Nostalgia (noun) - a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

Nostalgia is something that has always troubled me, as I found that it's difficult to properly put my emotions towards it into words. It's not necessarily, or at least in my opinion, a happy or sad emotion, it's just something that we feel. Remembering a possibly warped perception of the past to focus on because the present seems so grim. Looking back upon my childhood and early teenage years does invoke a sense of melancholy and nostalgia, and I tend to think that things were much more simple back then. Maybe it's because the problems of that time are over now that I am able to look at them so clearly, as the problems of the present are shrouded in fear and uncertainty.

I remember stomping through the woods with my friends, then going home to play my gamecube or gameboy, not really caring or thinking about the world around me. Maybe I get stressed out when thinking about nostalgia because I can't properly explain how it makes me feel, whether it's positive or negative, I'm not sure.

It's like a purple mist that surrounds distant memories, just slightly altering my perception of that time. It's interesting.

Thanks for listening <3

Retro Fantasia [prod. xmichaelwarren]

come home, please [prod. idealism]

my face is made of clay, my skin is moss, my heart is rock

featuring @sydcxx

first out of three tracks for the "moss man" EP

thank you for listening

LYRICS:

what’s the difference between hope and desperation
patience isn’t what’s rewarded praising full complacence
dull the force of
nature i’m organic know my body made of dust
and when i’m speaking to the trees the whispered melodies will slow my rust
and ease the pain of generations humbled by the earth i must
wash out the stain of condemnation that i set upon myself
the beauty’s left me at a loss

i think the wires have been crossed or neurons fired into fog
cause the sirens only off when every warning should be on
i switch positions at the cost
of my stability the option
to respond to my behavior only present when i’m lost
and a fork that splits the road that i will one day surely cross
is hazy maybe safety is the goal
disoriented since the mold
that made my shape my face is clay
my skin is moss my heart is rock
i drift away

into ethereal green scenery
the dreams of a delinquent
see a decline of lucidity
intentions aren’t apparent
anymore
sure i’ve made it this far
but every checkpoint is a bar
that’s raised
im starting to unravel harsh realities the day
that i wake up and reach the height of growing standards
in despite of situations i perpetuate i know i’ve lost my fight
cause i find purpose in the pursuit of feeling right

born in the image of what could have been
and still can be
torn to bits i would have welcomed it to bring relief
cause what’s a bit of pain to face the music
loosen grip on toxic routines to acknowledge my avoidance
of reality grew accustomed to a state of being
and i got many theories
ones on fate humanity and growth
i’ve shown progress found a home but i regret the time i tried to stay afloat alone

so i hope you sing of me
when i return to which i came
from deep within the the trees
i’m sorry every time i pushed away cause i was stubborn
sorry that i had make u question if my character
lined up with what you knew about my heart and at which caliber
i operated on i’m sorry life can be unbearable
i’m so predictable in ways and in others i live chaos

cause my face is made of clay my skin is moss my heart is rock

moss man (feat sydcxx) [prod eeryskies]

it's hard

lyrics:
i scribbled symphonies of peace to cope with finding out the truth
worked as needed reaching what middle school me would think was cool
fiddling pens and pencils pensive wasn’t picky with the tool
i’d use for some naive translation of my angst and fragile mood

i can’t afford it now

growing pains replaced with what the bills are like in winter now
since the cold ascended i can’t shake the taste of poetry
phonetically imperfect pretty speech protruding out of me
im cramming syllables to cry of colder temps and picture books
reliving twisted memories romanticizing what it took
to be alive surviving prerip jeans and social trends
extending my insistence on reliving those remember when’s

it’s a fucked up toxic endeavor

middle child needs attention to feel valid who’da guessed it?
choose an evening to feel hollow with my grief i’ve been selective
been a lot of things over the years but never been objective
i’m a passive dude

some would call it sitting fence and when i’m honest i probably would too
at my expense i picked the easiest escape when i could
now im desperate to do something i should

cause there’s something bout finality that scares me
wavered care perpetuated the impression that i’m distant and aware
of ticking hours minutes seconds sticking strictly to my regiment
rejected any message i was yet to learn my lesson
started strong and i accepted that’s enough to use the leverage
and projected progress farther now it’s a little more than hard
to understand i’m on a limit always finish weaker than i started
know how to begin but stutter further in the tempo how ironic

looking in the mirror a song by melmige thank you for listening [prod. eeryskies]

the michael jordan of drunk driving

then, i saw myself

a collection of songs that you maybe will see yourself in

dedicated to rose and onlyfriend, two people that see in me what i can't always see myself

huge thank you to shizukesa for providing a beautiful verse on revisionist

thank you for listening

revisionist (feat shizukesa) [prod surp]

thanks for listening :)

featuring @killzoltar and @iluvyousomuch 

master by the goat @kidmangx

impression, sisyphus (feat zoltar & ilysm) [prod lowtyde]

"The Pianist" is the first song from the album of the same name.

This is all I am and I hope you may find yourself in what I've laid bare

mastered by my brother Zoltar, produced by eeryskies

lyrics: https://genius.com/Melmige-the-pianist-lyrics

The Pianist (prod eeryskies)

all that i am

entire album mastered by Zoltar
cover art by @rosebudpainting on twitter

ACT I. The Egg
featuring S.I.N.
guest vocals from Addy and EpitomeOfFailure

ACT II. The Cycle
guest vocals from Horosha, Gaby Thomas, and Decks

ACT III. The Pianist

The Cycle [prod. rémdolla]

produced by lowtyde

huge shoutout to my brothers @guardinmusic and @swainesworld for providing some amazing verses

coverart by the lovely rose: https://twitter.com/rosebudpainting

mastered by @killzoltar

lyrics soon…

thanks for listening <3

barcade blues (feat guardin and swaine) [prod lowtyde]

"if i sit down" coming soon

shoutout swizzy

orange autumn blues: the second one (feat. swaine) [prod. stoic]

track 2 off of my upcoming tape "if i sit down"

shoutout aj

old habits die hard (feat adjacen7) [prod stoic]

i currently have a cold [prod eeryskies/ashton mccreight]

shoutout pumpkin man and goatrosha

"if i sit down" coming soon

thunderstorm soliloquy (feat onlyfriend) [prod horosha]

shoutout my guy sin

"if i sit down" soon

come home, nomad (feat S.I.N.) [prod stoic]

fun song about complacency and aimlessness

lyrics:

cold war martyr know they pray over my grave 
if only i had ever learned how to behave
two steps farther than i should’ve took took up
betting cause i never learned that fate is something you cannot escape
i’m stubborn it’s relentless how i skipped when i should listen
since it’s recently been a little less than great
but it’s essential that I flip into the rhythm of Ascension
so i’m pitching the delusion that i’ve built up isn’t fake

okay i admit it
my obituary forged and i been living
on the fringe a mental monastery
high up in the mountains
and the altitude is secondary
only to the things that I’ve been feeling 
and now i wait 2/4 in my place
for a rush gust of wind to carry me far away
and I’m impatient but satiation the old way is ancient
is it really my fault if i’m now complacent 

i know im okay
but what i see and what they say isn’t matching 
just survive the day
then imma get it and get it and get it and go

talking the sound and the sight of it got me nauseous
it’s chronic been living with it in a catatonic
lethargic sense of stability if i’m lying and saying i’m fine
inside of my mind at what point do i start to believe it as well
been going through hell
all nine circles been circling round
under buzzards that hover and hope that a buzzer beater
isn’t near in my future
take time at the right time not to lose it

i’m Lazarus back track habits been adamant
i’ll bounce back but what’s passion in the face of lack of action
i’m attached to it
could never break free at all
fate set in stone pride cometh before the fall
but i’ve been falling for a minute 
what’s the difference 
if i feel the pull of gravity and say that i enjoy it
cause i feel it either way

but in the end will i be satisfied
in life will i react to what’ll happen around me
a specter in spectator mode
or take action a reclamation of control
a designation of the path of my soul
or rather auto-condemnation to the shackles and bolts
or rather some degeneration of my flesh and my bones
cause i rather would establish that i know what i know
and i know that i know nothing i got room i could grow
so imma take that

cold war martyr for the cause i think i hate that
old wars fought became a symbol for the movement
harder battles have been won but lost the ones i really shouldn’t
need to relax i need to kick back
i need that kick drum snare clap boom bap in my pulse 
i need that blood pump first jump off the ledge and im gone
i need to cross that threshold event horizon in sight
i need my turn to prove im gonna move at least im gonna fight
pull my shoulders back stand tall
hold my weight up
breaking out of stasis lately need a minute to wake up
shaking off the frost reintegrating the salient
space that i need to succeed can be seen
i just needed a second to breathe
cause the weeks of the season seem to be blending
acrylics i’m mixing to different hues of blue
till im in too deep

cold war martyr [prod stoic]

shoutout brecky and horosha

lyrics:

gotta cycle of habits
I don’t want tact just want a reaction 
Russian Roulette click spin tippin the balance
i back track into silence 
on a fast track to alignment 
of lies to lie back rather not find a
right path since tried that’ll
be a sight to see if i bounce back
im a creature of habit 
flesh golem old soul servin up
one two hits of the same shit since reinforced
by the days spent living in captivity
cage of my own creation
chains crept vividly to my wrists could swear it was reality

not cognizance or logic no ration kept when u feel nauseous
from thoughts brought on by what’s impossible
to talk about these abstract obstacles
manifest in pulses in my head 
felt echoes crash and once again
i’m placed back where i was haven’t been in a minute
it’s physically felt and mentally dreaded

static fill my vision eyes wide in the night time
shapes bend form what i’m scared to find
eye for an eye trade off no reason why
lie for a lie

they think im here to stay
understand what i think
i been layin in my grave
it all feel the same
well thats a shame
everything i did to make a lane so we were safe
but i never fixed the issue i still cave
its okay
life is gon get harder take the pain to the face
ignite like a fire a starter-you dont get no blaze
“I cant find my purple lighter its a horrible day”
thats the stuff we say
the world is goin downhill where we just cannot save
i pop another dumb pill just to get through my day
ill copy all these thumbnails and maybe ill get paid
why would i play
if this dont feel like a game

lie for a lie (feat brecken) [prod horosha]

shoutout horosha

last single for my album "if i sit down", thanks for sticking around. final project out soon

snowed in, 2001 (feat horosha) [prod stoic]

anxiety freestyle 2 [prod eeryskies]

state of the union (feat S.I.N.) [prod justdan]

okay i'll admit it's getting a bit scary [prod eeryskies]

"...part of me felt that the world should have taken better care of Molina. And yet, what was the alternative? A Jason Molina who was broadly embraced? That wouldn’t have been Molina at all. He occupied the margins because the center was abhorrent."

lyrics:

crawling towards disintegration growing apathetic
and disinterested ditch the session shoot forward forget it
what’s excitement haven’t felt it in a minute
cycle habits crest epiphanies and ditch it
since remission i been seeing things a little different
more objective no complexity at all it’s rather simple now
my fears abandoned for acceptance steadily replacing
how i function now unfocus eyes obscurity is comfort
switch to living in the margins since the center is abhorrent
i can’t face it force to fit in where i know i don’t belong
replace the motivation grow complacent
drown in sepia reliving what ive lost
i occupy as little space as possible
target locked fake martyr

automotive atrophy snowed in philosophy
welcome isolation try to shut down the empathy
cryostatic state of mind a frozen over casualty
irrational release of raw emotion building up for weeks
can only see me physically could never share what’s underneath
no communication think i lost the ability to speak
condemnation surface level what’s shed is cursed to repeat
it’s all fine it’s all fine it’s all fine release

onlyfriend:

i hold my hands over my ears
let the grief control my fears
do you even want me here?

marginal (feat onlyfriend) [prod horosha]

all beats were produced by Rorronoa on youtube and used for non-profit purposes

thanks for tuning in

LYRICS: https://genius.com/Melmige-chamomile-radio-1-lyrics

chamomile radio #1

thanks for listening

lyrics:

if you ask me how i’m feelin
not dominate flat tops anonymous
flip stock to polish it say what’s good not honest it’s
rockin non slip kicks been an advocate 
for making ends meet
but what’s supplementary can’t be the end i see
arms length and idk if i can feel you again 
can’t articulate the state of mind brought on by the end
a state brought on by my forgiveness age maturity delinquency
the steps ive tried to take to balance out the noise gain agency
at what cost
before it happens feel the loss
faces similar to mine felt it ten years before my time
it’s my turn to fall fade into obscurity
degenerated aspiration favored shelter and stability
no legacy
flippin pages higher frequencies
read poetry i couldn’t speak
on static maybe words now left behind reveal the answers that i seek
its a harsh truth what im living now is somethin cursed to repeat

silent screaming slamming steering wheels in isolated anger
no conviction in the presence of another everyone’s a stranger
after certain hours pass a thousand yards i seem to stare
not disillusioned know you care just can’t myself
not been one to ask for help
axing offers dissipated passion disillusioned lack of action
any actual reaction passed in place a mask will act
a passive calculated balanced act ill never have it back
that’s the compromise and sacrifice
exhausted and demoralized
disarmed and pacified
about time i closed my eyes 

and so i close my eyes [prod bailey daniel]

some words to decipher or not up to you thanks for listening

lyrics:

anticipating catastrophe
fatal flaw relaxing in the face of that adversity
acknowledge my reaction is the product of the casualties
experienced in adolescence carried to maturity
repetitive confession of the pathos that perpetuates
the nature of my situation quickly fabricated fate
a force historically ignored unless it benefits the way
that i’m behaving in the moment victim to it every day
that’s the problem with it
when im given option to respond or not
i’m dodging quick to circumvent
it’s honestly exhaustin but ive given in on fixin it
could barely be above the water brag that im still breathing in

maybe this just isn’t meant for me
perspective antiquated rhythm fixed to what it used to be
pitied desperation tried to entertain the efforts
but endeavors only measured by results and mine historically
been undeveloped
a set obsession with ethics and people pleasing 
punctured arguments deflated any lesson to learn
seems the reason that the hunger’s never satiated
same as why i never placed the blame on who decided to hurt
i’m much angrier than former incarnations of the self
i shouldered fear of resignation years i kept it to myself
and watched it turned into distortion yearn for retribution well
after the dust has settled left me empty handed aimless
fighting ghosts

battle’s over but the metric for atonement isn’t settled on
so everyone involved in different places trynna cope a different loss
the only way they know how
out loud grievances shot down shut mouths
narrow eyes keeping opposition in peripheral
to hide lies it’s fine every peace time ephemeral
cause i remembered all of it and held on
like if i lost it id be lost with nothing at all

anticipating apathy
in an attempt to pacify myself my mental atrophied
actualize identity to rectify the stagnancy
but still get tunnel vision when confronted with reality
rock bottom of hope
long time lying down a lot of laundry to fold
cups not in the kitchen with em flowering mold
stuck in indecision listen static and drone
rot when getting up and getting with it still accessible
stuck in indecision numb to input and uncomfortable
existential rhythm living nothing in an instant 
inconsolable when hit with the idea that this is it
and nothing more

vacant and complacent and still hoping that it’s different
like the effort wasn’t my decision left it up to luck and i’m sure
if i continue like this know that imma sigh my life away
to think i thought i was mature
heighten caution for those close to opening doors
i’m not sure anybody even knows me anymore


drone metal [prod bailey daniel]

ty 2 da boys for making this happen

lyrics eventually? idk man i'll look into it

cold cypher (with vails, logan bleu, brecken, S.I.N., swaine)

PRODUCED BY/FEATURING @stonedlx

thanks for listening <3

lyrics

MELMIGE:
i’ve been living on the brink of death, rain down fire with every single breath
every time i try i see there’s nothing left
mortality is haunting every single guess i take
can’t stop no brakes
moving forward when i shake
illness physical and mental with the flaws that i create
propaganda in the fliers spreading messages of hate
artillery to silence all that freedom propagates
masquerading to their own likeness
paint a picture inside of my eyelids
so when i close my eyes my visions inviting
to hide away from ignorance that is thriving
i don’t wanna hide if i gotta fight
moving through the static crashing shit just like a poltergeist
silence do not tell me twice i’m well aware the stakes are high
don’t fuck with me i promise that i’ll know if u are down to ride 
PARASITES ARE DEEP INSIDE WITH PREJUDICE THEY INTERTWINE
WITH AMMUNITION FIRED TO BRING DOWN THE ONES GOT LEFT BEHIND
DEEPLY KNOW I FANTASIZE OF INNER PEACE AND LACK OF LIES
I CAMOUFLAGE AND BUNKER DOWN THE WAY TO TAKE EM BY SURPRISE
days falling through my shadow follows everything i create
my artistry ascending into something that i care
way too much about i can’t lose this so imma just bear this weight 
the death of myself will only better my health

STONE DELUXE:
always had a score for me to settle with my oneness
baby, i am not the one to fuck with
fought for cornucopia, i’m passing judgement 
judge dredd so deadly, stop where you stand burrow deep in your with my mind with the medleys 
baby i’m a bard not a sentry i can’t be a turret rain lead on our enemies 
i keep the peace between all of my energy
you can take my words they fuckin squabble 
living like i never had a want to see tomorrow
i must still be carrying the longest running combos 
in that field like shaymin, field like meadows
Aif i got a flaw i got a lot flaws
i feel ecstatic then i likely take a pause
wrap me, bandage wrap me, gauze
be still my beating heart

Judgement Day (ft stone deluxe)

produced by eric godlow

featuring @wethher

thanks for listening <3

melmige

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