NatweezY - Revelation [Mixed by Deprinx Beatz].mp3

Turning blue in the shower

On March 25, 2015...My mother suffered a stroke that landed her in the hospital with limited ability to speak and left-side paralysis of her body. I created this track based on my last solitary moment with her there. I decide to wash her hair for the first time; even though I'd washed thousands of people's hair in my profession. She seemed at ease, as I gently ran my fingers thru her sparse gray locks. She just stared out into the bright-blue, sunny sky, while clutching  a small glass heart I'd given her the night before.  I could see thru her beautiful hazel eyes, that there was so much she wanted to say... but couldn't. Yet, I knew how comforting this small gesture was to her. Not having her hair washed, was one of her biggest pet peeves when staying in a hospital. So I knew this was a special moment for us both.  After grooming her hair, I sat beside her and held her only functioning bruised hand. Her fingertips massaged the tip of the glass heart I gave her with what little energy she had left. Her eyes puddled with tears, as I reached over to kiss her forehead and whispered delicately in her ear...."I Love you Momma."

"Do you remember the last time I was with you in this hospital almost 20 years ago, when you had a secret hysterectomy? You were under Anesthesia in the Operating Room and I took an Xray of your abdomen not knowing it was you."  

I was a Radiographer then... estranged from my Mom because she left me to fend for myself at 18 when she found out I was Gay. I didn't know it was my Mom behind the operation bed draping, until I saw the name on her patient chart. I was traumatized! Her abdomen was split wide open and her insides where laying on her chest, while everyone in the Operating Room waited for the developed film to be displayed. I glanced over the sterilized draping to confirm my disbelief. Once the OR staff heard me say "Oh GOD, that's my MOM!"  I was quickly removed from the Operating Room and told to wait for her to be transferred to the recovery room.  Within 30 minutes I was being paged back to the OR because my Mom didn't want to wake up from the surgery.  

"We hadn't spoken for years." I continued.  "The Surgeon asked me to call out your name LOUDLY, to wake your from your deep sleep. I kept screaming out Momma. When you finally opened your eyes, you were so disoriented and visibly upset. You asked why I was yelling at you.  I said you were in the hospital and just had surgery. You looked around the room and insisted that you were not. You claimed you were on a journey to Heaven and that my shouting interrupted you." Tears rolled down her pale, velvety cheek, like the morning dew on a precious flower petal.   

"From that moment on, as you aged into your quietly pained life, you kept reminding everyone that You weren't supposed to be here. For years I  felt guilty for waking you up that day... But, GOD had other plans for you Momma.  You got to see your grandchildren, great-Grandchildren and gifted so many people with love and care... including me. You are the strongest Woman I've ever known. In fact, I know you're fighting really hard right now to stay alive.  But, if all of this is too much pain for you... if you want to let go Momma... It's OK. I forgive you for every hurtful thing you did to me in the past, because I KNOW YOU LOVE ME."  

I can see her struggling to speak, as her oxygen-deprived colored lips quivered; But the tears in her eyes said it all. I kissed her hand ever so gently. "Hush Momma... Don't say a word." I said. 

She closed her moistened eyes peacefully, as her grip on the glass heart lessened... then slowly released it into my palm.  I kissed her lightly on the forehead, as the sweet aroma of Moroccan Oil Conditioner calmed my senses.  She never woke up again... RIP MOMMA.

HUSH Momma

Emotions

This track was created purely by accident, inspired by a vibe I was feeling. While working with my drum machine, I was editing and slicing up my own samples when I inadvertently chopped up and rearranged a powerful bass line. I was also manipulating and recording some synth sounds, looping them, and managed to create a nice mix. I recorded a one-minute video jamming to it and became instantly hooked. Not wanting to lose the vibe, I quickly opened Logic and started recording directly to the master track. 

I listened to the recording the next morning and still liked it, so now I’m excited to share it with you. I'm new to sampling and don’t usually create drum and bass or break beats, but I tried to stay true to the genre while keeping the song ever-evolving for the listener. While bouncing this jam, I had a vivid memory unlocked in my mind from my younger days. A friend and I were driving home on a cold night after a jazz basketball game. A thick fog blanketed the valley, creating an eerie yet beautiful atmosphere. We could barely see on the freeway as the fog enveloped the lampposts, making everything look hyper-futuristic. In the other lane, we could see sirens flashing by. We were in awe of the scene and talked about it while making it home safely. This song captures that vibe perfectly.

Sirens in the Fog

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June Mainstage Mix

Play it Again

rainbow of emotions

homeland

John Beltran - Nitric


When the city tilts on its axis and the streetlights hum like they know your name, this is the sound that spills out of the cracks. Sideways isn’t clean, it isn’t polished—it’s the moment you lean against the wall at 3 a.m., feeling like the universe could fold in on itself and you wouldn’t even flinch. Chicago static, rain-slick asphalt, a pulse that drags you forward even when you don’t want to move.

This is for the ones who feel the night stretch thin and keep walking anyway.

#electronic #idm #postpunk #ambient #experimental #noir #chicago #incognitoarcade #sideways #reeltoreal #soundcloud

Sideways.m4a

Producer of space rock, experimental lo-fi, House, EDM, vaporwave and synth-wave.

Sirens in the Fog

Mark Antares

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