"Reckoning" is an older piece which I started and completed sometime in 2010. In January 2010, a good childhood friend of mine took his own life a few months before my first deployment while I was serving in the United States Marine Corps as a Rifleman. Prior to his suicide, the lifestyle of an Active Duty Infantryman for the USMC was needlessly hell. 

My mind wasn't in a very good place while writing this. I was drinking heavily, which is essentially a right of passage for a Grunt; and I was beginning to understand the misery of the more senior enlisted peers who would spout phrases like "you can't spell 'Disgruntled' without 'Grunt'" - Morale was lower than it had ever been in my life. I can't recall if I began writing this as a response to all the unnecessary "hazing" and behind-the-scene violence that took place in the barracks every week on Thursday during our mandatory "Field Day" cleaning emphasis. 

Every Friday morning, prior to our Company formation, every room in the barracks would be "White-Glove" inspected for cleanliness. And the task really wouldn't be so hard if the more senior-enlisted Marines, who were the same rank as you but had a year or a deployment ahead of you, hadn't interfered with our lives while being the new kid on the block. In the movies, they call the new guy "FNGs" (Fucking New Guy), but in the Marines we were called "BOOTs" (Barely Out of Training). 

During the deployment, in the Summer of 2010, I finished what I could of this piece prior to my laptop dying. And since I had no way of fixing it while overseas, I had mailed it to my dad and asked him to send it in for repairs. I spent the next 5 months without a laptop and did not get it back until the late Winter of 2010 when I returned home from deployment. 

The song was never completed to my satisfaction, back in 2010; however, after revisiting it over a decade later, I feel that the song is complete. Could I possibly improve on some things later on? Sure. I have never seen anything wrong in revisiting a piece and adjusting dynamics or even adding something new that came to mind later. In this case though, I feel "Reckoning" is unique due to the raw emotional state I was in while composing it. So, you may hear how some instruments start to all cut off towards the end, leading to just a piano. 

Nowadays, I feel that's a fitting end to the story. When does the reckoning end? When will I be allowed to do what I was trained to do. When can I be ordered on mission to “kill” someone? When will I lose grasp of my own sanity, which each day grew more fragile by the second, and decide to take my own life, due to the boredom or the needless "hazing" rituals. Let’s call hazing what it really is.

Torture. 

This song is for those who survived and to those absent. All of you know who you are, whether you see this or not. Was it all necessary to make us a more efficient killer? I wonder if that was the point of it all.  And it took me a long time to fully understand that the vicious cycle of violence inflicted upon us was done upon those who did it to us. It really wasn’t until around the time I completed “Amidst Chaos & the Nature of Humanity” where a single film reminded me of  what I, or rather we, endured in order to survive the next "Reckoning." That film was none other than the great & disturbing “Salo: or the 120 Days of Sodom.”

“Reckoning” was written in E Minor in Adante (approximately 70 BPM). It consists of: a Piano, Synthesizer, Strings (Violin, Viola, Cello, Bass), and a Sitar (my personal favorite exotic instrument).

Happy Memorial Day
and Thank You for your service.

Ma-An-Go
May 30, 2022

Reckoning

This song was composed by me in 2005, originally titled “ Zorn und Täuschung,” utilizing Finale Songwriter. The version you are hearing is a live recording, performed by the Las Vegas High School Symphonic Orchestra. I am not conducting but rather performing as a section leader Violinist in the 2nd Violins section.

This was performed my sophomore year of High School briefly after my first break up in 2005.

Everyone has their breakup song. I wrote mine.

I had a little help though from the likes of Slipknot’s “Vermilion pt. 1 & 2” so I suppose I had one, but I insisted in writing my own song to get back at my ex girlfriend. How adolescent of me. 

The song was completed in approximately 6 months. During that phase, I was a huge Rammstein fan and loved the German language, hence why I called it  "Zorn und Täuschung,” meaning "Anger and Deception." At the time, I felt the German language sounded angrier than English, and I thought "Zorn" sounded cooler than “Anger.” 

How adolescent of me.

I was 16 years old when I wrote this piece; it’s definitely not my best work, but I do appreciate the melody. Another very bothersome aspect of this song is how much the Celloists butchered their part. I recall getting some constructive criticism from my classmates, some whom outright said “your music sucks,” and one of the chief complaints was that I needed to write a fun song to play. Well, I gave them exactly that and they couldn’t pull it off. And I loved every minute of hearing their mistakes. Call it, payback. How adolescent of ￼me.

This piece is fairly simple. The sections comprise of strings only, (Violins, Violas, Cellos, and Bass.) The piece is dedicated to the first woman whom broke my heart, but alas, she wouldn't be the last. I do feel bad channeling such anger and deception towards a person, regardless if they broke my heart or not. She was a violinist too, at that time but she was in a less-advanced orchestra at the time, being one grade lower than me. I regret being such a bully to her after the matter. But this song was created, nonetheless, out of the anger from a teenage boy who knew nothing about love, only lust. 

I feel bad about it to this day, so if you ever read this: know that I’m sorry, Cecilia. 

I’ve changed the name to call it what it is, which is simply just one angry chapter from a tale of adolescence.

The Works Vol. 1

Anger: A Tale of Adolescence

The title "Le destin est déjà écrit" derives from the French dialect which translates to "destiny is already written." 

This piece began as an aftermath to several key tragedies. On February 22, 2022, I met a very special person. We immediately became friends; and after a mishap of many misunderstandings and outside forces, we felt pressured into mutually ending that friendship, on May 22, 2022. 

I knew my friend would notice the title, "Le destin est déjà écrit" because my they speak English and French. I knew once they read it, they would know I'm okay and in the end, everything will be alright, because it was already written. The piece was written in C Minor in 6/8 time; and is comprised of: strings, choir, harp & keys, and percussion.

This piece began earlier this year, May 22, 2022 and completed on October 18, 2022. It's just 4 days shy of being a 5 month project which I've fiddled with and postponed on numerous occasions, due to other priorities, such as my career. As of today, October 18, 2022, I have been suspended from my job as a Security Cyclist, and without pay. 

Since completing "Amidst Chaos and the Nature of Humanity," in the summer of 2021, I've seen an increase in violence on the Las Vegas Strip. This became especially noticeable "after" during the pandemic. And for 2 years, the increase of violence is due to numerous reasons. Some of them are because: people were laid off, Small Businesses plummeted, safety concerns in the workplace at medical facilities. overworked employees, trouble in the family and household.

I stood up for myself because kindness wins in the end. Kindness is what saved a man from jumping off the rooftop level of Employee Parking Garage that I work for. The man had lost job. He lived in a very nice neighborhood and was ultimately abandoned by the love of his life. All of his valued possessions were stolen, after attempting to seek health at the numerous homeless shelters, which are terribly policed and structured. 

When you have nothing they have nothing to lose. And we need to help them in any way we can, because most of us are one step away from being in their shoes. 

Kindness saves lives. Violence and anger sparks nuances and once the flame gets going, people get hurt or die. Recently, a homeless chef, whom just got laid off from his job, snapped and began a rampage of mass stabbings. 8 victims. 2 deaths. In the news report, they say the man was seeking assistance from numerous sources, including an interaction with Security. And according to the news, the suspect alleged the Security Guard told him to "jump in front of a train." It's very easy to dismiss it as "crazy" talk from a person who just committed a mass stabbing. 

I stood up for myself. I did what was right; and if I lose my job, so be it. It was meant to be; and perhaps it's time I remove myself from such a toxic and volatile workplace. 

This piece is inspired by all of these events because I firmly believe everything happens for a reason; and it’s terrifying. Most people won't believe it until they see it, and right now I'm exactly where I need to be just as everyone else. Every act needed to happen. 

Little by little the world is beginning to be enlightened by the cruelty of vicious traditions. We need to look into history to seek a better future, but until then we need to live in the moment and not judge people. Let go of that hatred. It's okay to be angry, but don't let it consume you.

Destiny is already written. It’s frightening, yes, but perhaps it’s best you surrender to it’s power because it’s not for you to decide which hardships come what may. “All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us,” (Gandalf the Grey Wizard  as written by J.R.R. Tolkien).

- M.A.G. (October 18, 2022)

Fear Not What May Become

This piece began in the summer of 2022 where I had simply fiddled around with the main melody. I began composing it on December 7, 2022 and had anticipated its completion by the end of January. My life took an interesting course this winter and ultimately it was delayed. The piece is written in common time, D minor although I had hoped for this to be my first piece in a major chord since “Workshop of Joy,” but I got schooled by my maestro, the man who taught me the trade, that F major is D minor. This shows I have much to learn; but I never felt as though I perfected composition. Each piece I learn something new. It’s an experiment. I would like to believe I get better with each song I write, but again I have much to learn.

The piece is comprised of strings: 3 violin sections, viola, cello, and contrabass. The piece also includes: a percussion section, harp, piano, and a choir.

This song is a fight song. It’s about a battle. The ultimate bout. The final conflict. We against darkness. And that’s the keyword, “we.” We shall face this destructive endeavor together. The question is, when will we set aside our differences to get to that point?

It’s been 3 years to the date, March 15th, in which the shutdown from the pandemic occurred. Ever since then, it’s been a rollercoaster of extraordinary and unfortunate events. The war in Ukraine continues. The lake of my hometown is drying up, which means my city is dying. The virus is still out there, only we aren’t too keen to pay attention to it anymore. And we shouldn’t. Life will find a way through this massive endeavor. Appreciate the time that is given. The world has gone crazy and things are going to get worst, but the sun will still rise in the morning. Just remember, we are all in this shit together. It’s all one big storm in the vast blue ocean, surrounded by darkness. We may be on different ships, but we’re all in the same ocean together. And sometimes it feels you may have gone overboard, but that doesn’t mean you should give up. Keep swimming the aggravated swim. Upstream the aggressive stream of tides. We are capable. You are capable.

So just get up and keep going. Don’t give up. Don’t given into hatred. Don’t believe in the darkness that influences your own doubt. I believe in each and every one of you. Godspeed.

M-A-G

Anger: A Tale of Adolescence

Marco Antonio Gonzalez

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