produced by: cover of Argha Noah by Nightmares on Wax
artwork by: púca (www.instagram.com/paul_kerney)
co produced and mixed by: mandhla.
written by: mandhla.

two years ago, i lost a sister of mine and when she left a piece of me left with her too. Every year during Pride, I look around and see all the places she could have been, all the places she could have seen and all the love she could have felt. I’ve carried her to every performance, every show, every train ride, every conversation, every moment and in every breathe but every year, Pride comes around and I see the erasure of trans* bodies and the continued genocide on my brothers, sisters and siblings. Every day I wake up, and another one is taken from us, with no uproar, no urgency and no empathy. My sister became a number, something I never thought she would become and with every death I see, I’m reminded of the fact that this is someones sister, and this cycle starts for someone else. I’ve found it hard to get up, preferred sleeping, kept in the darkness of my shadows, avoiding the hard truth of the feelings I have to face and the mourning that must take place. But, as much as we avoid the sunlight, it’ll pierce, and it will always come through. It’s golden rays heal. I’m healing, i’m mourning but i’m embracing the sun. I feel lighter lately, and on this two year mark, I feel more at peace with what happened, and I’m finding my purpose. The sun is coming.

x

waking up (carboot soul mix)

dedicated to Venus.

grief has taken a pretty big place in my home this past year. Been trying to justify why things happened, why it happened the way it did and what plan the universe had. What needs to be taught by what happened to you? Why must we reflect on something so profoundly sad?

Bag Lady by Erykah Badu has always been an incredibly moving song for me, as is Mamas Gun as a body of work. The exploration of sadness, melancholy, love, joy, and the end of a relationship through a black femme lens all in one album was so powerful for me. So many textures, and layers, which is seen in this song.

We all know a bag lady. Some of us are bag ladies. I know I am. Constantly held down and weighted by all that’s happening around. Always affected, and overthinking. Adding another bag to your load like a notch to your belt, constantly pulling you in tighter and tighter. When will you breathe sis? when will you let go? when will you heal?

I found that healing through the communal mourning and healing I had with everyone who loved her. Every hug, every voice note, every call, each smoke trail from the sage we burnt. I was able to exhale, through the love I had around me that was there for you, Venus.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to let you go, as grief comes in waves, but I know my bags feel lighter, and I hope yours do too.

produced by: cover of Bag Lady by Erykah Badu/Roy Aves
artwork by: púca (www.instagram.com/paul_kerney)

bag lady

Cover mashup of Loyal by Chris Brown and 2 On by Tinashe

Produced by: Tino Musasanura/Mandhlenkosi Ndubiwa (Just Trevor)/Akid_wit no_tahg

Just Trevor Music: http://www.facebook.com/justtrevormusic

You can connect with me on these sites:

YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMrSZXLqrBOLANWOhaZl9zA
ReverbNation: https://www.reverbnation.com/justtrevor
Twitter: @RealJustTrevor
Instagram: @realjusttrevor
Souncloud: https://soundcloud.com/just-trevor-music
Tumblr: realjusttrevor.tumblr.com

Loyal x 2 On (Cover of Loyal by Chris Brown and 2 On by Tinashe)

as february comes to a close, i start to put together my thoughts about this month before im ready to throw it out completely. my mind has honestly been all over the place. i’ve been mourning the death of a love and grieving that hasn’t been easy. heartbreak isn’t easy. feels like a constant lump in my throat that nothing warm can take down, nothing cold can take down. it just, sits. i love to be loved, i love to love. However, nothing lasts forever, this i know that very well but it doesn’t make it feel better to acknowledge that. its the month of love, although it feels like cupids bow never hits me correctly. constantly missing me, or falling off my fragile heart. im finding ways to move on. i wanted to share a song I wrote over an acoustic instrumental of One Dance by Drake . I wrote this to come to terms with the fact that the taste of love isn’t always sweet, and the consequence of letting yourself fall in love is this feeling of being without it. I hope you all enjoy this! I’m pushing myself to put out more of my stuff and engage more.

This is for all the lovers, and all those hurt lovers.

prod: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKrsWxqvOAA (slowed down and chopped by Mandhlenkosi Ndubiwa)
mixed and mastered: Mandhlenkosi Ndubiwa
written by: Mandhlenkosi Ndubiwa
cover image by: Samantha Calandrini

the consequence

i recently rediscovered 'The Pap' by Ralf Gum and Monique Bingham and I was as blown away with the beauty and complexities in the song, as if it was the first time I heard it. I decided to pay homage to the original and do my own interpretation. The original song speaks of how vulnerable one becomes when they realise how deeply in love they really are with someone else. Questions start to flood your mind as to whether this person is worthy of you, your time and your effort, because you have ultimately let this person into your life, into your home, into your 'pap'. I related this to my experiences as a gender non-conforming queer body and the sexual encounters I have had.  Many times queer bodies settle with people who don't deserve us, don't respect who we are or our identities, all to feel something. To have that moment of absolute intimacy, attention and pleasure. My cover follows that reflection after the fact. That day after, when they don't text you back and you're wondering why. but deep down, you know why.

watch the full video to the cover here: https://goo.gl/9KckTS

I do not own the rights to this copyright and I am making no money from it. I do not claim this music or instrumental to be mine at all. It is owned by Ralf Gum and GOGO Music. In Southern Africa it was released under House Afrika / Sony Music Africa. I do not own this beat. I am simply appreciating it.

Listen to the original version on Spotify: https://goo.gl/Jwa6vN
YouTube: https://goo.gl/9jEjSL
Apple Music: https://goo.gl/XCMWVP
website: http://ralfgum.com/

thank you for listening x

catharsis: a reflection into the queer sexual experience

Catharsis: a reflection into the queer sexual experience(an interpretation of 'The Pap' by Ralf Gum)

produced by: púca (https://soundcloud.com/lil_puca)
artwork by: púca (https://www.instagram.com/paul_kerney)
co produced and mixed by: mandhla.
written by: mandhla.

a sonic piece exploring the uneasiness and heaviness of a panic attack. breathe is necessary, and peace is essential.

breathe (demo #4)

Zimbabwean. 
Singer/Songwriter
Experimental R&B/Alternative Soul/Noise

creating. music soon.
based in Berlin.

email: mandhlandubiwa@yahoo.com

mandhla.

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