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This week we're talking about literally one of the easiest things anyone could ever do: raise children. Over the course of the hour we go through a lot of the common mistakes idiots make when trying to raise children, along with our solutions, along with a discussion about a troubled young person named Justin Bieber and the advice of Francis L. Thompson who claims to have raised 12 kids to not only be perfect children, but also excellent hot rod mechanics.

Raising Children

Back to the Island is a podcast re-visiting one of our favorite shows, Lost completely out of order and trying to remember what went right and what went wrong. This episode we watch Slaughterhouse Five, except it's with Desmond though.

001 - The Constant (Ep. 4x05 w/ Tim Daniels)

This week we’re talking about the hot new website Twitter.com! We also spend an inordinate amount of time talking about a Morrissey Twitter account that turned out later in the week to be fake. From now on we’ll wait until the absolute last minute to record as always to make sure all of our facts are straight.

Hey! We're coming to the UK and Ireland in less than a month! Get all the info and buy tickets at tcgte.com/tour.

Twitter

The second night in Manchester as part of last year's UK/Ireland tour! Hear us talk all about crazy conspiracy theories from the internet, play games with the audience and solve problems LIVE on stage!

If you're in Ireland or England there's still time to grab tickets! (Sorry Scotland, sold out.) Get all the info and buy tickets at tcgte.com/tour.

Tour Tickets

Conspiracy Theories (Night 2 in Manchester 2013)

This week we talk about the future of food, Soylent. If you don't know, Soylent is a goo that was created by tech industry folks that provides all the nutrients your body needs [probably], eliminating the need to eat regular food. It seems really weird, and the dude who invented it sounds kind of like a jerk. We discuss this, and also Tom gets angry at people who call pasta sauce "gravy."

In a new installment of Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems, we help out a young person who has trouble scheduling a study schedule.

Oh, and hey, Manchester and London: We are in your cities this week! There are still some tickets available and we would love to see you. Go to tcgte.com/tour for more info!

Soylent

This week we talk about Charles Manson, a man famous for horrible things. Please be warned: Tim and Tom share what may be a somewhat controversial opinion: we don't like him. We make no apologies for this fact.

Also we talk about old department stores and giving gum to the animals at the zoo! We also introduce our brand new segment "The Complete Guide Mailbag." Get in on the fun by sending us mail! Here's our address:

The Complete Guide to Everything
P.O. Box 395
Greenpoint
Brooklyn, New York 11222-0395

This episode is brought to you by Audible. For a free 30 day trial and an audiobook download of your choice, sign up at tcgte.com/audible.

Charles Manson

It’s Tim and Tom Talkin’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Except neither of them has seen the new movie, so mostly it’s just talking about the old movies, TV shows, video games, action figures, comic books, ice pops, pizza, etc. Also, Tim reveals what he played with as a child instead of action figures like a regular kid!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

If you're a person that uses the internet (and we suspect that you are), then one thing is for certain: you can't get enough MEMES!!!! In an episode we can't believe we haven't done in the past, Tom explains some of the most popular internet memes to a skeptical Tim. Naturally, this is followed by a fair amount of confusion, as well as a discussion of presidential hamburger-eating habits.

But first, we talk about how we're celebrating Labor Day 2014 and give a definitive answer to a classic airplane etiquette question. And in a new installment of Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems, we help out a guy who needs to choose between romancing a bunch of girls over the internet or saying with one girl in real life. 

This week's episode is brought to you by Audible. Get a free 30 day trail and an audiobook download of your choice by going to tcgte.com/audible.

Memes

This week we discuss the retirement of one of baseball's brightest stars, Derek Jeter. If you don't know anything about Derek Jeter, don't worry -- we bring you up to speed very quickly. We also talk about a few of the more surprising aspects of his life, some of which are pretty shocking.

But first, we discuss Tim's recent trip to Iceland, Tom's casting decisions for the Captain Marvel movie and the acclaimed film Rounders 2. And in a new installment of Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems, we tackle a question about a baby that says swear words.

Derek Jeter

This week we talk about the polarizing pop star Taylor Swift in a manner befitting two men in their 30s who have a tenuous grasp on what young people enjoy. We trace her career from her roots in country music to her current role as Global Welcome Ambassador for New York City, a place she has lived for 6 months. Oh well. Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate.

On this episode we also announce our Patreon campaign, which includes a new mini-podcast called Amazing Facts. If that sentence doesn't make any sense to you, check out tcgte.com/pledge for more info.

And Tom has a new book out! You can get it at tcgte.com/tom.

Support us on Patreon!

Taylor Swift

This week Tim just can’t stop talking about Florida, where he just got back from tour and where he did not go to Disney World. Also Tim’s body can’t process alcohol, there are now Cronuts at Dunkin Donuts, the return of a classic segment Mundane Bucket List and the guys solve a problem about what to do when adults want to be your friend.

You can help support TCGTE and get all kinds of cool rewards on Patreon at tcgte.com/pledge.

And Tom has a new book out! You can get it at tcgte.com/tom.

Pledge

Florida

The toy-giving season is coming up, and this week we're talking about the mother of all toy stores: Toys R Us. We talk about how difficult it was to get there as a child, the horrible idea of letting kids "test" toys while making their wish lists, the logistics of buying a video game as a child and FAO Shwarz, the high end toy store recently bought by Toys R Us. 

Also Tim has a foul smelling misadventure on the bus, Tom has some internet problems and we solve a problem about smoking cigarettes.

Hey, did you can support the show and get some cool rewards? Check it out at tcgte.com/pledge.

Support TCGTE

Toys R Us

This week we talk about the recent controversies surrounding Uber, the car service run by bros. This somehow leads to heated conversation about the development of a real life Hoverboard.

We also bring back the popular segment "A Particular Type of A****** You Didn't Know Existed Until The New York Times Pointed Them Out To You" and solve a listener problem from a young married woman.

You can help us out by going to podsurvey.com/guide and taking a short, anonymous survey about your interests. If you do it, you'll be entered into an ongoing monthly raffle for a $100 Amazon gift card.

Uber

This week we're talking the fizzy stuff. Ya know, soda. All kinds of soda, but mostly just the mainstream stuff from Pepsi and Coke. Also this week we answer a listener problem concerning a boyfriend who might have a name fetish.

Soda

This week we get in the holiday spirit and talk about Christmas trees. Tim helps Tom decide whether he should get a real tree that will make his dog sick and probably catch on fire, or a fake tree that will require him to empty out an entire room of his apartment for storage. 

We also take a look at reviews of classic books written by dumb children and solve a "problem" someone has because they get too much free wine.

If you're doing your holiday shopping on Amazon this year, consider using tcgte.com/amazon. It's the same old Amazon, but your buddies Tim and Tom get a cut.

Christmas Trees

Mars. The Red Planet. We've all heard of it, but how many of us have actually been there? The answer may surprise you. The answer is none. None of us have actually been there. But that's not going to stop us from talking about Total Recall, Terraforming, One-Way Trips, Biodomes and everything else you need to know about if you want to go to Mars.

Also we solve a problem about a listener's friend who raps all the time.

Support TCGTE!

Mars

It's Christmastime, so this week we're doing an episode about noted horror novelist Stephen King. This guy does it all: writes books, has movies made based on his books, produces miniseries based on the same books successful movies have already been based on, and predicts the future in the books written by his pseudonym.

Also, Tom gets a weird contraption for his back and we solve a problem from a listener who expects us to figure out his whole life for him.

Stephen King

2014 kinda stunk but it is our solemn duty to still recap it. This week we're talking all things 2014, along with bureaucracies, fingerprinting, North Korea and predictions for 2015, the year the hoverboard finally becomes a reality.

2014 Year In Review

From "animal style burgers" to burritos wrapped in quesadillas to unofficial McDonald's sandwiches with really disgusting names, we're talking about secret menu items this week. Ya know, for people who like to go into a fast food joint and order "off the menu."

Also, Tim explains the Gilmore Girls to Tom and we have a very special announcement regarding the Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems theme song!

Secret Menu Items

This week Tom joins a gym and has some very big plans for how the rest of his life will play out. Also, Tim is afraid of teens he sees on the bus. And in a new installment of Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems we solve a problem from a listener whose parents are potentially stealing his hard earned money.

This week's episode is sponsored by Audible. Get a free 30 day trial and an audiobook download of your choice by going to audiblepodcast.com/everything.

complete guide

Marjie Dewitt