RandomStarLogan

Lyrics by the good folks at r/askreddit (and some by me), music by me. Inspired by this thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1altph/reddit_whats_the_worst_text_youve_sent_to_the/c8yln2j

Lyrics:

It was years ago, I sat by myself
Wondering what to do
I reached for my phone and texted my friend
Asked if she wanted to hang
As the message went I saw with a start
The words, they'd been mistyped
It seems I'd made on accident
A whole other kind of invite

So you ask me, "Did you bang?"

Well my friend, I'll put it like this:

Like a pair of cymbals in an overused marching band.
Like a string of fireworks on Chinese New Year.
Like two raccoons fightin' in a gunny sack.
Like Chuck Yeager breaking the sound barrier.

Like an open window in a thunderstorm. - Like the door after a fight with your wife.
Like an airplane in close proximity to John McClane
Like a William Hung audition - Like 2 cars in a head on collision
Like a Roman hammer on Good Friday - Like rabbits on cocaine.

Like a miniature banner protruding from an ACME pistol.
Like a helicopter in a Michael Bay film - Like rain on your wedding day
Like a carpenter's hammer on the busiest carpenter day of the year.
Like a Cholo on the West Coast - Like a fly in your chardonnay

Like a green snake in a sugarcane cake - Like good advice that you just didn't take.
Like a banging thing, that bangs, a lot. Lot of banging... I got nothing.
Like a set of Bongos held by a spastic Canadian.
Like a gunshot to a hookers face - Like a prosthetic hand.

Like a bus with some females inside paid to perform a certain sexual service.
Like Kiss Kiss - Like Michael Bay's Personal Relaxation Station.
Like someone having sex with someone else
Like two people who wanted to bang.

Like two people who wanted to bang.

How We Bang

Based on this comment from Reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1cq554/if_we_were_to_fly_to_a_planet_with_an_inferior/c9ixr43

Try to fuck it

Lyrics

As I gaze to the distance, the world at my feet
it starts feeling cramped in my one county seat
God has spoken, he's now made me see:
This world at my feet, it all belongs to me

I care not for beauty when I ask for your hand
The one thing that matters is your father's land
His son will inherit, but it hardly seems fair
There might be an accident and then my wife will be the heir

Spread your wings crusader kings
It's rightfully yours that which is taken by force
Shed the blood of your enemies
Prove that yours is the greatest of dynasties

This kingdom would be better governed by me
Sadly it seems the Pope disagrees
But faith and devotion - and perhaps a small bribe
Should make God reconsider and take my side, so

Spread your wings crusader kings
It's rightfully yours that which is taken by force
Shed the blood of your enemies
Prove that yours is the greatest of dynasties

The year has reached 1453
This world at my feet now belongs to me
All great lords, they fell to our troops
My house now dominates all of Europe

But there must be more to life than this
I hear there are lands to the south, east and west
I'll break through to Asia, I'll cross the great seas
I'll conquer the world with my Europa universalis

Spread your wings crusader kings
It's rightfully yours that which is taken by force
Shed the blood of your enemies
Prove that yours is the greatest of dynasties

MChainsaw

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