so fucking frustrated

lolz.m4a

I wake up upset
my balls stick to my legs
my texts they stay on read
and my bed is covered in sweat 

so I start my day
with a drugged brain
and this feeling of DREAD
that is stuck in my CHEST
cause i cant stay AWAY 

so i get up and go
theres not much more i can do
I'm stuck inside this room
I mean a cage
I'll meet my doom 

cause I'm so tired of waking up at 5
just to go to sleep at 9
just to wake up feeling fine
Just to keep away these suicidal thoughs
and you keep running through my he
just to disappear, then reappear in someone else's bed

(2 year old song that went nowhere, but i got bored and sang it with random guitar one night. it was a bad place)

wake upset//get up and go

You'll talk to me
When I'm drunk and can't stand right 

At the corner store,
Don't feel right when im lookin for laundry detergent 

And the cashier can see that

...

(sometimes the person who picks up when you're drunk isn't the person you should call. sometimes the morning after is heavy)

you'll talk to me

The moon sun and stars
Never seemed so far 
When you're sitting in my backyard
Barefoot and careless 

So ill hold
All of that
may I ask
When you're gone
And im done

(you're not supposed to hear the words [headphones]
but if you can yes the last word is areolas. this is the last song about )




moon sun and stars

I don't know how to talk to you
or if you want me to
cause I dont know how to say the right words
and I know that hurts you

im just so scared of being
and I know you're scared too
I just don't want to be
the one who hurts you

(i hate this one. i put so much trust in someone new)

i dont know how to talk to you

who knew I would be so messed up
m trying to get up but this won't let up
and i dont want you to call
just cause you think that you have to
and i dont want you to talk
just cause you think that I want to

(a song about insecurities about substance abuse)

who knew

it used to be i wouldn't walk away
now it just seems thats all I do
these days
I feel so old so, disconnected
(I don't know how I lived my old ways)

(insecurities cause rapid, iron clad attachments sometimes. i dont know how i could have lived like that now.)

walk away

Say something
Say something
Say something I might forget
Say something I won't regret when its
Cold out
And You're still on my mind ill
Try to find the time to
Forget all your lines but
They're engraved in my brain
And I dont have much to say, I 
Think I'm wasting away
Cus 
All I do is wait 

Waiting on something to come
Hoping and praying for comfort
I want the best of you 
Cause you want best of me too
I want to see something through
I want my dreams to come true
Cause I've been
Wasting my whole life trying
To find something that's right but
Nothing feels quite right 

(some things are best as memories)


wasting

dumb ass shit song but a good way to end the album. a positive, albeit tone deaf conclusion.

i feel great

I only used to call
When you crossed my mind
Now I sit and stare
Knowing you used to care 

I know I fucked things up
The last time I was there 
But I felt so damn bad
I wanted you to be there 










sorry, t. i was caught up in my emotions and even though we finally had a moment of clarity, when i felt how much you finally wanted to be around me i selfishly only wanted to make you feel the way i had felt. i wish we talked more at the show and i wish i wouldnt have tried to drive home. maybe i wouldn't be where i am now, for better or worse. maybe you would've sang elvis to me again. your friend knew my emotional state; he could tell. maybe it was for the best, him protecting you, since you're now happy with someone. I think about it often, how he had manufactured me away from you making an emotional decision. but i wonder, had we had a chance to truly express those long and deep set emotions, would we be able to explore them and find a true outcome. but its selfish, me wanting closure when it seems like you've moved past even the need for such a thing. im a selfish person. but with you, i only felt selfless.

sorry

this account is for drafts and just general dumb shit. no serious attempts to be had here

see playlist for things to actually listen to?

Matt

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