This is a demo for a song that we never got around to recording.  Possibly because it's just not very good.  It's a straight up parody of "Heaven Is A Halfpipe" by long forgotten 00s band OPM.  And it's all about the English county of Devon.  I've been there once.  I don't really remember it that much.  It's just me (Mat)  singing so enjoy that eh.  I couldn't find a way to recreate the original instrumental so I made my own version using "Impeach The President" by the Honeydrippers, which is a classic hip hop drum loop.  I then made up the rest of it on the ole synth (RIP).  To our non-English listeners, you'll have to Google a lot of the references.  'Arf is short for half by the way.  I suppose it's quite an English statement "Ooh, Devon isn't half nice" meaning it's quite nice.  Maybe just listen to the song and messages us with any questions.

Demos

Devon Isnt 'Arf Nice (Demo)

This is the original demo version of 'I Touch Myself' which at that time was called 'ITM' (which also stands for 'I Touch Myself').  This is a very different version!  It features all 4 of us, it doesn't have the "My hand is my lover" chorus - instead it uses the sample of 'Weird Al' Yankovic from 'Polka Your Eyes Out', and it doesn't have all of the extra 'Rockerfella Skank' production that Ed Solo added on the version from the 'Tougher Than Trevor' EP.  I wasn't going to upload this but upon listening to it now it's like when you buy a Deluxe Edition of an album and it has a weird new / old version of a song that you know really well and you think 'Well, this version is a bit rubbish but also kinda amazing too'.  Well I like it.  The song.  Not touching myself.  Can it be both?

Gangbangers & Mash

ITM aka I Touch Myself (Original 4 Verse Demo Version)

This song is an absolute mess.  It's a really early MPH song... probably 1997ish?  It's supposed to be a G-Funk song about how G-Funk is rubbish.  It's a really nerdy fan boy song which features way too many references to G-Funk albums which you might or might not know anything about.  But then it's also about pretending that you're a b-boy even though you live in West Sussex.  It's quite funny I suppose.  Beats sings the chorus - anyone who knows G-Funk will know that it was the beginning of the end for Hip Hop... too much r'n'b singing.  Hence Beats squealy singing.  AND the music was done on MUSIC on the PS1  (like all the best MPH songs were).

I Remember G Funk (From the MPH Archive Collection ;) )

Err.  It's just Bucks Fizz and Roni Size samples.  Not really an MPH song but it was made at the same time.  And I'm not putting it on the Missing Cat page as I can't remember the log in details.  Sorry about the extreme panning of the drums... I thought it was hilarious at the time.  Try it with headphones.  It'll blow your mind, man.  xx

Mat Is Great

Speed It Up

Another demo for y'all that never made it any further.  It would have been a parody of Dr Dre's 'Forgot About Dre' with each verse about various Daves.  A bit like 'Dead Tony's' I suppose.  This one didn't make it any further than my verse which is about David Bellamy.  I think Drew was going to do a verse about either Attenborough or Benson-Philips.  I don't know if we ever discussed it with Beats!  Drew wrote the chorus.  (Drew always writes good choruses).  The music was recreated (reasonably well I think) on Garageband.

Mat's Album

Forgot About Dave (Demo)

A song about how tough we all are.  Featuring A-Dub.

"I'll bite your head off, My Gingerbread Man
I'll eat your face if, you're teddy bear ham
From garden centres, I'm always getting barred
But they can't stop me, I dreamed that I was hard.

I'll call you names, my insults are profound
I'll shout and swear if, my mum isn't around
My random outbursts, catch you off your guard
But they can't stop me, I dreamed that I was hard".

I Dreamed That I Was Hard

A song about how tough we all are. Featuring A-Dub.

"I'll bite your head off, My Gingerbread Man
I'll eat your face if, you're teddy bear ham
From garden centres, I'm always getting barred
But they can't stop me, I dreamed that I was hard.

I'll call you names, my insults are profound
I'll shout and swear if, my mum isn't around
My random outbursts, catch you off your guard
But they can't stop me, I dreamed that I was hard".

No Time To Sort Out My Pasta Bake

Last track from the 'Phil At Will' EP. (The other two being 'I Dreamed That I Was 'Hard'' and 'Star Baker').  We've delayed putting this one out... Unitil NOW!

It's a song about being in a job you hate.  All of our verses are about working in a miserable office (who's not been there?).  Thankfully I don't work in an office now (and I hope I never have to again).

This is the original mix.  There's also a remix on it's way!

I'm Quitting My Job

Remix of the final song from 'Phil At Will' EP.

Please read the notes about the previous song.  I'm not writing it all again!  Apart from the fact that this ISN'T about our current jobs.  You know how it is...

I'm Quitting My Job (Healthy Mum Remix)

Hissy Fit

All good rappers have songs about other peoples mums. This is ours. The backing vocal during the chorus is 'She smells of cabbage, she smells of cabbage'. It's quite hard to sing that high. So I thought you might like to know. We had a terrible time trying to sing it... there's a couple of tracks on this album where you can hear just how hard it is. Pretty embarrassing really. Drew wrote the chorus. It's pretty good.

Your Mum Smells Of Cabbage

This is a true(ish) story... well at least it was inspired by some woman who got trampled to death by a herd of cows in a field in Lyminster.  They also trampled her dog so it is pretty true.  The ragga style chant in the chorus is provided by Neil 'Beatz Bartlett and is indeed complete bollocks.  People have asked what he was saying during the years and the answer is indeed... nothing.  He just thought it sounded reggae ish so that's what is.  Good eh?

The Cowz Are Gonna Get Ya

Lots of our songs are of course about the ancient art of masturbation and none so more than this one.  Which is completely about masturbation.  It's loosely based around Fatboy Slim's 'Rockerfella Skank'.  In fact,  at one point, our then manager, Dave tried to get us to call it 'the Rockerfella Wank' but that's really not a great title.  Big obvious really.  So yeah. That's 'ITM'.

I Touch Myself

Parody of Coolio's 'Gangstas Paradise'... I'm aware that 'Weird Al' has already done it but in England we don't have a lot Amish so this is for all of us. I've always found this an awesome song to start with because of Neil's line 'It's cos I dont live in one cage, I live in two' which is quite prisony and also a bit animal rightsy. Anyway, enjoy.

Hamsters Paradise

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MASHED POTATO HEDZ - Hip Hop For Idiots

Mashed Potato Hedz (MPH) was first started ages ago in West(side) Sussex when 3 idiots thought they were really funny but actually werent. 

A fourth one was added and they recorded a load of really immature songs that appeal to 15 year old boys and people with brain damage and hardly anyone else. 

They played gigs that were good and the other not so good and then recorded a load more songs.

The Mashed Potato Hedz (named after a scene in Weird Al Yankovic's cult movie "UHF") first started recording rad hip hop craziness in the bedroom of Alex "A-Dub" Woodford in the late 1990s, when A-Dub, Neil "Beatz" Bartlett and Mat "Just Mat" Pitman put down their tea cups and picked up mics. SO that's long before your Goldie Lookin Chains, your MC Pitman and 50 Pence. They discovered a mutual love of mastabation (individually, not together), tea and hip hop and decided that hippity hop just wasnt funny enough.
The original wack(y) MCs realised that bedrooms were best for sleepin in and migrated to the living room of new member Drew "Drewman" aka "Drewvis" Bristow. After several successful recording sessions, the band (whilst on a shopping trip to Brighton) popped in to see their friend Martin who'd changed his name to Krafty Kuts and was DJing some mad Big Beat stuff around Brighton. They gave him a tape of the garbage they'd been turning out. And he played it there and then. A local wheeler dealer was in the store at the time and heard the beats and insane lyrics. He then forced the band to record with him and play a gig.
During this time they saw the departure of founding member A-Dub who went off to have a successful career doing Horrorcore Hip Hop (whatever that is). Shortly afterwards came the "Tougher Than Trevor" EP and a live gig in Brighton. Both rocked various houses, schools and, later, a pub.
After the huge buzz and wide spread praise of these releases came the guys second tho never bothered to finish properly album "Oh Jeremy, It's Those Boys Again" (in exists in full as a kind of demo / slash lofi-hiphop-comedy classic. Whilst not as instant as the previous two releases (less knob jokes), the album featured some really messed up songs and has become known as "The Pauls Boutique Era".  
The band performed another gig at The Beach Club on the same bill as Peshay, Dett & Skibadee and Mark Rae! Fancy eh? Unfortunately, the cool people didnt really get three twats in loud shirts and hair singing about Helen Daniels and threw bottles at them. Gits. They ran and so did former manager Dave. DO you blame him?
The days looked dark. And after much debating, they continued alone. A bit like the Littlest Hobo.
Next came the classic "Merry Christmas, Hairy Valarie" EP, which contained two non hip hop versions of Jingle Bells, an early version of "Your Mum Smells Of Cabbage" and the ... ummm... unforgettable "Pillow Song" - Neil's ode to humping a pillow.
During a turbulent time for the band, Neil was unavailable due to, ahem, 'other commitments' which resulted in the EP "Exercising Every Muscle" which featured the Drew & Mat song "Skool" and the Indestructible Peanuts Of Mary remix of  an early previously unissued monologue performed by Neil called "My Fitness Record Sheet".
Glad tidings came with Bartlett finishing his 'evening class' and a new album soon followed. "How Hard Is It To Go Back To Someone Who Has Seen You Naked And Say That You Were Wrong" (AKA "Hat"). Featured a brand new version of the half finished "Hamsters Paradise", a remix of the classic, unissued demo "Dead Tonys" and several brand new recordings.

August 2013 Update....

Now MPH are back in 2013 after 10 years.  Three new songs were recorded, celebrating Neil's 40th Birthday.  This includes two songs with original founding A-Dub.  Check em out.  We might do more.

April 2015 Update....

We're back again!  New EP this year!  Woooo

Popular tracks by Mashed Potato Hedz (MPH)