i tend to write in how u wrote 
its kinda funny 
girl name three real things u know about me now
im way too faulty
to be loved in ways that aint like me at all 

im scared to feel what i need to 
my friends dont know what im holding back 
cus i used to think i was see through 
now i stand on top of this broken glass 
but what do i know?
ima bypass the faults of my confidence 
i quit that sideshow 
was it like that to know were not gonna last?
"im scared to feel what i need to 
my friends dont know what im holding back 
cus i used to think i was see through 
now i stand on top of this broken glass 
but what do i know?
ima bypass the faults of my confidence 
i quit that sideshow"
was it like that to know were not gonna last?

and with tear blurred eyes these lines blend to patterns 
and leave both sides acting the same 
so i reach for why precisely it matters
who reads what signs cus im so ashamed of 
all this when not done myself
notice how all that i felt 
broke in the moment tides fell?
idk no idk how id help

im scared to feel what i need to 
my friends dont know what im holding back 
cus i used to think i was see through 
now i stand on top of this broken glass 
but what do i know?
ima bypass the faults of my confidence 
i quit that sideshow 
was it like that to know were not gonna last?
"im scared to feel what i need to 
my friends dont know what im holding back 
cus i used to think i was see through 
now i stand on top of this broken glass 
but what do i know?
ima bypass the faults of my confidence 
i quit that sideshow"
was it like that to know were not gonna last?

and suddenly it matters what i felt? | prod. yungspoiler

who needs therapy right?? T-T

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/intl-de/track/5p7PxyfUy6wdJ9ifc3zieu?si=13e1ec407de247f9

hiii u guysss last song of the year whatt?? its been a rough one but as yall can tell by this song maybe im delusional enough to get by 

lyrics:
i cant with this indecision i had to get closure 
bypassing my intuition might be fcking me over
miles way from the pit i miss the dried leaves of ur clover
high speed will increase the friction i said it i told ya 
it might be too hard to handle but i knew that 
when the thread i hold starta loosen
u keep ur hands close way to prove that 
when i helped u most u just used that
had to bottle it up 
weed smoke in my lungs
tried to keep u afloat
while i was under the raft 
so down on my luck 
double checked all my cards 
u said i was gold 
but that just wasnt enough 

dont u think that its fcked?
i knew it couldnt be right 
to be so high on a pedestal that my flaws couldnt show signs 
i tried to be who u needed but who u needed couldnt be kind 
told me to cut ya out of my life 
at that point id rather have died 
not now idc
i cant be harmed if im not there 
im not even me no more i cant feel at all 
im redeemed if im unaware
so i just block out whats inside 
and forget outside when im high 
i just dont see what for i should be ignored 
but be seated right by this shitty door like goddamn 

i cant with this indecision i had to get closure 
bypassing my intuition might be fcking me over
miles way from the pit i miss the dried leaves of ur clover
high speed will increase the friction i said it i told ya 
it might be too hard to handle but i knew that 
when the thread i hold starta loosen
u keep ur hands close way to prove that 
when i helped u most u just used that
had to bottle it up 
weed smoke in my lungs
tried to keep u afloat
while i was under the raft 
so down on my luck 
double checked all my cards 
u said i was gold 
but that just wasnt enough

defense mechanism | prod. uguwap

lord knows i tried to interfere 
but u dont decide who u get killed most the time
tho its never right, thats just the deal 
in his state of mind he couldnt shield u and i 
cus they say that ur too good and theyre afwul like its valid 
like all that u been thru came at the cost of circumstances 
that u couldve controled if u gave up and didnt care 
its all the same, it isnt fair 
cus u feel awful too, u swear 
lord knows i tried to interfere 
and so i guess my time has come 
ill change myself until im so far from the person who u want 
im scared of who i might become 
theres only so much left that 
white wine and cigarettes cant 
dull down to basically none 
oh im sick of hearing its not my fault 
i turn my back and turn to stone 
maybe this is what u want 
maybe this is what u want 
maybe this is what u want

just remember that i rly tried

@majoraeclipse <333
(prod. loneliness孤独)

Lyrics:
Maybe I was too persistent
(But you were all that I had)
Wasn't so super superstious 
(Walking over the cracks)
Would it have made a difference
(If I ignored the snakes in the grass)
If I had kept some distance?
(I would've had a whole of a heart)


You were all that I wanted
Thought I made that obvious to you
Feel like it's a contest
And you don't want to hear the truth

That's the issue
Your walls are built so damn high
It's hard to break through
And I just can't seem to see why
Every time that i miss you
Somethings wrong with my mind
Remember the smell of your vape juice
By my cabinet side 
(By my cabinet side)

Majoreclipse:
So I guess it's goodbye 
I told ya that I'm prolly not that easy to like 
And i was right, wasn't I? 
It's not about picking sides 
But you know that I'd prolly take your's 
Like the tide awaits shore 

So if winter leaves me intact 
And I'm resiliant to the cold, would you know how to react? 
Or is the thought of that too distant for it to distract
From what you learned to be true? 
Cus I been hurt just like you 
Pick at the wounds so that I can be sure what I feel 
Though I'm so tired of the blue 
I wrap my wishes in green covers 
But doubt it's of use 
I think you miss who you discovered
I'm tired of it too

Snakes In The Grass (feat. majoraeclipse)

i was stuck inside my head, should be stuck inside my bag p-p

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/intl-de/album/1C6fK1WlNyx8kptlDhV5QO?si=e13461ea861442b7

new year, new-ish song xd new chapter for sure tho

lyrics:
talk abt a pain washing the dirt from my hands 
from ppl walking over me again and again and 
honestly what can i reccomend 
its all the same in the end 

at least i got what my moneys worth 
love was never free 
u put ur phone in dnd 
acting out of reach 
but when its cold telle me was it worth 
id rather freeze than keep u close to be fucking hurt 
i wont sit and weep
at least i got what my moneys worth 
love was never free 
u put ur phone in dnd 
acting out of reach 
but when its cold telle me was it worth 
id rather freeze than keep u close to be fucking hurt 
i wont sit and weep anymore 

i shouldve listened to my friends i deserve better
u showing teeth outta defense aint no laughing matter 
keep watching me from a distance with ur strings tethered 
if u ever wanted to keep that as a fucking backup
but baby now way 
used me for ur benefit and spit me out like colgate 
i wont pass ur circles just to end up at the gold gates 
i cant keep refelcting i dont recognize my own face
talk abt a soulmate
like cant u feel that?
somwhere in the layers that u peeled back 
i could see u struggle holding tears back 
i could see right through u and u deared that 
i couldnt reach that 

at least i got what my moneys worth 
love was never free 
u put ur phone in dnd 
acting out of reach 
but when its cold telle me was it worth 
id rather freeze than keep u close to be fucking hurt 
i wont sit and weep
at least i got what my moneys worth 
love was never free 
u put ur phone in dnd 
acting out of reach 
but when its cold telle me was it worth 
id rather freeze than keep u close to be fucking hurt 
i wont sit and weep anymore

money's worth | prod. drma x nihil2free x 80root

333
my only known form of communication
i hope u enjoy <3