Coming back to this after 3 or so years. The last verse is great. There are a lot of things I disagree with, like the painting of therapy in a bad light, but what do I know, I do DBT not CBT. I'm sure most of this comes from personal experience in some way, shape, or form. You made this song a little more than five years ago, I'm curious if your opinion's changed :0? The final verse is accurate beyond words. My angst and desire to not be alive should not take away my rights and lock me in a building with psychos. Every night you stare up at the ceiling saying I just want to go home. It's more of a punishment than help. I find myself not going through with attempts because I have the fear that if I fail, I'll be forced into another horrible week Three Rivers.

reminds me of teeth by cage the elephant which makes me wonder if the elephant lyrics are a reference to it

inside outside upside down

<3

sleeping through weekends
sleeping through weekdays
sleeping through family events
i just don't care

sleep through the alarm clock
sleep until my heart stops
sleep until i don't wake
fighting my fear of death

fighting my fear of death
fighting my fear of death

sleeping in guest rooms
sleeping depressed, too
sleepwalk out to the bridge
i'll jump one day

sleep to avoid things
sleep and act dead
said you'll wake me up soon well
what are you waiting for?

what are you waiting for?
what are you waiting for?

sleep

for the girl I just fell for.

I only met her yesterday. 
She said it was nice to meet me. 
And I would've said the same 
if the floor was still underneath me, 
but I left it with that greeting. 
Though fleeting, I would’ve fallen there
if I didn't notice that I responded 
with an awkward stare.
I said, “Hi.” 
But I wanted to say, 
“Your eyes are amazing,
a maze I want to get lost in until I die. 
Like I'm sure the angels join you when you cry, 
and I'm sure they rejoice again when you smile.” 
But I'll save that for another time.
She laughs. And I can't tell if it's at me, 
or 'cause I'm actually making her happy. 
Exactly thirty seconds have past me, 
and I'm already at the flower shop,
thinkin’ if I should take these roses out or not. 
Like I've been thinkin’ way too hard about this.
I don't even need to write a song about this.
I don't wanna always have you on my mind 
but I know deep down inside

I'd walk five hundred miles 
to fall down at your doorstep.
Can't explain the feeling that you give me.
But all I know is I just want some more.

Saw her for the second time. 
She said she hopes that she sees me soon.
And I don't know what that means to you. 
But it seems to me that we've 
got something up both our sleeves 
and I think I catch a glimpse of it 
every time that you leave. 
Both of the times that you left, 
I wanted you to come back. 
And I just hope you feel the same. 
I don't mean to have you all inside my brain. 
But you've really got me chained. 
I even saw you in my dream. 
Tell me have I gone insane 
or am I just in lucky situations? 
Seein’ a girl like you 
two times two days in a row.
If you're ready to ride, 
then I'm rarin’ to go.
But let's take it slow. 
'Cause I've been thinkin’ way too hard about you.
I don't even need to write a song about you.
I don't wanna always have you on my mind 
but I know deep down inside

500 miles [prod. by mr. master]

a song that functions as a coping mechanism

maybe i'll leave home today and drive or walk around
i could meet some friends for dinner at a restaurant downtown
but something tells me it's a bad idea to outside
that little voice inside my head that whispers "you might die"

maybe i'll get out of bed and go down to the store
i could buy a couple candy bars or bleed out on the floor
i'm so prone to accidents and awkward little habits
i don't wanna leave my room, i wanna hide out in my attic

i am afraid of everything
i run away from everything

i think i'll go out tonight, and maybe see a movie
'cause there's so much to fear in life, but also so much beauty
i know that my condition is difficult, alright
but i'm sick of letting all my friends believe that they're disliked

so i'm gonna leave my house today
i'm gonna say all that i need to say
and i'll talk to strangers and compliment them
to prove to myself that i'm strengthened again

i am okay with everything
i'll be okay through anything

anxiety; self-reliance

I didn't know I could rap, who knows maybe I still can't. Click "more" for free download.
Instrumental available upon request.

Lyrics: I found myself daydreaming again it's no surprise
It's been like two days since I closed my eyes
No that's a lie
One day, twelve hours, six minutes, give or take a few
I'm creepin' in the night like a gumshoe
Steady losing revenue
My rent's already overdue but what am I supposed to do
I've only got bars when I'm in cages
A teenage slave to the wages
and god only knows I don't make shit off these pages
If I eat any less you'll see my rib cage its
Such a shame to see these kids with real passion cash-in just to buy the latest fashion
And their life flashes past in a dull nine to five
We're all just trying to thrive
But most can only survive
On the breadline, or slightly above average
And only a select few live lavishly
They probably see my lines as brattish
I don't care, I'm simply sharing
Observations made from some,
Floppy haired, scatter-brained insomniac
Sadsack, crackerjack, unknown like the zodiac killer
Cruzin' through my life with the poetry rife
And slashing beats like I'm wielding a knife
I make my own shit 'cause I'm to shy to try a cypher
Or find a nice girl and try to wife her
But let's be real, I'm spitting fire, 
The flames burn higher with every skill I acquire these flows are quite desirable
But it doesn't really matter,
The truth of the matter is it pays to be a whack rapper
A gum flapper, with a mouth full of beads, 
Chatting shit like how they got bitches sipping their seeds, 
Like the origins of oranges, it's way too much, like porn jizz
Aw shit,
You got me sad 'cause now I gotta mourn this beat because I killed it.

Gumshoes

I have had this EP hanging over my head for more than a year, and these are the only songs that I'm truly happy with. I got sick of it not being released, and I'm over working on it, so here you go! I hope you all enjoy! I will also soon have this released on bandcamp for anyone who is interested in downloading <3

anatomy

One more single from the KA$TRO x Mowgli tape! This weeks tracks feature's the super dope https://soundcloud.com/atwoodotj from https://soundcloud.com/offthejump. We getting jiggy over here, join the party!

NEW RELEASES EVERY SUNDAY ON MY PAGE!

Follow https://soundcloud.com/kastrosplace
Follow https://soundcloud.com/atwoodotj
Follow https://soundcloud.com/offthejump

I woke up feeling jiggy, Will Smith kicking
Bitch I aint got alot but im real good living
got some cheddar in the bank, and some real good spinach
Shit cant nobody stop me boy im still gon finish

woke up with my cheddar, no holes no swissing
Look I been living good, I fucked 14 women
smoking smoking when I got it, good dro good spinach
man if this was in 04, then my phone got minutes
or my beeper steady beeping in the 90s with my denim
boy I'm fresher than the prince, and im flyer than a pigeon
I go back in any era you can find me with some women
in the sixties with the hippies, smoking doobies blowing kisses
im that dapper fresh cracker with swagger
20's I'm macking on flappers
she back it up I attack it
tap that Gene Kelly click clacking
back in the old school, kicking that new shit
the stuff that them old heads is saying aint music
that sick like the flu spit, that slept on they snoozing
i been sinking battleships bitch i spit with some loose lips
grew up on television I sleep with it on 
and when I get up in the morning I wake up to this song


Atwood
I woke up feelin jiggy
Smoke up, eat my veggies
Hol up, bitch get ready
I told them dudes they ain't ready
One chick is reppin Giuseppe 
The other's in a spaghetti strap
One just got a pedi
The other's sitting inside my lap
All in my zone when i be kickin with mo
He brought a ounce of the dope
I got the heat for the smoke
We got the beat from young $TRO
I'm tryna get it and go
I'm really chopping like i run it
Tryna make it to the function. Yuh

What the fuck you talking bout
I don't box em out
I knock em out
And now they down
I spit that shit yeah i got a potty mouth
I'm click clackin like i got the polish out
I'm from the dirty south you got a gaudy style
I hit the j like yeah bitch we ballin now
They lovin how i flip shit upside down
Funny I'm ahead when i block em. POW
Rollin thru the street with the same old same old
Funny how peeps gonna hate on hate on
Bitch u a wreck but i got state farm
He aint eatin and i aint gotta prey for him
Comin in hot with that ol' lil wopty
Send them hoes home hit the bed and fall asleep
Even in my dreams boy i keep on flossing
Feeling godly
Shining they aint gon stop me like

Will Smith ft. Atwood (Prod by KA$TRO)

4:44 got me thinking.

Don’t talk to me, I’m an asshole and I mask 
it as being bashful. I made a big mistake. 
I cut a lot of people off to do this shit this great and I 
think about it every single day. Why would I ever 
forget? Why would I lie and say there’s nothing I’ma ever 
regret? A lot of apology texts I haven’t written yet. 
You’d think I’d have no feelings with all this talk of the internet, 
but I can’t tell where the truth starts and the lyrics end. 
Like I’m supposed to just let this music fade in and 
laugh at it until I make it. Like I’m supposed to just keep 
pursuing performing and yearning for these stages, but what 
happens when I look into the crowd and see their faces? Is nothing 
sacred? People you’ve known for years and you just 
disappear like nothing’s different here. You don’t deserve 
to have those friends again. Just stay in this self-imposed 
solitary confinement until the bitter end. What happened to 
love? What happened to trust? What happened to 
us? Alcohol in the cuts. Marijuana 
my lungs, I should be coughing up blood. 
I need to pick it back up. By myself. 
‘Cause guaranteed I won’t find any help in all these 
strangers who won’t entertain the lies I tell. I’ll start over 
and do better from here on out and carry 
the weight of every word that leaves my mouth. I 
changed. Whether it’s for the better, I’ll know eventually. 
Sacrifice myself to the entropy and blame it on the 
cards. Like that’s just how it was meant to be. Seems like a shaky 
kinda strategy but I guess we’ll see. I never stopped 
loving anyone, I just stopped showing up. How’s that excuse 
holding up? Maybe I’m just not old enough. 
Maybe when I finally settle and my soul is crushed and 
I’m truly alone, then I’ll know what’s up.

homecoming [prod. by mr. master]

thank you https://soundcloud.com/fcj_ph for being a bool dude and following through on a collab w me ily

this song is kinda crap
basically a one sided conversation i wrote and eh


i also did the art so like love me

Just Saying Hi. (prod. fcj)

press start. 

I see you walkin’ with him, 
hand in hand but it’s easy to see
that you’re not holding as tight. 
You say it’s worth it to play 
all the games he creates 
when it’s all just him not treating you right. 
You push it aside. Well, I cannot hide 
how much it hurts to be quiet
and know that you deserve more. 
I may be out of line,
but it’s been on my mind 
so if you’d be so kind
as to at least entertain just the thought 
of letting go, setting free, 
and giving all of you to me. 
I promise I would make everything 
just the way that you want it to be.

We both are so intertwined. 
Focus yours as the prime over mine.
I don’t know where to begin. 
All I see is stars when you’re near 
and my heart’s all I hear. Have no fear.
I’m here to rescue the rest of you from him. 
I won’t leave. You’re all that I need. 
I belong to you. Please, won’t you follow my lead? 
Take the chance of our lives
and don’t ever think twice 
‘bout what we leave behind.
We’ll shoot off into the sunset 
and wave the world goodbye.
Say good night. 
And in the morning, we’ll open our eyes 
and realize that the love that we longed for so long 
was sat right by our side.

animal crossing [prod. by mr. master]

smooth as a baby's bottom.

You walk around
like you're the only one who knows what's up on this side of town.
I gotta play it cool. Or I might lose you
to some undercover lover tryna get you under covers.
I let far too many slip under my radar.
But I don't see you ownin’ up to you.
We're both just tryna find our own lil path to paradise.
We try so hard.
We try so hard.
Through all this fussin' and fightin’.
You've got a heart made of gold
You're in the sky with the diamonds.
I'm starin’ up thinkin’ that none of it really matters
since you walked away.

I wait so long for you.

You got your high heels.
Watch it, take an eye out.
Wait until you find out what that's really worth.
She wants a nice bag strictly for the price tag.
Never look inside past the shine on that design on her shirt.
Where did you go when I need you?
Now all the walls we built together are see-through.
We've been at this way too long
for us to keep up this facade so strong.
Through all the libel and labels.
We lift the pieces back up to sweep it all of the table.
Baby, I've dealt with this as long as I'm able
but I can't take anymore.

Through all the sufferin' and sorrow.
You want my lovin’ today, you want me gone by tomorrow.
Still after everything, I'd beg steal and borrow
if I could see you again.

brenda [prod. by mr. master]

big up the riots.

Take Five playing on the loudspeaker 
as I ponder why I’m the only one 
pressing five for the elevator.
Second floor. Stop. Get off. 
Get back to your job. Don't stand still for too long. 
Third floor. Stop. Drop like flies.
Still I'm the only one tapping to the 5/4 time. 
Fourth floor. Stop. All clear as always.
The healthy don’t come near these hallways. 
Fall in for your assessment.
Lying on forms to make it seem less depressin’.
Question: if I’m this deluded, 
shouldn’t every devout Christian be here confessin’?
Shouldn’t my recognition of Dave Brubeck 
rule me exempt from the spectrum?
The system.
Caught between cognitive behavioural therapy 
and comfortable cognitive dissonance.
Book cover judging competition.
Diagnosis from the second they let you in.
Since when was being an individual 
a reason to be taking medicine?
Backwards how I’m paying for you to listen.
You should be paying me. I’m the musician.

I’m sick.
Sick of it.
Psychoanalyze me. 
Take a seat anywhere you’d like.

Smile for the selfie with the student in the elephant suit.
Elephants have evolved to have hands 
and pass out pamphlets on college campuses.
This just in: Wrist slits are now fashionable.
Suicide hotline song on the radio.
Call now and have your whole life saved for you.
Another flash in the pan trend 
to whip through susceptible youth.
You wish that song was about you.
Book an appointment 
to vomit your suburban sadness at a doctor.
Music to your own ears. Feel like you matter. 
Schedule a follow-up.
The goal of the appointment should be 
to get you to not schedule a follow-up.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
Let’s talk about the even bigger invisible elephant 
swallowing up the both of you.
If I tell a depressed person to get over it, it’s rude.
But when all’s said and done, it’s the one thing you need to do.

Jolted awake by a scream late at night.
New arrival. Strapped to a gurney like you were 
except she’s the reason why we tie your arms down.
Forty something, hoodie and boxers, 
pacing around the unit. Mumbling to his schizophrenia 
about how he doesn’t belong here.
Emergency lock the doors at lunchtime.
The man who made so much progress in group 
is now assaulting one of the nurses. 
Thinking maybe my high school teen angst 
isn’t a valid enough justification for us to be sharing a bedroom.
Quit pulling the mental health card and suck it up.
I’m not crazy.
I just think I have a future being an artist.

Locked in.
They don’t let you out ‘cause you might escape.

sick! [prod. by mr. master]

clairvoyance.

Consider this a time capsule. 
Open it on the night I propose.
See how far down my rabbit hole of a life goes. 
Love.
Speaking as me from the past, 
I can’t wait to live the rest of my life with you as my last. 
I started today. 
I read the first page of a novel 
with plans to make you laugh someday 
pointing out all the plot holes.
I can’t wait for tomorrow. 
I need to hit the mall so I can buy 
a new sweater that you’ll always borrow.
I even dragged myself into the gym 
so when you see me for the first time, I’ll be thin. 
Drinking more water.
Eating more vegetables and acai. 
Might go vegan if it means 
that we both have longer lives, I’m game.
My compass is on a whole other decade. 
I saved us two seats when the Olympics come to LA. 
Just you wait ‘til this music thing blasts off.
That or I’ll have an actual job. 

‘Til then, I’m buildin’. 
Beat down Beelzebub. 
I cut the smoke out. 
I keep myself up. 
I’m plantin’ seeds now. 
See how they swell up. 
So when you finally do come around 
and turn my life upside down, 
I’ll be ready.

I'll be ready
So when you finally do come around 
and turn my life upside down,
I’ll be ready.
I'll be ready.
Already?

To whom it may concern. From a poet. 
This poem is about you and neither of us know it. 
Busy reminiscing about the memories we’ve yet to make.
I already own the shoes I’ll wear on our second date. Set. 
Thoughts of you visiting make me clean my room.
Make my bed so it’s neat when I’m sleeping beside you.
I’m already singin’ all of your other songs. 
I even got a bowl for the dog. 
Picket fence. Front lawn. 
Don’t need to worry then. Don’t need to worry now.
Focus on makin’ a me today that’ll make you proud.
We’re both starin’ at the same night sky, 
prayin’ for stars to align. 
Bring us to the same place at the same time.
Every step I take is one closer to you
and every day I live is new and a chance to improve.
Smiling at our smiles in the pictures we took. 
Only thing is I still need to learn to cook, 

but ‘til then I’m buildin’. 
Beat down Beelzebub. 
And I’ll have alife for myself to appreciate if nobody else does.
There’s a beautiful woman in my future. 
Maybe this song’ll help her get here sooner. 
'Cause I'm ready.

Already?
I'm ready.
So when you finally do come around 
and turn my life upside down,
I'll be ready.
Already?
I'm ready.

ready (already?) [prod. by mr. master]

Stressed out tendencies 
Tend to be a friend of me
Especially when im trying 
To get to sleep 

As i lay my head to bed 
I think of all the things you said and 
Realize im afraid of what i see 

Counting all those 123s
i lie and see all the sheep 
Im afraid of tidal waves
And the way you say my name 

The way i’d like to see it is 
Youre just a bad trip 
But when i close my eyes 
Its you who’s here by my side 

Stressed out tendencies 
Tend to be a friend of me 
Even though its not what i need 

What I need is company 
A hand to hold, a place to eat 
I now know it may be a reach 

Counting all those 123s
i lie and see all the sheep 
Im afraid of tidal waves
And the way you say my name 

The way i’d like to see it is 
Youre just a bad trip 
But when i close my eyes 
Its you who’s here by my side

But heres the thing with you and me 
I wont get overwhelmed it seems 
Im done with it,  youre kicked out after 3 

So i count all those 123s 
So i count all those 123s 

Counting all those 123s
i lie and see all the sheep 
Im afraid of tidal waves
And the way yous say my name 

The way i’d like to see it is 
Youre just a bad trip 
and when i close my eyes 
Youre finally absent from my side

123s (demo)

shoutout jeff bernat.

Why I always sit right next to you.
Why I ask for advice when I know full well what to do.
To hear your voice, see your smile, 
and say it's only there for me.
In the park, plucking petals. 
Guess we'll see.

Why I can’t help reaching for your hand.
And we're both fourteen. 
Girl, we don't need to understand.
Let's take a walk, let's get a bite.
Let's do anything at all.
My handlebars’re waitin’. 
Baby, just make that call.
If you wonder why I love you.

Hey. I actually wanted to ask you something.
I was wondering if… Well, how was your weekend?
I haven't seen you since Friday.
I was thinking about you the whole time since Friday.
What were you doing?

Hey. I kinda wanted to talk to you
about something personal. 
Can we go somewhere private?
No, it's not that serious. 
There's just too many people here.

Hey. Look, I don't know how else to put this
but I just think you're really cool, 
and I think you're really funny,
and I think you're really pretty 
and I don't know what my problem is.

Hey.
Fine. How was yours?
Cool. Bye.

Why I love to give you flowers on a Wednesday,
12 dozen roses at your door.
Or even light some candles when you come over for dinner,
I wouldn’t mind to light a billion more.

Or how I like to wake up and see you with no make up,
I’d still give you a ring the way you are.
Or stay up on the phone late at night when you’re alone,
looking out the window gazing up at stars.

So if you’re wondering why I do the things that I do,
honestly I don’t know what to say.
All these questions and answers, I just like to have her,
every moment every single day.

sick! [prod. by mr. master]

mr. master

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