I feel that I've hit bottom

I've come to a crossroad in my life

The left side is existence

The right side is where I die



As I grapple with this lunacy

I relish with delight

The power I possess to revoke this shattered life



Another sleepless night in this forced sodomy we call life

Like an apple as red as blood, until I take a bite

And the bitterness overwhelms my palate, I have been deceived

The dreams that now escape me are forever out of reach



The bells of agony are pealing

With disharmonious bliss

My mind is left void of feeling

My coil is now spiritless



I torment myself with this disenchantment that I feel

The bed that I've made

Is draining the life from me



I've sent up every red flad and exhausted every warning

I've been meticulous in my wake and surpassed my state of mourning

To carry all this weight I have grown too weak

I'm drowning in a sea of my own anxiety



As I view the tool I've chosen for death

I reach for its poison and exhale a deep breath

Cylinders of hatred to tear through my skull

Golden they glow, so wicked and small

These pills of lead are my only friends

They'll grant me the gift of a quick, painless end

Each one is grinning and begging of me

To be the one to become part of me

The frigid steel burns cold on my flesh

As I chamber a round I settle my hands

This demon of death lies idle and waits

To set free its hammer and unleash its rage



I now sit here all alone, save my new found friends

Perched on the edge of my bed with the barrel against my head

With just one twitch of my finger the torment will come to an end

The one thing I hadn't counted on were the thoughts of family and friends



Despite all of my problems there are those for whom I care

To them it would make a difference if I weren't there



So I've clawed my way through another day

But I know tomorrow will be worse than yesterday

This temorary solution won't make this shit go away

With my head in my hands, the cycle starts again

Sea of Deprivation- The Cycle of Misery

No more brilliance in my laugh.
No more warmth in my smile.
No more gleam of hope in my eyes.
Only pockets filled with sorrow.
My fall from grace,
To a place I cannot face.
Where the air is cold and moist,
No salvation but my voice.
Like a disaster wrapped in pain,
I watch my world fall out of me.
My dignity spills away, 
And emptiness takes it's place.
My mind subdues to shame,
And emptiness takes it's place.
Leaves me numb and hollow,
A void wrought by disgrace.
I've lost a part of me,
That there's no way to replace,
When comfort blends to confidence,
To a sense of self worth.
To a state of near happiness,
Where inhibition is divorced.
Intoxication masks humiliation,
Impaired by an unseen force.
Like a dog that's just been beaten,
I will always come back for more.
Self-fulfillment of these prophecies,
Leaves me crippled with remorse.
So I abhor…….
So I abhor…….
So I abhor…….
So I abhor…….
Without this sense of misery I would not be me.
Without the sweet embrace of agony I would lose everything that is close to me.
What an unfortunate feeble existence,
Is this the life we all have to lead?
Isolation, indignation, desolation,
Progression indeed.
Without the fear of rejection,
I could amass some esteem.
Without a positive self-reflection,
I'm only left to hate everything.
Why do I carry on this charade?
With every silver lining is someone else's pain.
Why do I wake up every day?
When I know it will always be the same.
Nothing will replace the things that could have been. 
Nothing will erase the moment they slipped through my fingers.
I sit high, 
On my throne.
The king of despair.
All alone…..

Sea of Deprivation- So I Abhor…

The war is not over
The battlefields changed
I am waiting to die
Bodies butchered piles of meat
Suppressed visions of war
Malformed baby
Nagging wife
A ruined mental state
No money got no food
New York nightmare
Where one torture ends another begins
I am waiting to die

Meth Drinker - Combat Shock

A never ending corridor
Windowless
Vile smells of rancid oil and almonds
Scuttling
Running
A fly trapped against
A dirty windowpane
Shrunken head
Dingy flickering lights of utter panic
Serrated corridor

Meth Drinker - Serrated Corridor

Bitter taste of bloody stench
Loss of all feeling
Non-existent void of grotesque
Shadow throbbing and clenched
Body rigid and hooked
Aching teeth bared and clenched
Pounding skull realisation
Skull and spine out of line
Squelching of fluid
Syringe in skull
Blood matted hair
The bitter taste of blood is still there

Meth Drinker - Skull Smashing Concrete

Did you ever have one of those days?
From the moment you woke up nothing went your way
I know that you have, everybody does
Your life isn't perfect, and it never was

Every little thing goes wrong
Frustration builds as time drags on
24 hours never felt so long
You can't wait for this day to be gone

You'll make it through you know you will
Despite all those you want to kill
Life goes on and so will you
Many more days of misfortune

Grief - One Of Those Days

Carol ann- Track 3

Shackled down hands and feet
Radiation subjection
Bombs of plague bearing fleas
Injected with cyande and burned
Agonal rabid beathing
Spasmodic convulsions reign
Writhing in misery
Sufferers dissected alive
Killer in a white coat﻿

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